#ghostampede rants

[ghostampede]

i don’t know how much longer i can be satisfied like this. pre-everything trans guy who can’t transition cause i live with family cause im 19 and the economy is bullshit so i don’t know if/when i’ll be able to move out and come out and ruin their lives (again) with my queer existence or if that’ll happen before they find some “good nice muslim boy in finance” for me to be married off to cause i wasn’t “trying hard enough and only have so much time.” i just want to hold my boyfriend when we’re in bed and not have my long ass hair get in the way. i want to be able to take off my shirt in the summer and not have to worry. i don’t want to keep smiling and gritting my teeth as im constantly misgendered or grouped in as “one of the girls” because i know how i look and the assumptions being made so i can’t get too upset. and then i turn on the news and remember the world i seemingly was in when i figured out i was queer 9 years ago has long since disappeared so i don’t even know if i’ll have the chance.

[ghostampede]

its so interesting to me how in many ways The Beatles and The Beach boys seem like complete inverses of each other in terms of reception, reputation, and legacy. after watch the new Mic The Snare video on The Beach Boys discography and history, i couldn’t help but make parallels to the Beatles in just how different their stories ended up being. like both bands are seen as classic bands but in such different ways, and deapite the creative rivalry that went back and forth through the 60s the lasting impact is so different in a way that just contrasts each other.

the beatles came to america and blew up, in less than a decade created multiple albums that would define multiple generations, their history is absurd and ridiculous despite the conflicts but you can’t deny that as a band the beatles were always on top and even in later decades when it started to be seen as outdated, by the 90s/2000s they had cemented themselves in history forever and as individuals each had very notable careers (yes even ringo, i love thomas the tank engine!!!).

on the other hand you have the beach boys, a band that didn’t even choose their name but wore the title of america’s band until they wanted to do Anything Else because then they were hits in the UK and overlooked by america. their biggest album with the most cultural signifigance doomed them, they last decades with such a variety of albums and yet could never really escape the image formed from their earliest years, and were seemingly always drowning in suffering, tragedy, mental health issues, and/or financial ruin.

one band is seen as the most successful and influential band of all time, the other is seen as that dorky surf band that had one incredible album but otherwise just sang about surfing and girls and california despite lasting over 50 years. maybe this isn’t a new revelation but god is it interesting to think about while knowing that once they were equal creative competetion until like 1967 when their paths diverged completely

[ghostampede]

just finished heated rivalry. i went in expecting a sexy and fun yet emotional gay tv show and got that AND extremely relateable and accurate depictions of queer isolation and the most relateable protagonist i have seen so far in that area and a painfully beautiful romance and the biggest thing of all: a sense of hope i haven't felt in a long time as a semi-closeted queer person who sometimes feels like he will never ever get to live the life he wants.

[ghostampede]

posting this here first but lowkey might go to reddit if this still haunts me-

ive been getting back into twenty one pilots after a few years of not really keeping up with them and i suddenly remembered back in 2018/2019, there was this small fan artist and musician i followed on instagram named Ryeonna (or some variation of that i THINK) who was really inspired by twenty one pilots and tyler’s journey and wrote a few of these haunting beautiful songs that i remember really enjoying. i remember at the time she took down a somg or two before releasing more but when i stopped following the band, i stopped paying attention to her as well and only just discovered all traces of her and her music are gone from the internet.

she was a really small and relatively young musician at the time so i’d be surprised if anyone knew but DOES anyone know or remember who i’m talking about? at all? i am just curious to what happened, if she just decided to clear everything off the internet or if there was something else :(

[ghostampede]

there something so beautiful about listening to same music you did in middle school and feeling the same way about the songs and the same depressed angst but in a more mature and grown way. reminds you that you’re the same guy but things ahve gotten better will continue to do so.

[ghostampede]

i used to be someone who would stay out solo at shows and events on campus when none of my friends wanted to come and now the idea of going to my TOWN’S LOCAL PRIDE PARADE AND FESTIVAL on my own feels like a death sentence even when i know i need to be around queer people for a few hours. downgrade of the century

[ghostampede]

it's unsurprising how i've been clinging to classic rock and oldies tunes as soon as my life feels like the tectonic plates are collapsing in on themselves. my life when classes start again in September will be completely different than in April last semseter. my friends have almost entirely changed every 2 years and i can see the beginnings of it happening again. i'm gonna be editor in chief for a student magazine that'll require me to meet so many more people regardless. i'll be in new spaces with new people at a new job living a new life. by the end of the year i will be 20 years old and doing all of that. i'm terrified. i'm elated. i'm still a kid in an adult's skin. i'm listening to the Velvet Underground's self titled record again thinking about how it released about a month after my mother was born. i'm lying on the floor, imagining myself as small as i was when i first heard it, small enough to disappear into Lou Reed's voice on Candy Says. it doesn't work, the carpet's digging into my back in such a newly uncomfortable i have to get up. the music still makes it easier. songs written before i could even be conceptualized are the only thing i could imagine escaping into right now, only thing i can grab without feeling it shake because he roots have remained in tact for longer that i'll be able to understand.

[ghostampede]

if i knew i wouldn’t have to worry about finances to pay for it and i didn’t have to worry about getting a job my ideal major would be in music history. i know maybe two programs with that in canada and i definitely wouldn’t switch but genuinely so much of my passion for music comes from the same place ad my passion for history which is just a deep and powerful fascination in how humans did things that led to the rest of time and why. im obsessed with the beatles because of how interwoven they are with musical and technological advancement of the 60s. every band i get hooked into is partially because of the odd story with them and all the many many many ripple effects they cause. i could spend months doing nothing but researching and piecing together a global history of music from every country in the world and how it reflects humanity as a whole throughout time. but also that can’t get me a job and im Broke so. yk.