Why is the concept of a man paying for a date so triggering and nightmarish to some men?
I keep hearing is brought up completely randomly as some sensationalist horror meme to manipulate people, alongside "entitlement is evil".
Oh and…lemme clarify. I’m apathetic about this personally or used to be (no, didn't date around--was focusing on myself until I found an exception). Ended up meeting a sweet, cute man my age that pays autonomously anyway despite me never asking and he’s my fiancé now anyway. Buuuuut…I woulda lived without it. It’s just…really nice and he doesn’t want me to worry. So now it feels normal and for the first time in my life someday I might actually want to have a child--granted in 10 years the marriage still goes strong. I didn't at all expect this (this was my fun best friend, we just talked for many months and hundreds of hours before he confessed), yet this has surprisingly made me feel genuinely safe and not pressured that I always would have to work and take care of the house and child. The option now exists.
Only a few years ago it was normal in society for men to pay for dates. Yet I’ve seen dudes out there screeching about how psychopathic and love-destroying it is (LOL).
Let’s see why a man paying for a date is fairer than it seems…
Women objectively face more of the worst risks of dating more often in the short and long term (pregnancy is life-annihilating); and men are gifted with having to worry mostly just about money. You’re meeting a stranger; you don’t know what’ll happen. Most men probably have “fuck or duck” on their minds. Hell, a man who pays then expects sex on the first few weeks is a gigantic red flag—which is great for us to see so we can dump him
Apparently women have a “time frame” to get this shit done and so their youth and time is valuable and precious
Women usually spend 100-1000$s on their looks a year and a ton of emotional, mental, and physical labor maintaining them in multiple ways, while men mostly spend peanuts and sometimes work out
Dolling up also takes a ton of time; time is money
(Crudely) shows initiative and investment on the part of the man which is actually a lot more important for women to look for. I’d say the man who pays more on average cares more (not always); research usually shows the same
Hhem. So. Lemme get this right. You ask out a girl on a date, exhibiting the typical blatant gender traditions, want to show her a good time and impress her probably waste her time, spend gas money…and…you just want to pay half?
I guess that’s fine. Plenty of decent dudes buy into it, sure, but I honestly don’t think it’s that crazy to prefer the tradition frame, weighing what women have to do and sacrifice.
I think more intuition can be used to judge payers versus 50/50ers (both can be bad or good), though I feel like if you want men to pay and feel reluctant, then…you might as well just be forthright instead. It does the men who aren’t into that a favor too. Better be honest up front then get pissed at them later for being cheap - which is what often happens - but for whatever reason this seems to inspire extreme outrage in men instead. TOTALLY makes logical sense.
There seems to be this really…bent push for extreme centrism and equality between the genders in “all” ways. A willful refusal to understand that in some ways things are just unfair, and…I’ll be honest…just not worth it to a lot of women if they have to break even on everything (because in nature things aren't equal, there's far different risks). I don’t actually think the world can even compute egalitarianism yet in a wholesome, good way. And even then it won’t always be perfect, because Biology is unfair as hell, and so are gender relations.
Why is this so complicated to understand? I'm not saying men are obligated to pay for everything or should be held 100% accountable for the severe depravity and flippantness of many of their peers, but some things are just quite easy to do. Where's the is real issue?
