Promise to Never Leave
*how freaking chessey is that title lol*
Words: 1369
Warnings: none
“Dan could you just stop?!” you yelled, mid-fight with your boyfriend of two years and best friend for four.
“No I won’t, you wanted to know what I had to think didn’t you?” You’d fought before but you’d never seen him so mad, his eyes just filled with anger. You felt the tears start to gather in your eyes, begging to fall, but you wouldn’t give in, at least not in front of him. “Well here’s what I think, I can’t think of any reasons anymore to put up with your shit! Why do I have a girlfriend who’s such a skank and a whiney bitch?” He was several feet away from you but you swore it felt like he’d punched you in the stomach.
“I don’t know, why Dan?” you shouted back. Rage bubbling up inside of you and only threatening to make the tears fall more. You cursed yourself in your mind for being an angry crier.
“Honestly, I wish I still knew the answer,” he spoke, still loud but not the screams from before; he knew he didn’t have to be loud to make this one cut deep.
You didn’t even take the time to respond. You turned away from him and walked to the door, grabbing your purse and jacket then slipping into your shoes.
“Oh so you’re just gonna leave?” He angrily questioned, following you.
“Fuck you, Howell,” You responded quietly. It was the only thing you could manage to say without extending the hostile conversation between the two of you. You turned again to the door and felt a single, hot tear, run down your cheek. You didn’t turn around but you knew he wouldn’t follow you. You knew even before you left your apartment that there would be no fairytale, romantic movie moment. Where it was pouring down rain and he ran down the street after you and you kissed while you were soaking wet, all of the angry words from before forgotten. In fact, it was the beginning of fall and a gorgeous day out, the sun was finally peeking its way from behind the clouds for the first time in weeks.
You managed to get on a bus and make it to the very back before you let your tears flow. You pulled on your hoodie and yanked the hood up to slightly block your face as you silently cried, not even entirely sure where the bus or yourself were headed.
You didn’t have many friends in the London area, most of your friends here were Dan’s friends who you just happened to see a lot after the two of you moved in together a little over a year ago. You’d lived in a town a little outside the city when you’d met Dan by chance one day when you were out running errands and the two of you clicked from the start. Remembering it now only made more tears stream from your face.
Checking your phone, you saw that you’d been on this particular bus for over half an hour and decided this would be far enough for now. You stepped off into the cool and sunny afternoon and found a hotel down the block. It wasn’t anything grand but it was fine for you to cry in and that’s all that mattered right now. Once you were in your room, you let your emotions go. The waterworks coming from your eyes now made your crying on the bus seem miniscule. You wanted to scream and tear your hair out because you were just so mad at him. He knew exactly what to say to make you absolutely furious, which turned your minor disagreement that morning escalate into a full out screaming match.
What made you even more upset was that it truly wasn’t even surprising to you. For months now it seemed that everything just turned into an argument. Your friends would always question you, asking why you stayed around. You just always said it was something small and that the two of you really did love each other but Dan had made it very evident that that was no longer the case.
After your tears had substantially subsided, you pulled on your shoes and headed down the road to buy some junk food and some comfy clothes.
30 minutes later you stepped foot again into the small hotel room; unhealthy snacks, vodka, and pajamas in hand. For the rest of the night you laid curled up in bed: pigging out, drinking, watching Say Yes to the Dress, and crying.
It wasn’t clear when but you woke up the next morning to light streaming in through the curtains. You were covered in crumbs and wrappers with a half empty bottle next to you while just generally looking a mess. You leaned over the bed and grabbed your purse, rummaging through it and pulling out your cell phone. For the first time since you’d left you turned it on.
78 text messages
15 missed calls
4 voicemails
A few of the texts were from your friends from before you moved to London, nothing special, just a couple ‘hey’ and ‘let’s get coffee soon’ messages.
Then 72 were from Dan Howell. 72. They only got harder to read the more recent they were. It started with “Why can’t we talk about this maturely”, to an angry “Fine then, be that way”. But as the night progressed they only got sadder. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. How could I be so stupid?”, “I don’t mean any of it, you know I just get started and I snowball out of control”, “please text or call me soon, I’m so worried”, and more like those, pleading with you to forgive him or at least speak to him. The last two hit you the hardest.
6 am: “I’ve been to all your favorite coffee shops, just hoping to see you sitting in one of them.”
And finally, at 8 am: “I don’t know how I thought I could live the rest of my life without you when I haven’t stopped crying in hours, please come home.”
When you looked at your missed calls and voicemails, they were all from Dan. The first voicemail was very stiff sounding, he said he wanted to talk. But in the other three it was very clear that he was sniffling and in the midst of crying.
“I can’t find you and I’m so worried. I shouldn’t have let you leave. I should have some after you. There was no excuse for anything I said and I regret every word. I love you so much and I can’t bear the thought of ever losing you,” he was interrupted by a sob, trying to clear his throat in attempts to cover it up, “Please, I’m begging you Y/N, please just come home.”
You threw back on your clothes and hailed a taxi faster than you thought was humanly possible. You arrived back at your shared townhouse and tentatively opened the door and stepped inside. Your stomach dropped at what greeted you upon walking in. Dan was on the couch tightly clutching a pillow with his face buried in it, his phone was sitting on the table in front of him and but the way his shoulders were shaking you knew he was crying.
“Dan?” You said softly, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear. His head shot up and both his and your teary eyes met. He immediately got up and practically ran over to you, stopping about a foot away. He looked down into your eyes, tears still streaming down his face.
“I’m so sorry,” was all he could manage to choke out.
“Me too,” you said lifting you hand up to wipe away a stray tear that had escaped. Before you knew it his arms were around you, hugging you tightly with his face resting on your shoulder. You buried yourself in his chest, inhaling his familiar scent and letting more tears flow.
“Promise to never leave me again?” He asked with his face still resting on you.
“Only if you promise to always love me.” You said slightly smiling through your tears.
“I promise.”














