#heartspill

[scindhia0]

I know there is someone out there ready to give you the lilies you want, while I’m here giving you bougainvillea. I know I’m never enough, and I don’t know whether I will ever be enough for you.

- Dr. Scindhia

[learning-how-to-human]

Strung along, Unraveling, Distance creating space to see clearly, This silence creating depth to reflect sincerely, Oh, how loosely you hold my end when my hands are tied. You pull the line, enjoying one more ride, before I cut myself loose for the last time.

learning-how-to-human

[galaxypet3]

Ponyta Crush (Story time)

I remember as a kid my first crush was on Ponyta (the fire horse from Pokemon). I didn't even watch/play Pokemon nor was I obsessed with it. But it was a huge craze in the daycare I used to go to and almost every kid had a binder full of Pokemon cards. One time my friend came to school with her binder, and she let me flip through it. When I saw Ponyta, my heart just melted for him. No one thought it was weird (we were kids so we didn't care) and every day she was nice enough to just let me hold the Ponyta card around. I'd often times pretend Ponyta was next to me and I'd play with him (like an imaginary friend of sorts). Once day, my friend who owned the card told me her and her family were moving really far away and I was devastated (because she was leaving and she was my best friend). I also didn't get to say goodbye to the card I had grown attached to (I was 10 give me some slack) because she already had her binder with all the cards packed inside. At least, almost all of the cards. At the end of the day before she got checked-out, she looked at me and said "I know how much you love Ponyta, so I wanted you to keep him." She pulled out the Ponyta card and gave him to me! I was so happy!

Fast forward to the beginning of highschool and I sorta grew out of that Ponyta phase, but I told my friend about it. He looked at me like I was a freak and told everyone else in class. They made fun of me constantly for it, calling me "Horse fucker." One person drew porn of me and Ponyta. When I got home, I grabbed the card and ripped it up and threw it away. I wish I hadn't done that now, but I was so upset. I think that might be the first time I ever felt sorrow for being attracted to animals.

[befuddled-bat]

I've been trying to do my best when it comes to some self reflection recently, but I just feel lost... So after work today I went to a local part, sat down and poured my heart out onto paper and it felt good. Kind of. I don't know yet. It's definitely one of many installments. Maybe I'll post it onto here in a bit. Maybe there are people to talk to and help. Maybe I'll find out who I want to be.

Also a shout-out to @crystal-melanin for being the most patient and supportive friend ever. I couldn't ask for a better person to turn to for anything. Love ya choco-chip.

[drowned-h]

El atronauta..

No quiero espacio…ya tengo kilómetros de agua entre nosotros, tengo océanos de silencio, noches enteras en las que el viento lleva tu nombre y me lo devuelve vacío…no quiero tiempo, el tiempo no me cura, solo me aleja; quisiera tocar tu respiración, que el aire que sale de tus pulmones llegara al mío con sal, con vida, con todo eso que no cabe en las palabras y sin embargo aquí estoy flotando entre lo que dijimos y lo que callamos, intentando no hundirme en mis pensamientos…intentando no convertirte en tormenta, cuando solo querías ser orilla…yo no sé amar despacio, soy marea, empujo, arrastro, abrazo con fuerza hasta romperme contra las rocas y tú…tú eres calma, eres mar abierto y quizás por eso siempre termino volviendo a ti, aunque sepa que el regreso me duela más que la partida…quizás amar también sea eso, aprender a respirar bajo el agua…aunque no haya nadie esperándote en la superficie.

[mymidnightserenade]

This is about you. It always was.

[iguanasplit]

1000

~Even if it wasn't at that time, you and I would have surely met ~

In other time things are different yet things are the same. That's just how things work apparently.

Everything clicked nicely, from the beginning. It didn't seem, but if you knew the complete story everything would be a perfect puzzle.

He was the oldest, learned to play the piano due to his parents making him do that, his younger brother was the reason they were there in the first place, he disliked libraries and stupid science books his brother liked so much, he was glad his brother had gotten interested in music, but why opera of all music genres?.

In that old CD shop next to a random shop, a girl hummed to her guitar, then stopped to scribble.

He pretended to look through the old CDs and stopped to stare at a red and yellow cover, wondering at the symbols.

A boy and a girl entered the shop with an umbrella, both screaming at each other, one taller than the other, one with sharp eyes and the other huge.

The bell at the entrance rang and the gazes met for the first time.

My wrong, let me correct.

Their gazes met

Once again

[iguanasplit]

Maybe Tomorrow

From that day on, at night They wished to the stars for another chance.

"Another chance to love you, another chance to cherish you, another chance to be proud of you"

With closed eyes and hurting heart.

time passed and passed, seasons went and decades ran, generations came and went, they came and left too more than once

They were driving down the avenue, barely two or three other cars near, mind full of issues, bills, money, lunch, their best friend's wedding. So many things to worry about, and as a background the buzzing of the radio.

The traffic light changed to red in the deserted street and she stopped, their thoughts too, gave them space to breathe. Just like the clock that had changed the radio program did too. A soft tune melody and a warm voice made them turn to the panel of her car.

Golden like Meadows, warm and beautiful like no other, speaking words as if they were cotton.

The rest of their way home was peaceful like a conversation with a friend met from a long time, for a while all of their issues lifted from their shoulders.

Even after being back home they stayed listening staring at the night sky and watching the cresent moon glow.

They decided to tune again, and again. looking up for the name of the star filled voice; The man was a radio dj. He was calm and liked helping people, he loved dogs and winter, he was happy. And they smiled. Their heart smiled and soul too.

They tuned in every night, at midnight, between today and tomorrow, sent letters full of stories, and it was ok, for decades and decades he stayed, he came back after every time he had to leave, for his honeymoon, for the graduation of his children.

"I found happiness, I want to thank you all..." He said once at the end of a broadcast a calm March, when it's still too cold for Spring but not enough for Winter

They couldn't be happier.

Maybe in another time we did get a second chance