#gaslightingawareness

[family-trauma]

Do you think you do this to yourself?

I think I tend to do this occasionally when my family members gaslight or manipulate me into thinking I'm a horrible person for living normally. When individualism isn't recognized, codependency, enmeshment and close mindedness causes toxic behaviours from others (imo).

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

Never expect a narcissist to admit they did something wrong, it’s deeply disrespectful in their culture.

[aspiring-writer-hidden-voice]

But they said…

[katsuki, hawks, fumikage]

Your gazes meeting was the instant he was aware something was off. Even from such a great distance, with multiple people between the two of you, the pro hero who was surrounded by fans of various ages had easily found your form amongst the sea of individuals stumbling over themselves for his attention. Daylight came with its responsibilities which meant that so long as the sun was up he was within the public’s focus. Despite that fact he would often make excuses or find some way to check in on you.

One of your hands rose in a silent greeting before turning away. It would be sometime before he’d return to the agency where he told you to meet him for lunch so why not kill a little time by shopping a little? The spark of hope flickered dangerously close to extinguishing completely when you spotted a familiar figure in the distance. That’s right, your partner works close by so that would explain their sudden appearance. But you knew that already and still made show of being surprised to see them. Their smile that had once been charming and captivating now held nothing but hidden malicious intent when they began to approach. “O-oh, hey.”

“Surprised to see you out and about, (Y/n). Didn’t you say that you’d be working?”

Not surprising they skipped greeting altogether and went straight on the offense. A heavy weight settled within your stomach. “Y-yeah, that’s what I wrote on the calendar in the kitchen. I also wrote that I wouldn’t be home for l-lunch.” Your tongue steadily grew numb with each word that passed over it until it limply settled back within its bed as they stared down at you with disapproval. “I-I asked you about it several days ago and you said—”

“Stop stuttering. It’s so annoying as hell and hurts my ears.” They scoffed while picking at a piece of lint that you knew didn’t exist before they fixed you with another pointed glare. “You have enough to cover your half of the mortgage yet?”

“I’m s-s-sorry, I’ve been working on it.” The entirety of your body wanted to flinch when their hand lashed for your face, a wall meeting your back that left you nowhere left to run as their fingers tucked a few strands of your hair behind an ear.

Their face moved to hover over yours, gaze sharpening. “So you had the money to buy yourself that outfit you’re wearing but don’t have enough to sustain your place of residency?”

Shame filled you. It was the first thing you’d bought for leisure outside of the necessities for the last four weeks. The jacket you were wearing was a new favorite piece of yours that would go with most of your spring and fall wardrobes but there was no denying that it had indeed cost quite a bit more than you cared to admit. “You said that I shouldn’t wear anything that would make people think less of you and I’ve been working all three jobs endlessly—”

Again your sentence was prevented from ending courtesy of the hand which had been gentle with your hair became rough as it took hold of your shoulder, fingers digging into your flesh as their lip curled. “So then explain to me how having three jobs still entitles you to be late on payment. I’m being more than generous by covering over fifty-percent of it. How is it fair to me that you’re out buying yourself stuff like this when I’m slaving away at my job?”

Blood spread across your palette thanks to the bite of your tongue to stop words from coming out. No matter what you said when they were in this irritated mood there was no winning. Not that you ever did. “I’ll see if I can pick up any extra shifts.”

“Tonight.”

“T-tonight? Okay, then I probably won’t be home to make dinner then—” Ice filled your veins when they growled. “—I’ll be sure to pick something up on my way home for you.”

They smiled widely when a passerby paused, looping an arm around your wait and pressing their lips against your temples in a quick peck. “Couldn’t ask for a better lover than you.” Your eyes clenched shut when their tongue drifted down to trail the length of your ear, their breath stinking from lack of personal hygiene. “I’m feelin’ a bit riled so be sure to have an energy drink before coming home so that you can tend to my body.”

Powerless, your head weakly nodded and then they were gone down the street as their name was called by a group of similarly dressed individuals. Exhaustion has already been creeping upon you throughout the morning so the pressure of picking up more shifts held as much pleasure as what was going to be waiting for you at home…none.

The store where you had bought the the jacket was nearby and it still had the tag in its pocket. Hopefully they would accept your return of it. Loss filled you while shedding it slowly, folding it with extra care as you began walking, carefully smoothing out the minimal wrinkling that had appeared from your wearing it. Retail associates instantly recognized you when entering, their expressions falling when you voiced about the reason you’d returned. They voiced on how great the jacket looked on you, how excited you had been, and the amount of confidence that you’d gained when walking out of the store wearing it. You simply smiled and thanked them for their kind words while placing it near the register. Return was accepted and the charge was receded within a few minutes, then you parted with the false hope of returning for it at a later date.

Fingers trembling, you pulled out your phone and made to dial each employer in turn when it went off. Within your throat rose a lump threatening to choke you when the words “shouldn’t go spending money on stuff that you don’t need” closely followed by an emoji that looked disgusted and “color and silhouette were all wrong for you anyway…better to get rid of it.” The lingering taste of blood on your tongue grew as another part of your tongue was victim to your bite. It wasn’t your place to object, they’d made that very clear when you’d started dating. At first it had seemed acceptable and tolerable but it’s steadily becoming more eccentric as time passed. Everything had to be on their terms, they wouldn’t care if you followed what they said before so long as you obeyed their new rules without question, even your lifestyle had greatly been adjusted to suit their preferences. Several of your family and friends had been cut from your life but they’d assured you that it was for the best.

The first employer you called blatantly said that you’d been given a day off on purpose for health reasons; they didn’t like how you weren’t taking your lunches or eating during breaks.

The second questioned if you were trying for a new record of working consecutive days straights but agreed to give you a short shift.

The third, and final, employer refused on the grounds that you’d already worked too much overtime with the comment that they were beginning to suspect you were a workaholic.

A quick text was sent to relay that you’d picked up a shift and asked what they felt in the mood for dinner. Their response of “don’t bother me with such stupid questions, I’m busy” wasn’t surprising in the least but you shrugged off the harshness while hurrying home. Another text was sent, this time to your friend accompanied by a cute emoji sticker asking for their forgiveness, and received a swift response to not worry about missing the lunch meetup.

Little did you know that as you hurried home to change into uniform there was a figure standing atop of a nearby roof watching the whole ordeal from start to finish with narrowed eyes.

Several hours later you were struggling to close the car door while juggling a bag of food and drinks The sun had set, leaving you to blindly grope around in the dark entryway until the key unlocked the door. “Sorry I’m late, I picked up your favorite without any onions and extra mustard.” The smile raising your lips quivered then fell into a disbelieving line when spotting them across the room barely illuminated by the light of a movie they weren’t paying attention to.

So fixated were they on the figure who cooed and moaned loudly that it wasn’t until the unknown person’s head fall back to rest against the couch’s armrest did your gazes meet; it was one of their coworkers.

They didn’t stop their ministrations, even when the drinks and food fell from your hands to lay ruined on the floor, their gaze locking on yours. “You took too long so I made a phone call.” Their lip rose in a snarl while propping themselves up high enough to reveal their shirt was unbuttoned. Fury filled their gaze as they rose to stand. “And how many times do I have to tell you that its no mustard and extra onions?! Can’t you get anything right?!” Lipstick stained their lips when they flipped on the light once marching over to where you stood frozen, fingers grabbing your chin. Alcohol was thick on their breath as they shook you roughly. “Can’t you get one fucking thing right?! Why do I have to do everything for you?! Are you just that damn stupid?!”

Tears spilled down your cheeks not at the pain from their grip but from the betrayal that stabbed your chest.

This infuriated them farther. Their hand released your chin and struck hard across your face, casing it to snap to the side. “What have I told you about crying in front of me?!” The force of their blow sent you reeling into a wall, collapsing due to the lacking strength within your legs, causing you to tremble as they stood over you. “Seriously, how much more pathetic can you get, (Y/n)? I thought you loved me,” they dropped to one knee as a hand buried itself into your hair and forced you to meet their blazing gaze, “but no one like you could possibly know what that word even means. I wasted so much time on you that I can’t even look at you anymore. I want you gone by morning.” Their head briefly snapped to the figure who was on the couch when they voiced complaint about waiting before refocusing upon you with renewed ferocity. “Get out of my sight. I’ll deal with you later.”

Doom settled over you. “B-but this is my—” Pain erupted across your being as with an unceremonious toss you’d been effectively removed from the residence.

Everything went dark after that.

How you found yourself within the hero’s hold you’ll never know, your head resting against his chest as the night air tickled your skin. The familiar insignia of a hospital came into view but it was blurry and hard to bring into focus courtesy of head-splitting headache. “It’s alright, you can rest easy now.” He adjusted his hold, bringing you closer so that his heat could better stem off the cold from night. “They can’t hurt you anymore.” Confusion filled you, which much have shown in your gaze and facial expression, earning a chuckle. “They’re going away for a long time, (Y/n).”

Horror filled you. “W-what are you talking about? Is this about earlier? It was all my fault that it happened!” Panic filled you when catching a glimpse from over his shoulder of flickering lights illuminating the place that had been your former home. “Take me back! I have to fix this!”

His hold tightened upon you. “It was never your mess to fix.”

“B-but I have to do something!”

“No you don’t.” The sternness within his tone instantly shut you up. A sigh sounded from the pro hero as his walking paused, the hospital no more than a few yards away. His gaze bore into your own with sincerity intermixed with growing anger. “They were running illegal operations within your residence. Counterfeit currency was traced back to them finding the materials within the place and when they overheard your exchange earlier they were capable of matching their audio to that of a villain who’d been known of targeting places of value.” He took a deep through his nose. “Didn’t it seem odd that they found you work at a jewelry parlor then convinced you to leave the little bookshop for work at a major retailer warehouse? You loved that place yet you seemed to happily give it up when they found you the other job. Then they pressured you to take on another job at the worst rated sports outlet in the entire city. None of that seemed odd to you?”

The flesh of your bottom lip caught between your teeth. “I-I just…they said…I only…” Tears burned the backs of your eyes as the words you wanted to speak rose to knot on your tongue. “T-they said they loved me…I just wanted to make them happy…I thought that what we had was love…”

His head lightly rested against your own when you choked, gaze never leaving yours despite you attempting to look anywhere else but at him. There was a gentleness that you weren’t familiar with within those eyes of his, such warmth that it made your being rise in temperature, and they way he whispered your name made your heart clench. “Maybe in their twisted sick way it was,” he whispered as you broke into body wrenching sobs, “but you don’t deserve that kind.”

“It’s what I’m worth—”

“Don’t!” The sudden rise in volume of his voice startled you, causing your head that had hung to snap upwards as his features twisted with anger. “You should be with someone who will laugh and cry with you, someone who’ll drop everything when you need anything, a person who supports your wants or dreams. No one should nitpick the things you unconsciously do because those little things are what make you you. You’re priceless, (Y/n), and you’ll know love when it presents itself to you. Until then, don’t settle for anything less.”

Maybe it was the passing cars or changing traffic lights, but was there a blush in his cheeks as he began walking.

By your side he stayed during the hospital registration and closely followed the nurses when they wheeled you into a room to be checked out. It was found that you were severely malnourished from how much you’d been working yourself. Only with a sedative did you manage to find slumber that night. When you woke, the jacket you’d returned was at the foot of your bed with the single note that you should wear it once being discharged and he would treat you to lunch. For the first time in a very long time a genuine smile raised your lips when a news report on the television began talking about how a certain pro hero had been seen leaving the hospital earlier.

[creatingnikki]

There is no sincerity in your words. And it makes me sick. Because there was a time when I used to eat up your words like they were a home-cooked meal my mom made with pure love and extra ghee. But now that I finally see it pains me so deeply. Your words? They are just tools to serve you and to get you what you need out of me. There is not one drop of sincerity in them. Your words are like processed food that has been expired but the label is misleading and says that it’s organic and fresh. No wonder I feel sick. I don’t want to throw up all over you, I have that much decency so for now the best thing I can do is keep my distance. Once my body has detoxed and I am sipping on green juice with citrus fruits and lemon I may be able to look you in the eye and call you on your bullshit. But for now I need to sit through this shock of finally seeing your words for what they are. And I need to sit through this anxiety of how well you turn the tables when convenient. And I need to hold on to the little drops of rage I am finally feeling - may they guide me to make the decisions where I look out for me. Because how dare you? How dare you treat me like a fool? When I was filterless with you, it was because I thought your heart was similar to mine. I was not handing over to you my weaknesses and secrets so that you could strategize my sanity’s demise. How dare you. 

[trekahouse]

People will enter your life knowing that their issues weigh a ton, threatening to undo all of the healing work you’ve accomplished so far. Don’t ever risk your mind trying to help them save theirs. It’s emotionally dangerous.

Treka L. House

— you can throw out a life jacket, but you can’t make them wear it. Save yourself.

[sarahgsworld]

[vandora-sart]

[wickedluvly]

I don’t get it what’s the point of getting into a relationship with someone when every other thing they do/say bothers you… If you really think any self respecting person is going to change everything about themselves to be in a relationship, you’re not looking for love you’re looking for a puppet.