#genderanon

[verumvidere]

\\ GENDERANON

flag ;;

genderanon — a gender where you feel connected to anonymity, secrecy, and mystery. some themes associated with this gender may be blurred photos, fake names, masks, and burner phones or accounts.

IDs ;;

[FLAG ID: a horizontally striped flag that fades from a dark gray to a light gray. in the center of the flag, there is a light gray silhouette with a darker gray question mark inside of the head. END ID.]

[DIVIDER ID: a black chain gif divider that moves horizontally across the screen. it repeats twice in this post. END ID.]

[fluff-and-kura]

If you were ever curious what executive dysfunction is like, I coined this (flag, name, and desc) almost three years ago, a month after my coining Cassfluix (op date, reblog is the desc I forgot to include lmao)

Anyway.

Genderanon/Ambigugender

Preface Note: Now considered a subset of UINgender, I actually coined this back before I discovered the said term’s existence and its desc’s connecting several UIN-type experiences is reflective of that. But it’s still distinct from UIN, hence why I’m posting it.

Note for Wikis: If this gets put on any wiki, my only request is to distinguish its coining date from this post’s date (esp as I’ve ID’d as it the full <3yrs before this post), thanks

Definition

One's gender is partially or wholly anonymous and/or ambiguous and unable to be truly described, named, or known. It can also be connected with anonymity and/or ambiguity as an aesthetic.

This can also be considered an unlabelled identity that translates to "my gender is anonymous/unknown/unclear", with the term acting as a placeholder like gendernull does, for those who aren't comfortable with labels.

Anonymity/Ambiguity in one's gender may be due different experiences, including but not limited to:

disconnection to one's gender identity and/or the concept of gender in general and not being able to define, identify, or describe one's own gender as a result.

one's gender is experienced in a genderless/neutral way that is unaligned with any known gender and/or is undefined with any known language.

one's gender is so faintly experienced that it is indeterminable and/or unidentifiable.

one feels such indifference to one's gender that one feels disconnected from it, causing it to be unfelt or unidentifiable/undefinable.

one is genderblind and/or gender apathetic, and as such does not fully understand the concept of gender or how to decipher what their particular experience is supposed to be, and does not care/want to figure it out anyway.

one's gender is anonymous/unknown/ambiguous, full stop, there is nothing more to or behind it.

one's gender is connected to/influenced by the aesthetic of anonymity and the vibes of the unknown, or the vibes of ambiguity in contrast to the rest of the community's distinguished and neatly-ordered identities—like a sort of non-conformity.

this can be like a punk-type anonymity aesthetic by refusing to partake in gender and instead retaining the air of anonymity/ambiguity to one's gender identity.

Colored based on the color palette most oft associated with anonymity and the order is from personal preference.

[adziedoodlesphan]

I'm to shy and embarrassing to get off anon but I just want to vent. I'm just a 14 year old who is struggling with gender identity I feel kinda weird about this but I feel so weird in my own body, I was born as a female. I don't know, I feel like a boy and a girl but sometimes I'm neither? I don't know. On top of all of this my mom is always pushing gender roles on me and my dad doesn't like transgendered people. I'm just sad and confused. :(

okay so im still a little discombobulated about my gender too so i got my friend noah ( infinitelyqueer ) to reply to this (all of which i 100% agree with and would say myself) - i hope that’s okay <3 they are more knowledgable and have had more experience with the whole gender thing so hopefully this helps!!! <3 stay strong buddy!noah: Okay so whilst I can’t label your gender for you, I am happy to direct you to a place that has many different labels so that you can find a label that you feel suits you [adzie: here’s a huge glossary of gender identities that may help you out!]. Of course, you don’t have to label yourself if you don’t want to but sometimes it can be helpful to have a label if you’re kinda confused about your gender. Also, remember that gender, like sexuality, is fluid so you might find that you label changes as time goes on. I’m really sorry to hear about the parent thing, cos I know it sucks to have gender roles being reinforced on you when those gender roles are either something you don’t agree with or don’t feel you fit into. Also having a parent that dislikes trans people sucks a billion cows udders, cos it can make you feel sad about your gender and being different when a parent dislikes the different. The only thing that I can suggest is that despite your parents personal opinions on trans people and gender roles, you don’t have to fit them. You are your own person, you are who you are regardless of their opinions. If you can, also find a safe space where you feel like you can be yourself without having to worry about their opinions on this kinda stuff. Easier said than done, I know, but even following people on tumblr that are hella queer can be helpful in making the unhappy stuff seem less important.

[queerlynx]

I cannot thank you enough. I can't put into words how much better I feel about all of this, especially knowing there are queer trans boys who are really nice (and also hella handsome btw you go) and supportive, because I haven't encountered many before. Seriously. I was kind of panicking earlier today and now I just feel so peaceful because I kind of know the direction I'm going and ah I just feel so much better thank you so very much. x

I’m soooooo happy I could help you and that you feel better and relaxed wow I’m really really gald I could help you! Please never forget how you felt before and how it made you feel to get help, and if someone ever goes to you with a similar questioning, remember to offer your help too! You have all my love and support ❤ 

[queerlynx]

thank you for breaking all of that down. the gender thing got very confusing because so many definitions were using words like "choice" and "choose" and that made me feel really weird because it doesn't seem right at all. it's all very confusing for me because i feel like i'm not asexual enough. that sounds dumb but I can't really think of another way to phrase it. like when experiencing sexual attraction i guess i've had it but i'm not sure and I feel like if I had I would be sure?

Yeaah you might not have been looking at the right sources then. Anything that talks about “choice” or seems to talk about non-binary people as a side phenomenon or some kind of nonsensical trend is to cut out.

No one can be “not — enough” when talking about gender and sexuality. You’re the only one that can define your sexuality. There only are definitions so that people will be able to find each other and share their experiences and relate. Don’t worry, experiencing sexually is really weird because there are HUGE and really hurtful social constructs trying to cut down everything sexual into narrow boxes and that is why you feel lost and misfitting. The fact that you aren’t sure doesn’t mean anything because there is nothing to be sure of. Like honestly I look back on my life and I’m only sure about having experienced actual sexual attraction only once in my life, or rather to only one person. According to my definitions that would label me as greysexual and yet I define myself as demisexual because I feel that fits and I could experience sexual attraction to someone else. I have no “proof” that I can experience sexual attraction to someone else but I don’t need no “proof”, I say I am demisexual and then I fucking am. If you feel you are asexual even though you might have experienced sexual attraction but you’re not sure but you might but but but, who cares about the buts, if you feel you’re asexual then you are. And if you start identifying as asexual but in two days you are really really sure you are experiencing sexual attraction, then you can reconsider the label and relabel yourself as greysexual or demisexual or even allosexual and even still use asexual to label yourself because you just still feel it fits. There are no rules and nothing is fixed. 

Here are some good sources for you:  http://www.asexuality.org/home/  | http://nonbinary.org/  |  http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Special:AllPages 

[queerlynx]

I seriously cannot thank you enough. I've spent the last hour or so learning about the genders you've suggested, and I'm a little confused about the difference between bigender and genderfluid still, and it seems the main difference is choosing your gender for a situation vs feeling more male or female depending on the day? Also I really really really feel the whole asexual but not aromantic thing deep in my soul right now, but feel like if I found the right person, I might be interested in sex?

It’s no problem honestly ! And for you research, trust tumblrs about non-binary genders and wikias (.wikia.org) more than Wikipédia, or yahoo asks or anything. The former are run by trans people, the latter by and for the majority=cis people. The former will give you help, the latter will give you judgemental insight on a “circus freak” issue. 

Ahah no, let me clear this out for you: bigender is being two genders at once (that can be male and female or any other two genders, a bigender person can be for example demigirl and idk agender at the same time, or pangender+androgyne, or anything really); whereas a genderfluid person’s gender varies in time between an unlimited number of genders (2 to all), they can be a girl one day and a boy the next day, or they can be pangender for a whole year and then agender for six months, there are no rules. The difference between bigender and genderfluid is basically that in bigender it’s fixed (2 genders at the same time) and in genderfluid it varies (sometime one, sometime others). Note that there is a lot of overlapping, some bigender people genderfluid and some genderfluid people are bigender. The thing to remember is: bigender=simultaneous ; genderfluid=varies. I hope this is clearer? (by the way there is no “choice” in gender, you do not choose your gender – you discover it) 

If you think you’d only have sex with “the right person” then you might be demisexual! It’s on the asexual spectrum, it means you only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond had been formed (friendship or romantic). Basically if you’re allosexual (the term for people who are not asexual, aka people who experience sexual attraction to potentially anyone) you can be sexually attracted to a random person you just saw ; if you’re demisexual you can be sexually attracted to a very close friend or someone you’re already in a romantic relationship with ; if you’re greysexual you might experience sexual attraction very rarely, like once in a year or once in a lifetime ; and if you’re asexual it’s just nope. (Asexual people can have sex though, because they might enjoy it, or to please their partner, or to procreate, but they do not feel the attraction, the idea of sex with anyone does not appeal them – other asexual people are right out disgusted by sex. Both are ok and none is “less asexual” or “more asexual” than the other) 

[queerlynx]

yooooo so that literally was so helpful thank you so so so so so much like I can't tell you how much better I feel. For now I'd like to remain on anon, just because I've never really spoken to anyone about this seriously. My mother and I have joked about it, and she says that she just thinks I'm a "late bloomer" so that's why I don't date and feel really uncomfortable when I go on dates or experiment sexually with boys. (I am considered female, by the way. You were right.)

(part 2)This actually really works out because I already follow you and I just feel a lot better because a lot of times I’ve been told identifying as male would be pointless because I’d still like boys anyways. I also don’t know if I actually want to identify as male, because it seems really nice in my head, but really scary and permanent in real life, and I’m just not that sure yet.

(part 3)wow I also just realized I’ve always had a male name in the back of my mind for like my entire life like if I could rename myself I’d be called Elliot (which can be a girl’s name too) and I’ve said that since I was a kid but anyways yeah sorry for blowing up your ask box and seriously thank you so very much

— Heyyyy I’m so glad I could help you. Anon if you like then (: Plus it may help someone else who’s following me too and questioning, you never know. yeaaah i’ve never felt the whole dating and having sex thing either, and that can interfere with if you think you’re ace/aro you see. Maybe you’re only uncomfortable about your sexuality because you’re not comfortable with your body and how it socially communicates gender expectations to others. Maybe you’re really ace/aro. Both are totally fine mind you. 

Yeah listen to me right here you never let people tell you that okay. Never believe this kind of bullshit. Gender and sexuality have nothing to do with each other. Gay people exist, gay trans people exist (I’m one. hello) Liking men will NEVER make being a boy or transitioning socially/physically “pointless” like wtf there is no “point” to transitioning this sounds like the “point” of transitioning is to end up hetero like a cure to being gay??? that is heteronormative bullshit and you can cut it out RIGHT NOW. The “point” to transitioning (socially or physically) is to feel good in your life, gender and body. Not to be straight or bang people, or “trap” people, or “experiment” with other genitals that is so gross and transphobic and transmisogynistic especially. 

Well yeah the idea that you might be trans can be really scary because you know how society views trans people that’s why you don’t know if you “want” it (it’s not something you want or decide, it’s something you discover about yourself and accept, what you mean by “want to identify as —” is “want to let others know I identify as —” 

heyyyy don’t worry about it this is actually really cute because you know what, Elliot is a name I’ve always liked and wanted to give to my (potential) future children bc it’s gender-neutral and very cute. :3 

And I’m so glad you talked to me and I helped you and please keep flooding my ask box with questions, as many questions as you have, I will answer everything because you deserve this and trans people deserve this and questioning people deserve this too. There is not enough help for youth like you (I’m assuming you’re like 15-25 here bc of what you said of your family and dating) and there was NO help for me when I was at the same point as you and  wish there had been so I am SO here for you and for every gender-questioning kid out there. Never say sorry for asking and questioning and exploring your gender bc that is a real issue right here and you are so worthy of my time and answers. I’m here for you! 

[queerlynx]

Hello friend, I found your blog because you answered my anon where I talked about how I'm quite confused about my sexuality/gender on that other blog.

Oh yes hello! Well I posted that answer because the thing you said made me click you know because that was literally what I was saying for like 4 years before discovering I was trans – “I’m a gay man in a female body” were my precise words. So technically I identified as a straight female but I was aware of the fact that I was really a gay male, I only identified as female because I genuinely had no idea that being trans was a thing and my brain didn’t have the capacity of thinking outside boxes. Since then I learned a lot, I learned that your body doesn’t define your gender and that what you’re feeling inside is exactly what you are. There’s nothing female about me, not my body, not my genitals, nothing. I am just assigned, assumed and defined as female by the rest of the world and how it works. But it does not make me in any way female. Anyway, you seem to be more aware of transness than I was at the time, so the fact that you kind of fluctuate between feeling gay and male and being cis and straight – well technically only the gender fluctuates in this you’re apparently clearly androsexual/romantic (attracted to males) – can mean that you either still relate to your assigned at birth gender (I’m assuming that’s female) because you haven’t gotten rid of all your internalised cissexism (that takes loaaaads of time and work), or that you are genderfluid, or bigender, or anything else really, and you can’t quite figure your gender because you don’t have the words to put on it. Soooo really what you need to do is document yourself on non-binary genders! Look up definitions of agender, bigender, genderfluid, genderqueer etc. and read blogs of non-binary people and see if you can relate to the words and people. 

And about the whole aromantic/asexual thing, I didn’t address that because I’m not really the person to talk with about this… but if you feel sometimes attracted to people and sometimes not that’s really not a problem you know you may be demiromantic/demisexual (only attracted after a strong emotional bond is formed) or greyromantic/greysexual (only experiences attraction under extremely specific circumstances that maybe you can’t even work out yourself). Also if you sometimes want to bang people without even wanting anything romantic with them that is absolutely fine and no one can tell you otherwise, maybe you’re aromantic but not asexual. And if you want a relationship and love and couple stuff but not sex that’s just as fine and okay and normal, maybe you’re asexual but not aromantic. You seem to be pretty clear about the fact that when you experience attraction it is towards males so that’s one thing you’ve got figured out – doesn’t mean it can’t change, though. 

So yeah I know figuring out your gender and sexuality can be a difficult process and it can seem endless but I’ll tell you – it is. It is endless. It doesn’t HAVE to end. Nothing is fixed. The world wants you to be capable of permanently gluing defined labels on your forehead and never change them, that is bullshit. Labels are sticky notes, not tattoos. You like that label? you take it. It doesn’t fit anymore? drop it! People change and that’s okay. Yeah, it’s reassuring to find a label that sticks longer, but it is important to be aware that you can always take it off. So go around and play with gender and you’ll find yourself! 

Anyway sorry for the huuuuuuuuge answer but I only had a few sentences from you so I tried to cover any option. If you have other questions drop me an ask – anon or not, what makes you comfortable. If you stay on anon I’ll tag these as “genderanon” so you can find them quickly (almostnormalboy . tumblr . com/tagged/genderanon)