This dialogue belongs to chapter 337, when Kite was repenting everyone sins. Just by having the power to kill, the Koala ant did the same thing over and over again, without realizing what really mattered, because the reflection upon your acts hurts more than sticking to a pattern and trusting that cycle. Like, robotic mode to avoid changing, because changing is a challenge - but inevitable. Someday, you will find your heart’s missing something, always the same, after led to make the same mistakes.
I think this talks directly to Gon too, when he realizes that he would’ve ended doing the same thing if he still got his Nen. He would keep pursuing power, seeking self-validation until he feeds his heart with one “I am strong now”. He’d be blinded by his self-worth issues, and would make a choice unfaithful with his heart - a heart that he only gives some hearing now that he’s “nenless”. Because he was unbalanced with his power and mind, focusing too much on one of them only (and we know which one), when Nen is about power and mind (Wing’s words). Just to have his power would signify to make the wrong choice and stick to the same pattern, the same journey. Leading to his self-destructiveness once again, probably, because there is always something missing.
And it was missing since the beginning, because he’s now acknowledging his goal’s mistakes.
It wasn’t about Ging as a family but as “the most challenging hunt” for a Hunter. It wasn’t about his own pride (pointed out Hanzo back at the Exam), but finding someone to be proud of him ‘cause he made it (I’m lazy rn to put in here now but Gon implies that is what he wants, back at the beginning, which makes sense with he being so offended when someone calls him weak). At some point, we get to see so many people complimenting his talent and strength. But this still doesn’t feed his heart - because he was the one who couldn’t see his worth.
It’s clear to me that he’s saying he might’ve made the wrong choice if he still strength-focused in order to keep pursuing that validation, because he really didn’t know what mattered the most or what he really wanted, as he had just found his goal wasn’t really to stay with Ging. He would seek power again, blindly, because there is always someone stronger than him. He would feel weak again by Ging’s side and travel along to seek that power, always knowing that “something isn’t right”, because he never gets satisfied or confident about his strength - he wouldn’t have realized his goal wasn’t exactly what he thought. He would’ve make the same mistakes again and again, without feeding his heart.
Like, Why travel together if he doesn’t exactly want to stay with him? The fact that he’s assuming that it wouldn’t be quite right but he would’ve still decided to do it shows that he’s now experiencing loss in order to pay attention to what he really wants without being blinded or fooled by his self-worth issues and his journey to feel powerful, realizing how that choice wouldn’t make sense. Being nenless is important to reflect properly before deciding. If he gets his Nen back, the healthy path is to balance, so his power doesn’t fool him again into the wrong sources of satisfaction.
Nen also reflects one’s feelings. It makes sense that he can’t use it right now, because he’s learning what he truly feels in order to build a more accurate journey for his heart, something that could only be done the way he is right now, dealing with the consequences and with the fact that are many ways to be strong (thank you Meruem you’ve said it right) - not only physically, and even if it was, there are too many ways to reach that. And then, his new learning will be balanced.
It’s probably a heavy loss for Gon, since he promised to Kite that, when the time comes, he’ll stay by his side. If Kite called him right now, he couldn’t do anything, the same if Killua needed him. But at the same time, Kite kinda opens this thinking path for Gon, after repenting his “sins”. Gon knows he didn’t make it alone. Kite says that “makes two of us”. Kite is still strong, even acknowledging he needed help, why couldn’t Gon feel the same? Having someone by your side to share your battles doesn’t make you weak. Everything it’s for Gon to reflect, and the repentance is to show that he’s gotta a long way of reflecting, he was still stuck with the thought that leaving Kite behind was the worst thing ever, even if Kite himself doesn’t think that way. The meaning he gives to “be strong” and to “be weak” are both wrong.
That’s why I think that, if he grabs the spotlight again (what I believe it will happen one day) he’ll reach greater ways to be really strong, body and mind, acknowledging his issues and understanding what he needs Remembering the ones who never left his side, those who believed in him. I always say, Togashi could troll us all and never shows Gon again but I don’t think it would make sense - Gon needs to feed his heart. I don’t think he reached the end of his reflection process, neither Killua did. That’s why they split in an ambiguous tone. It’s just the beginning.
Like the World Tree, it just stopped to grow by not getting the essential nutrients. But at the top of that huge tree, where seemed to be the peak of everything, was a nest. The tree itself reached its peak, but made possible for those baby birds to grow. Symbolizing that, even at the top of what you think it’s the end, there is still space for growing - especially if you look to what you’ve left at the side of your road and at the corners of your heart.
