It's not like I'm going to an actual new chapter in my life. After this graduation, I'm still going to be in college, however, under a bachelor's degree program this time and no longer a certificate program. It probably looks like a small thing to many people but to me, it's a big deal.
I took this certificate course in Creative Writing, or precisely, Malikhaing Pagsulat (because of its concentration in training creative writing in my native language, Filipino) not fully grasping the idea that I totally took a 360 degree turn from the plan I laid out for myself. I had a ton of what ifs by the time I started college. And don't get me wrong, I still haven't erased those what ifs from my head, and as the 2 years progressed, more what ifs were formed thanks to the many things that totally turned my world upside down while in university.
Tears were spilled. People disappointed, broke, helped and made me. I learned so much. I went through so much. To the point I questioned why I wrote, why I'm in this position, and if I even deserved to call myself writer, and artist, and an iskolar.
But the thing is, I was given my shot. And I'm not throwing it away that easily.
I am not throwing away my shot...
I almost thought I wouldn't make it here. By the last days of my last semester, I found myself with a heavy heart and a cluttered brain. I was certain the only way to make it through this semester was just give up now and fight the battle for next time when I know I am no longer this wrecked. I knew and I felt like I was a mess. I didn't show it. I didn't cry but in my head and in my heart I was one hell of a mess. I was keen on giving up with my writing.
Coffee. Hamilton OST. Belief in myself. Dreams. With these, I believe, I managed to write my final requirements. It helped me manage to not break. The coffee kept me going physically but Hamilton music continued to echo in my ears, helping me keep my motivation to write and keep writing.
There's a million things I haven't done... but just you wait, just you wait...
Why do you write like you're running out of time?
I was well aware how I wasn't writing the way I wanted myself to write. But here I am. I made myself write hard so I can get to the finish line. I felt blind whilst writing, writing to only be well.
Yet I find myself writing during the darkest hours of this writing career I decided to start and hoped to do well in. I wrote. I kept going. And I swore to myself that I wasn't going to throw away my shot in the eye of the hurricane.
And here I am, in this position, finally done with my creative writing course, off to explore a new field. Hoping I can do well. Hoping some more.
And once again, I am not throwing away my shot because there's a million things I haven't done. And I'm willing to wait for it.
Context: In our university, every graduation season, sunflowers are planted along the entrance to the campus. Graduates usually take photos here, wearing their graduation outfit. But since I didn't attend the graduation despite the fact that I was technically a graduate, I don't have a graduation attire ready. I opted to just take a photo with these sunflowers to symbolize my graduation.
