Well, here we are again. Yet another hellfic. At this point, I can no longer claim this is a once or twice off thing; this is now its own section of my writing. Which means that there is now going to be a section in my masterlist of stories dedicated to hellfics... great.
Oh well, I had fun writing this. I had fun writing all of them, honestly; even as they were making me cringe. Now, similar warnings for this as the last hellfic; more PG-rated than my usual stuff, and mentions of sex and other stuff along those lines. Again, all mentions and no showing, and more for comedy’s sake, but this is your warning if you’re not feeling up for that sort of stuff today.
Few final little things before we start. 1- this entire fic is based off a series of youtube videos of the same name. I highly recommend that you go watch them. They are wonderful; I was just inspired to make a Dreamswap version. 2- human Dreamswap characters; this includes trans!Nightmare, cause I love that idea. And 3- I highly, highly, recommend that you listen to the piece of music that’s named in the first paragraph as you read this; it makes for a much funnier experience. Here’s a link for those who want to listen as they read: Here
And that’s it! I hope everyone enjoys this wonderful hellfic experience!
~~~~~~
The video opens on Dream and Nightmare sitting at a small table. They are seated towards each other, with both of them looking at the camera. The table holds at least three bottles of alcohol, two shot glasses, and what appears to be two stacks of cards, one stack in front of each. Mozart’s ‘Serenade in G Major’ is playing faintly in the background.
“Hey; I’m Nightmare.” He waves a hand at the camera as he introduces himself.
“And I am Dream.” Dream doesn’t wave, but he does give a smile to the camera. “I am sure you know us.”
“See,” Nightmare starts, hands starting to make gestures in the air, “Dream and I used to be pretty close. Then, of course, we grew apart.” Nightmare’s hands come down onto the table and he smirks at Dream. “But now we’ve made up and, obviously, there’s a bunch of stuff we don’t know about each other now. So,” Nightmare picks up his stack of cards with a grin, “some of Dream’s employees have made us a little game where we ask each other questions, and we either have to tell the truth or take a shot.”
“I am still uncertain as to why we would need an incentive to speak the truth,” Dream states, fiddling with his own stack of cards while making sure not to flip any of them over. “Isn’t the point of this to get to know each other better?” Nightmare lets out a slight chuckle at that.
“Yeah, but I’ve been told that some of these are questions that might be kinda embarrassing for us to answer, or to hear.”
There’s a faint shout from off-camera that says something like, “Some? Try most!” Dream raises an eyebrow at this, but his smile remains pleasant and professional.
“I trust my people to have picked reasonable and mature questions.” There is nervous laughter coming from someone behind the camera at that. “On that, shall we begin?” Nightmare grins, and gestures to Dream.
“You first!” Dream gives a nod and flips over the first card. Within seconds, his smile drops and his face begins to turn yellow in embarrassment. People from out of view begin to laugh and he shoots a glare in their direction; all but one voice falls silent. Said voice then shouts, “come on! You agreed to ask everything, remember?” Dream’s glare turns fierce, but his gaze soon drops and he reads out the card.
“Have we ever slept with the same person?” Nightmare guffaws and Dream’s glare focuses on him for a bit. “I do not believe we have.”
“Come on, Dream; I was meant to answer that,” Nightmare protests, still laughing. “Also, you’re wrong about that belief.” Dream suddenly looks like he swallowed a golf ball and a lemon at the same time, staring at Nightmare with wide eyes.
“What?! Who?!” Nightmare doesn’t respond and just keeps laughing. Meanwhile, Dream looks like he wants to leap over the table and force the answer out of Nightmare. “Why was I not informed of this?”
“Considering when it happened, you weren’t ever supposed to know.” Nightmare pours himself a shot and downs it quickly. “Also, while I won’t tell you who, I will say you tapped it second.” That only seems to make Dream’s current condition even worse. There’s a moment where Dream has to take a deep breath and calm himself down, before he sets the card to the side and stares pointedly at Nightmare.
“Well? What is your first question for me?” Nightmare lets out one last chuckle before lifting up his first card. As he reads what’s on it, he lets out a snort.
“Do I or have I ever disappointed you?”
“Yes,” Dreams says through gritted teeth. “Two minutes ago, in fact.” That only causes Nightmare to start laughing again. Dream is not as amused.
“But, other than that?” Dream takes a moment to think on this; there seem to be some unpleasant memories flashing through his mind, as he grimaces at the thought of them.
“I believe the only times I have been disappointed in you have mostly been when you have broken in Justice Reigns with the sole purpose of annoying me.” Nightmare seems to expect more, but Dream appears done.
“But,” Nightmare draws out the word, expecting Dream to continue on but deciding to do so himself when Dream doesn’t, “you judge me for dating Cross, right?” That seems to get Dream’s attention and he nods.
“Oh yes; I judge you for dating Cross.” Nightmare lets out a snort and settles back into his chair.
“Thought so; moving on.” Nightmare shoots a grin towards Dream. “Third question!” Dream flips over his next card and begins to read.
“Who would Mother have liked more?” Nightmare thinks for a moment, as does Dream. For a moment, you can see a resemblance between them, as they both bite their lips as they ponder the question.
“Probably me,” Nightmare finally says. Dream gives him a shocked look.
“I would have said myself.” Nightmare looks at him before shaking his head.
“Nuh-uh; not with the whole,” Nightmare gestures to a lot of Dream, with a lot of emphasis on his wings, “incident thing. Before that, a hundred percent, you would have been the favourite. After that? Me; without question.” Dream still looks a bit skeptical.
“You don’t think she would approve of me using my power to make the multiverse a better place?” Once again, Nightmare shakes his head.
“I don’t think she would have seen it that way,” he says quietly with an uncomfortable look. “Remember what she was like?” Dream thinks on it for a moment, before nodding.
“Fine. Perhaps.” Dream shakes his head, before gesturing to Nightmare’s card. “Well? Let us continue.” Nightmare pulls up the card and immediately begins laughing again.
“Oh! We’re back in the good ones!” Nightmare manages to get out in between laughs. Dream looks remarkably worried. He finally calms down enough that he manages to ask the question. “Would you ever have a threesome with me?” For a split second, it looked as though Dream’s brain had broken entirely. He stared forward, dumbfounded, before finally returning to his senses.
“No!” Dream immediately starts reaching for the bottles of alcohol, fumbling as he pours himself a shot. “No! Absolutely not! No!” Nightmare nudges his shot glass forward and Dream fills it for him.
“Gotta say, I’m with you on that one.” Nightmare downs his shot alongside Dream. “Cause, at the end of the day, they’re gonna favour one of us, and I’m gonna be pissed if it ain’t me!” Dream gives him an unhappy look.
“Not quite the reason I was saying ‘no’,” Dream mutters to himself, only heard due to the microphone attached to his shirt. He finally shakes himself out of his embarrassment and pulls up the next question. He lets out the tiniest groan at the sight of it, his face starting to yellow again already.
“How many sexual partners have you had?” Nightmare pauses, thinking. He looks behind himself, counting two people off-screen, and then returns to the table, counting on his fingers and he’s lost in thought. He reaches the fingers on his second hand before starting to spin his hands around as he debates something in his head. Finally, and without looking away from the ceiling where his eyes had drifted during his thoughts, he reaches over and grabs one of the bottles before taking a swig from it.
“Some things are better left unsaid,” Nightmare comments as he sets the bottle back down. Dream can’t seem to decide whether he should feel relieved or horrified. “Next question.”
Nightmare flips up the card. “If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?” Dream sucks in a breath, debating his options. He very obviously looks Nightmare up and down, lip finding its way back in between his teeth again.
“...Should I go for the obvious?” Dream asks, giving Nightmare a look. Nightmare rolls his eyes.
“Do not give me charity; say what about me annoys the crap out of you!”
“Well,” Dream starts, looking Nightmare over again, “I could say your pranks, or perhaps your inability to take anything seriously. Maybe just your attitude in general. But perhaps, what annoys me most is,” Dream gestures to Nightmare’s entire being, “this.” Nightmare looks at himself, then looks at Dream with a disappointed expression.
“You just gestured to all of me.” Dream just smiles politely.
“Yes.” Nightmare lets out a groan and gives Dream a glare.
“Did you just answer with a fucking meme?” Dream is still smiling.
“Yes.” Nightmare pours a shot and shoves the glass towards Dream, all the while giving him a nasty look.
“Drink a shot for that; do it, you disgrace.” Dream rolls his eyes but downs the shot and sets the glass back on the table.
“It was not that bad,” he grumbles. He lets out a little cough, before turning his attention to the next card. “What is the worst thing I have done to you?” He squints, reading the smaller text underneath. “Apart from the obvious?” He does not seem to be completely confident that he read that right, but they continue on quickly enough.
“Honestly,” Nightmare starts, eyes drifting to the ceiling again, “probably all the times you forced me to get up way too goddamn early when we were little. Either that or the times you forced me to socialise.” Dream raises an eyebrow at the answer.
“Both of those were for your benefit. They were not to your detriment.” Nightmare lets out a childish groan.
“Couldn’t you have just let me be an anti-social, hibernating hermit for the rest of my life?” Dream levels an unimpressed look at Nightmare.
“No.” Is all he says; Nightmare lets out a whine in response. “Just read your question.” Nightmare pouts for a moment longer before pulling up the next card. He smirks at what’s written on it.
“Who’s the better-looking one?” Nightmare gives Dream a grin, wiggling his eyebrows. “Come on; we both know it’s me!” Dream raises an eyebrow, face incredulous.
“I do not believe many of my people would agree with you,” he says, giving Nightmare a look that was slightly condescending in nature. Nightmare huffs dramatically in response.
“But I have that sexy, ex-criminal charm! You’re just a goody-two-shoes!” He then looks over to the side, to people who could not be seen. “Error! Cross! You agree, right? I’m the better-looking one!”
“Of course, dear!” The two respond in sync, still off-screen. Nightmare regains his confident smirk at their words and turns back to face Dream, who is shaking his head.
“They are biased,” he says simply. “They cannot be empirical about this.” Nightmare blows a raspberry, which causes Dream to look at him with disappointment.
“Well,” a voice from off-screen starts to speak, “since you two can’t decide, I guess that means you are both taking a shot!” Dream and Nightmare exchange looks, before casting a glare off-screen. It takes a bit, but they relent and Dream starts to pour them shots.
“Cheers, bitch!” Nightmare clinks his glass against Dream’s and downs it immediately. Dream takes a moment to roll his eyes before downing his. He takes a moment after drinking to let the alcohol settle in his system, how many shots had they had now, then lifts up his next question card. He starts to choke and cough at the words written on it before he can finally manage to ask the question.
“Have you ever had sex in my house?” Dream sets down the card and sends a glare towards the camera. “I already know the answer to this question, and it is-” He pauses, noticing the movement in the corner of his eye. Nightmare has skipped pouring a shot entirely and is now taking a swig directly from the bottle, not making eye contact with Dream. Dream takes a few moments to process what he is seeing, before the implications of it finally catches up with him.
“You’ve had sex in my house?!” The scream is probably heard on the other side of JR, it is so loud. Nightmare flinches a bit at the shout but doesn’t stop drinking. “Oh, you fucker.” There are numerous shocked gasps at Dream swearing, but he doesn’t seem to care at all. It looks almost like Dream’s mind has completely collapsed; his face was so blank, it could only be in pure rage. “You have no clue how much trouble you are in.”
“What are you talking about?” Nightmare finally pries the bottle away from his lips and sets it back on the table, looking much like a man who has realised death arriving at this moment might be a mercy. “I just took a drink; that doesn’t mean anything!”
“It means you don’t want to tell me the truth!” Dream, for the second time so far, looks remarkably like he wants to leap over the table. Nightmare is still not looking at him, his face a faint purple hue.
“Moving on!” Nightmare hurriedly lifts up his next card, eyes scanning the words. “What are your biggest complaints about my partners?” That manages to get Dream out of his bad headspace, but possibly just into a different one. He leans back a bit, biting his lip as he thinks.
“Just one for each?” Dream tries to clarify, looking very much like he wants it to be more. Nightmare nods with a stern look.
“Yes. Just one. Otherwise, we’ll be here all day with you ranting about Cross.” Dream releases a breath, obviously still debating his choices.
“I will start with Error,” he begins. “I believe my biggest complaint with Error is how often he pesters me about taking care of myself. Now,” Dream leans forward as he explains, “this is a very minor complaint. I believe Error is a wonderful being and I am fully supportive of your relationship together. I believe you are good together.” Satisfied that he has explained himself properly, Dream sits back properly in his chair with a content look.
“As for Cross, well,” Dream begins to laugh, and he doesn’t stop laughing. He tries to muffle it by shutting his mouth, but it only makes his movements more exaggerated as the laughter keeps coming and coming. He eventually reaches over and lifts a bottle from the table, taking a large drink from it. “I couldn’t decide which one,” he finally admits when he’s finished laughing. Nightmare does not seem to be satisfied with that answer.
“What’s the first one that comes to mind?”
“He’s a man-baby.” It is rather harsh that Dream just says it with very little emotion, as though he’s just stating facts. There is a deeply offended noise from someone off-camera. Dream sets the bottle back down and returns to facing Nightmare. “And that’s all I will say.” Nightmare gives him a screwed-up, unhappy face, but drops the subject with a disgusted sigh. Dream has a brief moment of relief, before he lifts up his next card and his face fall with what he sees written on it.
“How did you lose your virginity?” Dream’s lips practically suck back into his head as he sets the card on the table and pours two shots. He then shoves one towards Nightmare. “Take the shot.” He nudges the shot towards Nightmare with increased desperation. “Take. The shot.” Nightmare thinks on it for a moment before downing the shot, grimacing at the burn.
“Yeah; perhaps better for you not to know.” Nightmare sets his glass down, before a mischievous look crosses his face. “Although, I can give some details~”
“Please refrain from doing that.”
“There was a pool table involved.”
“There was not a pool table involved.”
“Yes, there was.” Nightmare’s grin has not faded in the slightest. Dream, on the other hand, looks like he’s dying on the inside and lets out a noise that sounds suspiciously like a sob. Nightmare eventually decides to stop tormenting Dream and looks at his next question card.
“Who has the bigger dick?” Nightmare turns his smug look directly to the camera. “Me.” Dream’s expression says that his brain is misfiring a little bit, and turns a confused look on Nightmare.
“Am I… missing something? Was I not made aware of some rather important changes in your life?” Dream is now looking over Nightmare’s shoulder to the people beyond the screen, obviously looking for answers from them. “And how would you know anyway?”
“I don’t need a dick for mine to be bigger than yours.” With that said, Nightmare lightly wacks Dream in the face with the question card, still looking rather smug. Dream’s face says that he doesn’t quite understand, but gets that this topic is over and is probably grateful to be moving on anyway.
“What is your honest, unfiltered opinion of my love life?” Dream reads out from his next card, glancing over it at Nightmare, who is leaning back in his chair with a thoughtful expression.
“Honestly? Pretty dry and dull.” Nightmare gives a half-apologetic look to Dream. “I’m sorry, but when was the last time you went out on a date?” Dream doesn’t have an immediate answer, and Nightmare barrels on with barely a pause. “Seriously, my dude; I may be the better-looking one, but you aren’t too shabby yourself. And yet you haven’t tried to find a datemate yet! At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if you wound up marrying your paperwork. You need to live a little!” Dream, over the course of Nightmare’s rant, is slowly burying his face in his hands more and more.
“Are you done?” Dream mumbles out, eyes still covered by his hands. Nightmare sighs loudly.
“I’m just telling the truth!” Dream drops his hands and gives Nightmare a look that’s half reproachful and half pleading.
“I will find someone when the time is right. For now, please drop it.” Nightmare grumbles a bit.
“Just let it happen before we’re a thousand years old, ‘kay?” Dream rolls his eyes at that but says nothing in return. Nightmare blows out a breath in frustration before picking up his final card.
“On a scale of one to ten, how hetero are you?” Nightmare tosses the card over his shoulder with barely a glance. “Basically, how straight are you?”
“About a five.” Dream answers, looking rather comfortable in his decision. “Though, I suppose the correct numerical value would require a Z-axis as well as an X-axis and Y-axis.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re pansexual, right?” Dream nods, lacing his fingers together and completely comfortable in his sexuality.
“I am sure I can guess what your number would be.” Nightmare barks out a laugh, arm flopping over the back of his chair.
“About a negative sixty-nine!” He flashes a grin towards the camera. “I am very gay. Boys all the way!” There is no discomfort from either of them; it is a bit touching to see how at ease both of them are with this topic. Nightmare finally gestures to Dream and the final question card on the table. “Last one. Let’s hear it; I’m curious what they saved for last.” Dream gives a pleasant smile, rather similar to the one he began this exercise with, and pulls up the final card.
“What is the nicest thing I have ever done for you?” Dream sets the card down neatly and begins to organise the finished cards back into a neat stack, though his eyes tell that he is, in fact, curious about the answer and is merely keeping his hands busy. Nightmare debates internally for a few minutes, a few minutes where no one says anything, then takes one of Dream’s hands.
“I think...the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me? Would be when we were still enemies.” Nightmare’s face gains a tender smile and he looks much softer than he has for the entirety of the video. “When I came out to you as trans, even though we hated each other at the time, you immediately started using my preferred pronouns and even changed all my paperwork to use them. You did that, even though we weren’t even on speaking terms at the time, and I think that was very sweet.” Dream’s smile gains a sweet tinge to it as well, and he squeezes Nightmare’s hand lightly. “Also, I know you were helping a certain pair of your staff sneak me testosterone while I was on the run, or at least turning a blind eye to it.”
“That wasn’t supposed to be public knowledge, Nightmare.” Though Dream doesn’t look upset about it, still wrapped up in smiling sweetly at his old friend. He chuckles a bit, more joy being shown on his face in this moment than almost any other time that JR workers can recall. “I am glad to have you back, old friend. I have missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, you sap.” Nightmare laughs a bit, tears pricking at his eyes despite what he called Dream. “It’s been too long since we got to just talk like this.”
“I agree.” Dream nods, smiling turning to the people outside the camera’s view. “Despite the...nature of some of the questions, it was nice getting to know you again.” He reaches across the table and brushes away a tear from Nightmare’s eye. Nightmare lets out another laugh as he does this, before turning back to the camera.
“Well, that was truth or drink. And we’re done here!” Nightmare gives a clap, which results in all the crew off-screen beginning to clap as well. Nightmare gives a nod before turning back to Dream. “Shall we go keep talking elsewhere?”
“That sounds like a good idea.” Dream smiles, standing up from his chair, though looking somewhat like he’s using the table to balance himself. He then looks over to someone behind the camera, turning his smile to them. “Despite my...hesitance, shall we say, regarding some of the questions, thank you for putting this together. This was-” Dream is cut off by a loud shriek as Nightmare falls out of his chair while trying to get up, and lands on the floor.
“Nightmare!” The name is shouted by at least four different people, including Dream, who looks towards his old friend with concern and moves to help. This is when the screen pauses; with Dream holding onto the table as he moves around to help Nightmare up, while only a faint arm in a purple hoodie reaching up from the floor. Words begin to scroll up the screen.
Total Number Times Drinking:
Dream - 4
Nightmare - 6
They scroll up the screen and vanish, shot still frozen on the last scene. Two final words appear on screen:
The End
And then it fades to black. You get the distinct impression both men were left nursing hangovers the next morning.
Oh dear. Oh boy. Well, it’s time to finally post this!
So, who here remembers this drawing of @gallifreyan-pal? I certainly do! Therefore, you can place all the blame for this absolute hellfic at Tobin’s feet, and maybe a bit at Kai’s too. Cause I got thinking about how a full speech/video would go down and then this got written!
Now, this fic is different than my usual ‘family-friendly G’ variety. It’s not R or even really M rated, but it is more on the PG scale. Just so you guys know what you’re getting yourselves into, this fic does discuss Sex and all the stuff one needs to know about going into that. This fic is more a comedy thing and doesn’t show/only talks, but if you’re not feeling up for that sort of thing today, here’s your warning that you might wanna pass over this.
Anyways, on with the show and, Tobin? I hope you enjoy the hellfic you inspired!
~~~~
{The screen flickers to life. It shows Dream sitting backwards on a chair, arm resting on the chair back, and staring at the camera; though, if one looks carefully, it can be seen that Dream is actually looking slightly above the camera at something out of sight. There’s a slight pause, and Dream gives a subtle nod before focusing on the camera itself and beginning to speak}
“So you found yourself someone you want to get down with. Well. If you are here in the designated copulation rooms, then you have most likely convinced them to give you at least one chance. In order to make sure that there are no more occurrences like the Afterdeath incidents {Dream’s face pinches for a moment, but rapidly returns to its previous professional look}, you and your partners are all required to watch this educational video about how to have sex safely. Because safe sex is the sexiest.” {Dream looks off to someone off-screen and asks in a low voice: ‘Why did I have to say that?’ There’s a pause as whoever he’s talking to responds before Dream leans sharply in that direction saying, ‘What do you mean that’s the slogan?’. The film abruptly cuts to the next shot, with Dream back to facing the camera}
“To begin; you have found yourself someone you want to get down with. Now, do they want to get down with you? It is important to establish consent with any and all partners that you have. Failure to clarify consent will result in severe punishment {Dream gives a fierce glare into the camera, making sure that the viewer knows that he is not joking or exaggerating. To break this rule is to make yourself an enemy of Dream and Justice Reigns}. Something that is quite often forgotten if you have the same partner regularly is to establish consent for every encounter. Just because someone has said ‘yes’ one time, does not mean it is consent for every time. Remember; be sure all parties clarify enthusiastic consent for every occurrence without pressure, or we’ll fry your ass.” {Dream looks to the side a second time, this time with an unimpressed glare, and says ‘Why was there an exclamation point at the end of that?’ It doesn’t seem like he gets the answer he wants, and soon turns back to look at the point just above the camera.}
“Next up, protection. It is provided in every room. Lube and condoms are located within the top bedside draw. Make sure to use them {Dream appears to be relaxing a little as he starts getting used to what he is saying. It is clear that he agrees with the logic of what he is being told to say and is starting to get into the flow of it a bit more}. If birth control is desired, there are medical professionals available to discuss your options. And it never hurts to double up on protection. Birth control pills and condoms used together are good. Using two condoms at the same time is bad and most likely to be worse than just using one as intended {Dream gives a tiny nod as he agrees with what he is saying. His posture is looser now and he appears comfortable on his chair}. Please remember that condoms are used for more than preventing unwanted children. STDs are very much a thing, and can be transferred through acts other than penetrative sex as well. If you wish to have proof of why you should always use a condom unless you and all your partners are tested and confirmed to be clean, the medical staff happily invites you to pay them a visit to view the case file and photos for syphilis in the eye?!” {Dream almost shouts the last four words of his sentence, horror obvious on his face and his entire body tensing up in a mix of fright and shock. The film immediately cuts to black before opening on what is obviously a different take; the chair is facing forwards now and Dream is sitting properly on it, though looking rather uncomfortable and repulsed}
“Continuing on from our last point, making sure that both your partners and yourself are clean of STDs. It is important to get yourself checked and to take precautions. If something does happen, there are medical professionals available to discuss options and treatment {Dream’s face takes a bit of a golden hue to it, but Dream continues on as though he doesn’t notice}. Please ensure that condoms are used correctly and frequently; many STDs are contracted by skin on skin contact of any kind {There is a distinctly uncomfortable fidget from Dream as he says this}, so condoms should be worn from the beginning.” {Dream stares hard with disappointment into the camera as the one filming clearly waits for him to say something else. There is a long, slow zoom in on Dream’s face before the camera person finally gives up}
“Please, ensure that your escapades happen in a private room and the door is locked. Since you are here in the copulation rooms, you have already fulfilled part one of these requirements. But please take a moment to {Dream’s line of sight suddenly drops down to the floor, accompanied by several soft thuds and the faint sound of someone cursing. Dream watches whoever it is pick up the cue cards they dropped, only a faint pursing of his lips and an unimpressed look betraying his thoughts. Dream’s line of sight eventually follows the person back up, and he starts speaking again}...ensure that the door to your room is properly closed and locked. You and your partners may consent, but the innocent bystanders do not. I do not believe there is any more that needs to be said on this topic.” {Dream has the look of a man who has seen more than he ever should have; there is the distinct impression that he has been the innocent bystander far too often.}
“Now, you may feel the desire to…{Dream’s face contorts as though he just sucked on a lemon} ‘spice up’ your time together. Make sure that this is communicated clearly to your partners, that it is discussed, and that all parties are in agreement. Please make sure to do your research on how to perform these desires correctly. JR is not liable for any injuries caused by unique sexual desires; you are, however, liable for any destruction or property damage caused by said desires {Dream’s eyes close for a moment and he looks distinctly like he’s gritting his teeth together. It is an expression of both cringe and disappointment, but it only lasts for a moment before Dream recovers}. And remember, it does not matter what lie you come up with for the medical staff when something goes wrong, they will be able to figure out exactly what happened. So it is easier for everyone if you just tell the truth immediately. I have been informed that you cannot possibly surprise them anymore.” {Dream’s face slowly falls as he reads the last sentence out. He is no longer even trying to hide the fact that he is reading off cue cards, looking above the camera as it appears that the last glimmers of faith in the intelligence and integrity of his people is slowly drained away. He finishes speaking and finally looks back to the camera; his eyes speak of a man who has reached the limit of what he can take}
“And finally, please make sure to care for your partners {Some of the tension drains out of Dream as he says this. He still looks somewhat pained, but he appears to be relieved to be finally talking about something that is at least somewhat pure in intention}. Look after them before, during, and after your time together. Sex can be very emotional and does tend to make people’s systems go haywire for a bit. Hormones can be strong enough that people can start crying during sex, even when there is nothing wrong. Importantly, just talk to your partners; speak to each other throughout the whole experience. Whether it is your first time or your fiftieth, whether this is a one-time-only thing or part of a relationship, talk to your partner afterwards and be honest about the experience. It will only help you in the long run.” {As Dream finishes the final section, he starts to make shooing motions to someone behind the camera. Subtle at first, but they grow larger as the one he is gesturing to is obviously not getting the message. ‘Leave it’, Dream hisses in a whisper at the person, ‘I’ll close it off myself. I don’t trust whatever you’ve got written for me.’ There’s a pause as the person Dream is talking to communicates something in return; ‘considering the rest of your script, I believe I have good reason to not trust you.’ There’s a final shoo motion from Dream’s hand as he says this, and he turns back to the camera.}
“That is the conclusion of this instructional video. Please remember what was discussed and apply it properly. One final thing; anything you do in here, the cleaning crew will find out about from what’s left behind. Please be kind to them and do not make their job any more difficult or unpleasant than it has to be. Good day, and have a wonderful experience.” {The camera does not linger long on Dream’s pinched and pained face. Instead, the film abruptly cuts to a copy of Dream from earlier who is saying ‘Healthy sex is the sexiest.’ The slogan is spelled out in giant golden letters across the screen, with a little upbeat jingle playing in the background. The words and tune linger for a bit after Dream has finished speaking, then the screen cuts to black. It is over}
“So girls,” she calls out, “You know how this works. A new Islander will come down these stairs and then I will ask you to step forward if you want to couple up with them - sounds simple enough?” They all nod, the nervous energy seeping off them as Michelle shuffles her feet. “Time to meet your first new Islander…"
day one and-a-half. barcelona’s the capital of italy.
Katya stands up abruptly, white plastic champagne glass in hand and raises it to the sky. “We’re all beautiful people,” she starts, “we are all here to find love, so I guess, to us, people!” She raises the glass to the middle and everyone cheers to the journey they are about to find themselves on. It’s exciting - maybe a little nerve wrecking - thrilling.
