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Me to myself: what if I were a boy....haha just kidding.....unLesS?

My nuanced gender feeling right now is both that I am sick of hurting over how 'other' cis people make me feel in my own gender like there's men and then trans men, and also that I like being trans and Do Not want to be read as cis. Cis people so often make me feel as though they're only talking or not talking to me /because/ im trans and it hurts to so constantly be reminded that no matter how confident I am in my gender and presentation in order to be read as real by the general world I have to sacrifice my nuanced ties to womanhood and my identity as a trans person. It's fucking depressing.

#bdk #gender blues #dysphoria #social dysphoria #ftm #transman

at this point I think my enamoredness with robots has GOT to be a gender thing. Wall-E and Person of Interest are fantastic pieces of media, but the depth and intensity of emotion they stir up in me like... means something. it's got to. something profound, about me.

#just watched wall-e again for the first time in a while and was crying my eyes out for the last 45 minutes 🥺😖😭#rccs #gender blues #like. how ENTIRELY giggly and blushy i get about faceless humanoid bots #the fact that my favorite overwatch characters are the disembodied AIs only mentioned in supplementary materials #the allure of mecha!! like!! in general!!#make me metal. plz. plz. plz. plz. plz.#<- girl who is going through it. girl who is having a moment #girl who is a machine #!!!!!!!!!

ALSO HRT-AVERSARY TODAY WOOOOOOOOOOO LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE YEARS BABY I'M GETTING PRETTIER BY THE FUCKING MINUTE!!! I'M ON MY WAY!!!

my cheekbones are so pretty n pleasing. my eyes are dark and liquid and gorgeous. my skin is soft and springy, my face is clear and glowing, it's all coming up sleeps!!! her crops are watered like never before!!!

I've even genuinely been realizing recently that my waist has been migrating north despite my weight staying the same, like !! fat is getting redistributed!! ya bitch is getting hips!! ((my pants are all too fucking short now when I wear them at a comfortable waist level. ya bitch is showing ankle. victorian gents swooning over me n shit))

it used to be I was constantly sad about my progress and my changes. and it's not like I'm seeing any acceleration - I think my reactivity to hrt is generally quite slow! but I'm picking up these little changes that I just, absolutely treasure. and there's more and more to notice and remember and value! slow and steady and unstoppable! patience and positivity!

at this point, with the like, positive progress that I've accumulated over time, these milestones are (finally) becoming such an affirming and enjoyable thing for me. honestly feels like october 5 / 'the fifth of wednesday' (if I celebrate both I get like. 3 a year almost. waow) is more of a meaningful day of recognition for me than my birthday, or most holidays. and like I've got my own separate issues with those things that inform those relative significances but... it's so fucking cool that I'm creating these little special moments and sacred times for myself!! it's so lovely!!

it's also like. dizzying and affecting that I'm finally experiencing this view of it. of me. of my journey. it's been a long time and a long time coming, but I'm getting there. I'm becoming me.

^~^ <3

#rccs #gender blues #gender joys #^~^ <3 #she's so cute. she makes us happy being happy.

I cry when I'm on hrt, because estrogen makes me emotional.

I cry when I'm not on hrt, because I don't have estrogen to make me emotional.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#rccs #gender blues #I have acquired syringes now. I can do self-injections #now that is an ENTIRE trial of its own #but one step at a fucking time ya dig. we are making progress.#I flunked out of self-injections once. that is not a bad omen. that is valuable experience.#we have gained the pure juice (metaphorical). and we will use it. to inject the magical girl juice (literal and true).#ALCHEMY WILL RESUME NORMAL SERVICE SHORTLY.

Feels like as I’ve gotten older like my perception of my gender and presentation has gotten muddier.

Like, when I was a fresh baby trans, I wanted to be as close to cis as possible. I wasted so much of my young life terrified to do anything, because I wouldn’t be perceived as a Man. So Why Bother.

And now I feel like I missed so much.

#I know what will cure me… ANOTHER TATTOO #gender blues #I guess #I don’t know. I feel like that’s the only answer I can give when asked about my gender #either that or please don’t perceive me #at least until I figure out what the fuck I am

📢📢📢

as most of you probably know by now, i am from spain, and im also nonbinary.

in spain, we have a trans law, that allows you to, among other things, change your name, but only if you´ve been on hrt for two years. this current law also excludes nonbinary people. several groups and organizations have been pushing to pass another trans law, but more inclusive and without as many barriers for trans people. these groups have come together and they´ve written one up. while this is a good step, the process to pass a law here in spain is very long (as is in many other countries). one of the steps this law has to take before it can go to congress to get approved, is to go through a period of time where people can give their opinions on this law to the government. many of us, especially nonbinary people, do not think this law is inclusive enough, so a spanish nonbinary association (as far as i know, the first and only one yet) has come up with a text that anyone can send.

you can send these emails up until november 18th, 2020, and you CAN but don't have to sign it!!

if ya´ll could be so kind as to please send this email, it takes less than five minutes, and it can help improve SO many trans lives in spain. down here i´ll leave a link to a document you can copy and paste to send:

CryptPad

https://cryptpad.fr/pad/#/2/pad/view/bYRB5cdVhdCmDVS2uUgsw6i6T+wqW0TXW17E07graqY/embed/

#idk what to tag this post as but please🥺send it!!#gender blues #pride #trans #trans rights #lgbt #lgbt rights #españa #spain #z talks

ALSO HRT-AVERSARY TODAY WOOOOOOOOOOO LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE YEARS BABY I'M GETTING PRETTIER BY THE FUCKING MINUTE!!! I'M ON MY WAY!!!

it's also like. dizzying and affecting that I'm finally experiencing this view of it. of me. of my journey. it's been a long time and a long time coming, but I'm getting there. I'm becoming me.

^~^ <3

#rccs #gender blues #gender joys #^~^ <3 #she's so cute. she makes us happy being happy.

#gender blues

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