Can You Take a Compliment?
If you have difficult feelings when receiving compliments, you don’t have to act on them. You don’t have to tell the complimenter how wrong they are, for example, or point out something that’s bad about you. Graciously receive the compliment, then talk over your feelings later with your therapist or a trusted friend. Low self-esteem doesn’t just make it hard to receive compliments; it can also make it nearly impossible to give them.
When self-esteem is very low, it’s like being financially strapped. You’re walking around with your very last $5 in your pocket. Using it to buy lunch for someone else is not an option. You literally cannot afford to give your money away.
Think of someone who seems to have more confidence than you, and who is also very attractive. Now picture yourself telling that person, “Gee, you look like a million bucks!” and picture them basking in your compliment. Giving an already-confident person such a gift would feel like taking Bill Gates out to lunch on your last $5. Ridiculous, right? Bill Gates should be taking you out, not the other way around. He can afford it. You can’t. The only problem is, if you’re not giving away compliments, you’re missing out on opportunities to feel good about yourself.
A compliment, like a gift, does as much for the giver as for the receiver. You get to experience yourself as generous and kind. You get to light up someone’s life for a moment – what power! And you affirm to yourself that you CAN afford it. As long as you have something to give away, you’re rich.
Practice giving compliments. Make them honest so you don’t feel too phony. It’s bound to feel a little forced if you’re not used to doing this, so do make sure you can be honest in what you choose to compliment.
Start today with someone you think it would be easy for you to compliment. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. “I like your tie” is a compliment. If you don’t normally give them, people who know you might think you’re being sarcastic. Don’t be thrown by this. Just say, “No, I mean it. I like your tie.”
Notice how it feels to offer the gift of your attention and appreciation. Give at least one compliment every day and watch what happens. If you run out of people to compliment, try giving them to yourself!
Giving and receiving compliments is easier with high self-esteem. But like all behaviors that interact with self-esteem, compliments are both cause and effect. That is, high self-esteem makes it easier to give and receive compliments, AND giving and receiving compliments supports higher self-esteem.
So get out there. I know you can do it. Why? Because you’re smart, brave and strong. ;) Full Read Here
