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I have finished the first part of my master's thesis. I feel relieved because while I didn't work on it regularly like my classmates, I did something that is sometimes much worse : I did 1/3 during my holidays, 1/3 last week-end (9 days before the due date) and the last 1/3 yesterday, 3 days before the due date. I'm a madman but I'm free of those 33 pages and 143 footnotes.
the worst about this mood is that boredom is not just annoying, it's painful, and I can't do nothing about it because everything feels blank, lonely, and boring. In those times, I don't like the things I usually enjoy, everything feels empty, and I would rather stay in a dark room in my bed, and wait until something happen, than desperately try to find something that "works on me". At least I still can write to Them, and write my novels, but it doesn't feel the same.
huffing shoe wax for the first time in a year — just been silicon waxing my boots for weather at uni. praise hephaistos and his divine hands :'-)
tapping my chin i should spruce up my essay about effeminate hephaistos actually. thinking about it
praise to the divine hands of the great fashioner — hephaistos of the roaring forge, earthen-hearted child of hera, metal-tamer. in his hands do things become, revealing forms trapped in the body besides. shape-changer, hammer-wielder. under him does this body become what it was always to be — glorious, beautiful, blinking like good gold. may in his skilled hands we remain forever, loving and loved by a master of tools...
anytime i'm in a bad mood for literally anything like today it's the fact that i'm so tired of my day even though i've only work 3 hours (i've just started my internship)...I crave chilly pepper, i crave burning food...Now today I'll do my best with my cayenne pepper but honestly I'll diverse it a little bit because I miss spicy food (literally have it every single day).
its almost 2 and a half in the morning, i'm near insanity but i'm like "well im in the flow, will need this to keep going for that exam", I'm listenning to Neoni which is insane in itself (jk, i love Neoni's music), when i slightly turn my eye, i see my Athena's altar next to Zeus and Hephaistos' ones which makes me think I can still focus a little bit...That's the real Dark Academia btw.
Not only I feel connected to Athena, it's also about Hephaistos. He give me so much strength to wake up early enough every morning to be in time in class, He gave me faith in the fire that burn in my body, tells me it will never fail me. He tells me to stay focus, to work as hard as I can, to stay humble, to believe in myself even when I feel depressed, even when I fell anxious. With Him I feel so strong, despite my thoughts making it harder.
