During my second major relapse before I had a diagnosis for my MS. Old boss: You NEED to come in to work TODAY. It's already been a week. I can't cover all of your shifts like this. Me: .......I can't. I don't know what's happening, and I can't walk. Old boss: Then SOMEONE needs to bring you in. This is ridiculous. Me: .......I CAN'T WALK! I can't feel anything from my ribs down! What do you expect me to do?! Old boss: Stop fucking around and get your ass to work!
my whole life i’ve been disabled, my normal is with my disability, i can’t even imagine what it’s like to live as an able bodied person. when i first entered school and the real world outside my home life, i discovered that i was different. my sister and dad were disabled too, so in my home, my mom was the minority being the only abled body one of the house
and the first time i saw that i was different was when everyone looked at me while i walked but back then i didn’t understand it and looking back i know why
part of my disability causes me to wobble while i walk, like a penguin for reference but don’t call me that ever, and it makes me stand out i cant help it i cant change it just is
and when i got to first grade my disease that caused the disability grew more pronounced and made me wobble more and made it so i could not stand or walk for long periods or my legs would hurt badly and while the other kids could play non stop and run everywhere, i couldn’t i had to take breaks and it was lonely because i was the only one doing it
and i’d see kids point and imitate my walk and laugh because it was a joke to them, i’d be forced to run in p.e and kids would laugh because i could keep up and the physical and emotional pain i was put through by teachers because they wanted me to be “normal” they didn’t want to deal with different
and i would be told so many of the phrases seen in the #heardwhilstdisabled tag on twitter
friends would tell me i was too slow and i’d make them late and that they couldn’t wait forever
i’d have able bodied people say they understand my disability because their legs hurt after sports or because their relationship with their mother is a disability
friends and teachers infantilized me because they thought i couldn’t take care of myself since i was disabled i got it in my head i had to get straight A’s and be the best in class so i could prove to them i was smart and i wasn’t what they thought i was i put so much pressure on myself to keep up and be their normal
when i go to amusement parks i have to use a wheelchair because i cannot walk those far distances and the moment i sit in a wheelchair, i become mute to everyone. no one listens to me because i sit down in that wheelchair and somehow im even lesser than, i see strangers look at me with uncomfortable stares or with glares because i’m fat and they think im using it because im fat not because im disabled and people talk to me as if i am a toddler, a baby, who can’t make decisions for themselves
the schools i have been to have told me that they have used all their resources to do as much possible for me and my “situation” even though they barely did anything because i was a burden to them
a teacher once asked me if my femur was still broken because i was in a wheelchair and recovering still but she asked anyway because of course i’m faking? just cause i don’t have a cast? i just faked the major surgery?
for years i’ve covered up the surgery scars on my legs even during summer out of fear of someone looking at me with disgust because i was ashamed i didnt want to be different
everything i heard while disabled made me further ashamed of who i was and my disability and made me think for too long i was a broken toy no one would ever want or love
ableism comes in all forms, from saying “i hate all cripples” to using a voice you use on a child when talking to a person with a disability to saying “wow you are so inspirational for getting out of bed today with your disability, i know i couldn’t” to “it could be worse, i could have your disability” this is all ableism and all of this hurts disabled people and makes us feel like we’re just our disability, that we’re nothing more than this broken thing, not even human
so able bodied people i hope you start to look at yourself and think before you speak and treat people with disabilities like human beings and stop being condescending and stop just trying to force your normal on disabled people because we’re different and if we need your help, we’ll ask, you don’t need to just help without prompting
Yesterday, an adult, a young mother, asked while gesturing vaguely and uncomfortably at my leg, "Oh, you work here? But your leg. What's with your leg? Do you have polio?" 1. Do you have a filter? 2. What decade are you living in? 3. You must not vaccinate your children.
Already this morning: -a garbage truck was blocking my easiest route to my entrance so I had to go over a big dip in the concrete with my chair loaded with stuff and a bag hanging off my cane which isn't very secure on my bag. That lead me speeding towards... -a van, that I should have cleared, but this guy wasn't looking, and almost hit me with the back door because he opened it in my path However all of that would not have happened if I had an accessible entrance, or at the very least a safe one. That should be standard. Then... -a man asked me, "What happened? Didn't you have a walker before?" No, I never used a walker. I use this cane sometimes. That's. Attached. To. My. Chair. If you follow me on Facebook, you know how frustrated I am with these kinds of things, and it's ridiculous that I can't feel safe and normal going out in public.
so there's this #heardwhiledisabled thing going around, so i'm gonna add a couple of my own:
Right after i lost my leg when i was fifteen, i ended up friends with a group of people who literally used the word "disabled" as a slur. Not to me but to eachother they'd say things like "omg you're so disabled" as an insult. They'd do this around me, i had just lost my leg and was incredibly self conscious about it.
I've been asked multiple times if i can still have sex. Bro, i lost my leg not my vagina
