#hookhands

[and-a-stolen-object]

If the other characters narrated asoue instead of Lemony: part 2.

Jerome - would tell us all about his friends before the schism and it’d be so sweet. Also we’d find out a bit more about Charles and him. And I have decided they would adopt the Baudelaires.

Hector - would faint every two seconds and all we’d get it “the Baudelaires are not guilty” and we’d be like “fair enough”.

Bab - would all teach us how to file paperwork and we’d all be ready for the real world by the end of it. She’d also cry about every fire and death. We would also find out more about her and Miss Bass and why she needs so much money.

Justice - would quote the law and tell us why Olaf should be arrested. It’d be more of a crime show with evidence and what not.

Dentuement - They would want Dewey to see if he were real but he wouldn’t be able to attend so he’d get Frank to but nobody knows if it’s Frank or Ernest telling the story so don’t know what to believe.

Baudelaire’s - Violet and Klaus would talk about how they had to fights for their lives and all the heartache they had been through and Sunny would just be like “if you gave me a gun”

Quagmires - Isadora will just say poetry and Duncan would spit facts whilst Quigley would just be like “so VFD what’s up with that”

Hookhands - we’d find out more about why he did a bad for a noble reason and feel sorry for him a) because he was disowned and b) because he had feelings for Olaf who despite what he says we will know is evil. We’d also want Fernald to adopt Sunny and so would he.

Hal - would tell us all about filing but would know nothing because he doesn’t like to break the rules. So the only thing we’d know is how to file. That’s it. And he’s keep asking if we were here cuz he has bad vision.

Phil - would be so happy that he’d skip over all the deaths and say how wonderful life was. We’d come out feeling wonderful. The Baudelaires would appear to be happy and we wouldn’t know otherwise. So that concludes Phil would be the best at narrating.

[alfunccot]

cont. from x | @hookhands

“I get a lot of exercise,” Olaf scoffs, a bit dizzy from inebriation. “I run all the time and I also lift heavy objects like brass lamps to knock somebody unconscious or some wriggling children.” A bottle of wine is never enough, unless it is consumed before an important enterprise, but late at night, when he doesn’t feel gloomy enough to tell everyone to get out or calm enough to just fall asleep, it takes more than one bottle. He’s never wondered, nor has he cared to wonder, why in these moments only one of his henchpeople remained by his side. 

His hook-handed associate, whose name always slips the Count’s mind, keeps perfect company – he listens without interrupting and never asks too many questions. “Go fetch me another bottle,” Olaf orders instead of thanking him for the support, like a decent person would do. Was he ever decent? He’ll get through this, that’s for sure – he’ll think of another elaborate scheme and this time he won’t only come for the fortune. This time he will come for their sad orphan lives. “Get yourself a glass, too.” He is used to drinking alone, but at this point he could definitely use some company. 

[diisguises-blog]

@hookhands (sc)

   The crowbar slides out of his noticeably shaking hands. It’s not that heavy, not physically, but he feels as though it weighs a ton, cold iron BURNING his palms like fire, and if Olaf were alone in the room, he’d slide down the wall, staring into the silent darkness of the dusty old saloon. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the last few moments to be rewound. But he isn’t alone in the room and time never rewinds itself. He isn’t alone in the room and he can’t pull himself together and force a smile of gloat – he’s prevailed. He’s defeated an ENEMY. It’s a reason to celebrate, then why is it so difficult to breathe?

   His disguise is slipping, not the detective one – the one he’s been wearing for years, sewn to his skin with rough stitches. Maybe the fresh air of the countryside is supposed to make it easier, maybe if it replaced the smell of dust and blood he’d be back to his usual self within moments. But the thing is, it doesn’t help at all as he steps outside only to run into–

   “DAMN IT, I forgot I told you to wait here,” he breathes out instead of trying to breathe in.                               “Tell the villagers... Count Olaf has been murdered.”

[beatricebaticeer-blog]

sullen grey clouds have gathered overhead, spitting down upon them as though in insult. fernald frowns; his friend has a point, but there’s no sense in letting the entire day go to waste. ‘it’s probably raining too hard for a picnic, but don’t be sad. we can still go swimming in the lake without having to worry about the leeches!’ if they’re going to get wet, they might as well make an event out of it. ‘you don’t mind getting a little chilly, do you? it would have been a shame to come out all this way for nothing, and we’ve brought plenty of towels. there’s some really fascinating non-leech wildlife in the lake – if we swim out far enough, we might be able to spot some interesting species of fish!’

      “swimming is an option. i don’t mind the chill.” they say it’s better for one’s muscles anyway. leeches not so much, but they won’t be a problem this time of year. hopefully. she hasn’t eaten recently for them to linger anyway. the lake surface is still as a pane of glass, and she admires it for a moment, smiling. “that would be good, i think. we can make sure nothing’s interfering with the wildlife.” she thinks of anwhistle aquatics of course, and the other dangerous things possible leaking into the lake. harmless to humans, surely - but not to vulnerable fish and other small creatures. “we might be able to take some samples too, actually.”

@hookhands

[angelsangels]

       @hookhands    didn’t ask ,   but here she is anyways.

           shoes   tippity-tapped   on   the   ship’s   ground  ,    every   step    ECHOING    off   the   walls   and   into   whomever   was   nearby’s   ears.    it   was   nearly   a   skip ———   BUT   WASN’T.    the   tapping   pattern   was   her   TRADEMARK  ,   , ,     A     SIGN     she   was   approaching.    which   Carmelita   was . .    towards   Fernald———  or   as   she   knew   him ,    HOOKY  .

       “   HEY !!   countie said to go bug somebody else ———  so here i am.                  what’re you doin’ in here anyway ??  ”     blues   scan   the   room ,  the ship’s kitchen  ,    which   was   mostly   filled   with   cooking   doohickeys   and   rusty ,   DUSTY    bottles.

[bcbylaire]

           sweet   LAUGHTER    booms  ,   uncontrollable    GIGGLES    slip   from   her   lips .    𝚈𝙾𝚄  𝙱𝙴𝙰𝙼  !!    𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝙷𝙾𝙾𝙺𝚂  𝙰𝚃  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝚂𝙸𝙳𝙴𝚂  𝚃𝙸𝙲𝙺𝙻𝙴  𝙳𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙲𝙰𝚃𝙴𝙻𝚈 ,    𝙼𝙴𝚁𝙲𝙸𝙻𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙻𝚈  !!!    pleasantly    surprised ,    Sunny   attempts    to     SWAT     at    his   hooks ,     aim    indefinite    due   to   being   so  dizzy   from   the   tickles.    being    tickled    felt    so     FOREIGN——!!       when     was     she     last     tickled ???              “   ticklish !!!   ”      she    cooed ,  which   meant  something   along   the   lines   of    ‘  please don’t do that  ,   for i’m ticklish there !!  ’            //   @hookhands    s.c

[setfiire-blog]

‘ please don’t talk to me like that. ’

         from a meme im too lazy to look for     @hookhands

           there   was   a    brief   moment   of     silence———— BAFFLED    by    what    he    had    said.    it    wasn’t    a    good    baffled ,    either.    rather  ;    one     of    BEWILDERMENT   with    a    hint    of    pique.    the    tone   of   Hooky’s    voice    wasn’t    of    any   offense  ,    or   didn’t    INTEND   offense  ,    but    it    did    NOT     rub     Olaf    in    the   correct   way.

                “   what ?      like   THIS—?   ”     with    a    step    forward  ,   he    snarls   at   the   henchmen  ,      CLEARLY    not   pleased  with    him.   it    was    an    odd    thing    to    Olaf ,  a    situation   like   this.    to    be    certain ,   he   never     EXPECTS    one   of   his    henchpeople   to    speak   to   him    in    a   way———  in   a   way    that    was    DEFENDING    and    not   so   weak.   that’s   what   he   expects.    full   submission  ,   and    ALLOWANCE    to    do    as    he    pleases    to    them.

             “  i will speak to you in any way i want——  perhaps you have   FORGOTTEN   who you are.   a henchperson.     MY   henchperson ,  mind you.   as a henchperson ,  you will do as i say and ALLOW me to say whatever i want  to you.    UNDERSTAND ??  ”

[and-a-stolen-object]

Taxi 🚕

This isn’t a major revelation but I just thought of it and thought I’d share

When ever one of the Snickets (or Olivia) watch the taxi leave for the last time something bad goes down.

Jacques gives the taxi to Olivia for her to escape. She survives that night and Jacques dies.

Olivia gives the taxi to Kit to get the sugar bowl. Olivia dies shortly after and Kit survives for a while.

Kit gives the taxi to Lemoney to retrieve the children. Kit dies a few days later and Lemoeny survives.

Lemoeny leaves the children and stays in the safety of the taxi. He survives and is alive to this day.

The children could have gotten in the taxi but didn’t. They have to sacrifice there safety and leave with Count Olaf.

The taxi is the Snickets security. When they let go of that security for a noble/irrational cause they die shortly after. Maybe if they drove away in secret they’d survive just like Lemoney did.

Maybe hookhands is right. There are no good or bad people. Driving away from a problem is also a quality of a volunteer...