Seventy minutes into the World Cup semi final England was behind 2-1. The team was putting their everything into getting a goal back to level the score, and have a chance at going to the final, but France was not making it easy on them.
After Ella managed to intercept a ball in the midfield, your team was able to switch the attack. You rushed forwards in the middle of the pitch, making yourself available for the cross. Ella passes the ball out wide to Chloe, who curls the ball in nicely. Your first touch is great, but the moment you want to shoot the ball, one of the French defenders blocks your shot right back into play for France to be on the attack again.
You let out a frustrated sigh, before running back down the pitch to help out there. Luckily their attack didn’t come to anything, and you were able to build up again. Play went back and forth for a bit before you had some open space that Alessia managed to send the ball through. It landed perfectly in your stride, but you leaned just a bit too far back and watched the ball soar far over the net.
“Fuck!” You yell into the air. You needed that goal, why couldn’t you get it into the back of the net? As you run back past Alessia, she holds out her hand for you to high five as you move past, you tap it lightly with your hand. Showing that you appreciated her ball in.
Going into the nineteenth minute, the score still hadn’t changed. Four additional minutes and then it would be over. The whole world cup, everything you had been fighting for, but you couldn’t give up yet. Four more minutes of fighting, trying to get level to keep the game going.
Jess puts in an amazing block on the backline, and turns around the French attacker. One quick look up, and she sees you high up with some space to run. Without a second thought she sends the long ball your way.
With the pressure of two defenders right on top of you, it was a struggle to get the ball down well, but you tried to wiggle your way out from between the two of them. With some fancy footwork, you were able to kick it just far enough ahead of you, that you could get away from them.
Your eyes look up to the goal, and before they are back on your tail again, you kick the ball with all the power you stil had left. Right at the goalkeeper. The only chance left and you hit it right at the goalkeeper. Another set of curse words rolled off your tongue, most likely being streamed all across England, but your mind wasn’t on that now. You might have single handedly ruined England’s chances at the final with how many attempts on goal you managed to bottle.
The ball gets thrown back into play, and then the referee blows the final whistle. England gets knocked out of the World Cup. You fall to the ground with tears instantly springing into your eyes.
As you lay with your back on the grass, you punch your fists down on the ground a couple times. The previously loud crowd around you fully disappears when you dissociate from the whole thing.
Jess, who had run across the pitch the moment the final whistle blew, was quickly sitting by your side. She lifted your back off the ground, and pulled you into a tight hug. She didn’t need to say anything, this loss was weighing deep on the both of you.
After sitting like that for a bit longer, Jess helps you up when someone from staff asks if you’re ready for a post match interview. She gives you one more hug, squeezing you tight before she lets you go.
Your eyes are still watery when the reporter starts the interview. “Not the end result you were hoping for, how difficult is this one to take?” She asks, jumping right in. “It’s a tough one for sure, we are very disappointed that we don’t get to continue in this competition. We had a lot of missed opportunities, most of which were probably mine.”
Your voice shakes, as you’re trying to hold back tears. “I take responsibility for that, I had three really good opportunities, but couldn’t quite finish them.” The reporter nods and continues on. “How was France affecting the game play today?”
With a brief throat-clear, you answer the next question. “Yeah, a lot of course. France is always a strong team, they were really good on possession today. I think we managed to hold up to their playing standard quite well, just in the final third they were the better team today.”
You lock eyes with Jess who is waiting behind to the sides, her presence calms you down a bit. Obviously you would rather be anywhere else besides holding a post-match interview after being kicked out of the competition. When the reporter speaks again, you move your eyes back to her. “Alright, thank you for your time.” You nod and hand the microphone back, before walking straight back into Jess her arms.
The two of you make your way over to the team huddle. And after a quick speech from Sarina, the team walks around the pitch to thank the fans for showing up. Once the round was done, one by one everyone trickled into the tunnel and towards the locker room.
Jess saw you walking into the tunnel with one of the physios, so she expected for you to be a bit longer. Instead of joining the rest of the girls in the locker room, she waited in the hallway for you.
About ten minutes later, the physio walked out, but you weren’t following. She smiled at Jess, “She just needed a moment.” She says softly while walking past with a quick hand on her shoulder. She decides to give you a couple more minutes on your own, before she softly knocks on the door and enters the room.
The second Jess enters the room, she knows something is wrong. Your breathing was very fast, but shallow at the same time, like you couldn’t quite catch your breath. She quickly closed the door behind her and walked your way, knowing exactly what was happening. “Hey, it’s okay.” She says as she sits down on the physio bed with you. “I’m here.”
You were sitting with crossed legs on the physio bed, back leaning against the wall. Your eyes were glassed over, almost as if your mind was not in the same room as you. With your jersey bunched up around your fist, your hand holding it so tightly that your knuckles have turned white. Your chest is moving up and down rapidly. Jess had seen you like this more times than we would like to have, but her experience with you having panic attacks helped her with knowing exactly what she could do to help you.
“Can you look at me?” Jess said, turning around on the bed to face you head on. After blinking a few times, your eyes finally found hers. You didn’t say anything yet, and Jess didn’t rush you, she just continued on. “Good, now breathe with me okay.”
“In.” Jess breathes in deeply and you try to follow her. “And out.” She takes a long breath out. It takes a while before you actually manage to follow her breathing pattern, slowly but surely your breathing is starting to even out though.
When you’re starting to calm your breathing down, you’re able to let go of your jersey. Your hand instantly reaches for Jess. Who takes it in hers and starts rubbing her thumb over the back of your hand.
Jess noticed you still weren’t fully out of your panic attack, so she moved onto the next thing now that you were breathing better. “Five things you can see?”
You force yourself to take a deep breath and look around. “You, bed, posters, trash can, cooler.” Jess squeezes your hand on every one that you list off. “Very good, now four things you can touch?”
“The bed, your hand, the air conditioning, my jersey.” Jess nodded along, liking that you were starting to say more. “And three things you can hear?” You close your ears to really listen. “The air conditioning, the fans, and my breath.”
“You’re doing great. Can you name me two things you can smell?” You are almost there, but Jess wants to go through the full list to be totally sure. “The lotion, and your perfume.” She smiles at that answer, knowing you’re fully present again. “Lastly, one thing you can taste?? You nod and smile, “My gum.”
“There’s my girl.” Jess says proudly. You respond by leaning into her and letting her hold you tight. She presses a long kiss to the top of your head. “Do you want to talk about it?” You shake your head and cuddle further into her. “Not now.”
After sitting together for a while, Jess holding you and rubbing circles on your back, you look up at her. “Thank you.” Jess shrugs her shoulders, “No need to thank me, you know I’m always here for you.” You smile and nod, “I do. I love you.” Jess pecks your lips, “I love you too.”
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