#ianthe andersen

[shbrixx]

“You understand me. You make me better. And I love you.”

[shbrixx]

Her eyes traced the paper over and over again, enough times that she had already memorized what it said before they spoke again. Ianthe’s lips were pulled together and downwards. She cleared her throat once more, motioning towards the paper.

“Everything you need is there. Name. Phone number. Address. It’s all there.” She stuttered, tightening her grip on the mug. “Don’t….get your hopes up. Mary moved around more than she stays in one place. Her longest time anywhere was for a year in El Paso, and even then…the point is, honey, this was the most current address I could find for you. There is no guarantee that she’s even still there.” Everlie lowered the paper and tried to control the smile that was forming on her lips. She was careful not to wrinkle it or to rip the sheet like it was the most important thing in the world.

“It’s a start, at least. I don’t expect anything so…” They both noted her tone, but neither one decided to acknowledge it. Ianthe nodded again, slow and patient, watching her daughter read over the page another time, her eyes scanning and bright, her lips curled at the end. She tried to bite it back, but the more she watched Ev, the more the words wanted to come out until they finally did.

“Can I ask you something?” Everlie stopped looking at the page and gave one quick nod at her mother. “Why are you putting yourself through this? I mean…why do you want to meet this woman?”

“I promised Jo. He thinks it would be good—“ Ianthe was already shaking her head, giving her daughter that ‘mom’ look that showed she knew better.

“No honey…this doesn’t all have to do with Jonah. No, Jo didn’t create the…the hope I see in your eyes. Let’s just…be honest with each other for once.” Everlie opened her mouth to protest, to have some snarky comment about honesty, or to just defend herself. She didn’t have hope, not when it came to Mary anyway. She didn’t expect anything from the woman, or really even care that much--- but her mouth was hot and it was like glue was keeping her words inside. Her and Ianthe stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity before she sunk back into the couch. She was right. Why, she didn’t know. But Ianthe was right and it felt like fire even thinking that. It was like all the energy she had to fight and to be sarcastic or anything else that made up her personality was sucked out of her. She looked at her mom and for the first time in years she saw the old mother that she loved more than anyone in the world, the same woman who she knew would do anything for her, and then it was gone, and she had to look back down to keep the lump out of her throat.

“I…I can’t explain it. For all intents and purposes, I should hate her, Mary I mean…I mean…I can’t deny what is fact and what she did…and if five different people are telling you the same exact thing you would think to listen to them…but I don’t know…Maybe Jo is right. Maybe I can he—heal if I meet her. I could stop feeling s—sorry for myself and stop…the whole thing with mom…maybe if I just get past this…confirming what I already know…” Ianthe reached out a second and brushed her hand across her daughters knee, fully anticipating Everlie to shrink back at her touch, but she welcomed it, and maybe even had a hint of a smile, but it could have just been the light.

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[shbrixx]

“My darling girl, you are so much more than you know…but what you don’t know, is you have a right to be angry here. You have a right to feel sorry for yourself. Everything that has happened to you is utter shit, excuse the language, but sweetie…you should, you should learn to be angry at the right people here—“ Everlie cocked an eyebrow at her mother, her lips a straight line. Ianthe rubbed her eyes hard for a second before setting them on her daughter. “This is all my fault, you know?” Everlie went to speak but Ianthe cut her off again. “When Mary started to send you and Jonah those letters, I was scared…and I think my mind was preoccupied with protecting my family from her, I don’t think I saw every option there was…What I’m trying to say is, your mother has her faults, Ev, but this is not one of them. You’re mad at her because she’s the one who decided to hide the truth from you and Jo, but honey, she’s not. I’m the one who came up with the plan, and I’m the one who forced Gen to go along with it. She wanted to tell you the truth, since day one. So…if you have to be mad at someone here, please, be mad at me. I can’t—it’s killing me to see you angry at her, when I’m the one who started this whole mess—“

Everlie watched her mother sniffle and fight back tears with a straight face, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth. She could stop herself and let out a low chuckle that startled even her. She placed the note into her coat pocket and shifted on the couch like she was about to leave. Ianthe’s eyes were wide and curious as Everlie spoke.

“I know. I’ve known. I remember that day in hyper detail mom, everything that happened, everything that was said. It’s all engrained into my memory. When mom took the blame, and your face when she said it was all her…I knew it wasn’t true. Just another lie.” Ianthe ran her hand over her face, leaning back against the edge of the chair, defeated. She sighed deeply, Everlie’s smile playing at the corners of her lips.

“Then—then why are you always fighting with her? Why are you mad at her and not me?” Ev sat back, crossing her hands over her chest triumphantly.

‘Oh don’t get me wrong. I’ve always been incredibly pissed at both of you. But mom…I don’t know…she gets under my skin.” Ianthe chuckled behind her hand, feeling the tension drain from her shoulders.

“Your mother gets under most people skins.” Everlie found herself laughing too, and for a fleeting moment it was like things had changed, like things were back like they used to be before everything went downhill. It made the hole in Everlie’s chest seem just a little bit smaller. She let her smile drop and her body deflate. The note stuck out like a sore thumb in her pocket. She met Ianthe’s eyes, and something new sparked inside her chest.

“Thank you…momma, for meeting me here today.” Ianthe’s eyes instantly became wet as she inhaled sharply. She was shaking her head and nodding it at the same time in a frazzled mess that made Everlie smile.

“Of course---it was no problem—thank you for asking me to come!” Ev stood and went to move towards the door, but Ianthe was right there after her. They looked at one another for a second before Ianthe pulled her daughter into a hug. She wrapped her arms tight around the small girls frame, smaller than she used to be in an older way, and tucks her close to her heart as to keep her safe and protected. Everlie patted her mom on the back, letting her have her moment before it became too much and she had to pull away gently. “I love you, Everlie.” She gave a smile, though at this point a little forced, and turned to walk away, a heavy burning sensation brimming behind her eyes.

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[shbrixx]

The windows in the coffee shop where glazed over with steam. Snow was pouring down in a fury, enough to make the young girl wonder if the were in for a blizzard again. It wasn’t uncommon for blizzards to appear out of nowhere in the northern city a couple of times during the winter. Already the ground outside was high enough that the front door had to be shoved open when walking inside or out, and yet the place was packed. Bustling about, customers chatted and sipped on their hot drinks, as the wait staff hurried from one person to the next, noise of coffee machines and chatter of the weather filled the uncomfortable silence that had fallen amongst the two women. Right beside them two young teenager girls shrilled over something on one of their phones, making Everlie jump and her coffee slosh in its cup. Ianthe cleared her throat as she brought her own cup to her lips and blew before taking a sip. She tried to avoid staring at her daughter too much, but the pull was too strong and she felt herself glancing that way more than once. It made Ev squirm under her gaze just a little, and her grip on her mug grow a little tighter. Ianthe finally brought down the coffee cup and sighed.

“You know, I was so happy to get your message.” Everlie nodded, covering most of her face with the cup as she took a big gulp of the black coffee. Ianthe tried again. “I never got the chance to apologize for how things turned out at the dinner. You know your mother has always been—“

“A bitch?” Everlie interrupted. The two girls glanced their way for no more than a second before retreating to their phones. Ianthe’s face brightened red.

“Strong willed. I was going to say strong willed.” As she sipped from her cup Ianthe’s mind must have wondered to her wife, because she chuckled into her drink, before resting it against her leg. Everlie was watching her, expressing the best bored look she could manage, but her fingers were itching, and a tug pulled her forward. She placed her mug on the table in front of them and angled herself towards her mother.

“I don’t mean to cut this short, but I do have to get ready for work soon—“ Ianthe shifted, her face pulled together like tight leather. Everlie bit her bottom lip to keep the smile from her face, but continued. “You said you brought it with you.” Ianthe nodded, her short greying hair bouncing in front of her aged face. Her eyes looked sad as she looked out into the downpour of snow and ice.

“Are you sure you want to do this? No one would blame you if you didn’t—“

“Mom, I’ve heard this same bullshit from everyone, every single time it’s brought up. Don’t. Please, just…can I have it please?” Ianthe nodded, her eyes falling to the ground. Everlie inched closer, the information just out of reach. She could feel it, a bubbling of something fuzzy inside her chest, like it was wanting to spring out at any moment. Ianthe nodded again.

“Okay. Okay, you’re a grown woman—a strong woman. You can handle this.” She said, placing the cup on the table beside Ev’s and rummaging through her pocketbook for a moment. She must have found what she was looking for because her hands stilled and her face sunk. Everlie inched even closer hoping to get a glimpse. Something was igniting in her chest, something strong and warm she had no control over. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was new.  “You know her name, Mary Roberts. She…moves around a lot. Ev, I don’t want you to get your hopes up—“ Everlie’s eyebrow raised and with great contempt Ianthe handed over a single sheet of white paper, that same feeling rushing even further in Everlie’s body as she read over the lines printed in manuscript across the front.

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[shbrixx]

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[shbrixx]

A hush followed Everlie’s outburst before Genevive let out a tired sigh. Under the table, Jonah kicked his sister in the shin to get her to cool it, but Everlie was far from letting it go. She bit back a smile as both her parents frowned.

“I didn’t mean that, Ever—“ Gen started.

“Of course your mother didn’t mean it that way honey—“ Ianthe tried to but in for a second.

Everlie’s smile only grew at the feeble attempt to correct her mistake; the kind of smile that didn’t leave much to the imagination on what she was thinking, or better yet, planning.

“So you’re okay with it then? That your daughter is a stripper? Oh mommy, that’s so nice of you.” She flung the word she hated herself back at her wide eyed parents. Beside her Flynn stiffened, his head shaking. She wiggled her eyebrows at Gen, her battle in that moment strictly with her, the others forgotten.

“If that’s the way you’re going to be, then, no Everlie, I don’t like it.“

“Gen please, not now. What your mother means Ev, is that…I mean…we just want you to do whatever makes you happy—And...if this...lifestyle is it...“ Ianthe drifted out at the hovering silence that overcame them. Everlie stifled a laugh on the back of her hand.

“You’re shitting me, right? That’s what you’re going with? ‘Whatever makes you happy’?”

“Everlie—“ Jonah pleaded from across the table, along with a muttering of something she couldn’t hear from Karson.

“Don’t talk to your mother that way.” Gen snipped, her eyes daggers. Everlie batted her eyes, cold and lifeless.

“Hey, you started it. Like she said...whatever makes me happy right?” Another kick came from below the table, harder this time. 

“Yes, Everlie, we want you to be happy. That’s all we’ve ever wanted. But not like this. You’re angry and hurt, and you’re still mourning, but damn it enough is enough child!” Genevive rubbed at her tired eyes, which seemed to have sunken in from age. She burdensomely looked at her youngest daughter. It was a look Everlie never got out of her mind. Everyone from her past looked at her like that anymore. It held weight to it. It held the events of a time she desperately tried to forget. No one ever let her forget. With a single glance she felt like she had been sucked from the table and transported back to her seventeen year old self. Her mother’s eyes were sad, they were soft, pity encasing them. She clenched her jaw as she stared back at Genevive, beside her, her hands in fists beside her. Everlie slumped back into her chair, her body feeling as though fire had engulfed her. The dark cloud tugged harder at her to get up and escape into the bitter night.

“This was a mistake…” Everlie bit the inside of her cheek so hard the familiar metallic taste filled her mouth, her eyes suddenly stinging. She couldn’t be in the same room as this so called family any longer.

“Maybe it was—“ Genevive whispered, as if her and Everlie were the only two in the room.

“Gen, stop—“ Ianthe’s voice pleaded desperately.

“No, darling. She’s done enough damage, tonight. If she wants to go, then let her. We can’t keep playing this game.”

 Everlie smiled at her mother, feeling like the past she had spent her adult life running from was right there behind her breathing down her neck. She swallowed the hard lump in her throat unable to catch her breath. 

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[shbrixx]

Mothers of the groom 

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[shbrixx]

At first, things seemed to move smoothly. Everyone greeted the newcomers with open arms and bright smiles that made Everlie’s head swim. Nausea rolled her stomach, made worse by the heat and the smell of food that wafted the air generously. She sat with her head held low to draw as little attention as possible in between Karson and Flynn, who hadn’t stopped trying to converse with her since she arrived. Jonah smiled reassuringly at her from across the table. Both parents watched her out of the corner of their eyes like she was about to up and disappear any second. Everlie felt very small stuck inside that room, being watched like a specimen under a microscope. It was as if an elephant were sitting on her chest the entire time. She felt suffocated.

She was exhausted already. Quickly, Everlie took her glass of red wine and downed the contents in one chug, catching the attention of her family members. To her surprise no one said a word in her direction. They stayed talking about the weather, Karson’s upcoming baby, which Everlie blocked out entirely, and other mundane things. Ev placed her head in her hands for a quick second to regain some strength to get her through this evening without giving herself alcohol poisoning. She instantly craved something stronger than wine.

After everyone ordered their meals, Gen cleared her throat, a wide set smile on her aged face. She took her wine glass and held it shakenly in her old hands.

“I just wanted to thank everyone for coming. I know we’re all missing Lakynn and Chris, who got stuck in Guam at the last minute, but it’s still very much a miracle to have all of my other babies, and all my new babies, in the same room again. This dinner tonight has truly made our anniversary special, and Ianthe and I could not be happier.” She took a sip of her wine and placed the glass down and more chattered erupted—congratulations’, happy anniversary’s, and I love you’s came from most everyone at the table. 

The youngest daughter kept silent as she took another swig of her wine. She swallowed the comment that had formed in her throat, remembering Jonah’s request for a peaceful evening, even though it was like swallowing glass. She bit her tongue and swished the red liquid around in her mouth, praying that the food got here soon.

Her enjoyable retreat inside her own mind was short-lived by her mother’s attention turning to her, along with all the other eyes at the table.

“We’re glad you made it, sweetie. We’re sorry if it cut into your work schedule.” Gen smile was strained at the last part, placing her own wine cup down. Ianthe and Everlie both looked over at Genevive, their heads cocking to the side. She noticed Ian mouth the word stop before looking back at Gen. It was only a matter of time before things went from peaceful, to chaotic. 

“I…wasn’t at work.” She said slowly, sitting straighter in her chair. A thick silence overcame the table.

“Oh, I just assumed….Karson said—“ Everlie’s head jerked towards her older sibling, eyes narrowing. She quickly busied herself by nibbling on the end of a breadstick, her cheeks flushed. Everlie nodded her head as though she was agreeing with someone, flicking her eyes back to her mother, who challenged her with one look.

“What did you assume, mother?” She herself challenged back, raising an eyebrow. Jonah cleared his throat, unnoticed. Gen didn’t answer. “Because I decided to dress like this, I must have come from work. Right? From the club? The one Karson apparently told you about? Sorry to burst your bubble, but I like to dress like a stripper even when I’m not at work. So much for your perfect night, right?”

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