#hamish dm

[we-are-a-dragon]

Lyra (playing Faith): *dumb blonde voice* "So hi, I'm Faith and I'm 22. I chose my name because people say 'You have to have faith'. I had this dream about a year ago where a raven flew down and turned into a beautiful woman, and we had sex, and she said 'Thanks I needed this, but I'm sorry for the consequences', and then I died, but only kind of, and now my heart doesn't beat very often and I can shoot fire from my hands." *long pause* "Oh, that was a heartbeat! Don't hold your breath, there won't be another for a while."

Party: *backs away*

DM: How about a physical description?

Lyra: Oh yeah. I'm a purple tiefling with bat wings and I like to wear bright clothing. "Oh, there my heart goes again!"

Adam (playing Griz): "You should have that looked at."

Lyra: "I don't think I should take my heart out and look at it."

DM: Alright, M, your turn. You okay?

M (playing Blazar): *haunted eyes* I'm having a visceral reaction to that voice.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Adam (playing Griz): You got Griz here, they're a barbarian, but they're quite calm. The personality trait I rolled is that I never lose control of my emotions. I try to avoid conflict.

DM: No Steve in this adventure.

M (playing Blazar): *immediately* Fuck Steve.

Adam: They're quite tall, 6'6", built like a brick shithouse. Quite nice to look at, hard to hold a conversation with. Griz is the second 'twin' of the bounty hunter pair The Twins.

Marijn (playing Juniper): Hello! My character is Juniper. They are an eladrin rogue, quite dextrous and charming but not very strong, which is why I have Griz around. We met in prison which is where we got the nickname The Twins-

Adam: "We're not actually twins, I'm a human."

Marijn: Yeah, and now we hunt people for a living.

Adam: I'm the distraction.

Marijn: Yeah, Griz is the honeypot.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Marijn (playing Juniper): Okay, my second psychic knife hits and deals 5 damage.

DM: Go ahead and roll initiative.

Tati (playing Lumi): While Juniper's shooting can I just slip on my porcelain mask real quick?

DM: Go ahead.

Tati: Sweet.

M (playing Blazar): Ewww, I rolled a nat 20 on initiative.

Tati: Rip.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Lyra (playing Faith): Tati, if you’re going to choke on your water and die coughing can you mute your mic?

DM: Wow.

Tati (playing Lumi): Sure, I’ll pre-emptively mute myself when I’m going to unexpectedly choke.

Lyra: Thanks.

Tati: *pulls finger*

*slightly later*

Tati: *mutes self and coughs*

Lyra: Thanks for muting yourself Tati, but I can still hear you because we’re in the same house.

Tati: *glares*

M (playing Blazar): *snorts* Wow!

Tati: Go outside then!!

[we-are-a-dragon]

DM: Blazar, your turn.

M (playing Blazar): Hmm. I could try to bunny hop over the prow where it's connected to their ship.

DM: If you roll a 5 or better you can safely hop onto their ship.

M: ...I roll a 2. Into the sea I go.

DM: Really? You can make a Dexterity save to catch the prow or their railing as you fall.

M: 10.

DM: You grab the edge.

M: What's the roll to climb up?

DM: Low DC, you don't have to pull yourself far. Yep, you easily do that. You're in front of the goblin pirate.

M: I'm going to use thorn whip against him.

DM: You miss, I'm afraid.

M: That's okay. I keep burning Greenbeard with my bonus action.

DM: Wonderful that their only spellcaster is also the only one wearing metal armour.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Andy (playing Glupbub): I'd like to use another shatter, though unfortunately it'll hit Lumi too.

Tati (playing Lumi): From over there? How big is the area??

Lyra (playing Faith): It's a 2x2, you can't hit everything on the ship.

Andy: Oh, I was misreading it. I place it so it'll hit both the orc pirates.

DM: Alright, they both save. Half damage.

Andy: 4 damage each. And things near them explode.

DM: The holding for the anchor chain cracks, and the deck is looking messy.

Tati: I mutter, "I'm going to get wet again, ain't I?"

Adam (playing Griz): We didn't need to install cannon. Glupbub is a cannon.

[we-are-a-dragon]

DM: 'First Mate Grum' turns to Lumi and screams, "That was my dog!"

Tati (playing Lumi): *looks around* "I didn't kill it."

DM: He didn't see who did, he's just angry.

Tati: It was shattered...

Andy (playing Glupbub): I'm sorry!

DM: He swings at you and misses you because I assume your AC is higher than 7.

Tati: It is!

DM: He swings again and it's another 7...

Tati: That's what you get, fucko.

[we-are-a-dragon]

DM: The pirate captain says, "Reckon you should take a swim."

Tati (playing Lumi): I look at my wet clothes. "We just did."

DM: "Away from the island. If you know what's good for you."

Marijn (playing Juniper): "Is it your island? Do you have the deed?"

DM: "Deed?"

Andy (playing Glupbub): "Do you have a flag?"

DM: "Yeah. Now I'm sick of this." And he fires his pistol at Glupbub. Oh, that's a crit!

Adam (playing Griz): Oh! Bye, Glupbub.

Andy: It was nice existing.

M (playing Blazar): I roll up my sleeves. "I've fought lobsters bigger than these guys."

DM: Oh, that's max damage!

Adam: Is Glupbub dead??

DM: 14 damage.

Andy: *faintly* Still here.