I just havent been the same since September. Im still so very lost in this crazy world. I think I know who I am. Im not sure if I like it though. Right now, Im just so different from anyone else out there. I care a lot about everyone, even the people I dont particularly like I still care about them. Even my own father, I wish he were dead at times but oddly enough I still care about the bastard. I am very emotional, not the kind where I cry like crazy or go hulk and such. In a manner in which I really do take everything to heart. A little action really goes a long way for me, a hug, offering something, helping me out, even just a hello can brighten up my day. I am honestly a great person. Sure Im not perfect, I make mistakes (more often than others I argue), but overall I am a pretty great guy. However, I dont know if I am happy with who I am. Since I do care so much about others, I often put them before myself. Its just who I am. My friends all know this about me very well. And I understand they care, but some of them are really trying to change who I am. I know Im not the guy I was back in Sept. nor the guy I was back in high school. I am a new person, but its someone that just isnt socially acceptable I guess. I worry a lot. Maybe its just because of my past, but I just want everyone to like me. Idk. I am truly lost with myself at this moment. Im starting to forget who I am. Ive been going through a lot of mental turmoil. My dad issues which sprung up once more, the leftover pain from my last relationship with my first love that im still trying to heal from, and my personal inner battles. My dad issues have always been here, they fade from time to time, but they wont be able to disappear until I get my closure with him which I hope I have one day. The pain im still fighting, its hard. Everyone knows how it is, just getting over your first that you really truly love. Its hard. But I think its harder for me since I care about friendships so much. And unfortunate to say, I dont think I can be friends with my ex any longer. At least not for a long time. I am just in too much pain. I was only able to come up with one solution that will aid in my recovery. I decided to cut all my ties with her. I stopped following her on Instagram and Tumblr. The only things I have left with her is that we are friends on Facebook, We're both in VSA, I still have her number in my phone, and my memories. I was finally able to delete every picture we had together. It was the hardest thing I could ever do. She will eventually mean nothing to me once more. And with this I say, Good-Bye Linda. Possibly forever. My inner struggles, these are things only I can face. But they are the least of my problems. This whole ex thing was the pinnacle of all my pain. I honestly wouldnt be able to do this without my greatest friends. Not with out my bros Kevin, Andrew, Albert, and Johnny. And certainly not with Michi nor Shannon. They've helped me up and gone through the struggle for so long, but now I must finish this journey on my own. Maybe after winter retreat Ill forget. Maybe after Ive just had a chance to escape my problems. Maybe then I can be happy again. Thank you michitakkaria-thoughtfulnotes and crystalofvoltage for all you've done for me <3