I'm having trouble distinguishing whether my enneatype 8w9 or 9w8. Do you have any tips of what to look out for in telling these two types apart? I've been told by my family members that I'm pretty aggressive, but I always think that I'm being kind of like, gently assertive? My default is to be amiable until I'm challenged, but I don't have any problem with confronting threats if need be. My voice shakes sometimes when I'm arguing, and I don't enjoy open hostility. I thrive in competition.
What you are describing sounds more like 1w9 tbh (although I don’t want to exclude the possibilities of 8w9 or 9w8 from the short description alone).
Weirdly enough 1s are often perceived as more aggressive/intruding than 8w9s because people (-especially- family members that know you since you were a small child) are used to 1′s usually more timid nature and react irritated when the 1 suddenly speaks up. (While they are already used to the 8′s aggressiveness and don’t question it anymore). But with 1s they feel that they can push you back into your past self, back when you didn’t have the “audacity” to attack the elders. And they will tell you “you are too aggressive”, “you are too sensitive”, “why are you so offended about this?”.And the 1 begins to question themself: “maybe I -am- too aggressive? maybe I should try a calmer approach?” Because ultimately they want their arguments to be heard and have a more rational mind than 8s.8s on the other hand don’t really care about arguments or about convincing someone. They argue for the adrenaline rush and enjoy open hostility. They will be like “lmao, yes aunt Helen, I don’t care about your offended ass, I -am- aggressive and I will tear you apart tonight”.
Both 1s and 8s thrive in competition but 1s are way more civilized about it than 8s.
One way that always works when trying to tell types apart is to look for disintegration (only works when it’s your core type though):
8 -> become reclusive / isolated / hermit-like and cynical like a unhealthy 5, go into research-mode, starting to look for strategies, read about things that usually don’t interest them because new knowledge gives them the illusion of being productive about their problems
9 -> become worried, fatalistic and paranoid like unhealthy 6s, visibly nervous, will ask for help but then don’t listen to it, feel controlled and pushed around, may blame other people for their problems, feel like their destiny lies in the hands of others’
1 -> will feel alienated, moody and misunderstood like a unhealthy 4, may wallow in self-pity, feel like they dug their own grave with their competency because now everyone else just dumped more workload upon them