I headcanon that Hector was 33 when Date everything was released (idk it felt right), and it was released in 2025, if Hector was born a human (idk how this works since he’s a HVAC system I’m sorry) he’d be born in the year 1992, I just wanted to share.
Toby finally managing to deep throat a dick, so he gets too cocky and the next day his voice is gone
gonna say he’d do the exact same thing first time he bottoms 👍
he’s an idiot who thinks that can’t feel pain = no consequences even though that’s NOT how it works. waking up the next morning with legs made of jello hobbling around like a fuckin baby fawn
it’ll humble him, but only a little, he’ll be back to doing the same shit next time
I love how Rob thinks he can keep kev and aaron apart in a village of about 60 people, with a pub ones mum runs, and a cafe that everyone goes on on a daily basis.
James May on running away, tantrums and metrosexuality.
25th March 2024
The other part I just had to transcribe out of this podcast episode is the story of how James and Richard developed superpowers after breaking into a building site. All mistakes mine, corrections welcome. Also, I promise, it's much funnier when they tell the story themselves, so go give it a listen!
Richard: "Right, here’s something else that men aren’t supposed to do, and I wanna talk about it, just cause I wanna remember the moment – and it was glorious, and I enjoyed it – and explore it with you, and then see, was that unmanly: Running away."
Izzy: "Okay."
Richard: "Because men aren’t supposed to run away."
James: "Yes, I know where you’re going."
Richard: "You know where I’m going?"
James: "Yes."
(…)
Richard: "So, we were leaving a party. Was it that year when we went to every Motoring Industry Christmas Party?"
James: "Yes, this is quite a long time ago and I can’t remember whose party it was but I can see the venue and yes, you take up, but the story so far is: we’ve been to a party."
Richard: "Hammond and May leave the party. Somewhat the worse for wear but very jolly, very happy, and go skipping off through London and come across a building site. And we were discussing as we approached – and this could be a man-thing: neither of us can resist a building site. They are just the best, it’s got machinery, piles of gravel–"
James: "Piles of sand that you can jump in–"
Richard: "Yeees, scaffolding… It’s got everything you need. It’s like a deconstructed playground. It’s superb. And next thing we know, we’re in the building site. So, we’ve climbed over a fence or however we got in."
James: "It was quite a well-guarded building site, because it was in town…"
Richard: "…which made it all the more tempting. It called to us and our manly souls. Because we’re practical men. We can’t resist a site of building."
James: "And we were adventurous."
Richard: "Yeah, we were adventurous! And we were quite pissed. So. We get into the building site and we’re having a mooch about: ‘This is great, oh look at the scaffolding, and the concrete', and probably--"
James: “Not– not doing, just to be absolutely clear, not–"
Richard: "Just looking!"
James: "Yeah, not vandalizing, we were not nicking stuff, we were just having–"
Izzy: "Having a stare."
James: "Having a stare, yeah, we were having a stare at the building site."
Richard: “But you couldn't take that to bed with you to stare at, you have to go to it to stare at, we were staring and having a lovely time staring at the building site and then we heard a proper comic-book… ah you won't know the Beano?"
Izzy: "I've read the Beano, thank you."
Richard: "Right. So, in the Beano, the park-y… the man who looks after the park, terrifying human being… a figure ran out from like a wooden box at the back of the building with a big jacket on, and shouted, perfectly enunciated: 'Oy!'. And it was a proper… I never heard 'oy'–"
James: "No, it was a perfect 'Oy!', I wish someone had recorded it."
Richard: "Yeah, it was really–"
James: "'Cause you'd have it as a car horn or a ring tone. It was just a superb 'Oy!'
Izzy: "Best 'Oy!'"
Richad: "Yeah." Laughing. "We both turned on our heels and fled. We're in full Beano mode, now. Both of us sprinting off in slightly different directions, weren't we?"
James: "Yes."
Richard: "I don't know where you went, I lost–"
James: "I don't know where you went. I think one of us probably said something like 'Yikes!'"
Laughter all around.
James: "And the 'Oy!' had the effect of– At that moment we were… so we're in our sort of forties then, I think, ahm…"
Richard: "Thirties."
James: "Maybe even… well, you might have still been in your thirties I would have been early forties, and we'd gone into the building site as grown men simply curious and wanting to have a look, no more than that. But as soon as the bloke came out of the hut in the darkness, this looming shape-shifting figure and did his 'Oy!', we suddenly became about eight years old."
Richard: "Yeah."
James: "Trespassing on the building site."
Richard: "And we ran."
James: "The answer is, yes, to run away."
Richard: "I don't know how it was. 'Run away!' I don't know how you got out."
James: "You know, I don't. Superpowers."
Richard: "Well, it must have been, because there was no way out! I was running towards like the hoarding around the building site and it was high. And I was like I can't get over that. And I saw… if you imagine, just hoarding, which is wood, but then a third of the way up and two thirds of the way up was a horizontal rail holding it together. Leaning against the lower horizontal rail was a fork, the handle of which, as I sprinted towards it, running away from the 'Oy!', I thought: 'That's a foot rest!'"
Izzy: "Oh my god."
Richard: "If I can get a foot on there, I'll get a foot on the one on the right, I'll throw myself over the top. So I ran at it, in full Beano mode – hop, hop, two – over, landed on the pavement, and there were you, and I don't know how you got there."
James: "I remember that I… I remember the fence, ahm… I can see it quite clearly, and I remember that I went over it, but I don't know how, as it was too high to get over."
Richard: "It was about twelve feet high, I don't know how you did it."
James: "And I don't know how we fell down the other side without breaking our ankles, but…"
Richard: "…but then we might have run on a bit more."
James: "Yeah, we ran on until we saw a taxi. Very brave."
Richard: "And here's my question: Running away is not something men are supposed to do. But we did. And it was… brilliant?"
James: "It did feel fantastic. It knocked years off us. Cause that was… well, yes, I suppose people will say men are supposed to stand our ground, but. In the instant. When that terrifying figure emerged... as I was saying, we became about eight years old and as an eight-year-old you do run away because you're being bad. We weren't actually being bad. The weird thing is, if we just stood there and said: 'Alright, mate, sorry, we were just having a look at your building site' he would have probably thought 'Oh, okay' and then he would have said 'Didn't you use to be Richard Hammond' and we could have reasoned with him, you know, it would have been perfectly okay, but an old instinct kicked in. From, I suppose, when I was a kid and we did use to go over the building site and we did use to get chased off. All the time."
Richard: "But it was so exciting, I can remember it distinctly to this day, the feeling."
James: "Much better than the party."
Richard: "Oh god, yes. Genuinely. I mean we must be talking best part of twenty years ago."
Both together: "It's a long time."
Richard: "But I still remember the feeling, the excitement, the thrill, the laughter…I don't think we'd ever laughed like that."
James: "No."
Richard: "We just howled."
James: "And the genuine adrenaline rush, I would compare it with, ahm… sorry, slightly lengthy explanation, but… when we did the bit in the original Botswana Special and we camped at a clearing in some woods, next to the road, and there was a bit further down the road, about… a couple of hundred meters away, where there was another clearing where they were sort of mending the cars and doing odd jobs, and the guide who was with us, he said you can go down to the bit where they are mending the cars, but walk down to the road and walk along the road – when I say road: track – don’t walk through the woods, 'cause that's potentially dangerous. And we did that a few times, and then eventually I thought 'Oh, I can't be bothered, I'm just gonna go through the woods' and I got about two thirds, three quarters of the way through and I heard this thump-thump of an animal approaching behind me, and I'd never known an adrenaline rush like it. My head almost exploded. And Noah, that guy who was mending the cars for us, he said I came out of the woods so fast that I couldn't stop in the width of the clearing and I went into the next bit of woods and then I had to turn round and come out again. And I was saying there was something in there, I still don't know what it was. But that was a similar feeling–"
Richard: "There were lions. 'Cause I remember, we heard lions later that night."
James: "Yeah, they told us you shouldn't go in there."
Richard: "'Cause there are lions."
James: "Lions. But that was the same sort of feeling. So you get that burst of adrenaline and you think I must get away from this hideous threat which is a slightly overweight man who has probably been asleep for the last two hours."
(…)
Izzy: "Yeah, you could have reasoned with him, but you did also, like, launch yourself into a building site you were definitely not allowed to be on."
James: "No, the fence suggested that we weren't supposed to go in there and the sign, that said 'Keep Out'".
Izzy: "And you're running away because you know you've been naughty and you don't wanna get caught, I feel like that's why you thought you were an eight year old boy–"
Richard: "Ah, no, because equally, I don't like being in trouble."
James: "No, you don't. And that's something quite interesting here: You hate being in trouble."
Richard: "Yeah, I do."
James: "Whereas I don't mind it – I mean I don't court it, but…I always think: Look, I'm a grown… I mean you can't tell me off, I'm grown-up. So just, you know. Sod off. Or, you know. Tell me what you want. But you still think you can be told off."
