dude. im supposed to be strong. i am god. i am the best. why does it feel like this. it feels like I've completely lost control of my body. im trembling and im on the brink of passing out. i can't even eat or drink or do anything im completely rendered useless. what.
this is all because i simply heard ons was ending. these aren't my emotions but they may soon be. im losing my mind. ons was the only reason i got this far in life. it's the only reason im even alive right now. and it feels like im going to die now that it's ending. if it ends i end too. this is torture i don't want to feel like this.
we can see vekoa as a traumagen system thats completely closed into itself, vekoa ignoring her own system except for the compartimentalization aspects which she uses to her advantage in her work
allowing herself to dissociate slightly and put up barriers to protect important headmates from stress or strain, but also pushing them away so that they don't interfere with or influence her work when she doesn't specifically desire them to
also, regarding the okidoki, i think that like,
after years and years of intentionally harnessing her own dissociation to be more efficient at her work, while simultaneously repressing every aspect of herself she cannot entirely control,
i think being forced to confront all of herself, being forced to feel her own thoughts and interact with the rest of the system, would be equal parts freeing and terrifying, and might be part of why shes both hesitant to bring the call team in but at the same time practically begging others to join her
★ hey guys, I dont like making serious posts, but PLEASE watch out for this person. He is an incredibly disgusting person and pulled this on both me and the creator of his doc, and who knows how many more people.
also PLEASE read the trigger warning and dont read it or skip over the parts if you're sensitive to any of these topics. Its a bit of a heavy one.
DOCUMENT ON FINN aka Medatek, TwinArmageddons, or HeavenlyMad (Last updated June 14th, 2026) TRIGGER WARNINGS: Grooming, Incest, Rape/Sexua
and tomorrow im gonna have a anxiety attack at school i just know it
Hey buddy, I'm really sorry you're going through that, I genuinely am. I've been there, it is genuinely horrible, I'm so sorry I can't help more as just some silly goose on the internet.
However- I can say that you can always talk to me if you need it, okay? I know I reply late a lot, but I definitely do see everything (I just have a lot to manage now) and I promise I'll get back eventually. If you need someone to just, scream to without reply too, just ask me, I'm down to read everything and just silently listen if that's what you need.
It's rough, I completely get it - it's so fucking rough sometimes, but I believe in you, okay? You can get through it and see better days, you can push through your loneliness and find amazing friends out there- you can do it!
I know I'm just some silly goose, but trust me, Ive been in that low spot my senior year of high school- feeling abandoned, overwhelmed and anxious, everything- I felt like I lost the world and everyone never actually saw me, like I was a ghost.
But now here I am, I'm surrounded by such talented and amazing and supportive friends who uplift me like I uplift them - who support me while I support them right back, who love me for the stupid ass goofball I am.
There's always, ALWAYS people out there who will love you for you, you just have to find them.
I promise, it'll get better, itll be okay, you got this.
Remember that I'm always here to listen too, okay? I cherish you all very very much and I just hope you're okay, even if I don't know who you are. I cherish you non, thank you for being brave enough to tell me what you're going through, for fighting even though it feels like it's useless, for not giving up even though it feels like the world is against you.
You're brave, strong and oh so loved, never forget that, okay?
Take care of yourself, and please feel free to reach out and tell me if you're okay, I'm genuinely concerned for you.
I should probably shut up now... Lol... Sorry this was a bit of a rant I just genuinely know how that feels so I'm genuinely rlly concerned tbh
What’s your opinion on transgenders people? I ask as i have seen you reblog a few things and I am unsure on your stance. I mean this in no judgmental way i would just like to know your thoughts
anon this ask both excites me and fills me with caution, but! I will provide you with what you seek!
what do I think about transgender people? Here’s my answer to that, but be warned, it is lengthy!
1) they’re to be treated as people, not outcasts. Human is human, and we are supposed to treat fellow humans with love, care, and respect, even if we don’t agree with the people in question, or if it’s just plain hard.
2) I say this with gentleness: their perceptions of themselves are skewed*, and there are many reasons for this with the primary one being that we live in a broken world, which leads to everything else. But one of the absolute worst things we can do to trans people/ people who want to be trans, regardless of the reason, is to go along with the idea that they are or can be any other gender than the one they were born with. As you can probably tell, I believe in the God of the Bible, and that while human hands may have written the physical book, He speaks through the people that wrote it. So let’s let His Word do the talking.
You know the creation story, yeah? It’s ok if you don’t, let’s recap anyways:
Every day for 6 days, God made aspects of our universe, and when He declared everything finished – perfect! God’s work ain’t finished ‘till it’s perfect – He rested on the 7th day (Genesis 1 and 2). On the 6th day He made humans, male and female, and they were made in the image of God Himself (Gen. 2:26). They were also the only aspect of creation God formed with His own hands; Genesis 2:7 says God made the first man from the dust of the earth, and verses 21-22 says He took a piece of the man to make the first woman.
That might not seem huge to you, but it speaks volumes of the care God put into humanity specifically. Everything else – the sun, stars, sky, trees, dogs, almost everything you can think of – God simply spoke them into existence. But for humans; for you, anon? He got up, got His hands dirty, and shaped your head, your heart, your spirit, your body. He gave humanity a literal special touch that He gave to nothing else.
This is reinforced again by God speaking through king David’s Psalm 139, verses 13-16:
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
God is omnipresent, meaning that He’s everywhere all the time any time, and nothing escapes His knowledge. This includes the creation of a new human being (again: male or female, no secret 3rd option for this one). And because God Himself – who makes no mistakes – oversees and ordains the creation of every new little boy or girl, wouldn’t it make sense that God would make them as He intended to make them: perfectly, without mistake? There is then no ground for the “born in the wrong body” argument to stand on, because God made your body with you in mind; your body was made specifically for you, and there were no errors on His end.
Now, what if you just straight up don’t like your body? I think everyone has disliked their body and/or felt uncomfortable in it at some point, that includes me. If someone’s going through puberty then they are almost guaranteed to be uncomfortable in their body because that kiddo and their body both are growing up. Sometimes you’re uncomfortable in your body simply because it’s changing, but this particular change is a good thing! Going through puberty is a sign that your body is working as it should, even if it feels weird. To try and block this transition from happening, or deliberately alter it, is to actively harm your body’s natural progression.
So yes, I do think that a trans person’s view of their body – that they were made for a different body and so they should change it – is not only wrong, but harmful to themselves in the long run. Why are we affirming this; giving people of all ages the means to scar themselves to feel good in the now?
Last bit before the TL;DR: if there’s anyone out there who thinks God won’t except them for any reason that you can think of, I’m gonna stop you right there. There is grace for you. Yes, even for that; please refer to my pinned post. And also this.
My explanation doesn’t cover all bases I’m sure, but the TL;DR is that the human body is a sacred thing designed by God, with care, made differently and specifically for every individual person, and it is medical malpractice (evil) to alter it within the context of transgenderism. If you have undergone the gender transition at any time – or have done anything else, ever – God still loves you with his whole heart, and He wants you to let Him help you with whatever may have dragged you down this time. Even if it was self-inflicted.
Lastly, some stuff I didn’t know how to cleanly fit into All That
*it is worth noting that basically everyone has a skewed perception of themselves about different things and to different degrees, but in this context I mean “a skewed perception of how a trans person relates to their body”
Creation was deemed “good” before people, but after people, God declared it “very good.” Again, in Genesis 1. I literally cannot stress enough how much God wants people to come to Him for whatever the reason
Chloe Cole's discussion with Dr. Peterson + the comment section and the testimonies in it
I don’t think I can wait until im 18 to transition. I dont know if I can even stay alive that long. Hell I cant stand the thought of having this body for 5 more years. My mom recently told me that she wouldn’t bear to look at me anymore if I ever got an abortion or top surgery, which I know is wrong for her to believe, but it still hurts so much. I’m not even out to her yet and she’s still being transphobic towards me and honestly I didn’t think that was possible. I don’t feel like a real transgender because I can’t even decide on a name for myself. I don’t even look like a boy. The only thing I can do is bind. My transmasc friend can pass so much better than me, I feel like he gets misgendered so much less than I do, and I just think he’s so lucky. Is it wrong for me to think that? I don’t know but I’ve lost so much hope. I don’t know anything. And it just feels like no one else really gets it.
I don’t know if I can do this anymore.
I’m sorry for the heavy ask.
-Lib (maybe, still considering other names)
Hey kiddo,
I know it feels hopeless, and I've been there (and still am there sometimes ngl). Your mother doesn't sound like a very good one, if she won't support her child's decisions about what they do with their body. It's your body, so it's completely up to you what to do with it even if that means you lose your mother's support. I'd recommend you avoid coming out to your mother as I don't think it'd be a safe thing for you to do. It's hard, not being "properly" out, but it'll be worth it in the long run.
You are really trans, you aren't faking it. You're trans enough and I believe you. If you still look "like a girl", I believe you and am currently in the same situation. Some of my trans friends change their name every week, some have multiple names at once, it doesn't make them any less trans. You say you can bind, so hang onto that because that is awesome! (That being said please remember to do so as safely as possible even if you have really bad dysphoria)
Please try not to compare yourself to other trans people you know, it doesn't help. However, it isn't wrong for you to be doing that because we all compare ourselves, although we probably shouldn't. Transition is not linear and everyone's transition is different and at a different pace because everyone's situation is different. So if your transition is at a slower pace, that doesn't make you any less trans, your journey just has more turns and is a bit more complicated.
There is hope, and I know it's what everyone says but I promise it's true: it does get better. It's not going to happen overnight, but things will get easier.
You say that noone really understands, but I promise I do. I'm still a kid, with an abusive/unsupportive mother, who has a few years left until I'm an adult and will likely rely on my parents for a while longer. I haven't come out to any of my family and only some of my friends, and I still look as much like a girl as I did when I was 5 years old. I struggled for years and still do, although I think I'm recovering. There's a whole bunch more, but simply put I'm in a very similar situation to you, you're not alone I promise.
It's not hopeless, I love you and I am here for you, and I need you to stay, even though I know how tough it is. Please reach out to me whenever you need to, I would be happy to talk to you as a friend and both my messages and my inbox are always open, although I'll likely reply to messages more quickly and they won't be posted. You are so loved, and I am here for you, stay safe <3
Tumblr deleted my first go around at this so fuck me I guess. It was getting kinda long anyways. This ended up being almost the same length anyways
I've been postponing the choice on whether or not I would post anything about this month at all and for the last few hours I've sat and debated it pretty hard. But if any of you new spoonies out there need to know you're not alone, I'm here. You're not alone. You're not the only one who feels this way.
One in 4 U.S. adults – 61 million Americans – have a disability that impacts major life activities, according to a report in CDC’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report.
The most common disability type, mobility, affects 1 in 7 adults. With age, disability becomes more common, affecting about 2 in 5 adults age 65 and older.
Hi, you might know me as QueenLilithPrime or Lilith. I'm the creator of Restart Heart and Co-Founder of @fluorescent-red-studios. I'm normally not this vulnerable or talkative about my disability online but it's disability pride month. If you don't want to read it you don't have to, but this is my story about my disability struggles.
I've got a laundry list of diagnoses longer than a CVS receipt and I'm not particularly keen on sharing all of them. However I don't mind sharing a few. This post will primarily be about my physical disabilities and some hurdles I went through in coming to terms with my disability. So!
To start, I've got some genetic conditions, a severe connective tissue disorder/collagen deficit, some funky brain damage, lots of vision impairments (even though I never draw my glasses bc I'm forgetful), stress-induced seizures, whole-body nerve damage, extreme chronic pain, and a real life time limit.
It's really humbling to be told before you can even legally drink that you likely won't be around when your youngest sibling grows into adulthood. It's also quite the shock that in that moment, for the first time in your life you fear the death you so eagerly awaited before.
But anyways, this december will mark my 2 year anniversary of officially calling myself disabled, becoming a full time wheelchair user, and learning to love myself.
It's almost ironic that the same line of thinking that prevented me from taking breaks---to the point where my body shut down in order to force me to stop just 'pushing through'--- is now allowing me to love myself.
I grew up in a household where if I mentioned the excruciating pain that accompanied me like a terrible clingy pet, it was met with "You're too young to be in pain," or "No you're not in pain." That same household taught me that if I was not 'earning my keep,' that I was worthless.
Yet even with all my achievements that in retrospect seem comically 'main character' for my age at the time, it was never enough. I never believed I had worked hard enough because to my adoptive 'parents' I could always do more. So I always pushed through, ignoring my health and body because they didn't even care to recognize just how sickly their 'child' was.
That pushing through gave me seizures, shut down my body, and progressed my condition to a point of no return. When I finally was unable to even work, I lost all sense of purpose and believed I was nothing more than a waste of the oxygen I breathed.
i've always struggled with self-worth. And becoming disabled in such a... sudden way nearly broke me. The morning I woke up unable to move my legs, all I could think was "If I don't go to work I'm worthless." I was only an hour late due to sheer luck of being allowed to bring in my wheelchair that day. I don't particularly enjoy telling that story because that day was one of the darkest hours for me. It truly cemented it into my mind that I could not avoid my truth.
I am disabled.
The word is not dirty or bad. I am not "differently abled" and if you ever call me that I will punch you.
But for my fellow spoonies, my fellow disabled people. It is so hard to finally take up that title. To finally allow yourself the grace of, "I just can't do the same things."
Acknowledging my disability, letting myself breathe, and finally realizing that I do need a wheelchair and accommodations was the hardest thing in the world.
Sure I can kind of "walk," but since the day I couldn't feel my legs, I haven't been able to make it past 20 feet without collapsing to the floor and vomiting from pain. My doctors have confirmed that this will never change.
Finally taking the word disabled and attributing it to myself allowed me to finally love myself.
I don't have a choice anymore, I have to love myself.
I have to be kind enough to myself to eat even when my eating disorder is screaming from every atom of my soul that food is poison.
I have to be compassionate enough to myself to allow myself to sleep when I need it instead of forgoing the hours I so desperately need.
I have to love myself hard enough to take breaks, to break every single mindset and trained thought inside of me that I was raised and molded to become.
I have to love myself hard enough to tell me that at the end of the day, if all I could do was drink water and sleep that it was productive because god damnit I at least rested.
I don't have much strength these days. I'm not at all independent, I can't even cut a chicken nugget anymore due to how physically weak I've become.
And that's okay. I'm disabled.
I am worth love, I am worth the air I breathe and the space I take up, I am worth the food I eat. I am allowed to love myself through my disability because if I don't then no one will.
If I do not care for myself and love myself harder than ever before I will not last. I have to love myself hard enough to take care of this body that is crumbling around me.
I have people I love, I have things I still want to do. That fucking time limit and I are going to have a problem because that little shit won't stop me from living my life to its absolute fullest.
I finally fear death. Knowing that my death is no longer in my hands, that by some cruel domino effect of the universe I do not get to live a life that is as long as I deserve has sparked the last embers of willpower I had.
I don't fear dangerous situations, I don't fear the pain that has lived with me longer than any friend. My chronic pain is the only constant I have ever had.
But knowing that I've already passed 50% of my life makes me want to live that much harder. I suppose it's less of fear and more of rage? I'm mad at the universe for telling me that I will die before my mom, that my siblings won't even all be adults before I'm gone.
So out of spite, I will be the happiest motherfucker there is.
Sure it's going to be really rough---especially with how bad my condition is already---but I will not let this time limit limit my happiness.
My journey on this plane may be a short one, but I will not go out like the last embers of a fire in winter. I will burn in a blaze of joy that keeps my loved ones warm for long after I am gone.
