#hell au chatlog

[hellagency]

hell class rule #8

blood dad: 8. Rule 6 does include Monoma. No, “he didn’t pass the vibe check” is not an acceptable reason.

[hellagency]

hell class rule #23

tired dad: 23. Stop saying you’re fine when you’re not. Please. We have first aid kits, Cat, and both Wrath and Doc are available for under the table treatment. #1 grandma: a) If I get called out to find one of you half dead because you hid your injuries, I will be very disappointed. aizawas cryptid son: o u c h

[hellagency]

The Rat God & His Minions #alert

auguste gusteau: @ Rat God have we had a security breach? ambien: uh??? that’s not concerning at all??? Rat God: Not according to my system, Nishida-kun! Why do you ask?

auguste gusteau: glowyeyes.jpg auguste gusteau: then what the fuck is in our vents auguste gusteau: I DIDN’T EVEN REALISE IT WAS THERE UNTIL ONE OF THE SHADOWS LITERALLY TAPPED ME ON THE SHOULDER auguste gusteau: AND SIGNED A REQUEST FOR A TOFFEE auguste gusteau: perfect JSL tho @ god consort you might get on with the vent demon he doesn't even go here: priorities, nishida! he doesn't even go here: what the fuck is that?! Rat God: And did you give it the toffee, Nishida-kun? auguste gusteau: of course i did! auguste gusteau: i’m not risking my ass for toffee auguste gusteau: esp when i know tsuyoshi & i are the only ones who like it anyway auguste gusteau: the last person who actually requested i make toffee was Sybella Rat God: Interesting. Rat God: Very interesting. ever seen a ghost?: i’m sure you’re all aware but given my nickname it feels pertinent to mention: i am neither a real ghost nor in the vents nokia: WHAT THE FUCK IS IN OUR VENTS nokia: greensmile.jpg nokia: i wouldn’t have even noticed it if it didn’t start FUCKING HUMMING a creepy pre-quirk nursery rhyme the underminer: nedzu. the underminer: why are the vents in my department rattling and excreting pink gas.

Pack of Problems #general

Rat Bastard: Congratulations on completing your assignments, @ winged child & @ green child. Rat Bastard: Stealth work does not seem to be your forte, @ explosion child. I am, however, very intrigued by this pink gas. Please bring an example of the device producing this to my office. Rat Bastard: Did you enjoy your toffee, @ winged child? I wasn’t aware you had a fondness. A childhood proclivity, perhaps? winged child has changed Rat Bastard’s username to Nosy Bastard winged child: @ swedish chef thank you very much for the toffee, i haven’t had good toffee for a long time. i apologise for startling you swedish chef: …no problem??? swedish chef: though, next time you want toffee, please just ask swedish chef: without the shadows and the vents and the very glowy eyes EH SEXY LADY: damn i can't believe the rat just got murdered in front of us all and no one cared Nosy Bastard has changed their username to Rat Bastard Rat Bastard: I will find you out, @ winged child. winged child: noofftopicquestions.gif

usernames - by order of appearance

auguste gusteau: lunch rush

ambien: nemuri kayama/midnight

Rat God: nedzu

he doesn't even go here: tensei iida/ingenium

ever seen a ghost?: ectoplasm

nokia: ken ishiyama/cementoss

the underminer: higari majima/power loader

Rat Bastard/Nosy Bastard: nedzu

winged child: cat (oc)

green child: izuku midoriya

explosion child: mei hatsume

swedish chef: lunch rush

EH SEXY LADY: nemuri kayama/midnight

[hellagency]

hell class rule #4

cat god: 4. if anyone makes my little unicorn cry, i will find you, flay you alive, and feed your corpse to the raccoons loud dad: no, they won’t, because that’s not very heroic, little listener cat god: fine. cat god: 4. if anyone hurts my little unicorn, you should consider very carefully how much i love her vs how much i want to be a hero and reach your own conclusions regarding the consequences xanax: zashi my love, i fear you have vastly overestimated their investment in legal heroics

[hellagency]

Not Yet Expelled #general

pyre is here! Hatsume Mei has arrived! brain soap: well that just won’t do brain soap has changed Hatsume Mei’s username to robotnik candycane zuko has changed pyre’s name to emo bacon emo bacon: shouto I’m going to fucking kill you mystery man: oh are we doing names mystery man has changed vlads secret love child’s username to not trusted with knives not trusted with knives: HEY! not trusted with knives has changed mystery man’s username to not trusted with knives but green not trusted with knives but green: ykw? fair, BUT, hear me out not trusted with knives but green has changed cryptid cat’s username to flight risk not trusted with knives: LMAO YOU’RE RIGHT (un)friendly local caterpillar: why did I agree to this flight risk: bc you love us too much to hand us over to [redacted] sonic: Sensei! May I ask what is going on? (un)friendly local caterpillar: no Am I a rat? A dog? A bear? I’m the Principal has arrived!

Am I a rat? A dog? A bear? I’m the Principal: As of today, one of the remaining Hellions vigilantes will be joining those members who were already attending UA as part of our Vigilante Reformation Program. Another student has also opted into the program as a co-heroics student. I expect to see you all welcome your new classmates, Himiko Toga and Hatsume Mei, with open arms! You can all learn a lot from one another! Am I a rat? A dog? A bear? I’m the Principal has left us

(un)friendly local caterpillar: I’m going to kill that rat pikachu: THIS IS SO COOL pikachu: HI GUYS bad trip: HELL YEAH bad trip: THE GANG'S ALL HERE

YEET: are you all okay after yesterday? flex tape: wait wait wait flex tape: we have a vigilante reformation program??? phrog: you’re only our age? sonic: Sensei! It has been indicated that only two new students will be joining our class! Is it really appropriate to have the other, unreformed vigilantes in a UA class chat?

explosion murder god: SHUT THE FUCK UP EXTRAS tails: woah guys slow down! they can’t answer that fast! flight risk has changed explosion murder god’s username to boom brat flex tape: sorry dudes YEET: ee sorry phrog: apologies

not trusted with knives: lol don’t worry boom brat: WHAT THE FUCKboom brat: I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU boom brat has changed their username to explosion murder god flight risk: lmao you couldn’t even if you tried flight risk has changed explosion murder god’s username to boom brat not trusted with knives but green: if the two of you don’t shut the fuck up right now, i’ll tell them all about the bento incident boom brat: you wouldn’t fucking dare flight risk: they would. shutting up! not trusted with knives but green: wanna bet kacchan

not trusted with knives but green: that’s what i thought. not trusted with knives but green: anyway, we’re all okay! recovery girl patched us up and we’re safe at UA rn candycane zuko: except for the trauma robotnik: and the broken ribs not trusted with knives but green: okay yeah running into the ghosts of a past i faked my death to get away from wasn’t great not trusted with knives but green: but at least I’m not the one running on Quirk exhaustion! not trusted with knives: or the broken ribs!!! brain soap: …neither’s sho, though flight risk: i’ll still kick all your asses tails: GUYS

flight risk: sorry mashi not trusted with knives but green: sorry mashi candycane zuko: sorry mashi brain soap: sorry mashi not trusted with knives: sorry mashi

tails: getting back on track, the idiots are all mostly fine. a few scrapes and bruises, but nothing life-threatening tails: as for the Quirk exhaustion and broken ribs, maybe @ flight risk would like to tell that themself?

flight risk: ok so it’s rlly not that big a saga flight risk: firstly, the nomu (big brain guy) bit me and crushed three of my ribs n took a chip out of two vertebrae. n then dropped me n broke my wing flight risk: chiyo-baa was not impressed bad trip: grandmasmad.mp4 [a video of a battered and bruised Cat, seated on one of the infirmary beds, being checked over by Recovery Girl, as the healing hero keeps up a constant stream of scolding] flight risk: rude. flight risk: secondly, i’m not 100% on whether it’s bc my quirk is artificially implanted by evil scientists flight risk: or being consistently force-fed various levels of quirk suppressants since i was a small child flight risk: but yeah basically using my quirk hurts like fuck emo bacon: mood

flight risk: and that’s on a good day flight risk: but as a bonus i also get premonitions sometimes which leave me with migraines flight risk: and also the pain of any injuries that i prevent thanks to them bad trip: yk smtms i frgt how fckd yr bckstry is n thn u rpt it boom brat: YOU FUCKING IDIOT flex tape: what the FUCK shadow: ^ most emphatically knuckles: cat stop scaring our class emo bacon: cat you’re traumatising the children flight risk: not my classmates, not my problem

brain soap: ANYWAY so yeah we’re all fine, it’s fine candycane zuko: just ignore those last few pieces of very disturbing information :) shadow: what a mad banquet of darkness sonic: @(un)friendly local caterpillar I still have some concerns regarding vigilantes in a UA class chat! (un)friendly local caterpillar: well, fortunately for you, both tisiphone and pyre are licensed heroes, so there’s no worries there, and changeling is provisionally licensed too now you don’t: what?! sonic: Sensei, that cannot be right. Tisiphone & Changeling, at least, cannot be older than our age, and all of them are known, wanted vigilantes! boom brat: NO ONE FUCKING CARES FOUR EYES (un)friendly local caterpillar: you can ask your brother or take it up with nedzu if you really don’t believe me. but I have seen their hero licenses (un)friendly local caterpillar: bakugou, be nicer to your classmates not trusted with knives: we love when [redacted]’s child torture pays off pikachu: we love when WHAT?! emo bacon: don’t even worry abt it kid

usernames - by order of appearance

pyre/emo bacon: touya todoroki/dabi

robotnik: mei hatsume

brain soap: hitoshi shinsou

mystery man/not trusted with knives but green: izuku midoriya

vlads secret love child/not trusted with knives: himiko toga

cryptid cat/flight risk: cat (oc)

(un)friendly local caterpillar: shouta aizawa/eraserhead

sonic: tenya iida

Am I a rat? A dog? A bear? I'm the Principal: nedzu

pikachu: denki kaminari

bad trip: mina ashido

YEET: ochaco uraraka

flex tape: hanta sero

phrog: tsuyu asui

explosion murder god/boom brat: katsuki bakugou

tails: mashirao ojiro

candycane zuko: shouto todoroki

shadow: fumikage tokoyami

knuckles: eijirou kirishima

now you don't: tooru hagakure

[hellagency]

hell class rule #19

a crowbar would do it so much quicker: 19. Kacchan, your explosions are very loud and sometimes make the building shake. We do not need our hideout to collapse or be discovered. Only blow shit up in the quirk training areas. aizawas cryptid son: a) Izu & Mei, this goes for you as well. Limit the explosions to the labs.

[hellagency]

hell class rule #22

arson anthropomorphised: 22. Endeavor has been released without charge bc the HPSC is full of cowards and abusers. If you see him, the only rule is don’t get caught.

[hellagency]

Gremlin Support Group #general

worlds best polygraph has added toshinori yagi worlds best polygraph: everyone, this is all might’s secretary. he’s asked to be kept updated on the case after all might’s run in with tisiphone and chaos earlier 14 members have reacted with [surejan] lesser dragon: ew lesser dragon has changed toshinori yagi’s username to all might get pushed off a roof slightly less green: tisiphone. pink nightmare 2 electric boogaloo: let 👏 them 👏 speak 👏 crimson: they’re right. all might was not manly, dude crimson: so not manly feral to feral bonding: @ all might get pushed off a roof the fuck did your boss do to my baby bunnies feral to feral bonding: i will come for his kneecaps do not test me worlds best polygraph: remember, yagi, you asked for this

usernames - by order of appearance

worlds best polygraph: naomasa tsukauchi

toshinori yagi/all might get pushed off a roof: toshinori yagi/all might

lesser dragon: cat (oc)

slightly less green: izuku midoriya

pink nightmare 2 electric boogaloo: mina ashido

crimson: eijirou kirishima

feral to feral bonding: rumi usagiyama/mirko