This school year was rough. I lost interest in a lot of hobbies and things I used to enjoy due to stress and factors outside of my control.
my school changed our schedule so we had two different sets of classes. four in the first semester and four different ones in the second. I'm a good student and low-key start to freak out over bad grades even if they aren't all that bad. this semester I took a musical theater class. musical theater, something I have a huge intreast in. Acting, something that I used to really enjoy. singing something that I used to really enjoy. This class basically strangles my enjoyment of there's things with anxiety. I loved the theaters don't get me wrong, I've had them for years for other classes. I think this is mostly a me/worsening dysphoria thing than the actual class.
Through this musical theater class I had to be part of my schools spring musical (I originally planned to do crew as it was one I didn't have much interest in). This was the first time I got a role I auditioned for, then I thought about it more. I asked for this role, a wheelchair using character, as a wheelchair user. I've since questioned if they gave me this role out of oblogation or because they thought I could actually do it. Either way I killed the role. And, subsequently the show killed me. even after over a month since closing I'm still not doing great.
I'm currently grounded. no phone (currently posting from my computer that I hid). no going places. luckily this only lasts until Monday.
On a positive note my summer should be going well. its my last year at a camp I've been going to, (which in itself is sad) however I'm NOT chickening out of telling people my name+pronouns this year. The same goes for the medical camp I'm going to.
speaking of name, this doubles as a coming out post. A few of my friends already know (cough cough @the-modern-shakespeare). When I'm writing this I've yet to tell any adults. I plan on telling my school consular next block and eventually I'm going to tell my mother. I've been thinking about my gender since this time last year, and its only come to fruition as I've realized that I'd rather be seen as a guy. Telling my mother is going to be the issue. telling her that I want to go by a diffrent name is going to be rough.
Thank you to @the-modern-shakespeare so much for just about everything this year.
-Theo They/He signing off till Monday :p
