w/ Senju Tobirama | @heartofswords
When it returns, it returns like winter’s curtain, falling deafeningly silent and achingly cold. All he can see are brown eyes brimming with hope and desperation and downright fear all at once—and for a moment he thinks ‘This time it will be different; this time I will be faster’. But everything rises in his chest all at once and simply squeezes itself too tight, stepping aside and giving way to something that creeps cold and fast and ugly through his veins. He stops. His hand stays. His feet move slower than they should. Something in his stomach turns, twists—and a splash of red blooms behind those light brown eyes, staring back at him from the snow.
Shisui startles awake, acutely aware of something clammy stuck to his back. It takes him a moment to realize it is his shirt, and that he’d fallen asleep out in the training grounds again. What time is it? He doesn’t really know. A glance at the stars tells him nothing much, because the clouds are thick in the air tonight.
Being shocked back into reality doesn’t shake off the guilt, though, and the strange pit in his stomach continues to make itself known since the day it happened.
How long has it been? Four months? Thereabouts…
How long is he going to keep doing this for?
Shisui picks himself up off the ground, dusting his shorts free of grass bits and dirt and whatever else decided to cling to him when he’d passed out earlier.
I should get home. Mama might worry…
Now, any mother of any eight year old child would worry, but Shisui is sure she’s already busy taking care of his father to miss him too much. All for the better, anyway. He doesn’t want to be noticed in times like this. Honestly, he’s wished to be invisible so hard in the past four months that it’s made him angry on more than one occasion that people still saw him and sought after him for one thing or another. It’s already hard to shake off feeling like a fraud in the waking hours, but harder still when people tell you that you’re amazing.
It’s worse when they tell you to just get over it, that shinobi died all the time, and that you signed off your life for your village the moment you graduated the Academy. He should have known it was coming, they say.
But I should have gone to him faster.
Shisui pinches both his arms at the thought, eyes screwing shut as if to will it away.
Now is not the time. Look normal for when you get home so they don’t ask you questions.
And he would have worked himself into a state of ‘normalcy’ in a practiced moment or two if not for the sudden disturbance in the middle of the training grounds.
Shisui opens his eyes and instinctively hops up into a tree for cover, watching from a vantage point above. Did—did somebody just—what is that blur?
By the time the man comes into focus, Shisui both recognizes him and also does not. This is a familiar face—it is one of the faces that watch over them every day from Konoha Mountain.
Shisui ends up holding his breath while still up in that tree, just in case—as if that’s supposed to help hide him from the world’s greatest sensor. Except it can’t be the world’s greatest sensor, because Senju Tobirama is dead.