#hulk misquotes

[gammacousin]

Inspired by comments in the Brutasha discord

———

The one where Jen and Bruce find Betty as a non verbal red she-hulk…

Jennifer Walters: “Hey Doc? I don’t think Betty’s actually dangerous.”

Bruce Banner: *at his desk* “Really?! Well! In that case let’s keep her. I’ve always wanted a pet, that could kill me!”

Jennifer Walters: “What if we just send her back in the Time Machine. It’ll be like she never left and everything goes back to normal.”

Bruce Banner: “That is a horrible idea! March right out into public with her roaring?! Then I guess we just, waltz right up to the Avengers Compound, right?!”

———-

At the compound:

Bruce Banner: “Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me!”

Jennifer Walters: “Oh hey!” *waving at Bucky* “We’re rehearsing a scene from the upcoming company rendition of uhhh Rogers 2. It’s a musical. Yeah…When Peggy spots Steve robbing from her back in time -…it’s a song. ‘Put that thing back where it came from or so help meeee. So help me, so help me,’ and cut! It’s a work in progress, we are still working on it.”

[gammacousin]

Susan Banner: *knocking on the bedroom door* “There’s a young lady friend of yours downstairs.”

Teen Bruce Banner: “I don’t have friends.”

Susan Banner: “I’ll buy you two dinner if you take her out.”

Bruce Banner: “No thanks.”

Susan Banner: “She’s cute.”

Bruce Banner: “I’m good.”

Susan Banner: “…she might have a brother.”

Bruce Banner: “I’m not interested.”

Susan Banner: “Okay. Fine….Fine.” *whispering* “She’s got a cute dad waiting outside in the car for her and I want to ask him out but I’m not askin’ him out alone. I really need a wingman so if you could entertain her for about ten minutes tops so I can speak to the hunky man-.”

Bruce Banner: “Right now?!”

Susan Banner: “Right now.”

Bruce Banners: “I’m coming, I’m coming!”

[gammacousin]

Susan Banner: “Sweets, I thought we agreed that on Fridays it’s MY turn to take the trash out.”

Tween Jennifer Walters: “You really like the neighbor.”

Susan Banner: “I’m talking to your cousin!”

Tween Jennifer Walters: “You think romancing by the trash can is going to get you that man?”

Susan Banner: “I…! You haven’t watched enough Hallmark. That’s all.”

Tween Jennifer Walters: “Daddy says Hallmark is trash-.”

Susan Banner: “And we’ve come around again; Bruce, leave the Friday trash for me.”

Teen Bruce Banner: “Got it!”

Tween Jennifer Walters: *to Susan* “Why don’t you just ask him out-.”

Bruce Banner: “Pick a card Jen, it’s been your turn for 4 minutes!”

[gammacousin]

Jennifer Walters: “Terrified…I was, terrified! Suddenly I was swinging in a vine, up in the air-.”

Morris Walters: “Oh no!”

Jennifer Walters: “…swinging, flying, I was in the air!”

Morris Walters: “Go on.”

Jennifer Walters: “And then we were all surrounded.”

Morris Walters: “Surrounded?!”

Jennifer Walters: “And Daddy, they took my boot!”

Morris Walters: “Those are the boots I bought you.”

[gammacousin]

Elaine Walters: “Did you hear that, Morris? Another escapee from the local zoo is headed in our direction.”

Morris Walters: “Shall I bolt the windows and doors?”

Elaine Walters: “Nonsense! It’s probably another relative. Let’s set an additional placement for dinner.”

[gammacousin]

Susan Banner: “Alright, I have our whole schedule written out and a new plan for our morning routine. May I go over this now?”

Teenage Bruce Banner: “Sure.”

Susan: “Alright. Here's my room...Here's your room...Here's the bathroom, and here's the kitchen. Now, my alarm goes off at 7 o'clock and we'll both get up. And at 7:01, I enter the bathroom. Then YOU go down to get the milk. And by 7:05, you've started the coffee. One minute later, I leave the bathroom. And a minute after that, you enter the bathroom. Now that's when I'm starting to dress. 3 minutes later, I'm having my coffee and a minute after that, at 7:12 you leave the bathroom. At 7:13, I put on my eggs and I finish dressing. Then you put on your shoes and take off my eggs at 7:16. At 7:17, you start to shave. At 7:18 I eat my eggs and at 7:21, I'm in the bathroom fixing my hair. At 7:24, you're in the kitchen putting on your eggs...at 7:25, you make your bed…7:26, I make MY bed. Then, while you're eating your eggs, I take out the papers and cans. At 7:29 you're washing the dishes and at 7:30, we're all finished. It’s very simple.

Bruce: “Is this, Central Time or..?”

Susan: “Yes is there a problem.”

Bruce: “School starts at 7:30.”

Susan: “Oh…well then when my alarm goes off at 6:30, we’ll start. So at 6:31…”

[gammacousin]

Susan Drake: “We’re going to celebrate, dear.”

Bruce Banner: “Celebrate what?! There’s a body in the window seat!”

Elaine Walters: “Yes dear! It’s your father.”

Susan Drake: “Stop worrying, we told you to forget about the whole thing.”

Bruce Banner: “Aunt Susan!”

Elaine Walters: “Now Bruce dear, you behave, you’re too old to be flying off the handle.”

Bruce Banner: “You can’t leave a body in the kitchen!”

Susan Drake: “We don’t intend to, dear.”

Elaine Walters: “No! Morris is in the cellar now, digging.”

Bruce Banner: “….You’re going to bury him in the cellar?!”

Susan Drake: “Yes dear. That’s where we buried the others.”

[gammacousin]

Morgan Stark: *answering a Skype call* “I’d rather not do this now.”

Skaar: “Yeah me too.”

Morgan: “…do you have a towel or something you can put on- Why did you hate your father, give me an honest answer.”