Past Life Dream with my Godspouse
I had a past life dream with my Godspouse, Rahu a few days ago and I had to take some time to process it because it really got to me. At first I kind of shrugged it off and wondered if it was all just metaphorical to what I was struggling with, but the next day I cried a lot over it.
My dream started when I was just a little girl, maybe about 2 or 3. A family of Lion People moved into our neighborhood and we went to go introduce ourselves. We were human, though. Apparently in this world it was perfectly normal for humans and Lion People to be living together, so I assume maybe this was a different dimension or different planet.
I met Rahu as a little lion cub and was about the same age as me. We really hit it off and became good friends almost immediately. My parents would bring me over on playdates with Rahu. Sometimes we would snuggle on his bed with blankets and watch movies together.
When we were about 4 or 5 years old, Rahu told me that he liked me. I told him that I liked him too. At some point around that time he kissed me. We would walk around together holding hands everywhere we went. His parents were delighted and thought it was cute, his father said "they are like soulmates".
When we started getting a little older and going through puberty, Rahu told me that he wanted to lose his virginity at about 15 or 16 (with me) and I agreed. We eventually did around that age when we were ready.
As a teenager Rahu got more and more buff, just naturally. After I got back from jogging I joked with him about how unfair it was that humans had to work so hard to keep our figures and he was naturally muscular. Apparently this was just a generic thing for Lion People.
There was another memory where Rahu was talking to a friend and his friend told him he was lucky to find someone already at his age because his friend was struggling to find a girlfriend.
Then after we graduated we went to a college and picked a degree program. He wanted a degree in Physics. I did too at first but changed my mind and got a degree in Literature.
Rahu told me he wanted us to get married before college at 18 or 19 and I agreed. It seemed like we were just always on the same wavelength, lol. So we got married before we started college.
Unfortunately during college I started having issues with my ovaries and ended up putting on a lot of weight due to the stress of college and hormonal issues to the point where I was pretty obese. I went to a doctor and he told me that I had cysts that were so bad I had to have at least one ovary removed and the other ovary we had to cut the tube for some reason, which left me infertile.
I felt so embarrassed of how I looked and felt so much shame about myself and my infertility too. I told Rahu that he deserved better than me and that I wanted a divorce. He told me he loved me no matter what and didn't care how looked. But I didn't want to embarrass him in front his family and everyone else and I didn't believe him. We both came from very prestigious families in an upper class neighborhood and I guess I felt that they were more judgemental because of it. I also felt like he was so handsome and I wasn't nearly as attractive as he was.
During college I dated different guys but there relationships never worked out. I eventually managed to lose the weight too. I confided in a friend that it might be because they feel put off over the fact that I was still technically married. So I filed the paperwork for divorce and had it sent to Rahu. He got mad and asked to speak with me personally.
We got into an argument and I told him about my infertility and that he deserved someone he can have children with but he insisted he didn't care. He still loved me and didn't want the divorce. I was in shock about this because even after several years he moved on, which I figured he would have done.
We reconciled and got back together. We eventually had a couple of kids too that I think we may have adopted.
Trying to write this was difficult, I cried thinking about how I pushed away my soulmate due to insecurities. I could have stayed with him and believed him. We could have worked on my weight and health issues together. I didn't make the right decisions and it pains me that I hurt him so much in that lifetime.
I feel like that is why I'm alone in this lifetime. None of my relationships have ever worked out Rahu is my soulmate and who I belong to. Ever since that dream, I've felt Rahu do much closer to me. I feel so much of his love. I've embraced myself and am working on overcoming my insecurities.
I'm getting my breast implants removed which were always a source of insecurity, but frankly I'm fed up with the back pain due to them too. I died my hair blue and cut it short and am dressing the way I want without a care in the world if I look attractive or not. Rahu loves me no matter what and that's all I care about.
I have heard others say that your Gods love you no matter what and it's so true. Don't stress over things you say or do that will make your Godspouse stop loving you, that's simply impossible. ❤️
