Hedge Riding: Encounter with Sigma the Magus and The Nymph of The Lake
Disclaimer: this is a bit personal and I wasn’t sure if I should’ve posted it. I decided to do it anyway to show people what hedge riding is like for me. Also bad writing up ahead.
Codependency has always been a lingering entity in my life. Thus, when changes occur there is a tendency to cling on desperately—denial, false hope, and rationalization typically occur simultaneously. These tendencies stem from childhood trauma yet at the same time, reasons for certain behaviors are inexcusable in the grand scheme of things. At the end of a five-year relationship, all these tendencies came crashing down, as if I was sinking deeper in the depths of the ocean and everything surrounded my body and psyche to a crushing and suffocating pressure. There was a feeling of being trapped yet I felt the need to sink in deeper for the sake of concepts and principles.
Such concepts and principles fueled codependent behavior. I was a huge believer in a “grand scheme”, an “ultimate purpose”, a “meant to be”. These ideas were borne out of Christian ideals, where an ever-present and all-knowing being planned a path and purpose for individuals. This concept enabled my behavior, as a result, I saw a relationship with this person as the means and an end—a purpose, the purpose of my life. Everything that I have planned in my life was to be with this person and for this person. A hard concept to shake, a hard person to let go.
I believe the Magus visited me to chastise me from this train of thought.
At the beginning of my journey, my spirit usually stands over my physical body—where I see myself blindfolded in a meditative pose. As soon as I separated, I saw a masked shadowy figure loom over my body. My immediate reaction was fear because it was unknown. Luckily, I always cast a circle of protection before journeying to alternate reality—thus, the masked shadow is unable to take hold of my body.
I ignored the entity because I believed that if I acknowledged it, then it would follow or attack me. Ironically, the shadow still followed and attacked me. As my spirit made its way to the hiking trail, the entity started smiling at me with sinister intent, then he started harassing me. He held onto my arm, causing my steps to become heavier, my lungs filled with fear. I finally spoke to him and told him to “be gone”. He let go for a few seconds, but immediately took hold of my left arm again and kept harassing me verbally. I don’t remember what he was rambling about, but he was saying things while being a burden. I pretended to be fine with his harassment and said, “it’s okay, you can hold onto me, I am unbothered by your presence”—but, I was afraid.
I finally reached the hiking trail as well as the tree that I use to enter the lower realm. My spirit companion named Kip came out of the roots—something he rarely does. I will talk about Kip another time if he allows me. He chastises the masked shadow, telling him to detach himself from me. Kip, then transforms into his griffin form and rushes me through the dirt tunnel of the root system. The shadow chases after us matching our speed but barely catching up.
We flew past the forest clearing and the golden wheat fields and quickly arrived at Sheridan’s cottage. Sheridan opens the door and looked at us with an exasperated expression, asking me “what have you done now”, while peering at the masked shadow. He then addresses it and says “you can’t enter here you’re disgusting”—but the masked shadow disrespects Sheridan and enters anyway. He thrashes the place and tries to grab me and put me in a choke-hold.
Sheridan mutters a spell and throws a concoction at the shadow. What was revealed is an old man graying and hunched covered in robes. All the hostility from him vanished, instead a calm and authoritative demeanor surrounded him. He introduced himself, “I am Sigma the Magus, I have many things to show you” he points at me, then beckons me into a large golden mirror. Within the mirror, it shows a forested area, revealing an ethereal lake with a large waterfall feeding into it.
I was afraid to go with the Magus, so I asked Kip if he could come along with me and he did.
We entered through the mirror, there the ethereal lake glimmered with an unearthly shine. Graduating between pastel colors of pink, blue, green, and yellow. The magus sat on a stone by the shore of the lake, Kip and I followed him. I don’t quite remember how the conversation between the Magus and I went, but we spoke about my past decisions and anxieties. There, he told me to kneel and proclaim the changes and covenants I plan to make. What was most important to me? What am I ashamed of? What mistakes have I made? What is my true nature? I spoke loudly and true, but one thing I could not do is let go of this person that I’ve been in a five-year relationship with. The thought of proclaiming, “I will let him go for I have hurt him in many ways, and he has hurt me. The pain we inflicted cannot be healed, for our codependency, prevents us from doing so” brought me so much pain I could feel my stomach curl and my mouth latch close. My soul and physical body had tears streaming down my eyes. Memories of love flashed through my mind, and none of these words could be uttered.
There the nymph of the lake appeared from the surface of the water. The Magus introduced her as his wife, but he never gave me her name. She had long wavy hair covering her breasts, with a majestic tail shimmering as the lake did with silk-like fins. Kip transforms me into a mermaid, then I followed her into the depths.
The lake was ocean-like, as we moved deeper the shimmer and glow faded into the distance. Slowly we were surrounded by a somber dark blue—then total darkness. A structure appeared as we reached the bottom of the lake. Four columns of stone surrounded a centerpiece that had a luminescent glow. The nymph motioned for me to approach the light, as I held it in my hands—the same memories flashed into my mind. As I was reliving these memories a ghostly voice spoke “There is no such thing as destiny or fate. Nothing is intertwined, but there is a connectedness to events. What only exists are causalities and actions. Things that are out of control occur because of proximity; the die rolled out by lady luck—a happenstance. The things you experience, the people you meet, the pain that exists. Happens for a reason, but not pre-conceived reasons, rather reasons that happen from other reasons. A series of events, a domino. Chaos that exists in the universe and the chances of objects interacting with other objects.
—he is a happenstance. There is no red string of fate binding, he is not an angel sent by an eternal being. He is just a man that you met and fell in love with. Nothing more nothing less, and all the structures of this relationship are falling apart. Behaviors and tendencies betray, you cannot continue this relationship anymore.” The stream of memories ended, and the voice faded.
The nymph and I swam back to the surface, the shamanic drumming changes its rhythm, indicating the end of my journey. I bid farewell to the Magus and Nymph. Once again Kip transforms into a griffin—I mount his back and return home.
