#griefishard

[sunkrux]

Someone misses hims Pops. *~* *~*~* *~* #grief #griefjourney #griefishard #griefsucks #fatherlessdaughter #fatherlessadults #fatherlesschild #iamanorphannow #ripwte22223 https://www.instagram.com/p/CpBwSHguyAk/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[britttheillest]

It’s been two years since the person who brought me so much joy and delight chose to take her life. Grief is a weird, funny thing. I still, actively, two years later, hear or see something and think, “OMG I am going to text Strummer about this.” And then remember this is no longer possible. 
While it almost feels like my time with Strummer was an entirely different life from the one I’m in now, she’s still with me as if she is my own muscle memory. I miss her, I am so grateful that I spent the 8 or so years of friendship I had with her being completely ludicrous in how we lived our lives. 
Mostly, I am still so angry at what brought her to this decision, and how we as a society have not improved or grown for the better in anyway. I guess that’s a rant for a different day. For today, I am going to smile, laugh, yell really dumb things, sit in the park with my friends, drink beers and listen to our favorite bands. I love you, Brittany. So damn much. #griefishard #Imissmydeadfriends #brittanystrummerforever #strummerforever (at Denver, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNIZ5aBFtWL/?igshid=1pyjbwpyyruj3

[britttheillest]

I miss our Britt Weekends. We spent years celebrating our birthdays together. I wish she was still here, I truly never had someone who I related to so much. We were both so extra, so emotional, we loved big and loudly. I miss you every day, my dear friend, happy birthday. I’m so grateful for our time together. #strummerforever #brittanystrummerforever #imissmydeadfriends #griefishard (at Congress Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDfJtmQFkMa/?igshid=cbvvy25s48qs

[britttheillest]

Year two. Day two. Thanks for my love ones that reached out and spent time together (ish). Mourning in the context of Covid-19 sure feels isolating, fortunately my community found ways around that. Love you all so dearly. #strummerforever #brittanystrummerforever #strummer92 #griefishard #imissmydeadfriends #mikaelajane #doublewhiskeycokenoice (at Denver, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-fB6E9FeBf/?igshid=1tka5lrolyy8g

[britttheillest]

Our 8 or so years of friendship will always bring me joy. I came of age with you, your presence will never not be apart of me and my absurd personality. I’m grateful I had you while I did, but I miss you all the time, Strumalumdumbdumb. #brittanystrummerforever #strummerforever #strummer92 #griefishard #loveisworry #imissmydeadfriends (at Denver, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-cvElVFfr6/?igshid=laa1tl8fclc7

[britttheillest]

I wish I knew that one year ago would be the last time I talked to you. It hasn’t been a very good year since, so I don’t actually think you’ve missed much. But I sure miss you. #strummerforever #loveisworry #brittanystrummerforever #griefishard #imissyou (at Denver, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-aKl9tlSd-/?igshid=1h8gduop03zr1

[britttheillest]

The holidays are hard. They’re hard for many. I’m not feeling so okay today, but that’s okay. I do, however, feel hopeful for our New Year, so that’s cool. It’s okay not to be okay, these bad days aren’t forever. #itsokaynottobeokay #havehope #griefishard #holidaysarehard #todayisntmybestday #averymetvlchristmas #unorthodoxornaments #Explosionsintheskyfeelsgood #heavysigh #lesigh #pmaanotherday #vulnerability (at Congress Park, Denver) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6R70Bgl0wq/?igshid=1gzs9qbq3zj20

[dragoninhumanskin]

Don’t tell a grieving person

It’s ok 

You’ll get over it

Try not to dwell on it too much

You need to move on

They wouldn’t want you to be sad

You’re still sad about them?

All this communicates to the grieving person that the deceased didn’t mean much, their loss means little, and they should be forgotten, which is the opposite of what a grieving person wants to hear. Intense sadness generally means the deceased was very important to them. 

Try instead:

Oh my god, that’s terrible. How are you doing?

Do you want to talk about them?

What’s something you really miss about them?

What’s one of your favourite memories with them/about them?

They must mean a lot to you. 

You meant a lot to them. 

I wish I had met them / I’ll miss them too.

Everyone grieves differently, you don’t have to feel weird or wrong for feeling like this.

It’s not your fault this happened. You did your best, and nobody can ask for any more than that.

Tell me more about this thing inspired by your grief. (E.g. a song they wrote about them, art they made, charitable work etc)

Even though you lost your child, you’re still their parent (or similar according to the situation). 

It’s been [X amount of time] since you lost them. How are you doing?

All these communicate to the grieving person that you care about them and the deceased; and are willing to listen to them, to hear about the memories and the life of the deceased person. You see them as important and worth hearing about and remembering, and the grieving person has every right to feel the loss of someone they cared about so much.

Be wary of:

Try seeing a professional.

If you are communicating to the grieving person that you don’t want to hear about their grief and the person they lost, this can sound like ‘Take your icky feelings somewhere else, because I don’t want to have to deal with how broken and wrong you are right now.’ If you are communicating to the person that you care about them and who they lost, it can sound like ‘I am willing to listen, but I think a professional may do you some good. I want you to feel supported, and they can maybe do a better job than me.’

TL;DR: If someone is grieving, listen to them, ask them more about the deceased, and treat the situation as if the deceased is the most important thing in the world right now. Because to them, it absolutely is.