Tonight was the opening night of the Together, Together tour in Amsterdam and you couldn't be more excited to see all of the hard work Harry and his team had done come to life. It was also the night that you and Harry were officially going to announce your engagement.
A few days prior to your flight, you had picked out your outfit for the show and packed your suitcase. As you were packing, you heard Harry's soft voice as he stood in the doorway of your shared bedroom, watching you try to focus on packing.
"Are you ok, baby?" He asked, slightly nervous since you were barely packed and the bedroom looked like a tornado came through it.
"I'm fine, baby. Why wouldn't I be fine?" You asked, trying to hide the panic in your voice and not relaxing until you felt Harry's comforting arms wrap around you.
"Babygirl, it's only me. You don't have to pretend you're fine. It's ok" he reassured you.
"I'm having trouble deciding on what I should pack" you confessed.
"Baby, that's ok. Do you want my help?" Harry offered.
"I might need it"
"Honey, the least I can do is help since the bedroom looks like a tornado swept through it" he joked, earning a playful smack on the chest.
A few days later, you headed to the airport to catch your flight to Amsterdam. As you waited for the flight to start boarding, fans came up to you and Harry, asking for pictures and autographs which you both graciously accepted.
A short time later, the plane began the boarding process so you gently grabbed Harry's hand and your suitcase and boarded the plane. When you found your seats, you laid your head on Harry's shoulder as the plane began to take off.
When the flight landed, you grabbed your luggage and headed for the hotel you were going to stay in. After you both had unpacked, you decided to go sightseeing since the show wasn't for a few days. As you walked, more fans spotted the two of you and Harry of course took some pictures and had conversations with them while you patiently waited.
On the day of the show, you and Harry arrived at the stadium together and you found your seat in the VIP section while Harry rehearsed. When he was done, he walked over to where you were standing and pulled you in for a kiss. "Did you enjoy that, sweetie?" He asked, before admiring your beautiful engagement ring.
"Of course I did, baby. I enjoyed it very much when I wasn't staring at the giant rock on my hand" you joked.
"Do you still want to announce it tonight?" He asked.
"Of course I do"
A few hours later, people began to file into the stadium waiting for the show to begin. As fans waited for Harry to come on stage, you signed their signs and the occasional piece of merchandise.
Halfway through the show, Harry started to speak. "I just wanted to announce that I don't have a girlfriend anymore" he started, before hearing a chorus of people sadly replying. "I have a fiance now. Come here, baby" he continued, while helping you up towards the stage.
Before you showed off your ring, you heard a presumably drunk girl yell "they're the same person" followed by immense laughter.
"That's the point, sweetheart" you playfully said before showing the crowd your ring.
"I'm still shocked you said yes" Harry said.
"Well, I could've said no but you're just so damn hot that I didn't really have a choice"
You went offstage and back to your seat to enjoy the rest of the show before it ended. No matter what people thought of the show, you couldn't be prouder of your fiance and what he has accomplished.
A continuation of this fic where Harry cheats on his gf with Y/N and is basically pussy whipped.
Warnings: mentions of infidelity, heart break/break up, arguments/confrontations, mentions of alcohol & marijuana use, oral (f & m receiving) sex, unprotected sex, light dom/sub dynamic, light breeding kink, light pain kink, fingering, use of sex toy, daddy kink, forced orgasms.
WC:22K
HARRY’S POV
Things had been extremely quiet between Harry and his girlfriend since they got in the line for the valet and now well into the drive home. She was clearly upset at him, she was actively ignoring him when he’d glance over. But he was also a little bit frustrated with her for her attitude throughout the night. He was also annoyed that she tried to insinuate that you needed your uncle to find work, he had no idea where that had even come from! And while he had initially just thought about leaving it, the more he sat in silence with her, he needed to say something but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up without making her more upset at him. And as they got closer and closer to his house, he felt his emotions just forming a lump in his throat. He needed to say something.
“Babe.” He mumbled.
He waited a few seconds too long before he heard her respond, “Hm?” As she glanced up from her phone.
“You know I love you, right?” He asked and she nodded, “Which means I owe it to you to be honest with you.” He said and she straightened up.
“Yeah.” She confirmed. Harry licked over his lips and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she waited for him to keep talking, mentally preparing to hear the worst thing.
“I just…I can’t believe you tonight.” He sighed in disappointment, “I mean, what the fuck has gotten into you? You were so rude to Y/N!” He reprimanded her. She scoffed in disbelief.
“You can’t believe me?! I can’t believe you!” She raised her voice hand in the air as she gesticulated her frustration, “You have the hots for her!” She accused and he scoffed.
“I do not!”
“You were eye-fucking her all night, Harry!” She accused.
“All night?! We barely had a chat with them!” He shouted back as he turned to her, taking advantage of the red light. Her scowl melted into a dejected frown.
“All. Night. Harry.” She said emphatically. He could see the sadness in her eyes, it made his stomach turn.
He sighed and shrugged in defeat, “So what? She’s…she’s beautiful, I can’t…observe that?” He asked.
“You have a crush her.” She said and he frowned and immediately shook his head, denying her claim.
“No, I don’t!” He rebutted.
“How do you know all those things about her, then?”
“We’re friends!” He exclaimed and just held her gaze for several seconds. “We’re friends.” He repeated.
“Light’s green.” She mumbled before turning away and Harry sighed and turned back to the road and took off. It grew silent again and he realized that he was feeling rather anxious about her finding out about him sleeping with you. He didn’t want her to find out. God, just seeing the hurt in her eyes now had him feeling completely gutted. He couldn’t do this to her and if it scared him then that was maybe a sign that he didn’t want to lose her, right?
“Babe.” He mumbled again.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.” He apologized, “I did…look upon her lustfully.” He mumbled with a small smile and she turned towards him again. Harry glanced over quickly and was relieved to see her smile at him before he turned back to the road.
“That’s all I wanted. For you to admit it.” She said.
“Okay, I admit it.” He said again, “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, s’all.”
“Have you…been with her before?” She asked next and he sighed. “Before us?”
“Yes.” He responded and she clenched her jaw momentarily before exhaling.
“Okay.” She mumbled lowly, “It was the past.” She said to not let it get to her and he nodded.
“Exactly.” He reiterated. She then reached over for his hand and he let her grab it.
“I know she’s your friend but I don’t like her.” She decided and he nodded.
“That’s…fine, you don’t have to.” He chuckled a bit and she smiled upon hearing him say that. It was quite a relief to her that he didn’t expect her to get along with you, it made her feel like he was in her corner, which she really needed after feeling so insecure tonight.
“I love you.” She said to him.
“Love you.” Harry smiled.
****************
As soon as you got home after dropping Ian off, you scurried up to your room and stripped down and headed to your lingerie drawer; you wanted to dress up for Harry. You had lots of lingerie, not because you used it a lot but because sometimes you just liked to feel sexy and you’d wear it under outfits when you were feeling less than confident before a gig or project or around the house while doing mundane things like hoovering or watching TV; it was mainly for you. As you browsed through your options you landed on a black lace bustier. You grabbed that and got it on before digging around for the bottoms. When you located the basically sheer thong that went with the top, you slid it up your legs and set it into place. You then made your way over to your hair accessories drawer and pulled out a big chiffon bow clip. You did a tousled half up-half down sort of thing, taking advantage of your loose curls. You then touched up your make up and got on some lotion and perfume before jumping into bed.
You knew he’d be a while so you started to watch a movie, but when it ended and he still wasn’t here you got a bit worried. You checked your phone and didn’t see anything from him. Maybe he was handling something with his girlfriend? Regardless, you waited around a little bit more, but when it hit 2am you knew he wasn’t going to come. You were definitely disappointed, but more worried than anything because he would’ve at least warned you. You didn’t want to text him in case his girlfriend saw, so you just got through your nighttime routine before putting on another movie to help lull you to sleep. After staring at the TV for about 20 minutes you sighed and just reached for your phone and opened a text to him.
Hey, I hope everything’s alright.
You hit send without giving it too much thought and then a second later the bottom of your screen read “Not Delivered”. You instantly felt a lump form in your throat and then bit down on the inside of your cheek to localize the pain that would just pang throughout your entire body otherwise. You felt hollow from one moment to the next, so much so that it made you nauseous and you sat and just inhaled deeply before slowly releasing out your breath as your eyes started to well up. Your throat was burning as you tried to hold back the urge to cry.
“Get it together, bitch, s’not even your man.” you mumbled to yourself before laying back down. You grabbed your phone again and just deleted your messaging feed with Harry. He had made his choice and you were left on the outside. But it was for the best. It was.
The following morning you felt more calm about it, of course you were sad, but it was good that he decided to focus on his relationship. Either way, your feelings for him were getting a little too strong, so it was far better this way. You didn’t know what led to him blocking your number, but you were glad he had, it gave you a sense of closure. As much as you wanted to be upset about it you had no right to be. And it’s not like you could talk to one of your friends about it without brining shame to yourself and to Harry. You knew that they wouldn’t judge you or be assholes about it, things happen! But admitting that you kept accepting his advances is what you were ashamed of. You didn’t feel too guilty about it until now, when you realized that you had no one to talk to about this because it was embarrassing to have gotten to this point. You just needed to move on and also, you owed Ian an explanation.
*****************
Harry was feeling a hollowness in his chest and some guilt for standing you up and surely disappointing you in the process. He cared for you and he liked you a lot but he had a girlfriend and he did care for her. Yeah, things could be better in some areas but no relationship was perfect, so he needed to stop expecting a perfect match in every aspect of the relationship. It just wasn’t realistic to expect that and he had to appreciate what he already had. To some maybe this sounded like he was settling, but he didn’t think so. He was doing the mature thing and honoring the commitment he made to someone else. This was the right thing to do, especially upon realizing that if he didn’t stop it now, he had no idea when or if he could down the line. It actually kind of terrified him because he didn’t even know if you liked him in the same way he liked you. You were so good at compartmentalizing in this area, and he could too if he tried, but he liked you too much to do that.
He swallowed down the knot that formed in his throat, “Fuck…” he mumbled as he stared up at the ceiling, suddenly being overcome by what he could only describe as grief. Why did it feel like that?
“Harry?” He heard in the distance, “Harry, what’s wrong?” His girlfriend asked as she stopped moving over him. He suddenly snapped back to reality, realizing that he had been so in his head that he’d forgotten he was in the middle of sex with her. He dug his elbows into the mattress to help him sit up and then he grabbed her hip.
“I want to stop.” He mumbled and she frowned, looking perplexed and hurt at his sudden shift in mood.
“Are you sure?” She asked, “I mean, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just don’t feel too good.” He grumbled and she slowly clambered off of his body.
“Can I get you anything?” She asked him and he shook his head.
“No, I’m just gonna have a shower. That should help.” He said and she nodded as he wordlessly got up and into the shower.
When he emerged from his shower he did feel a bit better, the anxiety of the choice he’d made had minimized enough that he could sit comfortably with it again. He had to stick to his guns not just for the sake of his relationship but for yours too. You didn’t deserve this, just pieces of someone’s attention and affection, you deserved someone’s whole heart. Thinking back on it now, asking you to tell him that you’d wait for him was the most selfish and cruel thing he had done to another person. It made his stomach sink once again and he felt this awful pang of hurt strike him right in the heart before radiating out to his fingertips.
“H?” He heard some taps on the door.
“Yeah?”
“Do you want some oatmeal with berries?”
“Sure.” He called back before looking up into the mirror again and sighing. He had made the right decision…it didn’t feel like it right now, but with time it could- no, it would, get better. He had to believe that.
…. ONE MONTH LATER ….
You were a little bit nervous as you were getting your dress on to go meet Ian. After the Harry thing, you came clean to him as to why you had abruptly ended your evening and Ian was hurt. He felt that you had connected really well and was looking forward to getting some alone time with you and so he was very disappointed to hear that. You then said that you actually did want to see him and he felt like you were just rebounding him and when you assured him you were not, he asked you to give him some time to figure out if he wanted to continue seeing you again and you agreed. He had reached out to you earlier in the week and asked to see you and you quickly agreed. You were actually looking forward to it and hoped that he’d give you another chance because you truly had a wonderful time with him and could see yourself starting to like him if you got to know him a little better. You were getting close to the bar he had told you to go to and kept an eye out for him up front and finally you saw him as your driver slowed down.
“Here we are, miss.” The older gentleman smiled.
“Thank you. Here you are.” You said handing him some cash, “I don’t need change.” You assured him and he thanked you before you opened up the door. Seconds later Ian was at the door, extending his arm for support as you climbed out.
“Hey, you look lovely.” Ian greeted you and quickly kissed your cheek and you did the same before pulling back.
“Thanks. You look great too!” You smiled as you looked him up and down before looking into his eyes again. He was quite a sharp dresser, you were impressed with his personal style.
“What?” He sniggered.
“Nothing…” you smiled, “I’m glad you called.” You said with a small shrug and he smiled.
“C’mon, lets get inside.” He suggested and you nodded and followed behind him.
You had a drink while you caught up over what you’d each been up to over the last few weeks and just as you recalled, he was charming, funny, smart…this man was a full fledged dream and you were willing to give him an honest shot. After you got another drink in you, you were well on your way to buzzed and were practically giggling at everything he was saying so you decided to share some spicy tuna on crispy rice boat things that just happened to hit the spot.
“Wow, those were phenomenal. Great suggestion.” You hummed as you carefully wiped around your mouth incase you had smeared your lipstick.
“Glad you liked it.” He smiled. “So…”
“So.” You responded with a playful smile as you looked up at him through your eyelashes.
“Obviously I…am attracted to you. I like you.” He said a bit timidly, breaking eye contact as he spoke the words, but then looking back at you.
“I like you too.” You assured him when he looked back into your eyes. You needed him to know that you meant it. Being vulnerable was a very hard thing for you but when it came to people’s feelings the least you could do was reciprocate it. It often made you feel a little bit foreign in yourself but the relief and pride you felt in yourself that came afterwards as a result of your candor did a great job of washing out any negative feelings.
“Ummm…I…I was engaged just a few months ago and we ended it because she cheated on me with her best friend.” He explained and your smile immediately disappeared and a frown took its place.
“Ian, I’m so sorry-”
“It’s fine.” He shook his head, “Well, it’s not fine, but I’m starting to be fine, I think.” He explained and you nodded. “But ummm…I’m not as ready to date as I thought I was. I think when I agreed to go to your aunt’s thing I mean…I just needed a night of fun. I wanted to get my mind off of things and it was great!” He added and you nodded, “But I’m not ready to continue seeing you as more than friends.” He explained and you felt like the bubble of your buzz had been burst as your throat suddenly felt like it was closing up.
“I get it.” You smiled softly. “And I continue to feel awful about being so abrupt to end our night out after how much fun we had-”
“Don’t be. I think if we had gone back to yours or mine I would’ve like cried during sex or something.” He chuckled with a little bit of embarrassment.
“Yikes…” you hissed jokingly, in an attempt to lighten the mood and he laughed, which you were glad he did. “I’m kidding, I mean…it happens.” You shrugged.
“I suppose.” He smiled and was more than grateful that you were taking this all in stride. “I think I’m also a little bit…scared of you.” He added and your brows furrowed in concern.
“W-why?” You asked cautiously and then regretted asking. Maybe you didn’t want the answer anymore.
“Like I love that you were so honest about what happened, I genuinely appreciate that! But the fact that you just have men at your disposal like that…it just…kind of made me feel…unsafe.” He said and your frown deepened, “Which was such a contrast from how things felt at the party so it was like an emotional whiplash for me. And this is not to say you’re in the wrong for this! You have every right to do as you please, you’re a smart, beautiful, and fun single person, you know? That’s not…like I’m not trying to shame you for what you do in your own time, it’s me. Like…I don’t know how to not feel…upset by it?”
“It’s still fresh, what you’ve been through with your ex-fiancé.” You clarified and he nodded.
“Yeah, I think that’s the main issue here. Clearly I’m not emotionally or psychologically prepared for anything with anyone right now. Sorry.” He apologized sincerely and you smiled and shook your head.
“I understand, Ian. There’s no need to be sorry.” You assured him, “If anything, I’m even more sorry for making you feel that way! It was a super shitty thing to do and you didn’t deserve that.” With your gaze cast down at your hands, you apologized, but you felt even worse now because you were exactly the kind of person who had hurt him before. You were disappointed in yourself for being so careless with other people’s feelings; it was so disappointing.
Clearly, you had no regard for another person’s relationship and had slept with a taken man. Friend or not, it was a line that never should have been crossed, even the first time had been a little suspect to anyone looking from the outside in. Seeing Ian being so affected by his ex had you feeling truly ashamed over everything with Harry for the first time as you imagined how shitty his girlfriend would feel if she ever found out. It was easy to shut that off when you were with Harry or at least when you were on speaking terms, but the distance between you two and now Ian’s own experience was forcing you into giving every single possible consequence some thought and it was awful.
“Ummm…you don’t have to tell me but w-was it…Harry?” He asked, his volume lowering significantly when he spoke his name. You quickly glanced up and met his inquisitive gaze and after a few seconds he smiled knowingly and you bit your lip and looked away as your eyes started to well up. Not with hurt but actually with shame. You felt absolutely disgusting. “Hey…w-what’s wrong?” He asked and you just shook your head.
“I…kind of hate myself for it right now.” You got out and he reached for your hand.
“Hey, we all make mistakes.” He reassured you, “I’ve been there too.” He confessed and you sighed, “Look, just because I’m the victim now doesn’t mean I haven’t been the one in the hot seat.” He said with a smile and you chuckled a bit and nodded.
“Yeah…I just never thought I was capable of doing something like that…but when it’s just so…right…” you sighed, “You forget about everyone else.”
“Yeah.” He replied, he was full of understanding, which you were more than grateful for.
“How did you know? What did I do?” You asked as you rolled your eyes up, slightly irritated at yourself for not being as discreet as you believed you were. But Ian shook his head at you before responded.
“It wasn’t you at all actually, it was…all him.” He chuckled and you looked back into his eyes again. “When he would look at you it was like…you’re the eighth wonder of the world.” He explained and your heart literally fluttered in your chest. “As you were talking he like…followed your every move, reacted to every little thing. Almost as if you were the center of everything…” he shared and you licked over your lips nervously, you were doing your very best to not let this information go to your head.
“And you know this how?” You asked instead as you looked at him inquisitively.
“He’s a handsome guy! I was looking at him too.” He chuckled with a shrug and you giggled as well and nodded.
“Yeah…that he is.” You nodded in agreement.
After that you got on to a lighter topic but your mind was in some distant place thinking about Harry. About what Ian had just described to you. You’d looked at Harry like he was the center of the universe before too…
…. 22 JULY, 2023….
You always thought he was attractive, but seeing him at the Reggio show from the friends and family section had put him on another plane for you. You had a great view of the stage and of him and the big screen with him on it. The beautiful, powerful chords of the intro to Golden filled the air around you, the bass so strong that you felt a tickle beneath your feet as the earth reverberated with his music. The beautiful, golden lights glowing behind him made him look like a god. In that moment you were filled with pride and awe, you wished he was yours to love on after everything was over. But a few people behind you was the girl he was seeing. You were standing by Jeffrey and Glenne, you were exchanging excited glances as he walked up to the mic and greeted the crowd in Italian. One hundred thousand people simultaneously cheered in response. You’d never heard anything like it! It made your heart skip a beat as your voice joined the battalion of them.
You bit your lip as your eyes honed in on his big, buff arms flexing as he strummed his guitar. You were trying not to get carried away thinking about how you’d bitten into the “can I stay” inked into his skin just a few days before in Portugal. You started laughing happily as you looked right at him, just about to burst with excitement and pride for him. And then his eyes met yours and it’s like the sound just dropped off and everything was muted down and delayed. You swear an eternity passed by as you watched his lips turning up until there was a bright and flirtatious grin on his face as he very quickly looked you up and down.
Your heart was hammering in your chest, you were aching to feel his lips on yours one more time…then he turned away and continued with his performance.
You were awestruck by him. You watched him give it his entire heart and soul to his audience that day, he didn’t want to go, he didn’t want it to end. And when it all ended and you were all hanging back and having celebratory drinks you got a brief moment with him when you’d run into each other outside of the bathroom. You hugged him for a few moments and smiled so wide.
“Was I good?” He asked.
“You were phenomenal. It was iconic!” You praised him as you pulled back, “I’m so proud of you, H!” You insisted passionately and he chuckled.
“Thank you. I’m happy you’re here.” He said and you smiled.
“Thank you for having me.” You chuckled. He grabbed your face gently and let his thumbs stroke over the high points of your cheeks. He smiled softly as he held eye contact with you for a few seconds before you blinked your gaze away, “Ummm…you should probably get back there. I heard your dad asking around for you.” You informed him.
“You met my dad?” He asked and you nodded, “Brad introduced us. I accidentally cursed in his face.” You sputtered on a laugh and he knocked his head back in laughter as he laughed from deep in his belly.
“What?! How?!” He questioned.
You laughed and shook your head, “He was like, “H didn’t do too bad, did?” And I was like, “Oh yeah, he was so fucking brilliant!”, I was so excited for you!” You laughed as you explained, “I watched his eyes go wide at my passion. He’s definitely gonna warn you about me.” You joked and Harry slid his hand down and then ran his thumb over your bottom lip.
“You’re so fucking cute.” He grinned.
“Yeah, so are you. Now go on.” You insisted and he looked at you suggestively with those pretty, bedroom eyes, “Go, H.” You said again.
“You’re right.” He hummed as he let go and sighed before stepping around you as if nothing had happened.
“Hey, Harry!” You called after him and he turned around, “For the record, I’m like…always right.” You smirked smugly and his lip twitched up as well.
“Noted.” He winked before disappearing for the rest of the night
….Flashback Over….
You blinked quickly a few times, not really sure how long you’d been zoned out for, “Sorry…” you apologized quickly.
“It’s alright. Touchy subject?”
“Yeah…just a bit.” You smiled and shrugged, “It’s fine…but we just haven’t talked since then.” You explained.
“He fucked you and then ditched you?!” Ian asked with a frown.
“Oh no…no, he changed his mind. He actually never showed. Which I’m so proud of him for but with that came like a no contact thing so it’s been weird just guessing what he might be up to. It’s kinda weird because we are friends, so…” you trailed off.
“Oh okay…I was about to say he’s a fucking prick.” He chuckled and you smiled and shook your head.
“Nah, he’s quite the opposite. It’s fucking infuriating.” You giggled and he nodded as he withdrew his hand.
“I want to keep in touch, YN. I mean, maybe down the line when I’m more…myself we could try if we’re both still interested.” He said and you smiled.
“Yeah, I’d really like that.” You agreed.
At the end of the night you shared a taxi home, he wanted to make sure you got in okay. As soon as you made it past the threshold of your front door, your phone started pinging and you dug it out of your purse. You saw it was Goldie, she’d sent several good luck messages and that you should catch up about it the following day if possible. You smiled and just called her. It was barely half past eight, she should be awake. When the phone stopped ringing you spoke into the receiver.
“Hey, G. You alright?” You asked as you slipped out of your heels.
“Hey, good and you? How’d it go on the date?”
“Ummm, it was more of a “lets quit while we’re ahead” type of thing actually.” You chuckled in response, “But thanks for checking in.” You smiled. You couldn’t wait to have a cup of tea and do anything to distract you from the slight disappointment you were feeling.
“Boo…” she replied and you shrugged. “So what you’re home now?”
“Yeah, literally just got in.” You replied.
“Do you need a distraction?” She asked and you smiled.
“I certainly could.” You smiled.
“Okay, I’m actually out with Sam right now, we’re having drinks at The Ivy while we wait on Paul.” She shared, “Come! I don’t want to third wheel!” She insisted, you slightly heard Sam asking who he was inviting, “Y/N, her date night was cut short.” She explained as you seriously weighed out her invitation.
“I don’t know…I just got in…” you grumbled.
“Which means you’re already dressed up anyway!” She reasoned and you sighed and shrugged.
“Sold.” You giggled.
“Yay! We’ll see you here soon!”
“See you soon.” You agreed and quickly went touch up your make up and get on a little more perfume before rushing out of the house again and walking to the main street to catch a cab. When you got in you spotted Goldie, Sam, and Paul chatting at the bar. Goldie grinned wide and waved you over with a bright smile.
“Hi!” She beamed.
“Hey everyone!” You smiled as you walked up and greeted everyone with a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, “What’s going on?” You asked as you looked between them.
“We’re just waiting for them to figure out the table situation. Harry ended up tagging along with Paul, they just finished watching Swan Lake. We didn’t tell him that we had asked you to join already so they’re just waiting for a booth to clear up for us now.” Sam explained and you smiled and nodded but your mouth went completely dry.
You could feel your heart starting to hammer in your chest and you were terrified of having to face him. It filled you with anxiety. You couldn’t look at him and feel unfazed yet, it would just make you feel awful and guilty and like a complete piece of shit. Your stomach was twisting and your brain working against you as it came up with catastrophic situations and fed into your anxiety.
“Ummm G, I suddenly am not feeling well.” You said softly to her and she frowned in concern. She was just about to ask you what was wrong when Paul raised his arm, capturing her and your attention.
“H, over here!” Paul spoke up and you were suddenly feeling full of anxiety as Harry surely approached the group. You didn’t want to turn around…you couldn’t face him yet. You weren’t ready!
“Hey, thank you for ummm….” He paused briefly as his eyes landed on you, “For waiting.” He finished and Paul nodded and smiled. He then proceeded to greet everyone and you very stiffly hugged him back.
He started talking to Sam about the ballet and how incredible it had been. You were certain that if you had also been able to sit through several hours of Tchaikovsky before this run in you’d be just as composed as he was, if not more. You looked him over and smiled a bit, he was really letting loose. His hair was looking a little messy and he was growing it into some long-lost Gallagher brother-esque faux hawk-mullet hybrid that you were really loving. And his facial hair was looking fuller than before. You wanted to think he was letting himself go a bit because he missed you, but even if that were the case, he still looked infuriatingly good. And well, in his true fashion of always having to do something a little raunchy and edgy, he was wearing a t-shirt that said: I LIKE TO WATCH. If you hadn’t been so anxious about seeing him you would’ve rolled your eyes and commented it on it, maybe even gotten a lot turned on by his brazenness, but you were just trying to keep it together right now.
Moments later you were being guided into the booth and you ensured to stay on the end in case you just needed to leave quickly at som point. Much to your dismay, he was across from you and also doing everything in his power to prevent himself from looking at you. You had soon ordered your drink and everyone else did the same plus some food. Even if you were feeling peckish, you weren’t sure you could stomach anything other than liquids at this moment.
“So what happened with your date, Y/N?” Sam asked and then everyone’s attention focused on you. You felt put on the spot and but responded anyway.
“Ummm…I kind of…messed up a tiny bit after our first date.” You explained and then frowned a bit, “That’s…a lie. I majorly messed up. And he was taking some time to think if I was worth the risk, I guess? But as he thought about it he concluded that he’s not ready to see anyone in any serious capacity right now so we’re just going to stay friends.” You summarized your conversation with Ian from earlier in the evening “And well…here I am now.” You shrugged with a tightlipped smile.
“So he asked you on a date to tell you he wasn’t going to date you?” Paul questioned.
“Well, I think I just got excited and assumed it was a date. But ummm…it wasn’t so…” you shrugged before sipping more from your drink nervously.
“So you’ve been single for a while?” Sam asked. You’d known Paul for quite a while, even before he and Sam got together, so while you’d known Sam for a few years now, he wasn’t really in your circle until more recently.
“A while is…putting it nicely.” You mumbled in slight embarrassment, “Try five years.” You chuckled and his eyes went wide.
“Holy shit!”
“Look, it’s not for lack of effort! I go on dates a lot but ummm, nothing has…panned out really.” You shrugged as you glanced down at a little snagged piece of fabric on the table cloth.
“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, Y/N but you give “fixer” vibes.” Sam said and you looked at him in confusion.
“What does that mean?”
“Sam-” Paul started but he brushed him off.
“It’s not a bad thing! But she seems like the kind of person that makes men wish they were single again.” He said and Harry reached for his drink then, “Like look at her! She’s gorgeous and talented and smart and a fucking laugh! So when they inevitably get bored of their girlfriends and end it, they go to her and she shows them life can be fun again.” He said and you smiled slightly at him, “That getting to know someone and being with them can be exhilarating! And being the sweetheart you are,” he glanced to you, “you take care of these people. You nourish them, support them emotionally and physically…You breathe life back into them, you know?” You nodded in understanding, “And then how do they repay her kindness? They leave her high and dry despite all of the good things she did for them. That’s a fixer. Not like she seeks them out to fix them, but they need fixing and they just come to her in order to…feel something again but it’s never reciprocated.” He explained and you were trying so hard not to cry and scream “YES! THAT’S EXACTLY MY LIFE!”
“Jesus…That’s an awful thing to say, Sam.” Paul said with disapproval and he frowned.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, Y/N.” Sam apologized quickly. “I’ve had a lot to drink already and I wasn’t thinking.” He said reaching over Goldie’s hands to grab your own and you just smiled at him and shook your head.
“Aw Sam, it’s alright, I know you didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m not offended.” You reaffirmed, “If anything I’m…happy there’s a term for it! Thank you!” You smiled sincerely and he smiled at you with a tenderness in his eyes.
“You’re so fucking gracious.” He sighed, completely in awe of you, “I don’t deserve you as a friend.” He shook his head.
“I promise you, we’re so good, Sam. Don’t worry about it.” You reassured him and he nodded. It was still quiet at the table for a few more seconds and it was killing you, “Anyway…why didn’t you two go to the ballet?” You asked Goldie and Sam.
“We weren’t invited. Harry only invited Paul.” Sam explained with a sassy smile as he side-eyed Harry who scoffed.
“I told you I was only gifted two tickets!” Harry said. And well, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was gifted two tickets…why he hadn’t taken his girlfriend along?
“So? You can afford it, Harry.” Goldie said matter of factly, a moment of silence passed before you all burst into laughter at Goldie’s comment.
“Jesus, I didn’t know everyone was so into the fucking ballet.” He mumbled making you all continue laughing.
“You didn’t think maybe your friends would want to spend time with you?”
“Not on my dime.” He joked.
“It’s how the rich the stay rich.” Sam shrugged as you all laughed along.
“I kid…” Harry smiled easily, “Next time.” He assured and Goldie looked at him with raised eyebrows, “I promise.” He chuckled and she grinned.
“I’ll be waiting.” She hummed and then the topic changed again to something else that wasn’t you and you were more than grateful about that.
You were getting tired mentally from going against every single signal your brain would send, tempting you to just stare at Harry and get lost in him. It was like there was this pull that drew you to his movements, you just wanted to sit and admire him. You wished you could scoot in beside him and feel his warmth coming off of him. You wondered if in another world you could do just that. Yeah, you knew that he probably missed you, but he hadn’t picked you. You needed to stop being so pathetic by wishing for a miracle. Especially by staying so hung up on him despite the time that had transpired and the circumstance you two had been in. You just needed to collect yourself for a moment.
“I’m going to the bathroom. Be right back.” You said lowly to Goldie before standing and heading off. You heard Harry say, “Me too.” before the sound of his foot steps got closer and closer to you. You started walking a bit faster to make it there before he had the chance to catch up to you because you didn’t need this right now. You needed the distance so fucking bad, no matter how much you wanted him close by.
“Hey, wait up!” He called out as he fastened his pace to catch up with you.
“I was getting up to get away from you, you know?” You said with a smile as he came up beside you.
He glanced to you quickly, “Sorry.” He smiled and you turned back to look ahead of you. “Are you doing anything after this?” He asked you and you glanced to him with an insulted look on your face and suddenly he gasped and grabbed your arm hard and pulled you into him. “Almost crashed into a waiter.” He informed and you glanced up at him.
“Thanks.” You said and he nodded.
“And I don’t mean it like that.” He said, “Just want to talk. I have some things I need to say.” He said as you stopped before the bathroom doors.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay, thank you. I’ll offer you a ride home and ummm, if you decline then that’s that. Sound good?” He asked and you nodded in agreement before you hurried into the bathroom. You just looked in the mirror, weighing out your options. Of course you wanted to hear what he had to say, you couldn’t avoid him forever, and you had to start practicing your self control sooner or later. You could do this.
After Harry asked to talk to you and you had decided to hear what he had to say, time seemed to be moving slower than ever. Hearing him out could potentially help you move on as well, but now that you wanted to hear it it was like everything was preventing that from happening, it was making you second guess yourself and you started debating it in your head. Then, the next thing you knew Harry was standing before you asking,
“Do you want a ride home? The driver is heading your way after dropping me off.” He looked at you expectantly and everything fell still as you nodded.
“Yeah, that’d be great. Thank you so much.” You accepted and you watched as his lips turned up as he assured you it was no big deal.
You started saying goodbye to the rest of your friends before you were following Harry to the curb where his driver was waiting. You settled in as he shared the new plan for the evening with his driver for the night, Jaime. Next, he put up the partition before settling into his seat. He glanced up at you as he pulled out his phone.
“Address is still the same?” He asked and you nodded and he started typing away and sent it off to the driver before setting it aside and looking at you.
“What did you need to say?” You asked and he sighed.
“That I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for putting you in the position I did.” You shook your head.
“It wasn’t just you. I was a willing participant.” You added.
“But I always sought you out.” He said and you smile slightly and nodded, it was true.
“Well, I accept your apology. Thanks for that.”
“It’s the least I could do.” He said as he reached for your hand and you let him take it and you gave him a squeeze before letting go.
“What made you change your mind?” You asked and he smiled a bit.
“We were fighting about you in the car and it hit me that I was terrified of her ever finding out about this. Like, I genuinely felt scared of losing her.” He said and you nodded in understanding. “Was the guy you had seen tonight still the guy from the party? The professor?” He asked and you nodded.
“Yep.” You confirmed.
“Bummer. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.” You sighed. “I…really hit him where it hurt. His fiancée was cheating on him, so when I left him for you, he…just took it really hard.”
“Shit…” Harry frowned and you nodded.
“I know. It put a lot into perspective for me and like…I don’t want to be that person either. I don’t want hurt anyone like that. This isn’t fair.”
“Yeah.” Harry agreed, “I want to be friends though. You’re fucking sick.” He said with a genuine smile and you smiled down at your hands .
“Thanks, so you are you, Harry.”
“You know something? I still can’t get over the fact that your favorite song is Burning Love.” He mumbled through a widening grin. “It’s just…you don’t seem like the type to listen to Elvis.”
“I don’t. Just that song because that’s what my favorite burger is called from the Red Robin burger chain, I’d sing it every time I’d have one and it grew on me.” You shrugged with a smile and he chuckled.
“You’re fucking lovely, you know that?” He asked and you giggled and rolled your eyes playfully. Then a silence took over you two and he sighed, “I know I just said that I was afraid of losing her but ummm…can I just say that things at home have been…a little rough lately?”
“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked.
“Do you mind?” He asked back and you shook your head.
“I don’t.” You assured him.
“Well, I don’t know…like I’m prioritizing us more, but I don’t know…when issues keep coming up and like…I feel I’m always the one having to compromise or apologize, you know? She doesn’t like to work through things as they come up and it kills me. You know how I am…” he said and you nodded, “And if I want to resolve anything I always have to take the blame and it takes a toll, even though I know it’s not always my fault.” He vented, “Anyway, she’s out of town right now, s’why she didn’t go with me tonight. But it’s for the best, I think. I just need a little space after we argue about something big.” He explained.
“I’m sorry, Harry.” You said comfortingly. “But you know, sometimes things get a little worse before they take a turn for the better.”
“You’re right.” He decided after a few pensive moment, “I really am trying to make that better s’also why I’ve been so distant from you. I’m just trying to prioritize her and us. It’s not because…you “fixed” me and I bailed on you, or whatever Sam was saying.” He explained with a roll of his eyes, clearly still very irritated at what Sam had said.
“Well, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it at some point.” You shrugged with a small smile.
“But did it…feel that way for you? That you were…fixing the things I didn’t like about myself in my relationship?” He asked and you shook your head.
“Not with you.” You assured, “What was there to fix? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you for not liking everything about your relationship or how it’s panning out. As long as there are humans involved there are bound to be good and bad things, you know? And I mean, we’re all different and have different likes and needs. I mean, was it a dick thing for us to do? Of course it was but…I think what needed to happen, happened. And well, at the end of the day you realized that she’s more important to you than the sex! And that’s great. I mean, I’m happy for you. I’m glad that you figured that out.” you said with a smile, despite feeling like your heart was withering away little by little. You then looked out the window as you saw the scenery changing, indicating you were nearing his side of town.
“Hey.” He reached for your hand again and you turned back to him again, “I just wanted you to know that yeah, the sex was…incredible,” he smiled bashfully, “but it wasn’t just that for me.” He said and your lips turned down in a small pout as his words registered in your brain. “I started to blur the lines a lot, I mean, you know that and you always set me straight and it…hurt though. And seeing you with that guy-”
“Ian.” You added and he nodded.
“Yeah, seeing you with Ian at that party made me so upset. I could see that you guys were into each other. It’s why I went and found you afterwards.” He confessed, “I wanted you to have me fresh on your mind if anything were to happen between you two.” He explained shamefully and your eyes filled with sadness, “I was selfish and I…was so out of line for that and then just…left you hanging.” He sighed with a sad smile on his face. Your eyes were threatening to spill the tears that were already built up in them, effectively blurring your vision.
“And now, hearing what went down with him I feel like shit because I took that opportunity from you. I literally ruined that for you to just give you pieces of my attention when you deserve far more than that.” He frowned, “And while I have acted so selfishly when it comes to you, I really want you to know that I wasn’t just using you for sex. Like I can’t help but think that if we had run into each other again just even a few months earlier on the tour then we would probably be-”
“Don’t.” You whispered as your tears started to spill over when he said that. He looked to you with concern as you sniffled, “Fuck me…” You whispered spitefully at yourself and he quickly reached over to grab a few tissues from the box nestled into the holder before him. You took them and expertly dabbed at your eyes.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized.
“It’s fine.” You mumbled as you dabbed beneath your nose as well.
“It’s not though.” He pressed as he watched you trying to keep it all together right now.
“It is, Harry!” You snapped suddenly. The silence that followed between the two of you was deafening. “It has to be fine.” You insisted assertively. It wasn’t even three seconds before you immediately regretted your explosive reaction, “I’m so sorry for raising my voice at you, Harry.” You apologized immediately and his gaze softened.
He admired you so fucking much. You were so good at this part, at the hard things. You listened to understand, not to respond and fight back. He felt safe sharing everything with you, he wasn’t afraid that you would judge him like he feared his girlfriend would sometimes. The proof was even in your sexual relationship, you tried things with him that he had been judged for in the past just because they probably weren’t expected to be part of his preferences. He certainly had a deeper interest in you, just based off of the time your lips weren’t attached to each others, you connected so well. You could talk about things as silly as your preferred brand of ketchup or as serious and daunting as the state of the world, and then find a way to transition into passionate and genuine sex, the most primal form of human connection. So…when he had moments like this, where he was reminded of how fortunate he was to know you, things got a little bit murky in his brain, which is why he responded to your outburst in the following manner.
“It’s alright, angel.” He reassured you as he grabbed your face gently in his hand. The term of endearment he used for you just slipped out and made him fall into this much more intimate space that you two had shared before. When he realized what he had done he sighed, “Maybe this was a bad idea.” He said as he pulled away. Watching him go from so vulnerable to regretful of it was so painful and he could see it in your eyes, “I never intended to hurt you with this.” He said with a sense of remorse sinking into his chest, it was making him feel like breathing was getting harder to do.
“No, I needed to hear all of this to…help me move on.” You said and that made his guts twist with hurt, but he nodded along with a small and unconvincing smile anyway.
You could see in his eyes that his mind was off somewhere far, far away from this place. You too wanted to be so far removed mentally and emotionally, but you really needed to bask in the hurt and the feelings of disappointment of what could’ve been so that you could just really get it through your head that this was absolutely done. Yeah, you wanted to stay friends but you both needed to shake your feelings before you could be together in any space again without feeling that pull that was still there, even now.
“Ummm, I know we said that we want to stay friends, but I think we need to give it some time just to…not risk repeating history, you know?” You suggested.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He agreed as you guys turned onto his street. You looked out the window as you drifted off into thought.
One of your friends from university had contacted you about coming to help with his debut album, it would require you going back to America for at least three months. Maybe more if any major changes or hitches occurred in the project. You hadn’t decided yet, but maybe you should do it. A change of scenery and pace could help you move on. You could reconnect with old friends, meet new people, get your creativity flowing…this could be really good for you.You remained silent until you were pulling up to the perimeter gate around his property line.
“Well…” you sighed as the large gates started to part after the driver input the code.
“Do you need the bathroom or water or anything before you go?” He asked and you shook your head. You knew better than to go into his house right now that his girlfriend was gone. You knew he was just being polite, he didn’t mean it suggestively.
But then again, with your prior arrangement, he could have you even now if he wanted. You’d let him. You’d want him so long as he wanted you, so you it was easy to give him that power over you. He knew that already and with one shared gaze you could see that he was thinking exactly what you’d been thinking. You smirked knowingly and he just smiled so brightly as he grabbed your face and smushed his lips to your forehead.
“Cheeky.” He mumbled before pulling back to meet your gaze again.
“Said the pot to the kettle.” You sniggered and he smiled down at you.
“Take good care of yourself, love.” He said as the car rolled slowly to a stop.
“You too, H.” You smiled as he leaned in to hug you. You quickly kissed cheeks before he pulled back and slid out of the backseat. He rounded over to the driver’s side and you rolled the window down to see him off.
“Jaime, thank you so much mate.” Harry said as he handed him over a generous cash tip.
“H, not this again.” He said pressing it back towards Harry.
“If not for me, at least for making the extra stop.” He said, “Please. I insist.”
“This is the last time.” He grumbled and Harry chuckled.
“Alright, well get her home safe, for me. Precious cargo.” Harry said as he smiled at you.
“Certainly, H. Good night.” Jaime said and he bid him goodnight before reaching for your hand and holding on until Jaime had driven you far enough that your hands pulled apart. You slid back into the window and rolled it up. You didn’t even feel like crying, you felt alright for now. But the important thing was that you left each other well and that was the best thing that could’ve happened. Yeah, it hurt that it seemed like you’d missed each other in life but at least there were memories you could share.
…. TWO MONTHS LATER ….
You were currently crowded into the corner of the rooftop at The Roosevelt for some fashion ambassadors event by some brand. Your friend, Monty had been booked as the entertainment for the evening and he pulled you in to play the bass for his band at the last minute. You were just grooving along as you played “Something” by The Beatles. You loved playing this song, it had such a fun and iconic bass line. And as you looked around the crowd you caught a glimpse of Harry’s girlfriend in the audience, she was looking right at you and when your gazes met she turned away and started talking to the person behind her. You found that odd, but decided to leave it. You’d only interact if your paths crossed.
But just as fate would have it, as you walked up to the open bar during a break in the set, you both just happened to break through the crowd at the same time and stepped up to the bar together. She glanced at you and you smiled at her.
“Hey. It’s nice to see you again.” You greeted her politely.
“Hi.” She smiled half-heartedly and her gaze was kind of cold.
“How are you?” You asked her a bit awkwardly.
“I’m fine and you?”
“I’m good. Been pretty good, been out here for a couple months already for work.” You shared and she hummed with a polite smile. It was awkward because you really weren’t friends or anything, so you decided to bring up the person who had been the common link between you two. “H-how’s Harry?” You asked and her smile dropped immediately.
“Look Y/N, I’m sure you’re a nice person but I don’t want you going near him anymore. I don’t care if you’re friends. I’m sorry if that offends you, but I just don’t trust you.” She said lowly. You didn’t know if he had told her what had transpired between you two but it’s the only thing that made sense. And because of this, you nodded in response, letting her know you understood and respected her wishes. She looked hesitant before speaking again, but said it anyway, “I know you…slept with him.” She informed you, voice still softer than before and your throat dried up.
You couldn’t breathe and you just felt completely humiliated as you looked right in her face as she said this to you. But now it made sense, why she was acting so cold towards you. She knew what you and Harry had done and now you had to face the music, like an adult. No excuses and no shifting blame. All you could do now was apologize to her for sleeping with her boyfriend and assure her that it was purely carnal and it would never happen again.
“I’m so sorry. I know you might not believe me but I mean, I feel awful about the whole thing. I swear it wasn’t more than those couple of times and it was purely physical. I haven’t tried to contact him at all or-”
“Couple of times? Why would you feel bad about sleeping with him before?” She questioned with confusion and you suddenly felt your stomach drop to the ground as you realized that she in fact didn’t know the full story. Well, now she did and you could see the cogs in her brain turning as she pieced the information together.
Harry had told her something else and you had no fucking clue what that had been! You knew you had to get out of this somehow, but you were completely frozen as the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. It’s not like you could take back what you had said. But if you could give anything up in the world to turn back time and say something else, you would. Your eyes started welling up as you felt this sense of doom starting to seep into your body, it traveled from deep in your guts to the rest of your body as she looked at you expectantly. You shook your head and she stepped closer to you.
“How many times, Y/N?” She asked and you shook your head again, “Fucking tell me.” She pressed, trying to keep her anger at bay.
“Four or five times. I-i think.” You stammered as your tears started to streak down your cheeks.
“When was the last time?” She asked and you swallowed thickly as you fought to keep the words in. “Y/N.” She pressed and you sniffled.
“Look, he loves you and he-”
“Tell me, you fucking slut.” She hissed quietly, all you could see in her eyes was rage.
“M-march.” You said and she inhaled deeply and pressed her lips together for a second before looking off as she processed the information. She then turned to you with disgust painted all over her features, “Fuck you. Stay the hell away from him or else. Do you understand?” She admonished and you nodded quickly as you blinked back tears before hurrying off.
You were panicking as you searched around for Monty, he had the room key for the suite you had been given to hang out in during the day. And right now you needed to get to your phone and warn Harry before she got a chance to go off on him. You were weaving through the crowd trying to find Monty and then you spotted Harry’s girlfriend leaving the event with her phone pressed to her ear and a scowl on her face. That image alone made your stomach turn uncomfortably and one single thought crossed your mind: Harry was going to hate you forever now.
****************
Waiting for Harry to call you was miserable. Hours passed, then, it had been a day. Then, two days. Then, a week. And once that week hit you were resigned to the fact that even your friendship with him was over and that’s why he wasn’t talking to you. You hadn’t meant to sabotage him or his relationship, but you’d made his worst fear come true. You were dying to reach out but you were scared that you’d just make things worse.
But also, how the hell were you supposed to know that he’d said something else about your relationship? But just the way that she had been acting towards you made you believe that she knew that you two had slept together while they were dating. If he’d been single when you slept together there was no need to for her to be acting upset or cold towards you unless she was just extremely jealous. Which now, was more than justified. The only other person you could turn to at the moment was Ian because he had figured it out on his own, but you didn’t want to bother him with any of this. It wasn’t his to fuss over and he was still dealing with his own infidelity problems. Your time in LA was coming to a close quickly and you were petrified.
You were so nervous to go home. The community in London was quite small and word got around fast, especially when the gossip involved someone as famous as Harry, it was one of the downsides of his success. But if you had made the mistake, then you needed to face the consequences of the mistake as well. If you lost friends or if people stopped trusting you then, so be it. You had done something awful and you had to tough it out.
“Hey.” You heard and turned around to see your friend Monty stepping out onto the small balcony that came with his apartment.
“Hi.” You responded with a small smile and he came over and plopped down into the seat beside you and exhaled slowly, like he was letting something off of his chest.
You were crashing in his guest bedroom for the duration of your stay and were taking advantage of the Southern California sunsets while you had the chance to. Your trips to America were mostly to New York and it was so different than this. People were in a rush here too, like in every big city, but they were so much nicer about it here. Well, so long as your decision making didn’t take time out of their day. Regardless, you weren’t ready to go back to the reality surely awaiting you in London.
“You alright?” He asked and you nodded, “Sure? You’ve been…weird.” He said with a small smile and you sighed.
“I did a bad thing, Monty.” You said and he frowned, “A really bad thing.”
“D-do you want to talk about it?” He asked and you smiled.
“Depends…just promise you won’t judge me too harshly.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He replied and you smiled, but then it faded away and you sighed.
“I…had sex with one of my friends. Multiple times. But he’s…in a relationship.” You admitted and he turned to you.
“That’s it?” He asked seriously, but seconds later a smile broke past his lips and you chuckled.
“Thanks for trying…” You mumbled and he laughed.
“Yeah, of course.” He chuckled, “But ummm, seriously, there are worse things you could do, Y/N.” He said.
“I suppose so…”
“More seriously though, we all make mistakes. And I know you well and I know that you wouldn’t just do that for anyone. You must really care about him if you were willing to break all the rules for him.”
“I do. But feelings don’t justify hurting another person. And well…I ran into his girlfriend at the gig last week and she said that she knew we had slept together and so I assured her that it was just those couple times but she didn’t know it was a couple of times or that it was recent. She thought this had happened while he was still single, which the first time we did, he was!” You explained, “But her confrontation made me panic and I…spilled my guts! So I…did a bad thing and then probably ruined his relationship on top of that.” You sighed, still feeling the guilt making you feel sick to your stomach.
“Let me stop you right there.” Monty smiled, “You didn’t ruin their relationship. He ruined it himself by pursuing you. If he truly loved the person he was with, nothing could make him stray. So stop taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours to be responsible for. You hear me?” He asked and you nodded a few times with a small smile. “Next thing, forgive yourself in your own and don’t do it ever again. You learned the lesson didn’t you?”
“Yeah.” You confirmed.
“Then stop torturing yourself and move on.” He advised, “It might take time, but take the first step now. Sitting here and torturing yourself over something that’s in the past is not going to do anything for you or for them.”
“He hasn’t…reached out or anything. I really thought he would.” You said with a small voice and Monty hummed.
“But, you know what that means then, right? That he’s…made his decision and it’s not you.” Monty stated and you exhaled shakily as a few silent tears streaked down your face.
“You’re right.” You concurred before looking ahead again, watching the sky change colors as the sun sunk deeper and deeper into the horizon.
********************
You were finally getting home after the near 11 hour flight from LA. You were nervous to run into Harry because you still hadn’t heard from him and assumed that it was because of the same thing Monty had told you, he was working things out with his girlfriend. She had wanted you out of his life, she said it to you herself. So it made sense why he hadn’t reached out to you. You imagined that he hated himself a little bit for doing it this way, but if it gave his partner peace, he would sacrifice his preferred method of dealing with shit and find closure another way. You were similar to him in this as well, you wanted to apologize to him and explain that you didn’t air his dirty laundry on purpose! Even if he still decided to never speak to you again, at least you’d get to say your piece! You’d definitely prefer his silence from that than the ‘pretend Y/N doesn’t exist’ method he was using now. But considering you might not have the chance to do that, you too needed to find another way in which to close the door on Harry for good.
Your thoughts were racing as you cycled through your tasks in a disorganized fashion. You had started unpacking your luggage to put things in the washing machine but then decided that you needed to brew yourself some coffee to help keep you awake so that you wouldn’t have jet lag. But while you waited for your coffee to brew you decided to have a quick body shower so that you could complete all your tasks in a fresh and comfy outfit. And when you emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel you groaned and saw the outfit you wanted to wear was sitting in the dirty laundry portion of your suitcase. You were starting to get annoyed and decided you needed your caffeine immediately. And when you made it to the kitchen you saw your empty mug sitting under your Nespresso because you forgot to add water to it and that was your last straw.
All of the anger and frustration that you had pent up inside from the situation with Harry, how tired you were, and how scatter-brained you felt just bubbled over and you grabbed the mug in fit of rage and threw it on the ground, shattering it into an irreparable heap of ceramic.
“Fuck my life!” You shouted, your chest was rising and falling dramatically as you started to get choked up. You sniffled as your tears blurred your vision and you started to cry. You’d been trying to keep it together, to not be upset at any of it because you had been the one in the wrong, but it still hurt. It hurt to know that Harry had feelings for you but not enough to choose you. It hurt to know that your friendship with him was more than likely over. It hurt to know that you’d compromised a part of yourself, that you’d stooped so fucking low for absolutely nothing at all in return! All you’d truly gained was a fuck ton of self-loathing and you couldn’t pretend that you didn’t deserve it because you absolutely did.
*****************
Harry’s POV
When Harry’s girlfriend called and confronted him about what you’d shared with her at whatever party you two were at, he was livid. He immediately thought the worst thing, that you were trying to get him back or to sabotage his relationship. But when the initial wave of rage subsided and he was able to think a bit more rationally, he recalled how you’d also respected the fact that, that’s where he would be focusing all of his efforts. And you had said that you cared for him and if that were true, you would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. He had to believe that and he had to cling to that.
When his girlfriend returned home she gave him an ultimatum, if he wanted things to move forward in their relationship then he had to leave you out of his life. He felt sick to his stomach upon hearing that so he’s not sure why he agreed to it so easily, but he did. It had been weeks now and the more days passed by, his regret in this decision only grew. He was sitting in mediocrity, in routine, and a lot spite towards himself. Did he deserve it, yes, but he couldn’t see a world in which they could make it past this with the way she was acting. She would just pretend she wasn’t upset about it and then when they’d have a disagreement it always got thrown back in his face, no matter how much he apologized for it. When he’d ask what he needed to do to make it better she’d say she didn’t know or when he wanted to help her understand why he did what he’d done, she didn’t want to face it! But when she’d get frustrated about it, she’d blow up on him and not let him respond. And it started to sink in that he had made a mistake in trying to force things to work with her and he had to say something.
This is why he found himself waiting up for her to get back in from a rehearsal. He needed to get some things off his chest. Harry was one to talk things out, he didn’t like to sit on things and let them brew and fester like she did. And that’s what he’d been doing a lot of lately, just sitting in dissatisfaction. When he heard the front door open he sat up, more than prepared to just get the conversation over with.
“Hey babe, still up?” He heard her approaching.
“Yeah. Waited up.” He responded and she smiled as she came through the door and directly to the bed and kissed his lips. He was a little stiff in returning the kiss and she sniggered, “What’s the matter?” She asked, with a dimpled smile adorning her face. And as he looked into her eyes he just felt the need to be honest with her.
“Ummm…I…I can’t do this anymore.” He said softly and her smiled faded. She blinked a few times, as if she were trying to determine if this was real or not.
“Seriously, Harry?” She scoffed with an angry but surprised expression on her face.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized as he looked deep into her eyes to show his sincerity, but soon her eyes were narrowing into angry slits.
“Wait…Are you dumping me for her?” She asked and he sighed. “Oh my god…” she mumbled incredulously as she stood and paced around as Harry got out of the bed and walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders from behind and she whipped around, “Don’t fucking touch me!” She shouted at him and he frowned but nodded. “What does she have that I don’t, Harry?” She asked sadly and he shook he sighed. He didn’t want to go down that road, she never saw when she was in the wrong and it would just make things worse, but he needed to be honest.
“It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you.” He explained, “It’s just different with her and she’s more…open to things th-that you don’t like and that I find myself…wanting more of.” He explained and she scoffed.
“That’s it?! All the sex shit I refuse to do?” She asked through a scoff, “Are you fucking kidding me?! You know, she’s only into that shit because she’s fucked up, Harry! Only a fucked up person can find pleasure in being used and degraded that way!” His features furrowed in offense.
“So what does that make me then?” She frowned when she realized what she’d just said.
“Harry, it’s not-”
“No, please, give it to me straight! It was my idea, I’m the one who brought that into our affair and she liked it. So if she’s fucked up for liking it, then what am I for wanting it?” He questioned and she shook her head.
“I just…I don’t understand it.” She said, “It’s not…normal.” She elaborated and he smiled sarcastically.
“Yeah alright, let’s say you’re right and it’s not. So what we do is normal?” He asked her, “Just the same thing, over and over and over again? After a fucking year together you refuse to even try new things with me! All you do is judge me for it? It’s like you don’t trust me!”
“I don’t! I don’t trust you when you’re in that headspace, Harry! What if you hurt me? What if you can’t stop?!” He rolled his eyes.
“I’m not a fucking monster!” He shouted back, “That’s the fucking point of all of it, to exercise control or to relinquish it! It’s all a two way street! But quite frankly, it never has been with you…” he said and she scoffed.
“I do things for you!” She shouted back and he rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, your half-assed head really makes me feel close to you.” He murmured sarcastically and she groaned.
“You know that I don’t like to because you’re too big for my comfort and I don’t want to get all messy and…it doesn’t make me feel good! It makes me feel cheap and used!” She shouted back and he nodded.
“Yeah, how do you think I feel whenever I’m the one pulling all the weight in our sex life and in this relationship? I want to enjoy it, I want feel good in this relationship too!” He exclaimed, “I fucking dread it when I know you want to fuck! Or when you’re upset at something! I really fucking do!” He confessed and it felt so good to say it and she frowned deeply upon hearing him say that.
“So that’s all that matters to you? The sex?” She asked sadly.
“Of course not, but it’s pretty fucking important to me.” He said and she rolled her eyes.
“And what about everything else? What about the emotional and intellectual connection we have? W-we have that down at the very least don’t we?” She asked and he sighed.
“Sure…but it’s…more w-with her.” He said and she shook her head in disbelief, “There are things about how she is that just…resonate more with me. It’s not just the sex, it’s a lot of things that we deal with more similarly.”
“Okay, like what then?” She asked and he sighed.
“Like now, when we’re arguing about something or needing to discuss something serious. You…just pretend like nothing is wrong until you can’t handle it anymore. And when I try to talk about it then this happens! You just shout and shout and never fucking listen t-to what I’m trying to say or how I feel. And when I try to bring that up, you always say you’re not ready to talk about it!”
“Yeah, I like to think through things, Harry! Not argue in circles!” She defended herself and he groaned.
“We only argue in circles because you don’t listen to anything I’m trying to say to you!” He explained already feeling exasperated, “You’re doing it now! Things don’t have to escalate into a fight whenever we disagree about something, we could discuss it. That’s the point of talking it through then and there. While emotions are fresh and the situation is at hand! You use your words to communicate how you feel and what you want. I’m not a mind reader, I don’t know what you’re thinking or how long you’re gonna take to think about things, at least communicate that!” He explained and she sighed.
“Well, that’s not how I like to do things.”
“Well, there are two people in this relationship. Two different people with their own needs and expectations, not just you.” He said and she scoffed.
“Oh please! And all this with Y/N wasn’t just about you? Fucking someone else while we were together, that wasn’t selfish of you?”
“Of course it was! I know it was and it was wrong of me. I recognize that I made a mistake in going to another person.” He accepted, “And I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt in the process. She told me, multiple times to just talk to you so that I wouldn’t have to go find happiness somewhere else and I tried! I really fucking tried and it’s just…not happening for me with you.” He said sadly.
“And what, she’s going to make you happy?” She asked sarcastically.
“I don’t know, but I have to try, if only to rule out the fact that she’s not the one for me.” Harry said and that’s when she started to cry.
Of course he felt awful about it, but just now, hearing her even say some of the things she had said made him feel like he didn’t fully know her. And more than that, the things she had said were mean and offensive. He understood that she was hurt, but he’d never considered that she could stoop that low, even when angry.
“I fucking hate you.” She seethed as she stormed off into the ensuite and he sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Moments later she returned with the clothes from her designated drawers piled up in her arms and she dropped them on the bed. “Can you at least grab my suitcase from the top shelf? I can’t reach it.” She said and he nodded and did as she asked.
“Do you want me t-to give you some space?” He asked and she sniffled.
“Do whatever you fucking want, Harry.” She mumbled through her tears as she continued putting clothes into her large suitcase. He sighed and stood before going down to the kitchen to set the kettle for some tea.
It was about twenty minutes later when she called him up to help her bring her things down as her friend would be arriving soon. He did just that and soon she was coming down the staircase with her duffle bag hanging off of her shoulder.
“Where are you going to stay?” He asked.
“With a cast mate.” She mumbled, “At least until I can go back home.” She said and he nodded.
“Can you just let me know when you’re in safe for the night?”
“Oh, now you care…” she mumbled.
“I do care about you. I have this entire time, I just-”
“Care about her more.” She said plainly.
“I was going to say that I’m just not in love with you anymore.” He said and she sighed.
“You know, I don’t think I am either.” She confessed, “I thought we were fine but…I guess, fine is rather anticlimactic in a relationship.” She said morosely.
“Yeah.” He concurred. Then, her phone chimed to indicate her ride was here and she went over to the security keypad by the door and opened up the gate for her friend to get through. He helped her get her things outside and into the boot of the car. She came over with her duffle and he grabbed it from her and neatly set it beside her suitcase before pulling the door of the boot down gently.
“If I find anything else of yours should I send it to your flat in New York?” He asked.
“Yes, please.” She confirmed.
“Okay, no problem. I really am sorry, I know that I went about things the complete wrong way, but-”
“You know what, just save it, Harry. I really don’t give a fuck.” She said with a tired smile and he licked over his lips and nodded awkwardly before clearing his throat.
“Well, then…I uh-”
“I really hope that fucking whore is worth it for whatever time you have together.” She cut him off, “And I hope it’s painfully miserable for you two and that she cheats on you too. And when she does, because a whore can’t help herself, and I inevitably hear about it through the grapevine, just know I’m going to be so fucking ecstatic. I will not hesitate to reach out to you just to rub it in your stupid, fucking face, Harry.” She said spitefully and he couldn’t help but smirk as she wished him ill. He just had never seen this side of her.
“Alright, love, you do that. Use up all your free time to keep tabs on me.” He mumbled sarcastically.
“Fuck you, Harry!” She spat before walking around him to get into the car. He sighed as he walked back up to the front door and he heard her shouting at her friend that she didn’t want to talk about it and to just go. So the car started again and he waved them off with a smile as she stuck her hand out the window and flipped him the bird as they took off into the night.
Yeah, he deserved everything she’d said. He’d definitely been a bad boyfriend, particularly towards the end there, but he felt relieved. Relieved that he no longer had to be the only one compromising. Relieved that he’d no longer have to skirt around things and keep shit bottled up inside to keep her comfortable. And relieved that at least now, he’d have the chance to explore having more with you. He truly had no idea if during your time apart you’d managed to move on fully. Or if his silence over the last few weeks had made you hate him or if it’d completely broken your heart to the point that you no longer wanted anything with him. But regardless of all of that, he was certain of one thing, which was that you’d at least hear him out and let him apologize and explain. If it were his ex that he was trying to fix things with, well, he’d assume that her reception would be similar to her goodbye to him. Even if you wanted nothing to do with him in a romantic or sexual sense anymore, he knew you’d still find it in your heart to stay friends with him and he reckoned that even that would be enough for him.
…. A FEW DAYS LATER ….
You had been doing a bit better now that you were back home. You’d come clean to Goldie about what had transpired between you and Harry. And while she was shocked and disappointed in the both of you, she was still there for you and let you cry out your hurt and disappointment. What you feared would happen, being ostracized and judged harshly, wasn’t the case, thankfully. In fact, Goldie had just invited you out with her Sam, and Paul. She assured you that she hadn’t heard of Harry joining, but you wanted to err on the side of caution for the time being and respect the very clear distance that had been put in place by him. Even if Harry didn’t show up, if his girlfriend saw that you were out with more of his friends it might make her feel like you were purposefully encroaching into his life. You had already done enough to complicate things between them, so you needed to be mindful of things like this.
“Thanks, G. It’s sweet of you but I’m just not up for it tonight. Especially not with Paul around. If she sees something from the paps or even social media it could upset her and I don’t want to risk upsetting her even more.” You explained.
“Oh, babe…I appreciate you wanting to do the noble thing, but you really need to get out a bit to get all this off your mind, you know?” She countered and you smiled.
“How about this? I make a reservation at Cecconi’s for tomorrow in the late afternoon. We have an early dinner with a few Negronis and that phenomenal mixed berries cheesecake they serve! And then, when we’re well buzzed, we go to SOHO House? We can get drunk and flirt with people, and network.” You grinned as you giggled.
“We have to look fit. I mean FIT!” She emphasized and you giggled again.
“Yeah, you can even come over and get ready together!” You offered since you lived closest to SOHO.
“Alright! We can make a whole day out of it! I can bring bagels from Papo’s! And we can have Prosecco’s and coconut water so that we’re drunk, but hydrated!” She shared excitedly.
“Yeah, alright.” You agreed.
“I’ll pop in around 9:30 or 10?”
“Yeah, that’s perfect.” You agreed and she squealed happily.
“I’m so excited! Can’t wait!”
“Neither can I!” You assured happily.
“Ah, alright babes, I’m gonna let you go. Have a good night, yeah?”
“You too, G. See ya’ later.”
“See ya’!” She chirped before hanging up.
You smiled to yourself as you finished packing your left over dinner. You then headed up to your room to just wash up and get into your pajamas so that you wouldn’t have to get up and do all this if you accidentally fell asleep while watching TV. You went over to your window and opened it up to let the cool temperature of the night waft in. You then went about and lit a few candles before turning down you bed and switching on your sunset lamp, projecting a warm pink and orange collage on your ceiling. You set down the remote on your bedside table and then bit your lip as you saw your wand vibrator’s light blinking steadily as it charged up.
Next on your list was your weed, it was just three prerolls that you’d smuggled in from LA. Stupid and risky, yes. But worth it. You grabbed one of the little tubes and went to set it down by your bean bag sofa chair along with the ashtray and lighter in your hand. You then headed downstairs to grab a glass of water and your dark chocolate KitKat that you’d purchased earlier when you’d decided on how you’d spend your evening. You were switching off all the lights and then stopped before the front door for just a moment, and then your doorbell rang. You flinched in fright at the unlikely coincidence, and chills tingled your spine as the chime sounded through the townhome. It wasn’t all that late, but a little too late for deliveries. You quietly padded up to the door and tiptoed a little bit to look through the peep hole and froze.
Your mouth slightly dropped open in shock when you saw Harry standing at your doorstep looking right to left as he tapped his foot nervously. You felt a lump forming in your throat and your heart rate started to rise rapidly. You were tingling all over with excitement, fear, dread, and happiness. Suddenly he looked right at the peephole, it made your insides churn violently as you made eye contact through the little lens.
“Y/N?” He asked and you relished at the sound of his voice, but felt your chest ache because he needed to leave.
“You shouldn’t be here, Harry.” You said through the door.
“I need to be here, angel.” He said and you felt your chest tighten up. You pulled back and turned the locks to open the door and as soon as you were in front of him he just chuckled happily and stepped forward, pushing his way inside so that he could wrap you up in his arms. He just threw the door back before he pulled you into his chest. “Hi, angel.” He hummed lowly as he leaned his face against the side of your head.
“Hi!” You laughed happily as you settled into his warmth. You were pleasantly surprised that he was here. In the flesh! You were touching him, breathing him in. You gently tickled his back with your nails and he hummed.
“Missed you, angel.” He hummed and you smiled.
“Missed you too.” You responded, “Are you alright?” You asked him and started to pull back.
“Yeah, I’m alright.” He smiled, “I ummm…I ended things with her.” He said of his girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend now.
“I’m so sorry. Are you sure you’re alright?” You asked and he nodded again.
“Even more so now.” He flirted and you sniggered a bit and you just looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, “Look, I’m so sorry-”
“I’m so sorry, Harry-” You both spoke at the same time and chuckled.
“You don’t need to apologize.” He said, “I know you’d never do anything to hurt me on purpose.” He said and you nodded.
“Never, H.” You assured him and he smiled at your reassurance.
“So…what the hell happened?!” He asked through a chuckle and you groaned.
“Don’t make me relive it…” You whined, “You’re lucky that I didn’t jump off the rooftop then and there. It was mortifying.” You giggled and he tutted.
“I need to know!” He insisted and you groaned.
“H, I had a whole plan for the evening.” You muttered.
“Did you? You were gonna go out?” He asked and you shook your head.
“No, they were…homebody plans.” You said coyly and he smiled.
“Yeah? Walk me through the plan then.” He pressed and you bit your lip.
“Mmm…was gonna smoke a joint…” you hummed and his eyebrows arched up as he smirked, “While listening to smutty stuff…and probably get off before just getting to bed.” you confessed and he bit his lip.
“Are you just trying to make this sexual?” He asked and you laughed and shook your head.
“No, I swear! I have a whole set up in my room.” You giggled and he knocked his head back as he laughed.
“Well, d’you mind if I distract you from your plans for a little bit?” He asked and you shook your head.
“Not at all.” You assured and he smiled, “Come on.” You said and grabbed his hand as you guided him through your townhome and to your bedroom.
Harry saw the beautiful pink glow of your bedroom from down the hall. And he could also smell the delicious floral but warm and musky scent wafting from your bedroom. He inhaled deeply as he crossed the threshold and immediately went over to see the candles you had burning. He didn’t see a name apart from the brand on the vessel and as he glanced down to see if there was perhaps a lid close by he saw your vibrator plugged in and charging and he chuckled a bit, he had definitely intruded tonight. But maybe if things went well he could improve upon your plans. Normally, he would just go up and grab you if he wanted you and he was certain you wouldn’t object. But if he got to have sex with you tonight, he wanted to show you another side of what it could be like because of his feelings for you. You two were always fighting to keep the tender and loving bit out of your sessions, but he could still be kinky and sprinkle in the loving bits if you were open to trying for more with him.
“You really weren’t kidding.” He said and you turned back to see him pointing at your toy and sputtered on a laugh.
“I really wasn’t. It’s alright though, I can do that any other day.” You chuckled as he walked over and then plopped on your bed to slip out of his sneakers. “Ummm, do you want some of this?” You asked him, raising the joint and he nodded. “Okay, so I don’t have another seat to offer you, this is my designated smoking chair.” You explained to the bean bag sofa chair.
“You have a smoking chair?” He questioned you and you sniggered.
“I do! I don’t smoke often at all but I don’t want to stink up any of my nice furniture when I get the craving for it.” You explained and he hummed in amusement at your logic.
“I see…well, I can sit on the floor just get me a cushion for my bum.”
“Okay.” You hummed and grabbed one of the round, velvet cushions you had as decor on your bed and set it beside the bean bag. You then settled in as he came over and with his foot, guided the cushion to the front of your seat. You glanced up at him and he smiled down at you.
“Open up.” He said and you parted your legs so that he could sit and nestle between them. Once he was comfy you leaned over him and handed him the joint and lighter. He sparked it up and took the first drag before handing it back to you, seconds later he was blowing the smoke out the large window and then you did the same. “So…how’d it happen?” He asked, bringing up your conversation from downstairs.
“Well, my friend Monty was hired as entertainment for the party and he asked me to tag in as the bassist and I agreed. I saw her from the stage at one point and smiled but she did not look pleased. So I decided to just not interact unless we were forced to because I didn’t want to stir up any trouble for you.” You explained.
“So you were forced to speak to her?”
“Yes! During the break in the set we both happened to walk up to the same bar line! Just my fucking luck, you know…?” you muttered as you recalled and he chuckled and turned around to face you instead so that you could converse better. “We said hello to each other and like…she seemed fine by then. Maybe it was stupid of me to ask how you were, but I was just making small talk because you’re the only thing we really have in common in terms of acquaintances.” you explained and he nodded, “And then she said that she’s sure I was nice but that she wanted me to stay away from you because she didn’t trust me.” You shared, his features turned down as he hummed in understanding, “And then she finished that with saying, “I know you slept with him”, that was it. Just like that.” You explained and his eyes widened. “Yeah!” You laughed nervously, as the feelings from that moment resurfaced again.
“Jesus…”
“I know…I was frazzled!” You exclaimed before taking another drag and handing the joint back to him. You held it in for a minute as he took his own drag, and then you blew out the smoke towards the window. “Just hearing it like that, in such a confrontational manner, I thought that meant that she knew-knew.” You said and he nodded, “So I just started apologizing frantically and assuring her that it hadn’t happened any more than those times and that you loved her, but I guess you told her something else because she looked really confused when I said that.”
“I just told her that we had been together before she and I were together, just about the one time before.” He said and you hummed.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to fuck things up for you two. She just started to ask me how many times and when! And I was…so embarrassed and nervous and ashamed of myself.” You pouted and he reached for your calf and rubbed his thumb up and down your leg soothingly.
“I’m sorry, angel.” He replied. “I must admit I thought the worst at first, but then I just…I knew you’d never do that to me.” He said and you nodded.
“I wouldn’t, H. I know that it was a mistake and you were trying your best to not make the same mistake with me again-”
“Hey, look at me.” He said as he set the joint down on the ashtray you’d set out, “The only mistake I made was not choosing you from the very beginning. Even after the first time I was blown away by you. I was fucked from the start.” He said and your gaze softened, “I…I’ve felt things with you that I haven’t felt before. And while I…love that we’re compatible in the sex part of things, I’ve also given some thought to what things might’ve been like if we were together. And Y/N, I think it would be really good.” He said earnestly and you smiled softly at him. “Even just in the glimpses I’ve had of real life situations I’ve been in with you, I know we’re compatible in those parts too. You actually listen to me to understand me, not just to respond, you know? You think about me and consider me, even before yourself sometimes.” He said. “I know that…I haven’t done a lot of that for you previously, but I would like the opportunity to show you that I can do that for you and more.” He said and you smiled.
“To be fair, you did try, I just never let you before.” You added as you raked your fingers into his hair and he leaned into you, “I’ve also felt things with you that I’ve never felt before.” You confessed, “But it…scares me, H.” You confessed and he pouted a little bit, “Not because of you, but because of me. I fear that I would get lost in it.” You said and he smiled.
“Why is that a bad thing? I could get lost with you.” He mused and you giggled.
“We’re too old for that kind of thing, H.”
“Yeah, but that’s part of it, isn’t it? The honeymoon phase? Relishing in love without a care for what could befall us?” He asked and you smiled, “Get lost in love, in the excitement, in the sex…” he hummed with a grin, “That’s literally the best part.”
“It is…” you smiled in agreement.
“You know, when I think about you, I can’t imagine that the initial excitement will ever go away. We’d have so much fun together.” He said and you smiled.
“We would. But what about when things get…hard. Like when you’re touring or on other projects?” You asked and he thought about for a moment.
“We could be like Paul and Linda in WINGS.” He suggested with a small smile and you giggled, “No! Seriously! Hear me out…you could join the band! We could do all of it together, like Mitch and Sarah!” He said and you smiled, “Create, write, and perform…I know you’d love life on the road. And then just…do life together.”
“It does sound amazing.” You admitted with a smile.
“It does. And I know that I’m just out of a relationship, but things are a little bit different than just a normal breakup. We had something together and I want to explore it with you. I want to have the chance to make you happy how you deserve, angel. No more bits and pieces of attention and affection. If you give me your heart, I promise I’ll keep it safe.” He appealed.
You caressed his face gently, “My heart’s been yours for a while now, Harry. And even through all of this, I think you’ve done a wonderful job of protecting it.” You assured him. “I don’t want to ignore this anymore. I just feel so good when we’re together or even just in each other’s space.” You said softly. “You know, sometimes it feels like I’m connected to you in a certain way. Or maybe it’s my imagination…” you mumbled, excusing your ramblings.
“We are.” He assured you, “I feel that too. It aches a little when we’re apart. And I just…sense it when you’re close by.”
“Yeah?” you smiled inquisitively and he nodded.
“Believe it or not, I was sitting out there for about half an hour, trying to decide if it was too bold of me to show up here unannounced. I had no idea if you were in or not. And then I suddenly felt this sense of urgency and came up to your door and here we are now.” He shared.
“Ummm, actually…when you arrived at the door I was about to go back to my room and just stopped at the front door for a few moments. I don’t know why, I just felt like I needed to. And then you rang the doorbell.” You shared with a smile, “Creepy, huh?” You asked.
“Mmm, I think it’s rather normal.”
“Being that in tune with another person is not normal.” You voiced your opinion, “I think it’s quite special.”
“I meant it’s normal for us.” He said and you grinned.
“Oh, then you’re 100% right.” You giggled and he smiled and leaned forward to kiss your knee through your pajama pants. You smiled down at him and when his eyes glanced up to meet yours again you sighed dreamily, “Just getting to be there with you is already way better than the plans I had made for myself.” You said through a giggle and he chuckled.
“Mmm…I think we could redirect things back to the original concept.” He smirked and you giggled but then your face turned serious.
“We don’t have to if you’re not ready for that. I’m not even horny or anything, was gonna build up to it with the spicy audios.” You confessed, “Although, well…seeing you definitely made me horny.” You chuckled bashfully, “So I am now but this is also good. We don’t have to if you’re not, you know…” You finished explaining.
“Oh, I definitely am, angel.” He chuckled, “Can’t help it when I’m around you.” He smiled, “But I…want to try something a little different this time.” He said and you nodded.
“Okay, what is it?”
“I wanna be more in my feelings while we do it.” He said and you bit your lip to suppress a nervous-excited smile.
“Umm…o-okay.”
“Okay. I’m just letting you know because…I know that we already get a little wild, but with my heart in it too, things could get a little bit more intense.” He warned you.
“That’s alright.” You nodded.
“And can I…ask you something?” He looked a bit nervous upon getting his request out.
“Of course.” You nodded.
“W-when I…degraded you and overpowered you or things like that, where I was…rough and harsh on you…” he started and you nodded, wordlessly communicating that he continue, “Did you do that for me? Like…did you agree to it like t-to please me. Because I like that or is it…well, was it for you too?” He asked.
“Of course I did it to make you happy but because I like it too.” You shared, “I like it quite a bit. Maybe a little too much.” You smiled as you shared.
“Do you think that…that means we’re…fucked up?” He asked, you could see he was feeling vulnerable for being self-conscious about it.
In your opinion, the last place a person should be feeling ashamed in was in their sexuality. A person’s sexuality is such a vulnerable part of them, it reflects your deepest darkest fantasies, your id. It was the home of the libido according to Freud. And it could be a little kinky and perverted and maybe even a little scary to confront. But the beauty in that was that how well a person dominated that side of them, was a clear indicator of the amount of ego strength that person has. Which can only mean that a person has a very righteous and strong sense of conscientiousness, the superego. So in short, no, their preferences did not make them “fucked up”. It made them human. It made them normal. And indulging in that part of themselves in the appropriate setting helped them be able to flourish in all of the other roles they had in the world. Like being musicians, an uncle, a creators, a friend to others, a good person…
“Definitely not.” You said reassuringly. “Not if you don’t feel wrong for it.” You added, “Do you?” You inquired and he shook his head.
“It feels….liberating.”
“How so?” You asked with a smirk…you were ready to get started, “When you decide that you want to fuck me, what goes through your head?” He licked his lips and smiled slightly.
“Well I think, I always get the things I want. And when I want that, when I want you, I just…take you. Because I can.” He smirked.
“So you’re selfish.” You grinned and he shrugged.
“I tend to be…one of my many flaws.” He smiled and you hummed.
“You know how I am…hyper independent. A control freak a bit…” you said and he nodded, “My instincts tell me not to be, to just take what comes my way…deep inside I know I’m actually powerless. And while it’s terrifying, there is something freeing about that. Because while it makes me vulnerable to really shitty things, I also makes me vulnerable to really wonderful things. Like getting bent over your hotel room bed with your cock in my pussy and your fingers in my ass…” You laughed and he did as well. “So, you give me what I need and I give you what you need, even the secret parts of us connect well. So yeah, it’s fucking freeing to be seen and understood on every level. We’re so fucking lucky to exist at the same time.” You said softly with a smile.
Harry didn’t even hesitate to kneel up and smash his lips into yours. His kiss was ardent, heavy with affection and lust. Your tongues smeared together before he sucked your bottom lip between his lips. He gently bit into it, increasing his bite force bit by bit until you dug your nails into his shoulder. Your kiss simmered down from one second to the next and became so sweet. Just small and playful little pecks interrupted by giddy smiles and soft giggles and mumbles about starting to feel the weed.
“The back of my knee is tickling!” You giggled and he sniggered, “Ughhh, scratch it please. Make it stop.” You requested and he pulled the leg of your pants up to be able to scratch the back of your knee, “Thank you.” You giggled and pecked his lips quickly. “Wanna get in bed?”
“Yeah, angel.” He mumbled and then he picked up the joint, “Let’s finish this off so that it feels extra nice.” He instructed as he sparked it up for you. “Want you to be a little easier for me.” He said and you smirked as he took his drag.
“Don’t need to be high to be easy for you.” You chuckled and he did as well and kissed you gently before shotgunning the smoke he’d exhaled into your mouth.
“Maybe not but it’s more this way.” He said before kissing you again and handing over the joint.
Once you’d finished it off you both stood and Harry started to undress you. He was getting your panties off when you handed the butt to him and he smashed it into the ashtray to properly extinguish it. He stood and then pulled you over to your bed, you happily plopped on it as he got undressed. He instructed you to grab your vibrator, so you crawled to the other side of the bed and unplugged it from the charger. Your pussy pulsed and fluttered in anticipation. You wanted to feel the silicone buzzing into your clit so badly, you were growing impatient and even more wet than before. You wriggled and rubbed your thighs together to get some friction going. Your labia glided together with ease from how aroused you were as you watched Harry undoing the buttons and fly on his jeans. You’d give anything to kiss down his abs and smooch down his happy trail until you got a mouthful of his cock. You moaned as you watched him pull down his briefs along with his jeans, his thick, long cock sprung up, wobbling about a bit from the sudden release. You licked over your lips. He watched you salivate over his cock, so he knelt onto the bed and put it in your face.
“Get me in your mouth then.” He mumbled and you immediately parted your lips and started to suck on the tip for a bit before starting to stroke the rest. His soft moans of pleasure were making your skin tingle, you’d missed the sound of him. And the weight of him on your tongue. And the taste of his skin, and it’s natural scent. “Fuck yeah, angel. Take more..I know you can take more.” He said as he pushed your head lower, letting himself dip his toe in the kinky forceful stuff you enjoyed for just a moment, “Shit!” He chuckled as his abs tensed, “Yes, baby…That’s fucking good, just…just wind it down for me. That’s it. Nice and slow, angel. Deeper…a little more.” He hummed and then groaned as he settled just a bit past the back of your mouth, you were holding back a gag, “Fuck, can’t believe how it all fits in there.” You couldn’t hold it back anymore and gagged around him which make him moan in pleasure, “Yeah, gag on it, angel.” He grunted and held himself in before gently pulling back to let you catch your breath. He did this a few more times until your chin was sticky with your drool and his pre-cum. “Is your little pussy throbbing yet?” He asked and you nodded as you wiped your mouth on the back of your hand. “Go wash up.” He said and you nodded and hurried to the ensuite to rinse off your face.
He knew how much you hated to feel sticky in the face. You soon came back into the room to find him playing with the vibrator. He was clicking through the vibration patterns before he settled on half-note pulses and then pressed it to his frenulum. You stood and watched from the darkness of the bathroom, watching his brows crease and jaw clench as he pleasured his cock with the vibrating wand. He was a fucking masterpiece, and with you being a little high it was making you even more needy for him. You slowly approached and he glanced up to you.
“I think I need to get one of these.” He chuckled before biting his lip.
“Yeah, it makes me come like a fountain.” You shared through a chuckle and he groaned.
“Yeah?” You nodded, “Show me.” He said as he extended it towards you and you bit your lip nervously and climbed onto the bed. You settled into the pillows and he passed over the baby pink vibrator. He settled in beside you and kissed the top of your cheek. “Go on, then. Play with yourself.” He instructed and you didn’t need to be told twice.
You spread your legs and slowly pressed the vibrator against your clit and immediately gasped. You were already sopping wet, so when you added more pressure it slipped a bit and Harry groaned as he watched you adjust a bit to get it back on your clit. He grabbed your thigh and pulled it open so that he could see you better. His mouth was watering as he watched you getting off, his fingers were itching to touch you in between your legs. He wanted to get down there and breathe you in and taste you until he had his fill of you. He only lasted a few more moments before he kissed you deeply and then shifted around until he was down between your legs and watching up close as your little cunt throbbed and oozed slick. He snatched the vibrator from your hand and shut it off as he delved in. He shook his head back and forth, wiggling to get his tongue in even deeper into your little hole. He wanted to taste everything you were giving right from the source.
“Oh fuck, Harry! Fuck yes, just like that!” You encouraged him as you ground up against his mouth. You were obsessed with the scratchy feeling of his facial hair pricking against your smooth pussy. And you loved how he held you open and licked from your entrance to your clit, flicking the sensitive little bud over and over with the tip of his tongue until you were gasping as your teetered on the edge of your orgasm. “I-I’m gonna come! Please, let me come!” You announced in a higher pitched voice, he hummed against you to signal his permission. Your muscles were completely tense as you held onto the feeling as long as possible until your first orgasm burst from inside of you.
Coming with his help was different. It was your quality of work without having to do any of the actual work. He read your body in ways that made it impossible for you not to give in. It felt so good to be free falling into that gratifying, warm, and tingly feelings. You loved how it tickled just right that it made your toes curl. And hearing him and feeling him moan into your leaking pussy made your eyes roll back before squeezing shut. You loved how he feasted on you. He was kissing your pussy as passionately as he’d kissed your mouth. You were just basking in how happy he was to be here with you. Your hips arched up as you tried to escape his mouth but he locked your thighs in his arms and held you down. It was getting to be too much! You hadn’t even had a chance to fully come down from your orgasm and you were already well on your way to another one. You were writhing and yelped as he nipped at your clit. He chuckled, knowing you didn’t mind a bit of pain. Just as you were about to get to a place where the tingles fully faded he parted his lips and sucked your clit between his lips. His tongue managed to just barely run over it, it was making your had spin. Your thighs were starting to tremble as he was forcing you past the point of no return.
“Harry!” You yelped as he sucked with more force, “Oh! It’s too much! Please! Please, no more!” You pleaded as he forced you down and open and kept sucking. “Fuck! Please, please!” You cried desperately as you writhed beneath him. Suddenly, the most obscene moan broke from your throat involuntarily as your hips and legs spasmed as you started to squirt. Your eyes squeezed shut as you arched up as the pleasure swept through your body. You were just about to come down from it when you heard the vibrator come on and then he was being held just over your clit, barely ticking the surface of your throbbing little bundle. You were panting now just whining pitifully as your little clit was vibrated so quickly. Next thing you knew, two of Harry’s fingers were sinking into your pussy and stretching you out. You swore your eyes crossed as he curved his fingers up and prodded at your g-spot a few times before you were moaning obscenely again as your cum gushed out of your entrance.
“Fuck yeah, angel. Squirt again for me. You can do it, baby. You can give me another one. One more for, daddy.” He grunted as he poured his fingers into you at a more determined pace until you were squirting a bit more for him. He eased into a stop before pulling his fingers out and sucking them clean and then leaning down to kiss you. “Mmm…you’re so perfect, baby. Look at you.” He mumbled in amusement, “I even missed how you taste.” He mumbled against your lips and you smiled and pecked his lips. “How are you feeling?”
“Good.” You replied with a soft smile.
“Promise? Went a little hard on you there.” He said and you nodded.
“Promise. I didn’t use our word.” You reminded him and he nodded.
“That’s right, angel.” He hummed.
“I actually have something in mind…” you started and he nodded, urging you to continue. “What if tonight we see if I can go under?” You asked and you saw the sparkle in his eyes but then he glanced away.
“Ummm…that’s kind of…opposite of what I wanted this time to be.” He admitted with a soft chuckle, “But if that’s what you want, then I-”
“Wait. No, tell me more about what you…were expecting or…hoping for?” You requested and he smiled slightly as he pressed down and kissed you again.
“Thank you for wanting to listen to it.” He said and you smiled and nodded, “Well…I know that before I had…kind of tested the boundary of what was too intimate er whatever. And well…I want to…fuck you with…intention and care and…I suppose…love?” He got out and sighed shakily, “I ummm…I am in love with you. I just…realized it. I’m sorry!” He laughed nervously as he looked into your eyes and you were just beaming. You pressed yourself up and grabbed his face and guided it towards your own until you were kissing slowly with smiles on your faces.
“H.” You mumbled.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Let’s do it your way. Lets add a little affection in there.” You whispered and he smiled.
“Okay.” He whispered back happily, “Do you have condoms?” He asked.
“Let’s not use one.” You said and he kissed you quickly.
“Are you one the pill again?” He whispered his question and you shook your head.
“No.” You reaffirmed verbally and he kissed you again.
“So you’re playing with fire, are you?” He asked and you nodded with a smile. “I really like that.” He hummed smugly. “Gosh, I’ll have to fuck you everyday until we find out you’re knocked up.” He said and you literally blushed as he grinned down at you smugly. “Would you like that, baby?” He asked you nodded quickly as he leaned down and kissed you as he reached down for his cock and positioned it at your entrance.
“Fuck, push it in.” You panted and he dropped his weight into his hips and surged forward until your little hole gave way and parted for his long, thick cock to sink in until his full, heavy balls thudded against your bottom. He ground his hips into you, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix and g-spot with every swirl of his hips until he pulled out and then sunk back in again. By the third one you were starting to tremble.
“That’s good for you, angel?”
“Yes…you feel so fucking good, baby!” You panted as you were brought to the edge and then let back down as he drew out from you. You were tingling in anticipation of feeling him thrust back in. “I love you so much…” you exhaled and he was suddenly feeling all warm and gooey inside.
“Fuck, angel, I love you too…I’m not gonna last too long.” He confessed as he froze deep inside of you. “Get your vibrator for me. Right on your clit. Wanna feel you coming on me one more time.” He said and you were quick to comply. You had it on a lower setting but given your sensitivity level you were starting to reach the edge quite quickly. Specially with Harry pounding away inside of you. You were moaning in time with the even paced grunts rumbling from his chest and the smacking sounds of your centers colliding over and over and over again. Your vision started to go hazy as you blinked up at him before your eyes squeezed shut as you started to come. You could feel your walls throbbing hard around his cock and you wanted nothing more than to feel his warm load filling your pussy.
“Come inside me, daddy!” You begged and he groaned and gave a few more determined thrusts before he was stilling deep inside of you, his hand pressing down on your tummy, you could feel the weight of him over his own cock inside of you. Something about that had you losing your mind and extended your orgasm as you felt him spilling into you.
“Fuck, baby…that’s all yours, angel. M’all yours. Take all my fucking cum.” He grunted deeply, you felt the deepness of his voice rumbling through your body as he ground into you with intent as he came deep inside of you.
It stole your breath as you started to come again as both of your most vulnerable areas were being stimulated so gloriously. You didn’t mean for it to happen, but your vision started to tunnel and all the sounds around you were muffled as your head just rolled back and you closed your eyes and smiled as this gorgeous cocktail of THC, several orgasms, and sub space collided together in the most chaotic and serendipitous way. Your orgasm seemed to be affecting each of your main body parts one by one, you felt it in each leg, in your tummy, chest, and arms, and then your head. You were floating, you were living in ecstasy, riding the wave for as long as possible. You blinked your eyes open slowly as Harry rested over you and kissed you with tenderness when he saw you floating off in some warm and fuzzy place.
“You’re safe, angel. Safe with me. Love you so much.” He whispered as he kissed all over your face. You locked your legs around his hips, trapping his body against yours snugly, “Fuck yeah, baby. Keep me inside…” he moaned as your walls continued to pulse around him steadily.
He held you nice and tight, keeping your warm under his body heat. It was then that you realized that you’d left the window opened…you hoped your neighbors hadn’t heard anything, but there was a very slim chance of that being the case. And just like that, the tingle feeling and tunnel vision started to fade and you were slowly descending back into reality. When you felt the strength return to your body, you hugged him back and he sighed happily as he planted another kiss to your cheek.
“Are you alright?” He asked lowly as he glanced down at you and you smiled and nodded. “Use your words for me, angel. Y’know that.” He reminded.
“Sorry, I’m still a little loopy.” You whispered, “But yeah, I’m alright. Just cold.” You said and he tutted.
“Forgot to close the window. Can I get up?” He asked and you shook your head.
“Not yet. Stay close.” You whined and he smiled as he pushed himself up a bit and ran his thumb over your kiss-bitten bottom lip affectionately. It was something small, but in the past you would’ve just let him go and it would’ve all been done.
“Did you ever think about…being like this with me before?” He asked and you nodded.
“Of course. It just wouldn’t have been fair for either of us to give in. It feels so good to just…hold you.” You breathed out in relief and he smiled and kissed your lips quickly.
“Yeah angel, it does.” He agreed as he smiled down at you.
After a few more minutes of being cuddled up together, you felt more yourself again so you assured him that you could get up now so that you guys could get cleaned off and dressed again. He was helping you get your comforter and sheets off so you could switch them out. You watched him check your mattress really quick to ensure you hadn’t soiled it when you came so hard so many times. It was sweet and so endearing of him, it made you feel all soft for him and you weren’t ready for this to be over.
“D-do you want to stay?” You asked him timidly and his face lit up as he smiled and nodded.
“Wait.” He smirked, “Not gonna make me stay on my side of the bed, are you?” He questioned playfully and you laughed as you shook your head.
“I don’t think we need to have sides since I’m not sharing you with anyone else anymore.” You replied with a small grin.
“That’s…very fair.” He chuckled bashfully and you giggled.
“I’m just teasing.” You assured.
“I know, angel.” He smiled.
“Do you wanna have a shower?” You asked and he nodded. You quickly changed your sheets and comforter before heading towards the shower. “We can share, just make sure you don’t get my hair wet.” You warned as you pulled him along.
You were soon nice and clean, the both of you shivering as you pleaded with him to go close the window once and for all. It wasn’t hard to persuade him, all it was was a flash of your boobs to have him dashing across your bedroom to shut the window and keep out the cold. You quickly got dried and dressed before you cuddled up into the bed. You were both shivering as you adjusted to the temperature. You kissed his chin, cheeks, and lips a few times. His arm was draped over your waist, fingers barely grazing over your lower back. There was something on your mind that you really just wanted to clarify with him.
“H, so…earlier when you said you wanted the opportunity to…be more for me?” You trailed off and he nodded, “Did you mean that?” You asked and he nodded.
“I do. I want that with you.” He confirmed. “Do you want that with me too?” He asked and you nodded.
“Yeah, I really do. I just umm…I have a doubt.” You explained and he frowned a bit.
“Look, I-I hope you know that…what we had, that’s not something I’ve done before.” He said and then he frowned a little bit, “Actually, I have cheated before…but it was just a drunken kiss with a random person on a night out and I came clean right away.” He rambled, “I felt awful about it. Still do! But I wouldn’t ever cheat on you. It’s not like a compulsion or anything like that, where I can’t control myself.” He continued rambling nervously. When you grabbed his face he blinked a few times and went silent.
“Hey, I trust you.” You said softly and his nervous gaze softened, “I made a choice too with you. What we had was not just your fault; sure you initiated but I didn’t turn you away. And while it was wrong, I mean, I can’t say it was a mistake because, honestly to me, being with you has never felt like a mistake.” You elaborated your point of view and he smiled upon hearing you say this to him.
“Do you…regret it?”
“Not really. I still find value in what we had before…I learned a lot about myself and what I’m capable of. I mean, I have also had a drunken kiss with a friend while dating someone else but I never really thought of that incident as cheating, I got carried away, you know? It wasn’t anything premeditated or that I thought of or even considered doing sober, so it was just opportunistic. I came clean the very next morning when I saw my partner and he didn’t think of it as cheating either. He actually…laughed in my face at that.” You recalled with a smile and he chuckled. “I guess my point is that, we’re all capable of less than savory things, but what matters is how we come out of it. And I think that what we did…it helped us to learn to trust each other in a way that we might not trust most people in our lives.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“Do you…feel regret for what we did?” You asked him.
“I think I did at some point, especially after your aunt’s birthday. I just saw how insecure I had made my ex feel, you know? But hearing you say that you don’t has changed my answer. I only regretted the fact that the situation was hurting everyone involved. Not the sex or the things we shared and the friendship and trust we strengthened through those times. I’m quite glad we had that with each other. But the fact that I wasn’t really treating either of you fairly or myself is my biggest regret.” He explained and you nodded in understanding. “Ummm, so if your doubts are not fidelity related what are they about?” He asked.
“Just about the timing of everything. Like, you just ended a relationship and I don’t want you to feel like you need to jump into anything with me right away t-to prove how you feel about me. Like if you need time to be single or something…like, I want you to know that that’s cool with me too.” You explained. Obviously, you wanted to jump in, you’d been waiting for him for so long, but if he wasn’t ready yet, then you’d wait, like you promised him a while ago.
“Well first off, I do want to be in a relationship. So I am ready for it. More than.” He assured you, “I just wasn’t with the right person before, that’s all. And well…I think we’ve both waited long enough for this opportunity to be together and if we both want it, why wait?” He reasoned and you bit your lip to try and suppress your smile. “What?” He chuckled.
“Nothing…I just umm…” you bit your lip and then readjusted yourself so that he was spooning you and then you interlocked your fingers with his. You relaxed almost immediately and let yourself melt into his warmth. “I’ve wanted you to hold me like this for a really long time.” You hummed happily.
“So have I, angel.” He sighed before kissing the side of your head, “Thank you for waiting for me. You really didn’t have to.” He whispered and you smiled.
“Of course I did! I love you.” You whispered back, “That’s why I waited.” You explained with a smile.
“Oh, I love you so much.” He responded as he squeezed you a little tighter before kissing your head once again. You smiled in his embrace, relaxing more and more as the realization sunk in that this was your life now and you couldn’t have asked for a better outcome than this.
“Hey…” you whispered.
“What is it, baby?”
“You’re gonna keep this mullet thing you have going on for a bit, right?” You asked and he sniggered.
“If you like it that much then yes. I’d keep it for you.” He confirmed through a chuckle.
“Okay, good.” You hummed, “It’s fucking sexy.” You added softly and he grinned.
“You think so?” He chuckled.
“I certainly do.” You assured.
“Enough that if we got married I could have this hair, then?” He asked.
“Oh, for sure…so much so that they’d probably have to have the reception without us.” You said smugly.
“Baby…” Harry groaned, squeezing your hip just a bit and you smiled.
“You still have free reign you know…” you hummed and he hummed as he nuzzled up against your ear.
“You’re in for a long night, angel…” he hummed darkly.
Sinopse: Uma manhã de treino com seu amigo Styles, parecia normal, até não ser mais...
NotaAutora: Tive esse ideia nesse feriado então resolvi escrever... aproveitem
Aviso: +18! Conteúdo explícito.
Você ainda bocejava quando encontrou Harry no tapete de treino, na academia participar dele, vestindo aquela camiseta branca larga e shorts de compressão pretos que faziam qualquer um perder o foco, ele te cumprimentou com aquele abraço apertado que fazia todas as manhãs desde que começaram a treinar juntos antes de uma longa turnê começar.
— Atrasada — ele cantarolou, esticando os braços acima da cabeça, a barra da camiseta subindo o suficiente para expor uma faixa de abdômen definido e a linha de pelos descendo da barriga. — Vamos, vamos, o aquecimento não vai se fazer sozinho.
— Não estou atrasada. — Você revirou os olhos, mas se ajoelhou no tapete ao lado dele. — Você que chegou cedo.
Estava vestindo seu conjunto de exercícios novo, um shortinho rosa claro e top combinando, aparentemente Harry também havia gostado, porque o olhar dele já estava viajando pelo seu corpo desde que você chegou.
— Eu disse às 6:00, são 6:15, você que precisa de mais disciplina. — Ele já estava atrás de você antes que pudesse reclamar, mãos grandes e quentes apoiadas em seus ombros. — Vamos começar com os alongamentos, suas pernas primeiro.
Você obedeceu, deitando-se de costas enquanto ele se posicionava entre suas pernas abertas, pegando seus tornozelos com facilidade, mas você não estava desconfortável, porque o toque de Harry era respeitoso, pelo menos no começo.
— Dobre os joelhos em direção ao peito — instruiu, e você fez, sentindo o ar saindo dos seus pulmões num suspiro controlado.
Mas então ele segurou seus joelhos.
— Harry...
— Ainda não terminou.
As mãos dele escorregaram para baixo, segurando suas canelas, dobrando você ainda mais, a posição te deixava completamente aberta para ele, foi aí que você sentiu, algo quente e firme contra o tecido do seu short e ele certamente não tentava esconder onde estava se estragando.
— Harry ?
Você só podia estar imaginando coisas, era só por conta dessa posição estranha, vocês eram só amigos, treinavam juntos há meses.
Isso não estava acontecendo.
— O que foi?
— Você está encostando em mim — você sussurrou, tentando manter a voz firme, mas suas pernas tremeram nas mãos dele.— Sabe seu...
— Eu sei. — Ele não parecia nenhum pouco incomodado.
— Isso já não é mais um alongamento, né? — Você podia ouvir sua própria respiração, os batimentos cardíacos acelerados.
— Não mesmo. — Ele deu aquele maldito sorriso que te acompanhava nos seus sonhos há mais tempo do que você estava disposta a admitir.
Ele empurrou os quadris para frente e a pressão entre suas pernas aumentou, sem querer um pequeno gemido, talvez de surpresa ou prazer escapou da sua garganta antes que pudesse impedir, que fez os olhos dele brilharem.
— Harry, acho melhor nós paramos...
— Mas você não quer que eu pare, quer?
Você não sabia o que responder então Harry decidiu por vocês dois, suas mãos soltaram suas canelas foram para seu short, especificamente no meio, onde a linha de costura esticou e não resistiu, quando ele rasgou bem na linha central, fazendo um buraco perfeito para ele.
— Harry! — Você ofegou, sentindo o ar da manhã arrepiando sua pele, nua.
— Porra... Você vinha treinar todo esse tempo sem calcinha? — Você não conseguiu responder, seu rosto ficando em chamas. — Eu compro outro short para você. — Sorriu enquanto ele se inclinava sobre você. — Eu compro um de cada cor. — Ele puxou o próprio short de compressão para baixo o suficiente para libertar o pau, já duro, a cabeça rosada e inchada apontando diretamente para você. — Mas só dessa vez... Me deixa te foder, só dessa vez e depois eu volto a ser só seu amigo.
Você já tinha imaginado isso antes , claro que tinha, mas ouvir aquilo, estar ali com ele, era completamente diferente.
Você abriu a boca para dizer algo, talvez dizer que aquilo era completamente errado, talvez um "sim, por favor" que você se recusaria a admitir depois, mas a única coisa que saiu de seus lábios foi o nome dele num gemido quando a cabeça do pau dele encontrou sua entrada, ele não entrou de imediato, em vez disso, deslizou para cima e para baixo, espalhando a própria umidade e a sua pelo caminho, enviando choques de prazer pela sua espinha.
— Olha só — a voz dele estava mais rouca agora. — Você já está bem molhadinha para quem tentou dizer pra eu parar.
Então ele te penetrou lentamente, cada centímetro entrando fez você arquear as costas no tapete, seus dedos se cravaram nos antebraços dele, nas tatuagens que você conhecia tão bem.
— Puta merda...—Você sibilou, não acreditando que aquilo realmente estava acontecendo.
Quando ele finalmente se enterrou completamente, a base do pau dele pressionada contra sua entrada já estava um pouco dolorida de ser tão esticada, então ele começou a se mover dentro de você , alternando entre brutal deliciosa e docemente lenta. A cada estocada, a cabeça do pau dele pressionava um ponto dentro de você que fazia suas pernas tremerem.
— Isso...— Aquela voz rouca, estava te desfazendo. — É assim que eu gosto... Você aberta pra mim... E gemendo desse jeitinho... — As estocadas ficaram mais rápidas, sua mão desceu entre vocês dois, os dedos encontrando seu clitóris pressionando contra seu ponto sensível em círculos que combinavam com o movimento dos quadris. — Você sabe o que eu pensei nisso a noite inteira? Depois do treino de ontem quando te vi com esses seus shorts, eu só pensava em rasgar e te foder assim.
Suas mãos soltaram os antebraços dele e subiram, os dedos se enrolando nos cachos molhados de suor na nuca dele, rosto dele estava vermelho, os olhos verdes dele estavam brilhando, vidrados, tão dilatados que quase não dava para ver a cor.
Você não conseguiu se segurar puxando seu rosto para perto o beijando, ele gemeu dentro da sua boca, surpreso, como se ele não esperasse que você tomasse a iniciativa, mas ele correspondeu rapidamente, a língua quente brincando com a sua, ele beijou você de volta com a mesma intensidade que estava te fodendo, isso foi o suficiente para que ondas de prazer se espalhassem para cada extremidade do seu corpo, sua boceta se contraindo em espasmos incontroláveis ao redor dele.
— Porra...Você vai me matar, me apertando assim... — Ele grunhiu, os dedos se cravando na sua carne, você sabia que o controle dele estava finalmente se desfazendo completamente.
Harry enterrou o rosto no seu ombro e gozou com um gemido abafado, os quadris empurrando para cima uma última vez, jorrando dentro de você em espasmos que pareciam não ter fim, nunca um homem pareceu gozar tão sexy como ele, os sons que ele fez ficariam gravado na sua memória para sempre.
Por um longo minuto, ninguém se moveu, o peso dele parecia maior contra você, a respiração ofegante dos dois se misturando e pele colada de suor e outras coisas, o coração dele batendo forte contra o seu peito ou era o seu coração?
Era impossível dizer.
— Ei.... — Ele foi o primeiro a falar.
— Hm?
— Eu... — Ele hesitou um pouco saindo de dentro de você.— Eu não vou pedir desculpas.
— Eu também não iria querer que fizesse isso.
— Bem, acho melhor voltarmos ao treino, então.
— Idiota! — Bateu no peito dele fazendo sair de cima se você. — Como vou treinar assim?
— Ah! É! — Ele coçou a nuca. — Então... chuveiro?
— Seu pervertido — Falou se levantando com a ajuda dele. — Nós mal acabamos.
O canto da boca dele subiu devagar e você pode ver o pau dele já meio duro de novo.
— Não ouvi você dizer não — ele murmurou, se aproximando segurando sua cintura. — Chuveiro? — Ele repetiu com os olhos fixos no seu.
Ele mesmo havia dito que era só dessa vez e já estava chamando para mais uma?
Mentiroso.
Mas vocês dois sabiam que não ia ser só dessa vez.
Vocês sabiam que o termo "amigo" tinha ido embora no momento que ele rasgou seu short, então não hesitou em dizer:
.... hey.... So this is another piece of filth! Stripper!Y/N and Bachelor Party!H with his one night of freedom. I hope you enjoy love bugs!
Check out our Patreon for early access and 150+ exclusive writings!
Warnings- infidelity (H cheating WITH Y/N), stripping, dirty talk, daddy kink if you squint, slight anal play. We don't condone cheating irl thanks
WC- 4.6k
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Harry knew it was wrong. So wrong, so against every normal moral compass he usually held, but there was something about the woman in front of him that enchanted him. Made him second guess everything.
It was his bachelor party and his mates had encouraged him- forced him, really- to go to the back room to get a private dance from the one he’d been eyeing up all night. It was hard not to, with her creamy smooth skin, breasts held up perfectly by her bra and those fucking garters around her thighs- it was a major weakness of his. She moved her body like water, smooth and rippling as she worked around the pole. Hair following her like a velvet curtain and a cat like grin, full of filthy promise. His head had been reeling as an unfamiliar feeling rose in his guts and his cock shamefully grew in his trousers.
The thing was- He’d been trying to talk himself out of having cold feet for months. Proposing was what felt like the next logical step. That’s what her friends had said, what her parents had hinted out. They weren’t wrong, he supposed. Savannah was a good girl, someone his parents approved of, and she was nice. The sex was alright, she didn’t complain, and she was beautiful. But there was something missing.
That passion. That lust he’d always thought he would feel when it came to his forever partner. Something he’d been convinced wasn’t real. And he was a piece of shit, because watching the woman in the skimpy get up approach him as he sat in the oversized cushy chair, his cock had more interest in her than it had in his fiancè in the last 4 months.
“Hello.” She purred, syrupy voice warming his bones. “I heard I was specifically requested and with quite a nice tip promised. I can’t help but be flattered.” He could see her skin sparkling, like there was body shimmer sprinkled all over her. The thighs, the chest, her breasts especially- he felt that guilt in his stomach start to dissipate as she got closer to him. She smelled sweet, like coconuts and vanilla, and she stared right back into his eyes. Her lips painted a cherry red, he nearly panted as she placed her knees on either side of his spread thighs and sat on top of him.
God, he felt like his heart could beat out of his chest. Her warmth went straight to his cock though she wasn’t sitting on it yet, her hair long and brushing his forearm as he kept it on the arm of the leather chair. It was oversized for this specific purpose, he thought.
“Well, I have to admit to you that the feeling is mutual. I could feel your eyes on me when I was on the stage and I was impressed. Such a handsome man.” Her fingers stroked his jawline, tilting it up towards her face as she moved her hips. He was hypnotized. Eyes dipping to her lips and back up to her heated eyes. “You’ve got me for an hour, now. I think you should introduce yourself.”
He could barely feel his tongue, but he had to get to talking. She almost intimidated him, sitting on top of him and touching him like she had all the rights to be there. Like he wasn’t about to get married. “Harry. My name’s Harry.” He rasped, managing to spew those words out without losing his tongue. Thank god, because he knew it wanted to do many other things.
“Yeah? Well, Harry… you can call me Angel.” She purred, slipping her fingers up and through his hair. It was embarrassing when he let out a soft moan, feeling her manicured nails against his scalp. It had been so long since someone touched him like this. His fiancè was sweet, but she didn’t really… do much for him. Not like this. She’d make a good wife, a good mother no doubt, but he wanted more than that. “I don’t usually take offers like this, you know.” The temptation moved from straddling him to standing in front of him, turning around and bending over to brush her ass against his crotch. “I don’t do private rooms but being blunt? I thought you were sexy. We can break a few rules tonight, can’t we?”
Her body laid on top of his as she rolled her ass on top of him, making him drop his head back against the chair. There was no way she couldn’t feel his cock, not with the way it was straining against his trousers. She moved perfectly against it, her arm coming back to tangle in his hair. Her temple was against his cheek, feeling the slight scruff as she took his hand from where it was clenching the arm of the chair with white knuckles, pulling it to run over her stomach.
“Usually… we don’t let people touch us. But I think I can make an exception for you.” Her hand was slow as she moved it up, trying to feel for any resistance. It was clear she wasn’t going to make him do more than he wanted- but that was the problem. He wanted. Fucking desperately. It was hard to hold on to the resolve, to remain faithful when the girl of his dreams was dangling herself like a cat going for a string. He wanted to touch and taste and feel. All the things he absolutely, positively should not do.
“Yeah?” His voice was dark and rough, trying to find his self control and ultimately failing as he let her drag his hand up and cup around her breast. The both of them let out a noise of relief as he squeezed without her urging, continuing her moving on him. “What kind of exception?”
“Well… your friends told me that you have one more night of freedom. That you didn’t seem like you were getting what you needed in your other situation.” Her thumb ran over his ring finger. “They told me that you needed to pull your head out of your ass and see that it’s a mistake.” Her body moved further up, lips ghosting his jaw. “To put it bluntly, Harry, they wanted me to show you that you could have the attention you want. Don't settle for the first pretty face that someone approves of. Sometimes….” She moaned as his fingers pinched her pierced nipple through the lace of her bra. “Sometimes you’ve got to be reminded of the things you could have.”
Harry was in a trance. He’d barely had a sip of his drink, having been too enthralled with her on the stage. His friends must have noticed it, and he hadn’t even been sure considering he had stared her whole set. Tipped most of his cash he’d taken out. At one cold sober, and he couldn’t even blame it on anything but his own mind. He hadn’t allowed himself to look at other women, tried desperately to make this work and be faithful but fuck, he was losing. Her supple ass moved against his cock, his fingers plucked her nipple as she was giving him an in.
“And how am I going to be reminded of that?” He was going to regret this, probably. When he woke up tomorrow and the adrenaline had faded… or maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe his mind would be as clear like he had been dying to have it.
“Like this.” She hummed. “Let yourself do what you want with me, Harry. If you do decide to go through with it… if you cuff yourself to that woman, as lovely as she may be… you’ll have had one final night of freedom.” Her voice was a purr. “Let me take care of you.”
It scared him. Being locked into a relationship he knew he wasn’t going to be fully satisfied with… it wasn’t what anyone wanted, but he felt a little trapped. He’d settled, he knew that, but it hadn’t been so obvious to him until a woman he was truly attracted to came and ruined his plans. It wasn’t fair to put this on her, but it was like looking at his decision for what it was. A mistake.
He wished he could be stronger. He wished he had more resolve, that his prick wasn’t leaking in his pants as he palmed her tits, that he stopped her from sinking to her knees and undoing the belt his fiancè had bought him for his birthday, that he didn’t raise his hips and help her pull his pants down. He wished he could say he didn’t groan in satisfaction as her hot little tongue ran up the length of his cock, from his sac to his tip with a filthy little giggle, but he did it anyways.
“Fuck…” she cooed. “Such a pretty cock, Harry.” Her words were murmured as she lapped over the leaking slit. “I’m going to take care of you. Don’t worry about a thing, okay?” She took his hand and pulled it to her hair. “I’ll pinch your thigh if I need to stop for a second. Let go of all that worry and let me take care of you.”
The guilt that had still tried to roll around in his stomach began to dissipate yet again as she sunk her head down on his length. Taking him down, showing off her skills as he felt the tip of his cock in back of her fucking throat. His mouth fell open as he looked down, feeling her nose brush his tummy before she pulled up, saliva stringing to her lips as she sent him a filthy grin. Harry hadn’t felt that in ages, his fiancè more gentle with the way she gave oral- refined. She didn’t like to do it much anyways which- it was fine. Everyone had their preferences. But fuck, when she spit thickly on his cock and used her hand to stroke and smear it all over, he remembered just how much he missed a sloppy blowie. How much he missed the animalistic desire, when a person would be so eager to please that they’d put their all into it.
“Shit.” He hissed through his teeth. “That’s good.” The words fell from his tongue without a second thought and her eyes brightened as she sucked the tip back into her mouth. The soft squelch of her wet hand stroking him was audible, sucking firm on the ruddy tip and her tongue brushed the slit, making his breathing quicken. He was only a few minutes into it and it was the best head he’d ever had. “Take more.”
The Angel on her knees simply looked up at him, putting her clean hand on his on the back of her head and motioning for him to push.
Fuck.
“You- You want me to fuck your mouth.” He rasped, watching as she nodded, humming the best she could around him. How could he say no to that? When his prick was dripping for her and her hand was firmly stroking over the base. He held her hair in his hand, slowly pushing her down as he watched. Her red lips had smeared on his cock and his stomach and he knew he’d need to wash up before he got home and his clueless fiancè possibly saw, but it sent a thrill up his spine. Watching her stretched lips sink all the way down, marveling at how she took it with only a few gags- he was in his own version of heaven.
“Christ, you’re good at that.” He grit his teeth, pulling her up slightly before pushing her back down. “Let me know when you need to breathe. Fuck, it’s been so long.” His head rolled back on the chair, lifting his hips slightly as he felt her throat flex. She was drooling around him, letting out noises that vibrated against him and added to the pleasure. It was disgusting, filthy, so fucking wrong- and yet he was obsessed.
She sat like a good girl, even though she was being a filthy whore for him, her free hand gently dragging her nails over his inner thigh. It made him fucking crazy, hissing as he really fucked into her throat. She’d feel it tomorrow, she’d remember taking his spoken for prick into her mouth and changing his whole fucking world view. “Such a good slut for me. Can’t believe you’re taking all of this, fucking Angel.” He slurred, rutting up into her face as she let out little gags and fueled his arousal.
Giving her a chance to breathe, he relished in the choked sound she let out as he pulled out of her mouth. She panted, pulling on his length before spitting on him. The girl was a fucking wreck, eyes wet with tears and chin dripping with spit but she looked happier than he’d ever seen anyone else taking his cock. It made him think about how she’d never seemed this happy to pleasure him. It was done, of course, but it seemed like a chore. This girl, Angel, which he doubted was her real name- she was enjoying every bit of it. Loving it. “You like sucking me off, don’t you?” He thumbed away some of the mess.
“I love it.” She admitted, turning her head to press a kiss over his thumb. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to suck a pretty cock. None have been as good as yours.” The girl’s voice was wrecked and it did something to him, the most primal part. “Is this all you want, sir?” Her eyes gazed into his own. “Did you want to cum into my throat? Or….” She tilted her head. “Did you want to do more to me?” Her eyes fluttered as she gave him a soft, coy little look that made his prick twitch in her hand. “I’ll give you anything you want.”
The man didn’t even know that was an option. Honestly- he shouldn’t. This was bad enough. He was cheating, he was fucking up massively, but he couldn’t deny he was drawn to this woman. This beautiful stripper who had given him the most glorious head and let him fuck into her throat. It would be wrong to fuck her. So fucked up, so awful to do this and crawl back into bed with Savannah when he got home- but he couldn’t say no. He really, really needed this.
“I want to know your real name before I fuck you.” He decided, sealing his fate as an awful- but sexually satisfied- person.
“Y/N.” She mumbled, moving up his body. “But don’t tell anyone else, yeah? I like you…” her lips brushed against his own. “So I’m going to let you do awful, filthy things to me. The stuff the girl at home won’t let you do.” The side took the lead again and took his hand, cupping it over his cunt. “Don’t waste a tight, hot cunt that’s wet for you. Or… my ass.” She purred. “It’s all up to you. I’m open to anything with a cock like that.”
Harry moved in a blur. A double check she was okay with it, a condom being produced from the side drawer that she slipped on his cock and her body climbing on top of his, he couldn’t really find a way to stop himself when the mere sight of her had changed his plans, ruined his mental resolve. Her panties yanked to the side, her slick cunt wasted no time. He’d offered to prep her but she shook her head, telling him she wanted the stretch- and he wasn’t going to tell this girl no.
His mouth fell open as he groaned, watching her cunt spread for him. He had a front row seat as she sat herself on top of his cock, watching it fill her up. She whimpered, nails digging into his shoulders as her tummy jumped at the sharp breaths, but she never stopped. Slowly taking him in, she engulfed him and covered him in that tight, sopping heat that he had been desperate for. She was much tighter than the woman he had waiting for him at home, and the thought only spurred him on. “Fuck me… you’re so tight.” He hissed, hands gripping her ass tight. His marks would be visible on her. She’d stumble home and go to sleep, wake up with the reminder of his cock in her and his hands on her- but he couldn’t have the same. He wished he could, though he doubted he could ever forget this.
“Just for you.” She purred, pushing him to lean back against the chair. Fully sat on him, she began to grind over him. Whimpering as her clit brushed his stomach, looking at his face as his eyes were moving from where they were connected and her face. He looked almost like he was in pain, but she knew it was pleasure. Getting used to feeling her around him. The girl knew it was wrong to do this, but she never claimed to be a saint. A man as sexy as him should be positive about who he was marrying, because god knew he could get anyone he wanted. “Is that what you needed, Harry? Needed a tight cunt wrapped around your big cock?” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Testing her limits.
Everything about this was wrong, but it had never felt so right being inside of a woman. Feeling her squeeze him as she rocked back and forth in his lap, her breasts brushing his chest and her lips nearing his. He knew kissing her would be the final nail in the coffin, the last straw, there would be no turning back or controlling his urges. But he knew she was the one in control at the moment and he was at the mercy of the beautiful woman and the needs of his leaking cock. “So fucking good, baby.” He panted. “S’all I needed.”
Y/N beamed, grabbing a handful of his hair and pulling his head back before connecting their lips. And that was game over for Harry.
He gave in. Submitting to his desires, the last tiny droplet of guilt drying up like water on a hot pan. Sizzling away as the arousal burned hot in his gut, his balls tight and full as she began to lift herself up and down on his prick and her tongue entered his mouth. Sweet like cherry vanilla, moaning into his mouth as she fucked herself on his cock like she owned it. Hell- he had to admit that tonight, she did own it. She was giving him everything that he had been dying for, begging for, but couldn’t have. He’d settled without it for a while but this was the reminder that it could be better- he could have better.
She was so fucking wet. Harry’d never felt pussy like this before, not with it dripping down to his balls and smearing over his stomach as she whimpered against his mouth. Her hand held his hair and tugged, making him growl against her mouth as he began to fuck into her. Sinking down further into the chair with his feet firm on the ground, bucking into her welcoming, sopping hole as she let out little noises against his mouth.
“Take me.” She taunted through breaths. “Fuck me, Harry. Fuck me like you’ve been needing.” Lips dragged across his own and he could feel her smile. “She doesn’t give it to you like this, does she?” Her hand pulled harder at the nape of his neck, making him grit his teeth. “Doesn’t suck you nice and messy, doesn’t let you take her pussy like this? How could she waste such a gorgeous cock…” her other hand clenched down on his shoulder, a squeak leaving her as Harry’s hand came down roughly on her ass. “Oh, fuck. She doesn’t let you do that either, does she?” The girl had nerve to giggle against him, suckling on his bottom lip as he snarled. “Do it again, baby. Hit me.”
Harry felt like he could pass out. Fucking into her cunt without reservation, her filthy words fanning the flames of his arousal and dousing any possible guilt even just talking about her, she told him to smack her ass again. So he did. He didn’t hold back, feeling the sting in his hand but also noticing how she got even more soaked as his length pistoned into her, how she let out a string of low curses before tugging his hair harsher. “Again.” She growled. “Fuck me, Harry. Fuck me like you can’t do to her. Are you going to lock down this perfect cock on someone who can’t use it right?” Y/N was pushing boundaries but she was getting what she wanted, another rough spank that she was sure would bruise.
“Yes, yes- you know I’m right.” A giggle of disbelief filled the room, along with the slap of wet skin. “You could have pussy whenever you want. Don’t-don’t tie yourself to someone you can’t pound like a slut. That’s what you’ve been needing, isn’t it? Pussy better than that frigid bitch of a wannabe wife-“ the words were cut off as Harry took control. Turning them around, he stuffed her face into the cushy back of the chair and lifted her hips up, making her scramble to hold on to the chair as he slammed back in.
“Shut the fuck up.” He hissed, tugging her head to the side so she could breathe but holding on the side of her head so she stayed put. “Just shut up and take my cock like the good little whore you claim to be. Fucking slut.” He smacked her ass again, smiling to himself at the fucked out smile on her face. This was the nasty shit he’d been holding back, no outlet to put it in. It was pathetic, he knew it, not going after what he wanted- but this was a wake up call. Women like Y/N existed. Who wanted it just like he did, who taunted and craved and let themself get messy. Didn’t worry about bruises, who asked for it harder. This was his dream woman, if he was being honest.
“Sorry, Daddy.” She whined. “I’ll be good for you. Just don’t stop fucking me. I’m gonna cum.” It wasn’t a secret. He could feel it, feel her beginning to pulse around his length as he railed her. He was in her stomach, fucking her deep and she took every inch. The thought lingered in his mind, thinking about how an hour wasn’t enough. He needed more of this. He wanted to take his time, to make her whimpery and wobbly in the knees. Make her fall out of work the next day. It wasn’t something he thought she did, but if she would allow it he knew he was going to pay her for every second. He’d been depriving himself of everything he wanted for the idea of a picture perfect life, for what people thought he should have. “You’re going to make me cum…” the warning was higher pitched, her eyes watering.
“I can feel it. God, can’t believe how lucky I’ve got it. Perfect little slut for my cock.” The chair was hitting the wall but the pumping music outside muffled it. His balls smacked against her clit, getting wet with each thrust and making her legs quiver. The girl’s fingers held tightly to the chair he was fucking her into, body lax and giving him then ability to do whatever he needed. “Maybe I’ll come back and take this pussy again. Would you like that? Like being a nasty fuck like this, ruining my plans?”
“Yes- yes, don’t keep this dick away from me, Harry. I’ll do anything to have it again.” She was cockdrunk and he knew she may not mean it, but it was what he needed to hear. Y/N was doing what he’d needed to have months ago, providing him the mental clarity to see he was making a massive mistake if he went through with this. “She doesn’t have to know. I’ll be quiet, please- come back and see me. Shit.” Her hand hit the fabric, eyes hooded as he gave her what she needed in return. “Or don’t go th-through with it. I can give you what you need- oh my god.” Her words were interrupted by him spreading her open and spitting right over her hole, thumbing over her ass. “Yes. Yes- please, do it.”
Harry was in awe of her, pressing into the needy girl’s ass with his thumb and watching as her mouth dropped open. It was a domino effect after that. Pushing his thumb in and pulling it out only once before filling her back up, she began to shake under him before letting out a choked moan of his name- she came. Wet and hot, gushing slightly around his cock and making a mess as she came, slick and perfect for him.
He wished he had more willpower, but it had been so long since he’d fucked properly. Seeing her whine and reach back, finding his arm and digging her nails into his forearm and cumming like a mess around his cock, he was quick to follow. It surprised him how intense it was. Feeling her pulsating hole trying to milk him of every drop, he growled loudly and sloppily thrust into her, looking at the creamy cunt as he unloaded into the condom. His legs felt weak as he slowed his thrusts, breathing heavy and sweat covering his forehead as he looked down at the view under him.
His dick sheathed by the best pussy he’d ever had, her ass snug up against his body and her blissed out face looking back at him. He was a mess, one that he knew he wouldn’t be able to explain to anyone without making it abundantly clear about what happened, but this was the best he’d felt in months.
“You okay?” He asked softly, stroking the hair out of her face. “Went rough on you.” His knuckle brushed away the trail of tears. It did something for his ego, he knew, and this would be something he remembered forever. The most beautiful woman looking at him like he’d hung the damn moon. He’d done that to her. It filled him with pride. This was the feeling he was supposed to have after sex. That feeling he’d been going crazy searching for. Not the slight disappointment as soon as the lackluster orgasm faded. Savannah wasn’t a bad woman, not at all- but she wasn’t right for him.
“I’m fucking perfect.” She breathed out, shaking her head. “Just- don’t pull out yet. I need a minute.” Her voice was weaker now as she slumped against the chair, Harry following suit. Pressing himself against her back, he took the lead and kissed her again, humming at the taste of him and cherry vanilla on her lips. “Are you going to come back and see me?” She mumbled as he pulled back a bit.
“I’d like to, yeah.” He laughed breathlessly. “Have some things to break off but… I’d love your number, if that’s something you’d be comfortable with.” If he didn’t do this again, he thinks he may die. Dramatic, but his life was changed.
“Mmm…”’she hummed. “I don’t usually do that, but I’ll make another exception for you.”
Summary: Your mind is making you believe things you shouldn’t.
Pairings: Harry Styles x fem!Reader, Fem!Reader x OC, Mentions of HS x OC
Word Count: 4kish
Warnings: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST PARTNER, mentions of blood, slapping, tugging, and previous events of D.V. Also being gaslit, believing something you shouldn’t, allures to depression, anxiety, PTSD from D.V events.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE IF ANY OF THE ABOVE WARNINGS ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU.
A/N: First off, I am so sorry I’m barely posting part 4! I know it’s been a long time since I posted part 3, but I was in a funk about this short series and I had no idea what to do with it! I’m thinking since it’s such a heavy topic, it felt almost draining, but.. here it is! And I hope you all enjoy it. 🫶🏻 thank you for supporting me and loving my work!! I’m also tagging the people that commented on the last part! Song Inspo: “Paralyzed” by NF
All my mistakes are my own. Please do not repost or translate my fics on any other site nor this one.
I appreciate any likes, reblogs, messages, and interactions. Please message me your thoughts!!! It fuels me!
Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist
Two weeks.
It’s been two weeks since you’ve been home since your accident.
Accident.
The word felt weird in your brain. It felt weird in your mouth. It felt weird even thinking about it.
Because the more you thought about it… the more your brain tried to remember the events that had happened to you and the more pain it caused you.
You had spent the entire time locked up in your home.
Absolutely terrified to go outside. To see your friends. To see your family.
You hadn’t even seen Harry and it wasn’t for his lack of trying. He called. He texted. He even came to the house when he knew Asher would be at work. He’d stay outside for hours in his Range Rover and you’d secretly watch him from the window upstairs that he didn’t know had the perfect view of him.
And he looked just as rough as you felt.
But you couldn’t find it in yourself to speak to him. Let alone see him.
Sometimes.. sometimes you’d cry sitting against the front door as you listened to Harry talking to you from behind it.
But you would simply just text him to leave you alone and that you couldn’t speak to him anymore.
He sent you so many messages daily and it made you feel guilty. Guilty for shutting him out after he was there for you. Ashamed for what you had done to Asher. And terrified because you didn’t want anything to happen to Harry. The more you thought about what had happened to you… the more it made you afraid of Harry getting hurt because of you.
You just felt so horrible. So ashamed. So guilty. So gross.
You couldn’t even bring yourself to record anything for your socials.
You had been posting old drafts that you had saved for a rainy day and you feared that your followers were slowly realizing something was going on. But you ignored the feeling and persisted with your day to day life.
Well, you were trying.
Your body still aches. You still felt incredibly sore, but it was slowly getting better.
The swelling around your face had gone down and the bruising was now a greenish/yellowing color. You still felt horrible. You felt hideous and ashamed.
You didn’t know why, but you felt so ashamed of yourself.
And you were terrified of Asher.
You couldn’t even look at him. He had gone on with his day to day life after you had been released from the hospital. He tried to be there for you, but he could tell something was wrong because you wouldn’t let him touch you.
You were so scared of him and you didn’t know why. You kept having nightmares of ‘the accident’ and the more and more you dreamt of it… the more the person resembled Asher. The more you saw the figure in your mind… the more their features twisted into Asher’s.
Those dark eyes turned into angry blue ones. The messy black hair in your dreams turned into bright blonde. The blurry jaw turned sharp and all the features soon morphed into Asher. And it terrified you.
Had it been Asher who had done this to you?
The more you thought about it… the more those muffled words the person yelled turned into words yelled at you by Asher.
The more you think about it the more your breathing starts feeling restricted because you can almost feel the way his strong hand was pressed against the base of your neck. The way he was physically choking you against the wall and how you cried to him, begging him to let you go, but he never did.
Silent tears fall down your cheeks as the memories pile into your thoughts. You didn’t want to believe it.
You couldn’t believe it.
You grip onto your shoulders as you hug your knees to your chest and the cold bathtub feels good on your naked skin. But you feel hollow inside.. almost empty.
The water surrounding your naked body is cold and your skin is breaking out into goosebumps. But you can’t find it in yourself to get out of it.
You feel as if you’re drowning in all of your emotions with your heart pounding in your ears. Trying to find the meaning of why he did this to you.
Why would he leave you with these scars inside of you that will never heal?
You know what you did was wrong. So wrong. That’s why you hadn’t spoken to Harry in two weeks, but did you honestly deserve all of this?
Maybe you did.
Maybe you did deserve this.
You did this. You cheated on him. You hurt him first. You destroyed him first. He just got even.
The annoying little voice in your head kept repeating those sentences to you and you were starting to believe it.
You let out a shaky breath as your body shakes with it. You slowly start to get out of the bathtub, your body feeling weak, and you know you look like shit.
You had been feeling so nauseated and disgusting. You couldn’t keep anything down, but you kept trying.
You obviously haven't been eating right and your body is showing it, but you avoid yourself in the mirror and dry yourself off in the dark closet. You pull on an oversized jumper and matching bottoms. You braid your wet hair into a braid and let out a deep sigh. Your chest feels heavy.
You sit for a second, letting your eyes slowly go up, and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Your dark under eyes and hollow cheeks are enough to make you instantly look away. The bruises you still hold make your eyes sting. The fading handprint marks on your neck make you cringe. You close your eyes quickly and curse at yourself.
You slowly make your way to your bed, putting your phone to charge, and slipping under the covers.
And at that moment, Asher walks into the room in his work suit. His eyes immediately find you and you freeze in the bed.
You wonder if he knows that you know it was him.
Was it him?
It was.
His eyes never leave you as he bends down in front of you. You grip onto the covers around you and hold your breath when his fingers caress your face.
“How are you feeling?” He asks with sincerity in his voice and warmth in his eyes. And you wonder how he could have ever laid a hand on you.
“I’m okay,” you reply in a whisper and try to not shake underneath his touch.
Why are you afraid of him? He was upset and you deserved it.
“I’m glad,” he says as he quickly kisses your forehead and then goes into the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him and you let out a shaky breath that you were holding in. You wipe the wet kiss he left on your skin and then when you hear the shower start, your body relaxes into the bed.
Then your phone vibrates on your nightstand.
Your entire body runs cold and you quickly get it, jogging out of the room, and running downstairs.
You step outside into your patio and answer your phone. The cold air hitting your face and making you instantly shiver.
“You have to stop calling me,” you whisper immediately when you put the phone to your ear. Your heart thumps rapidly inside of your chest.
You hear a small sniffle from the other side of the call and your heart tightens.
“Sun..”
You clench your eyes tightly and try to even out your breathing, “Harry. I’ve told you to stop calling me. You.. you can’t call me anymore. Whatever we had, it’s done. It-it’s over.”
Even if your heart is screaming at you to let him back in. To ask him to come save you. To save you from Asher. To save you from yourself.
“Just please tell me why you’re still there! He hurt you! He did this to you. Why don’t you believe me?!” His voice is filled with anguish, disbelief, and he sounds absolutely devastated.
Because you can't admit that he did this to you. Because you deserve everything he did. Because you made the biggest mistake when you slept with Harry again. Harry doesn’t want you anymore.
You pinch the bridge of your nose as an uneasiness settles into the pit of your stomach. “What am I supposed to do, Harry? I-I don’t even know if it was him! I feel crazy! I feel insane! I-I feel insane for the way my brain is slowly making images of him doing this to me! How could—he didn’t,” you start pacing your backyard, wet grass tickling your feet, “How could he have done this to me?” You silently beg him for an answer.
You weep silently as he asks, “You remember?”
You silently groan and wipe your tears away in a rush.
“I don’t know what I remember! I-I don’t know what’s real or what’s fake. I just know that you need to stop calling me,” you demand as you quickly end the call and sit down on your patio chair. Trying to relax your heart rate as the ugly images rush in your brain.
You clench your eyes tightly together, your hands grasping at the roots of your hair, and you let out a little whimper.
Stop crying. You deserved it.
You slowly start to work on your breathing, your entire body shaking with feelings of anxiety and desperation, and you lean back onto the chair. Letting yourself inhale deeply and calmly. Your eyes are still closed as you try to relax.
“Y/N?”
Asher’s voice startles you which makes you flinch, which causes you to jump in the chair, your hands gripping onto the arm rests in a panic, and gasping deeply. Your eyes go wide in fright and you see Asher standing in front of you in only his pajama pants. His blonde hair is wet and messy.
“Hey, it’s just me.” He coos at you, leaning down to watch you, his cold hands covering your own, and you try not to snatch them back.
He notices your hesitation and he frowns.
“Why are you outside?” His voice suddenly turned cold.
“I just needed some fresh air,” you lie as you try to speak clearly and without any shakiness.
Because your mind won’t stop trying to tell you about what happened.
His eyebrows furr and his lips go tight.
“You need to come inside before you catch a cold,” he demands. His hand tightens around your wrist and he basically tugs you onto your feet and drag you inside.
You yelp loudly, “Asher, what are you doing? Let go of me!”
He loves you. He wouldn’t hurt you. Would he?
He already did.
His hand only grips tighter around you as he drags you into the kitchen.
The only place you had been avoiding since the accident. Your heart rate immediately goes sky high, confusion runs through you, and you beg, “Asher.. wh-what are you doing? Let me go, please.”
Fear runs through your body when he shoves you into the kitchen stool and he stands in front of you.
“Since when do you remember?”
Your mouth goes dry as your eyes go wide, “Remember what?”
He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest, and his dark eyes turn to you. “Let’s just stop this game where you pretend you don’t remember what I did to you and why I did it to you.”
“I…I don’t—I don’t know…”
You look down to try to avoid his hard stare and start fumbling with your fingers. A feeling of uneasiness surrounds you.
His hand slams onto the countertop, the loud bang making you jump, and tears fill your eyes. Because you’re terrified. Your lip quivers in fright.
“Stop fucking lying to me!! You’ve been lying to me for years! Saying you and Harry are over! That-that nothing was going on between you guys! That it was over! It was never fucking over!! You kept fucking him behind my back and I want to know why!”
His hands grip your arms tightly, tears falling down your cheeks as you try to avoid his eyes, and he grabs your chin in his hand.
“Stop fucking crying and tell me why you kept fucking him!!” He roars at you as angry tears run down his face, chest heaving in rage, and he looks terrifying.
You cry into his palm, “I-I d-don't know why! It-it just happened, I s-swear!! Please, Asher! Please believe me! It only h-happened a couple times and—-“ you whine as his grip tightens around your chin and pain shoots all over your body from it.
“So, who’s the father?”
What?
His question makes your tears halt, you suck in a deep breath, and your hands immediately go into his wrist to try and pull him off of you. Your eyes staring into his own in shock, “What are you t-talking about?!”
Father?
He shoves you off his palm and you steady yourself in the chair again, watching him, and trying to stop more tears from falling. He walks around the kitchen, shaking his head, and he lets out a chuckle in disbelief.
“Asher!” You cry out, standing up this time even though you are shaking from head to toe, and you feel completely afraid of him. You have to know what he meant.
“What are you talking about?!”
He turns to look down at you, his eyes roaming your body, and he stops at your belly. You flinch under his attention, wrapping your arms around yourself as if you’re trying to protect your body from him, and he moves closer to you.
“I told the nurse from the hospital that I’m your fiancée and she told me that you’re pregnant.” You gasp loudly, covering your mouth as sobs break through you, “The only reason why they told me was because they were about to tell you after they checked your blood work again to make sure, but I begged them not to say anything. Saying something about how it would be too much for you too soon.” He rolls his eyes at your sobs and continues, “I had to practically beg on my knees for them not to tell you, but you were beaten up so bad that they felt bad for you.”
He leans down to look into your eyes as you try to back away.
“Little did they know it was me who did it to you,” he whispers, “but then I found out you’re pregnant. And I admit.. I did feel a little bit guilty. But then I felt pissed. Because I don’t even know if the baby is mine. Do you?”
You whimper as he gets closer to you, your arms wrapping tighter around your body, and you look down to your feet.
“You did this to me,” you sob out in a whisper, finally admitting it out loud, and you feel your shoulders start to shake.
He suddenly grabs your neck and in an instant without even hesitation, you react by slapping his face hard. The loud smack startles him as an angry groan rages out of his chest and you instantly retract backwards, fumbling and tripping on your feet to the floor.
Why would you hit the man who loves you?
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Don’t touch me, I’m sorry! Please don’t hit me!” The words fly out of your mouth at a rapid speed as you quickly scatter into the corner of the room into a ball, trying to shield yourself from him with your arms, and your breathing picks up instantly.
Asher’s quick steps allow him to reach you in an instant, his big hands swallow your wrist, and he pulls you to your feet. You stumble into his embrace as he holds you tightly against his body.
His free hand tugs into your hair, pulling at it by the roots and he laughs when you let out a pained whine, and tears spring out in the corner of your eyes, and you’re frozen in his hold.
He’s pulling your hair down so that you’re looking up at him, his tight hold doesn’t let you move an inch, and his white teeth are covered in his own blood from the hard hit you gave him.
“Are you scared of me?” He questions as he slowly caresses your face.
You let out a low whimper as you watch him, scared to even breathe.
“Why would I ever hit you? You’re my fiancé and I love you,” his voice is steady and cynical. You gulp down the lump in your throat as your lips quiver.
Your body is aching already from his tight hold and you wish you were braver.
“I would never hurt you again. Don’t you trust me?” he whispers into your neck as he starts kissing down your jaw. You shiver at his touch and don’t move.
“Isn’t that right? I would never hurt you again. I’m sorry I ever touched you like I did before. I was only upset. You forgive me, right?,” he whispers into your mouth as his lips hover over yours and he slowly kisses you. Fear is etched into every single fiber of your body and you don’t close your eyes as you watch him kiss your lips.
You let out a shaky breath as you move your lips against his as you try and think of what to do. How would you even get out of this situation?
He’s taller than you. He’s stronger and faster than you’ll ever be. You don’t think you’d be able to make it far. You don’t think you’d make it out the door without him catching you.
“And now you’re carrying my baby. I’m not ever going to hurt you again,” he whispers into your mouth as you cry silently.
What are you going to do now?
Harry couldn’t live with you.
He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t fucking think without you.
He couldn’t even fucking breathe without you.
His chest hurt from your absence in his life and he was trying so fucking hard to help you. But you wouldn’t let him in.
He tried calling, he tried texting, he tried staying outside of your house to get you to talk to him, but you just wouldn’t. He didn’t want to force you to remember and he didn’t want to physically take you away from your home.
He couldn’t do that to you. But he was terrified every single second of the day. He didn’t know what to do.
He tried talking to your family and seeing if they had spoken to you or seen you, but they said they hadn’t. They said you messaged them every day, but only simple worlds that you were okay and that you were recovering. And that you were tired and needed to be alone.
It was killing Harry. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
He was torn about what to do. Because he didn’t know what the fuck to do. How was he supposed to just take you away from your home? It would be basically kidnapping.
But he was scared that Asher was going to hurt you again. How was he supposed to know if he didn’t already?
He just wanted you to be okay. He just needed to see you. He just wanted to be with you.
He’d protect you. He’d love you. He’d keep you safe.
If only you’d let him.
And now you weren’t even speaking to him. You kept telling him to leave you alone and that everything that had happened between you two was a mistake.
How was he supposed to believe that? You are the love of his life.
He couldn’t give two fucks about Vivian and Asher.
Matter of fact, he called off his engagement with Vivian the second he got home from the hospital and she was out of his home the next day. She said she knew it was too good to be true and apparently fucked off to Paris.
Harry couldn’t bring himself to care because he was too worried about you. And he knew what he was doing wasn’t healthy. But what else is he supposed to do?
Kidnap you?
Take you away from your home and keep you in his?
Keep you in his home until you remember what Asher did to you? And make you leave him?
Maybe he should.
Harry’s eyes started burning as tears filled the brim of his eyes and he stumbles out a loud, frustrated sigh, because he’s so tired. He’s so fucking tired of crying!
He’s so upset at himself for not doing anything. He’s pissed off at the world. He’s pissed at himself. He’s pissed off at Asher for ever touching you and he’s pissed off at your brain for making you forget.
He wants to kill Asher. He wants to beat him to a pulp. He wants to make him hurt the way you hurt.
But how is he supposed to do that when you still believe he’s the golden boy you used to love?
Harry knows he’s not supposed to call you. He knows you probably won’t answer. You never do. Well, usually. But he misses your voice. He needs to hear your voice. He begs god that you remember and that you ask him to come for you. Please. He needs this.
He clicks on the first contact in his favorites list and his breathing almost hitches when he hears your voice.
“You have to stop calling me,” he hears your sweet voice whisper into the phone. His heart tightens in his chest.
He sniffles as he feels his lips quiver and he frowns, “Sun…”
“Harry. I’ve told you to stop calling me. You.. you can’t call me anymore. Whatever we had, it’s done. It-it’s over.”
He can hear your strangled breathing on the other side of the phone. His heart is thumping rapidly at your words. He pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Just please tell me why you’re still there! He hurt you! He did this to you. Why don’t you believe me?!” He yells into the phone trying not to get too upset. But he feels so much pain right now. He feels devastated. He just needs you to believe him. Why don’t you believe him?
He clutches his own chest as if he’s trying to console his own heart from the pain he’s feeling.
“What am I supposed to do, Harry? I-I don’t even know if it was him! I feel crazy! I feel insane! I-I feel insane for the way my brain is slowly making images of him doing this to me! How could—he didn’t.. How could he have done this to me?”
Harry listens to your rapid words and he aches for you. All he wants to do is take away everything you’re feeling. He wants to take away all your pain.
He begs god to give it to him instead. He can handle it. He can take it.
You can’t. He doesn’t know if he can save you from this. He wants to save you. And then it clicks.
He silently gasps when your words click in his own brain.
“You remember?”
He hears you groan into the phone before you speak again, “I don’t know what I remember! I-I don’t know what’s real or what’s fake. I just know that you need to stop calling me.”
Then, the line goes dead.
Harry stares at the phone in shock. His mind reels a million thoughts every second. What should he do?
He doesn’t even think before he shoves on some shoes and goes into his Range Rover.
He’s going to save you. Even if it kills him. He’s going to take you away from Asher.
And he hopes you forgive him for not coming sooner.
Tag list: @yellowtrain28 @sarcas-latte @st-ev-ie @ingrid-ingrid-ingrid @cherry01 @writinghost @that-daydream-look @marzhshaim
y/n had a really bad habit of shutting down when she was sad. no talking, no giving reactions to anything around her. just silence along with her face housing the worlds biggest frown. and right now, saying y/n is ‘sad’ an insane understatement.
devastated would be a word better suited.
she was currently standing in the kitchen with a drink in her hand, while everyone was it was dancing, holding conversation and laughing at shitty jokes. she wanted say that she wasn’t going to attend Mitch’s birthday party, but she knew that harry was going to be here, so that’s why she is was standing in Mitch’s kitchen, wishing she never came.
she first saw harry when she walked through the front door. a rush of excitement and anxiety ran through her system all at the same time. she wasn’t fully mentally prepared to see him, she thought she would get at least 10 minutes before she was graced with his presence. the excitement in her system quickly washed away when she saw his arm around ‘her’.
she was so envious of olivia. she was beautiful, tall, successful, everything y/n didn’t see in herself. but what she hated about olivia the most, was that she was she was so kind. everyone around her loved her, and that made it so much harder to hate her the way y/n wanted to.
after seeing them together y/n knew she needed to get away, so she ran to the kitchen without a hello to harry, and that’s where she found herself now, indulging in self loathing and a vodka cranberry mixed drink.
“y/n, i didn’t even see you walk in!” mitch said as he approached her with his arms extended.
“oh hi! happy birthday, are you enjoying your party?”
y/n hated to say it, but she would rather be anywhere than here. as she was talking to mitch while he was getting a drink from the refrigerator, harry entered the kitchen.
“I shall die of thirst before you move from the fridge.” harry said with a smile while patting Mitch on the shoulders, not giving y/n so much as a look or a wave. of course he couldn’t speak to her, she hated it, but she knew she wasn’t going to get mad at him for it, she never does.
“okay, okay, im leaving! y/n, you can help yourself to whatever.” Mitch said as he re-entered the party, leaving y/n and harry alone. he gave a quick look at the kitchen door way before turning to her.
“you didn’t say hi.” he said to her with his low eyes looking directly into hers. her stomach started turning into knots. right now, she’s telling herself she’s in a parellel universe where her and harry are happily together.
“you didn’t say hi to me either” she said, playing with the ring on her middle finger.
“you just don’t get it do you?” he spoke before turning around to grab two cans of strawberry soda out of the fridge. her heart sank, she knew that drink wasn’t for her because harry knows she doesn’t like strawberry soda, it always leaves a bad aftertaste in her mouth. she knew it was for olivia and she was sucked back into reality.
“don’t get what, harry?” she said with irritation in her tone. he can’t be serious right now, right?
“you don’t get any of it, that i want to-“
“H, baby ive been looking for you everywhere!”
olivia spoke while entering the kitchen, her voice loud from previously having to yell over music, which is partly why y/n jumped in fear. she automatically felt like she was doing something wrong by being in the kitchen alone with harry.
“oh, um, hey baby” harry said as olivia gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
y/n doesn’t see olivia much, but when they are around each other, they don’t speak. y/n doesn’t fully understand why olivia doesn’t talk to her, but she’s grateful that she doesn’t.
“cmon, you’re missing the party!” olivia grabbed harry by the arm and dragged him out of the kitchen, not even turning her head to glance in y/n’s direction.
y/n let out a sigh and decided that she had been spending enough time in the kitchen. as soon as she exited the doorway, she collided with a tall figure and the top half of her dress suddenly felt cold and started sticking to her skin.
“oh my God Mate, i am so sorry i didn’t even see you there” said the mystery man who apprently didn’t know how to keep his drink in his cup. she was so beyond irritated but she knew better than to take it out on him.
“oh, no it’s okay, it’s fine don’t worry abou-“
“no mate, let me go get you a paper towel.” the mystery man ran into the kitchen while y/n stood there with a wet chest and a broken heart. she was at the point in the night where she was ready to go home, but she wanted to see harry one last time. even if that mean literally just looking at him.
she looked around for about 10 seconds before her eyes met his. he was already looking at her. her eyes quickly looked away because of the embarrassment she felt. she had to get out of here, she had to leave.
she felt her phone vibrate but decided it was probably her neighbor, adam, letting her know that her puppy was now asleep. she will thank adam for watching henry for the night when her gets in her car, the only thing she is worried about right now is mystery man coming back with the paper towel so she can freshen up in the bathroom and leave, finally.
“here’s that paper towel, again i’m so sorry” mystery man was actually pretty nice, if he would’ve rude to her, she was convinced she would just fall in the floor and cry, she was too emotional right now for attitude from a stranger.
“thank you so much” said y/n as the kind stranger wandered back into the party.
the 3 bathrooms downstairs were preoccupied, so she had to go upstairs in Mitches room to use his personal restroom , which has had to do many times before are the other parties he had hosted over the years.
as she shut the door to the bathroom behind her, she grabbed her phone to reply to who she thought was Adam. when she held the phone up, she realized that it wasn’t.
“From Harry: ‘who’s that guy youre talking to’ “
she wanted to scream, and she wanted to throw her phone against wall. ‘who does he think he is, he can’t just ask me questions like that!’ she thought to herself.
“To harry: don’t you have a girlfriend to worry about?”
she instantly felt bad after pressing send, she never wanted him to feel bad, but she hated him so much for not choosing her, she hated him because no matter what he did to her, she would always love him. she absolutely hated it.
she heard 3 knocks on the bathroom door which made her jump for the second time that night.
“Sorry Mitch, i’ll be right out.” she spoke, reaching for the door handle.
“it’s me” she froze. she opened the door before she knew what she was even doing, and harry walked in, closing the door and locking it behind him.
she finally faced him, with her back leaning on the counter sink counter.
“what are you doing in here? how did you even know i was in here?” y/n asked, one question right after the other.
“who was that guy, the one who spilled that drink on you?” she wanted to slap him across the face.
“harry, wha- i don’t know him, he just bumped into me and got me paper towels after spilling his drink on me, why are you so concerned? and how did you know i was in here?!”
she was starting to reach her breaking point. why was he up here worried about some clumsy stranger when he should be down there celebrating his friend’s birthday with his ‘girlfriend’.
“is that all that happened? did he like, get your number or ask you out or anything?“ harry said with his hands in his pockets, his voice starting to get low, while giving y/n direct eye contact.
“harry what is it to you anyways?” she was starting to lose her patience.
“i don’t want you near him, y/n/n, that’s what it is to me” he said, his eyes lowering to her wet chest that she now realizes she forgot to dry with the unused paper towel that the mystery man gave her.
she knew what was happening, she could see harry’s pupils getting larger. he started walking towards her, and just when she thought he was going to kiss her, he lifted his hand up and shut the light off.
“turn around.” he said sternly.
she didn’t say anything. she liked that he wanted her right now, and she wanted him him just as bad, so instead of doing the right thing, she pushed all the warning bells that were ringing to the back of her mind.
she was now facing the bathroom sink, but she couldn’t see anything because it was pitch black in the bathroom. because her sight wasn’t helping much, she had to rely on her four other senses, one of them being touch.
she felt his hands massage her backside before lifting the skirt of her dress and pulling her underwear all the way down to her feet.
“Up.” With that instruction, she lifted her feet so harry could pick up her thong and put it in his pocket. y/n could hear the shoving noises and her heart started racing.
as he was getting back up, he pushed her right knee away from her left, spreading her legs open, leaving the most private part of her body exposed.
when he was fully standing, y/n felt his clothed lower region pressing against her bare ass. it did unimaginable things to her. his chest pressed against her back as he wrapped his left arm around her belly to hold her up, as his right hand slid further down.
“mmmmmh” she moaned out when his index finger started rubbing circles on the most sensitive part of her body.
“he can’t make you feel like this, can he? hmm?” she shook her head no, her mind too fuzzy to form any words.
“fucking say it.” he said against her ear, as he pushed a finger inside her.
“no, harry no, he can’t, only y- fuckkkk- only you can.” y/n moaned out loud , causing harry to lift his left hand from her stomach, and placing it over her mouth.
he pushed another finger in, making her completely submit herself to him, her moans muffling against his hand.
“that’s what i thought, i don’t want it to be him, i only want it to be me. please y/n/n only let it be me”
if she wasn’t so focused on how fucking good he’s making her feel right now, y/n would question why he’s begging her for him to be her one and only. but because she was too focused on his finger pumping in and out of her, she didn’t think anything of it.
she wanted to promise him, but his hand was still over her mouth, so talking was out of the question. she was gripping the counter top so hard, that she thought she was going to break the marble. tears started rolling down her cheeks, and she wasn’t sure if it was due to the pure pleasure she were feeling right now, or the pain she knows she was soon going to feel when he leaves.
“cum for me y/n/n, only me.” he breathes out and y/n’s nose was met with the scent of the strawberry soda he got earlier for him and olivia, which was still on his breath. she felt sick to her stomach right then and there. his girlfriend, who is probably waiting for him right now, wondering where he is.
“oh my goooooood ohmygodohmygod.” is what she was saying under his hand. y/n came hard, and he milked his fingers in and out of her, making sure she feels her orgasm to every degree.
he moved his hand from her mouth and used it to turn the light back on. when the room lit up, y/n was met with her reflection in the mirror. mascara running down her face, lipstick smeared across her lips, and utter  devastation written all over her.
when she took a quick glance at harry through the mirror, she saw him behind her with the fingers that were just inside her, in his mouth as he was leaning toward the door to open it.
when she reached downstairs after harry left not too long before, she saw olivia with one hand wrapped around harry’s torso and that damn strawberry soda in the other. she soon realized that fizzy drink wasn’t the only thing that left a horrible taste in her mouth.
I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for a while. So I proof read it and decided to post it. This is just a small blurb, I do plan on eventually writing one shots and stuff like that. I’ve been extremely busy so I’m not making any promises when I’m going to be posting again but I’ll try to post as often as I can. And please leave feedback on this piece so I know what I need to improve on in my writing.
Word count: 1.2k
Warnings: just pure fluff :)
• • •
"Daddy"
Harry slowly woke up hearing the voice of his daughter calling for him. Harry assumed his daughter was awake from her slumber and wanted to come and cuddle with Harry for a little bit like they always do on the weekends.
When Harry went to reach over to his nightstand where he kept the baby monitor, he was confused why he couldn't feel it. So he finally opened his tired, groggy eyes to realize the baby monitor wasn't there. Harry started to panic a little bit thinking he left it somewhere else besides in his bedroom.
"Daddy!" Harry heard his daughter calling for him again but she sounded way too close, for her to be in her nursery.
Harry rolled over and was met with his baby girl looking back at him.
"Daddy!" Harper chirped and slung her arms around his neck.
"Hey bug," he said in his deep, raspy, sleep-filled voice, while he rubbed Harper's back and gave her a kiss.
After a few minutes of the two cuddling together, one question came to mind for Harry.
"Hey love, how'd you get out of your crib?"
"Nana!" Harper exclaimed.
"Nana's here? Well, how about we get changed and head downstairs to see her?" Harry said as he sat Harper back onto his bed while he slipped on some joggers and a t-shirt.
It all made sense as to why Harper was out of her crib. Harper's only two and hasn't mastered climbing out of her crib, much to Harry's liking. He'd love to keep her in her crib a little while longer because once she goes into a big girl bed, Harper isn't such a little girl anymore.
It also made sense as to why the baby monitor wasn't on his nightstand when Harry woke up. His mom must've came in and took it with her so Harry could get some extra sleep without being disturbed by either his mom or his baby girl.
Once Harry got dressed, he picked up Harper and felt her diaper. It was dry, so he just assumed his mom changed her when she woke up.
Harry and Harper started their adventure downstairs. When Harry took the first step, going down, he could already smell his mom's homemade chocolate chip pancakes.
He remembered on Saturday or Sunday mornings when she'd make him and Gemma these pancakes. They were always their favorite. The pancakes were always a tradition in the Styles household when Gemma and Harry were kids. Anne wanted to continue the tradition with Harper.
Harry and Harper continued down the stairs and into the kitchen. Harry spotted his mom by the stove where she was probably grilling the pancakes.
"Morning mum" Harry greeted while he got out a sippy cup for Harper.
"Morning sleepy head" Anne greeted while she finished grilling that last of the pancakes.
"I thought you could probably use some extra sleep, so I decided to come over and make some breakfast and keep this one busy while you caught up on some sleep," Anne said to Harry as she began plating the food for them.
"You didn't have to mum, but thank you, I really appreciate it. This one has been quite the handful for the past month since she just turned two." Harry joked while setting Harper down in her high chair and handing her, her sippy cup of juice.
"Of course, sweetie. We all need help sometimes, plus you know I'd do anything for this little stinker and you." Anne said while she set down a couple of pancakes, cut up into bite-sized pieces along with some chopped-up strawberries and bananas on Harper's tray.
Anne carried both their plates over to the table where Harper was already munching on her food. They both sat down at the table and joined Harper, and dig into their food as well. Harry was telling his mum about some of the new songs he's writing and just how life is going overall both him and Harper. Anne also shared with him what she's been up to, too since they haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks.
Anne was helping Harry clean up the kitchen and Harper was in the living room finishing her juice and watching "Paw Patrol." The show she's been obsessed with for the past couple of weeks.
Harper walked into the kitchen and pulled on Harry's pant leg. She wanted a cuddle and she wanted it now.
"Hold on bubs, I'm almost done," Harry replied since he was busy washing the dishes.
Harper didn't like that response, so she did what she thought was right in her two-year-old mind. She plopped her diaper-clad bottom on the tiled floor and started crying.
"Daddy!" She sobbed as she made grabby hands at Harry.
Harry wasn't purposely trying to ignore her or anything, he was genuinely busy washing the dishes. Harry gave Harper a talking to before about if he's busy and can't do what she wants, she just needs to be patient. But Harper's only two and is still learning, so Harry's trying to be patient with her to the best of his abilities.
Anne realized what was going on and gave Harry a hand. She stopped drying the pan and set down the towel she was using. She bent down and scooped the crying girl into her arms.
"Hey, Harper. Your okay, shhh." Anne tried her best to console the two-year-old.
Harry finished doing the dishes and decided to heat up some milk. Every time Harper gets upset, one way Harry gets her to calm down is by giving her some warm milk and snuggles.
Anne took Harper out to the living room while Harry finished getting her milk ready. Once it was ready, he walked into the living room where Harper was starting to finally calm down.
When Harry came into view for Harper, she instantly made grabby hands towards him.
Harry of course took her into his arms and sat next to his mum. Harry gave Harper the warm milk while "Paw Patrol," played in the background.
"Thanks again for coming over mum. Don't think she would've calmed down as soon as she did if it wasn't for you." Harry said to his mum, while he rubbed Harper's back in a soothing matter.
"Of course baby. I'd do anything for you and Harper. And sometimes you just need help from your mother." Anne said and gave a small smirk towards Harry.
Harry had always been against getting help from his mum since Harper is his responsibility. He always felt bad when he'd be last minute and need a babysitter, he'd call his mum and of course, she would say yes. I mean that's her only grandchild and she gets to spend some quality time with her, so of course, she would say yes.
Anne is proud of him for thinking like that, but she wished he'd take her help from her when he could really use it.
For the rest of the late morning, the three of them sat on the couch. Harper snuggled in Harry's warm arms, watching the tv. While Harry and Anne sat there and had a quiet conversation and tried not to disturb Harper.
Anne was happy to spend time with her son and grandchild. And Harry was grateful for the help of his mother.
Tag list: @harryhoney-bee @lollypopsx @michelleficrecs
I live for you, I long for you, Olivia
I've been idolizing the light in your eyes, Olivia
I live for you, I long for you, Olivia
Don't let me go, don't let me go
Olivia by One Direction
Is Olivia really Harry’s idol and does he even like her? Does his heart beat for Olivia the way it really beats for Y/N?
Stay tunes to really know what I mean by this.
The first Chapter of “Trouble in Paradise” is coming out soon, please show your support.
