"GAH! WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT I AM! THIS WAS SO STUPID! I CANNOT BELIEVE I COULD BE THIS FUCKING STUPID! I RUINED EVERYTHING! MOVE!!! YOU SHITTY DESK!!!"
"And I did it for what? These stupid, foolish fantasies?!"
It means so much to me that Stolas was finally able to admit it, that what he saw and enjoyed when it came to his and Blitzø's transactional relationship was the pure escapist fantasy of it all. Yes, he still grew to have genuine feelings for Blitz, but he still couldn't help but wrap Blitz up in this fantasy of his. Knight in shining armour, rogue assassin, etc.
And a part of me thinks that's why Blitz, couldn't initially believe Stolas' feelings of romantic love for him. Aside from his extreme self-loathing, it's also because he was so used to Stolas wanting him to play a certain role on their full moon nights. Blitz was used to being a fantasy, so he couldn't imagine the actual reality of it.
And I think that's one of the reasons why Blitz is so goddamn fucking happy the entire episode, it's because aside from finally get his birb back, this is what Blitz ultimately wants in a relationship.
Blitzø's ideal relationship is genuine domestic bliss. He genuinely just loves the idea of waking up every morning to the man he loves, and being able to do simple mundane shit like making breakfast for them, fixing them up cups of coffee, and having casual conversation.
It's why he looks so happy and chipper doing the most mundane shit with Stolas. Blitz genuinely just finds joy in walking around the market with the man he loves, going grocery shopping, chatting at the Laundromat, and going shopping for clothes.
It's also why Blitz wants this so bad...
Because underneath all the self-loathing and his asshole persona, Blitz genuinely has the purest of dreams of settling down with Stolas and their two daughters surrounded by warmth, love, and laughter.
First of all, I'm autistic, so a lot of scenarios I'll give you will come from my experiences because it's easier for me to feel empathy that way and explain a situation.
BLITZØ IN FULL MOON
People come into my DMs and want to rant with me about him. I get it. It seems he's an asshole.
And he IS.
Blitzø has multiple character traits which are trauma coded and boy what a can of worms that is. Most of them are really hard in your face, like the fact that he can't stand his own face in pictures.
Which comes from a deep rooted self hate, which comes up in self worth issues. Blitzø had his fair experience with drugs and alcohol , even drowned himself in last to get over his shitty experience with Stolas at Ozzie's.
I'm not saying he's suicidal, but Blitzø's biggest fear is, to die alone.
Because he KNOWS how he is. That makes him really self reflected. He knows how he behaves, he knows his own coping mechanisms.
That's why it's so easy to make him mad. He's mostly angry at himself in most situations, so it also happened in Full Moon. Blitzø uses anger to get things out of people, because most people react to anger, but he's not doing it to HURT people, it's the only way he knows how to get an reaction out of people.
The reaction HE wants. Since Blitzø has no self worth he has no clue WHY people should love him. So he shoves them away and keeps them at distance.
At the same time he CRAVES intimacy. And here's the conflict. Blitzø's love language is sex.
He feels the closest to people if he can be intimate with them. And yes, even in a weird "I fuck Chaz to be close to M&M" kind of way. He is krass with his talking about sex, he over shares, he LOVES to talk about sex.
Because he's good at it. And because it gets him close to people. If the show had more time I bet we would've seen Blitzø having multiple one night stands over the time. Yes, even with his arrangement with Stolas. Because there was sex before there were feelings. Definitely.
Shitty Parenting x Self Worth
Blitzø got sold by his own father as a play buddy for a rich kid. Yes the rich kid was Stolas and it was cute, but still, rich kid.
And we all have seen, that he wasn't good at what his father made him do in the circus but what Blitzø always had, was his pride. Also, he's very good at making things up as they go. Doing that damn horse balloon and making a joke about it, shows how he is capable of selling himself still as the best, even if it isn't so.
We don't know much about Tilla, but we know Blitzø definitely had a closer relationship to her then to his father.
I know we only have two concrete scenes which show what kind of an relationship Cash and his son had, but the "I wish you were my son" card for Fizz kinda draws us the picture here.
As a child who always had to compete with a sister which was highly gifted, this does something to you.
You try to be better, at any cost. Sounds familiar?
"I'll try to be better".
But what? In what will he try to be better? I think Blitzø doesn't even know at what he will try to be better, he just does not want to lose this. But what is this?
RELATIONSHIPS
IF Blitzø would have just cared about his business, he would've walked away with the crystal. Just like that. He would've said
"Thank Satan, I thought I would lose my business,thanks Stolas, it was nice as it lasted" and he would've been gone.
But he didn't. He listened to what Stolas said but he didn't LISTEN. Because it was confusing as fuck, even as The Audience just watching it was a LOT what was said and going from
"I'll let you go" to "I have feelings for you, please stay" in a second.
And of course Blitzø would not understand that. Because Stolas could not MEAN it. Because Stolas has servants who are Imps and he called him names, a plaything and if Blitzø is anything for Stolas, at first, he's a whore.
Blitzø sold his body for a service. For his business.
They could have made that arrangement about ANYTHING. Money, another hitman service, bodyguarding.
STOLAS made it about sex. The thing Blitzø knows, the one he CRAVES, the thing he is good at, besides killing people.
But the one thing Blitzø is not good at, are words and feelings. And Stolas had a lot of them, at once. And it felt not fair for Blitzø to be cornered like that, because he had no idea what was expected from him. And then he used the ONLY thing he knows, which always gets something out of people: Anger.
That's the words and feelings he knows.
And he got an reaction, but also had to deal with the consequences.
STOLAS AT FULL MOON
I love Stolas. But he he's living in a romance novel world and there's also, trauma.
Stolas first words I had imprinted in my mind were "I always thought love could be fun". He wished for a happy family his whole life and all he got was an abusive wife and a loveless marriage.
He is a dreamer. Someone who loves the small things and he is caring. He loves to indulge in fiction, he loves telenovelas because even if there's drama, there are relationships. Something he never had experienced.
Stolas is a soft soul. But he's repressed and depressed as fuck. And that's not only because of Stella, but his upbringing and the knowledge to live in a Golden Cage. But he never voices that he has problems with THAT.
See, Stolas is a prince, he grew up with servants, Imps mostly. In a palace. Even if he despises Stella's parties, I bet if he wouldn't be an outsider in his own race, he would be the one doing the parties himself. It would do him some good because Stolas is also, lonely.
While Blitzø lived in Circus tents and tried to proof himself, Stolas had to proof that he's worthy his title as a prince. Being married, the whole heir thing, his duties.
And then Blitzø appears out of fucking nowhere, seducing him (like in his novels!), staying with him the whole night (showing him he's obviously gay), showing him he can choose, that he HAS A CHANCE to be happy.
With Blitzø.
And then we see the duet and the second Stolas sings about how he wants this to go, I knew they will fuck up. Because Stolas had played out this scenario SO OFTEN in his head, that he has so many images of Blitzø in his head that he knows this will not work out good. He has hopes and dreams but in the end, the decision falls on Blitzø.
So we go to Full Moon and Blitzø reacts... poorly. He even mocks him. And then he starts screaming and shouting and guess who else was always shouting and screaming? Guess who told Stolas his whole marriage that he's not worth anything. That he's not worth of love, that he's a failure, that his head is in the clouds and mocked him about everything he loves.
Blitzøs only way to cope with too many feelings is anger, Stolas trauma is based on anger and rejection.
But Stolas reacted so FAST. He gave Blitzø the crystal and he told him that he gives him the offer to stay, because he has feelings for him (like in his novels!) and his hopes are so high and the second he does not get what he wants, what he needs, he snaps. He's disappointed. He's hurt.
Because he wants this so bad to work.
But it can't, because they're for now reading the same book, but they're so not on the same page.
Because, and now we're getting there, they have to deal with what was said.
TRAUMA AND RELATIONSHIPS
I'm married for ten years now. My wife and I met each other 20 years ago.
I was suicidal back then, I cut myself regularly, I was depressed and had an eating disorder.
But I had friends. And I had relationships. And I loved so so deeply.
And then I got together with my wife 11 years ago. I was freshly diagnosed with being autistic, my wife has ADHD.
She also has several PTSD triggers, I have childhood trauma from living with my Mom who's an alcoholic.
And yes, I am able to have an relationship. We love each other dearly, we care about each other. We learn from each other, daily.
We have bad days, but we are GOOD for each other.
Because you DESERVE TO BE LOVED, no matter what.
In the first place is always that you're responsible for yourself. You can't trauma dump on your partner in excessive ways because that's not healthy. BUT learning to share your experiences but still being responsible for yourself and your actions, is a whole different thing.
You can love and be loved, even at your lowest.
But you have to be aware that your partner is not your therapist and that communication in a relationship, in which both parties are mentally ill, is KEY.
You have to go to the same ground, you have to explain what are your boundaries, what are your triggers but you have also to accept that the other one is sometimes not able to deal with your package.
My wife and I, we communicate DAILY. We have totally different needs. We have totally different views and patterns to deal with things. But we love each other.
Because we respect each other's differences.
And that's the homework for Stolas and Blitzø. They don't have to TO GET BETTER, they have to grow and they have to listen, communicate instead of just dumping expectations at each other.
You can't expect someone to break a pattern that is carved by trauma, just because you tell them you love them. And you can't expect that someone's listening when you push all their triggers at once.
I'm really excited how this will go. It's heartbreaking but I guess now that everything is said, they can finally be honest, without all the trauma dumping and pushing buttons.
And as I said:
You're worth of love. You're worth to be loved and you can give love, even at your lowest. Your deserve love, even at your lowest. You ARE loved.
can you imagine a helluva boss role swap AU where blitz and stolas have the roles of fizz and asmodeus?
Not really because of how both couples work in the story.
They're foils for each other relationship wise. They wouldn't work well the other way around.
Stolitz is very new, so they're still working a lot of things out.
And because it was very public from the get go, they are both now pretty aware of the social gap their trying to bridge. And the consequences that doing so has.
Where as Fizzmodeous is an old relationship, where alot of things are more settled and comfortable. But with the caveat that they spent almost the entire relationship in the closet. So they haven't had the big tough questions that being out prompts. (Like does family or people we know approve).
There's also the angle that Stolitz started as something unhealthy, being tit for tat sex work that they both enjoyed.
With Blitz trying to pretend he's not getting attached, and Stolas trying to tell the whole of hell he wants Blitz as his man. And is becoming a healthy thing.
(Heh Ozzie's making little flaming love hearts 💕 gets me every time).
Where as Fizzmodeous appear to have started pretty healthy; but now be slipping into unhealthy patterns, by ignoring all the social divisions they have and power imbalance that leads to. (Including Ozzie has been recently restricting Fizz's autonomy. Overstepping as his carer).
With Fizz able to show he love Ozzie in private, but had to deal with Ozzie denying it on a nearly daily basis in public.
Even after his kidnapping, and escape from someone blackmailing them over keeping their relationship secret; Fizz feels like he can't just except affection publicly. He's got to take time to remind Ozzie that people can see them.
(This has changed now, but they still haven't had the conversations they need from it).
As well as the couples being relationship foils for eachother, they are also mirrors of each other's characters. But not like you might think.
Blitz is much more like the extremely energetic Sin, with his passion for his work.
And Stolas is much more similar character wise to Fizz. Both have been controlled by their abuser during the timeline of the show, and it's still shown as an ongoing threat to both of them.
People were kinda pointing out after MMMM that Ozzie stood up for his relationship with Fizz. Where as Stolas didn't.
He instead hid behind a menu. When Ozzie mocked his relationship with Blitz, as being only physically; and for it hurting Stolas' kid.
And yer, they are both the Goetias with the power here in these relationships. But they aren't one to one parallels you can swap.
Even when Stolas' at point of risking everything the man he love, it doesn't parallel Ozzie's coming on at the concert. Because Stolas is put on an act of being the Mastermind*; using a sham relationship to trap Blitz. (*mwhahaha™)
Not anywhere near the truth of what either of them feels.
So the scenes don't match.
Both Blitz and Stolas also just have more to loss than Fizzmodeous, by being dad's.
The queefs are sweet, but Fizz and Ozzie are much more isolated, not appearing to have really close friends.
It probably made keeping their relationship on the downlow easier, but it also limits any possible blow back to just them. Ozzie's too powerful to lose everything for their relationship, like Stolas did.
I do love Ozzie attitude off 'I wish a mother-fucker would'; but he's a'n't the disabled person of colour in this.
It'll all be on Fizz when shit goes sideways.
The interview with James; shows Ozzie doesn't understand that nobody going to say or do shit to him. It's not going be him dealing with those consequences. He is a 100 feet tall. Fizz is not, and Ozzie won't always be around 24/7.
(😔 though it a really common thing, for the more buch person to think they can always protect their weaker partner. And pick fight because of it).
So to really put Fizzmodeous in the same dumbass position that got Stolitz started; they'd both need family to loss;
And for Mammon to be a threat that Ozzie couldn't counteract, and protect against day to day.
Which realistically would swap Ozzie for Blitz, because others while Mammon would just get told to feck right off early.
And at that point you're not really writing Fizzmodeous any more, you're writing Stolitz with swapped names.
Okay but why, Blitz. Why not just drop it entirely. Why not just legally change your name.
Maybe because in a Catholic exorcism, knowing the demon’s name is really important.
And sure, nobody’s ever going to be exorcising an imp, but rules is rules. Maybe the rules in Hell is: you cannot legally or fundamentally change your name. You can cross the “o” out, not pronounce it, tell people it’s silent, but when you’re booking that government-mandated Hellbies shot or putting in your CV to be a pop star’s bodyguard with a nice mostly-legal corporation, you’re Mr. O and you just gotta put up and shut up.
So, did someone realized that Blitzo is kind of NERVOUS about asking Moxxie if Millie p*gs him?
I mean just like look at him! He is sweating a bit!
It is obvious that he and Stolas do even MORE kinky stuff so why is Blitzo like that? Well, maybe it is because he kind of respects Moxxie and Millie's privacy? Because it turns him on??!!? (I mean he even uses a bear trap with Stolas A BEAR TRAP) Who knows...
ANYWAY
At least we know how Moxxie feels about that ajahsjdkfnf.
One thing I don't hear many people talk about is the fact that Sinsmas illustrates Stolas learning and accepting his new reality that he's thrusted into, and through it he goes through the Five Stages of Grief. I think it's also important to note that Stolas' grief is due largely in part to not having Octavia around, and the fact that he's been off his antidepressants the entire month.
Denial- A temporary response to loss, where you might not fully comprehend the reality that your in.
Day by Day illustrates the very first month Stolas is spent living with Blitz, he goes about the day(s), living life with Blitz and while he's happy to be with Blitz, you can tell that he's also struggling.
Listen to the lyrics:
Keep it calm, life goes on, and on, and on
Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong
So why do I still feel this way?
Stolas is living life with Blitz domestically, going out on dates here and there, seeing how he lives, seeing how imps live, and he's just at a loss, confused, not really knowing what to do. But he pretends that everything is okay, everything has to be okay.
Anger- Stolas letting all his anger and grief from the current situation he's in out and about.
Stolas has what is essentially a mental breakdown in the span of a minute: breaking Blitz's phone (Stolas sweetie don't break your bfs phone, that's his job), ripping and tearing stuff apart, blaming himself for his stupidity for having ruined his life in order to fulfill his fantasies.
Note: When Stolas calls himself stupid for fulfilling a fantasy, I honestly think he's talking about the context of him and Blitz and their transactional arrangement. Remember, during the very beginning of their transactional relationship, Stolas was very much chasing a fantasy.
Bargaining- Making promises to do better or be better whether it be to a higher power or to yourself.
Stolas begging Octavia to listen to him, to what he has to say. Stolas is extremely desperate to get Octavia to listen to him, to get Octavia back in his life.
"No! No! Never Via, sweetie please, you have always been the only good thing in my life."
"I love you Via so, so much. Please sweetie let me explain..."
Depression- A feeling of dread that feels like it will last forever, but is a necessary part of the healing process.
Stolas, immediately after getting home from the palace, sits down on the couch just to process everything. Stolas spends, what looks to be hours, sitting on contemplation- occasionally resting his head on Blitz's horns.
Note: I love how Blitz stays close to Stolas the entire time, never leaving his side, except to help decorate for the Sinsmas Party and to change into his Sinsmas sweater. Even when the Sinsmas party starts, and he starts looking content, he's always with Stolas the entire time.
Acceptance- You learn to live with the loss and acknowledge that both sorrow and joy can coexist.
Blitz helps Stolas learn to accept this new way of life, and for a moment he helps him forget all the pain as he leads them into a very romantic dance.
Stolas, for the first time since losing his daughter, is able to laugh freely and find joy in that moment, and it's all thanks to Blitz.
Stolas looks out into the sky as he realizes that this is his life now. From now on, he will have to live life of a commoner with his only solace being Blitz. The moment Stolas closes his eyes is the moment he accepts this new reality of his.
I love the tragic irony of Stolas spending the entirety of Season 2 pining and chasing after an emotionally constipated lizard to the point that he is unknowingly hurting his daughter in the process. But by the end of that season, he gets the unconditional love of the man he's in love with, only to lose the one thing he thought he would never lose- his daughter's love.
I do want to point out that I do feel bad for Stolas, but I also understand very well that this was his choice in the end. And from now on he has to live with that choice, to live with the consequences.
It really isn't hard to see why people ship Stolitz...
One thing I notice a lot of Anti-Stolitz shippers do is demonize one person over the other on what happened in Full Moon. Either Blitz is the most abusive asshole that was about to physically beat the shit out of Stolas, or Stolas is some rapist that got upset his victim didn't accept his grand love confession. Both of which are extremely bad takes.
If you blindly pick a side on who was right and who was wrong, than yeah it's no wonder you can't get aboard this ship and that's your own prerogative.
When people ask me why I ship Stolitz, I'll tell you why:
Because underneath all their resentment and anger they hold for one another, they both genuinely care so deeply about the other. Their interaction in the latter half of Apology Tour says as much:
Stolas, despite, having the right to completely blow off Blitz when he approached him. Chooses to instead hide Blitz's face as a way to protect him from being seen, just so they can have a chance to talk.
Despite how horribly Blitz treated him earlier in the day, Stolas still finds comfort just being held by him. Stolas still trusts Blitz, his little knight in shining armor to protect him.
Blitz is so gentle with Stolas throughout this interaction, when Stolas gets upset and falls dramatically off his lap, Blitz freaks out. The first thing Blitz does is curse at himself for fucking up, only to immediately get Stolas up on his feet and guide him to the couch.
Blitz does the right thing and allows Stolas to dance with BTB when he looks to him for permission because: Blitz understands that he wasn't in the right mindset to reciprocate the sort of affection Stolas was seeking at that moment, and because Blitz knew that Stolas deserved to have a night of fun.
BONUS:
This scene is so poignant and so powerful in my mind, that I honestly consider it one of the most beautifully heartbreaking moments of the show.
Blitz is forced to realize that by pushing people away, by building up all these walls that surround him, he essentially created this much carnage he never meant to.
To top it all off, this episode ends with Blitz letting Stolas go, even though he desperately doesn't want to.
(Someone give Blitz a hug please, my poor precious bean.)
I love the fact that these two men are genuinely what the other needs in their life.
A big reason as to why Stolas is in love with Blitz is because Blitz was the first person that introduced him to the concept of freedom. While Stolas just seemingly accepted his fate of dedicating his entire life to being a proper Prince of the Goetia.
Blitz wasn't like that, from the very beginning, Blitz was someone that dreamed of something bigger for himself, something better, something that usually an imp like himself could never hope to achieve. Blitz is a dreamer, and Stolas admired that.
As adults, Blitz taught Stolas that he had a right to pursue his own sense of freedom, that he didn't need to live a life trapped in the woes of being a Goetia in an abusive marriage.
Blitz, unknowingly, taught Stolas that he didn't need to be an owl trapped in a cage! Blitz taught Stolas that he had a right to pursue his own dreams, his own happiness.
If it wasn't for Blitz, Stolas would still be living that miserable life of conformity.
Even now, there's so much Stolas could learn from Blitz, and Stolas recognizes that: "Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean. For you to teach, and me to try to learn."
What Stolas can do for Blitz, is be that pillar of support Blitz desperately needs in his life. Someone that will always be by his side when his self-hatred starts to take control.
Blitz needs someone in his life that can be there to remind him that he too has a right to be happy, that he too has a right to be loved.
And there is no person better for that job than Stolas, who *still* holds so much love for this little red lizard.
Stolas can be there to teach Blitz to be better for others, and be kinder to himself.
Also, low-key...
These two are so fucking hot together, like goddamn.
