If You | Kwon Ji-yong (G-Dragon)
Summary: You feel like you come second to Jiyong's career. Will he be able to fix it before it's too late? Word Count: 1.8k Warnings: angst, mentions of drinking/partying I think that’s it? Author's Note: So excited to be participating in the Made event this month! Here is track 5. You can check out the event list here to see what's been written and what else is to come!
It had been happening for a while, Jiyong could feel you slipping away. You didn’t cuddle up next to him at night, hardly greated him when he came home. You were barely interested in anything he had to say, but still he tried. He guessed because he was a masochist. He also loved you, despite it all.
He needed to find a way to turn this around, to keep you from leaving somehow. You were the best thing that ever happened to him, he couldn’t lose you. He’d left work early setting up the kitchen table with candles and flowers. He was in the middle of pouring wine, the take out had already been plated when you walked in the door.
“What’s all this?” You asked with raised brows, clearly shocked.
“I thought we could have a nice dinner. Maybe watch a movie - or whatever you want.” Jiyong set the bottle down, walking over to you.
“You cooked?” He scoffed, pulling you in for a hug.
“I’m not trying to kill you. I ordered in.” You didn’t move to hug him back.
When was the last time he’d done something like this? You couldn’t remember. You knew what you’d signed up for, dating one of the biggest names in K-pop, but you hadn’t expected to feel as lonely as you did. Jiyong released you from his arms, placing a kiss to your lips before walking you over to the table. He pulled out your chair for you, even. He was trying. But it was just a little too late.
You sat down with a small smile, taking a sip from your glass.
“How was your day?”
“I think we should break up.”
You both spoke at the same time. Jiyong blinked, letting your words sink in. This is what he’d feared. With a small nod he sat back in his chair, his fingers drumming on the table.
“Okay.” He said slowly, his eyes staying on you. “Why?”
You stared at him for a minute, sitting up straighter in your seat as you sat your glass down. How do you explain to someone that you always feel alone, even in their presence? How do you tell someone that you’re not leaving because you don’t love them anymore but because you haven’t felt loved in so long that you feel like you’ll whither away if you stay another day?
“Because it’s not good anymore.” You ushered between the two of you. “We haven’t been good for a while, Ji.”
“There’s nothing I can do to make you stay?”
“No.” You gave him a sad smile before standing up. “I’m staying with a friend tonight, I’ll come back for my stuff once you’ve left for Japan.” You walked over to him, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Bye Ji.”
Jiyong stared at the door long after you’d walked out of it. You’d been everything to him and now you were gone. He imagined he’d never see you again, he couldn’t wrap his mind around that one. You’d been his constant in this world of chaos and now he was just supposed to let you go? He should’ve done better while he’d had you.
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Jiyong had left for tour and you’d gone back to the life you’d lived before meeting him. Jiyong would reach for his phone to text you whenever someone did something dumb and then he’d remember there was no you to text anymore. He really should just remove you from his contacts, maybe that would make the temptation go away. As time went on he figured he’d miss you less, the ache in his chest would fade away, but he’d been wrong. He wanted you, he would always want you.
You were trying your best to move on. You hadn’t expected it to hurt this much, considering you were the one that had wanted to end it. You’d tried going out on dates but nobody was Jiyong. You were starting to think that maybe you’d overreacted just a little. Maybe you hadn’t been as lonely as you thought, because this was killing you. But as time went on the lack of contact had confirmed what you’d assumed when you’d left. He didn’t love you. If he did, surely he would’ve reached out by now.
He’d been about to text you, fresh off the stage, adrenaline running through his veins. He needed to tell you what happened out there. How funny it had been, how he knew you’d appreciate it had you been there. But then Instagram popped up. You were with some other guy. He nearly threw his phone across the room, his heart shattering all over again. How was this so easy for you?
“Hey. Some of us are going out for drinks, you should come.” Ji-woo, one of the dancers, popped her head in the room.
“Yeah. Yeah, sounds good.” Jiyong grabbed his things and followed Ji-woo out.
The night had started off innocently enough, Jiyong not the type to cross that line with co-workers, but as the drinks flowed, he’d gotten a bit more responsive to Ji-woo’s advances. So much so that when he woke up in the morning he wasn’t even surprised to find her laying next to him. If you could move on, he had every right to do the same. It hadn’t worked though. The entire night he’d spent with her he’d compared her to you. He was starting to think he’d never get over you.
That didn’t stop him from trying. He spent most nights with Ji-woo until he was sure she wasn’t the answer to his problems. The rest of the tour ended with him in bed with different girls in different cities. The guys were worried about him but would never speak on it.
Once he was home though, all the effort he’d tried to make faded. The apartment was too empty without you and all your things there. As much as he’d hated your style he wished for it back. He plopped down on the couch with a sigh, letting the loneliness consume him as memories of you came flooding back.
Jiyong stopped in his tracks as he entered the apartment. He knew you were unpacking your things while he was at rehearsals but he hadn’t been expecting all of this. There were pops of you everywhere, the pink fluffy blanket, whatever the hell that creature was on the coffee table, all your books scattered around. He smirked as he walked over, picking up one of the miniature gargoyle statues.
“This is hideous.” He teased, holding it up in the air.
“Don’t talk about him like that.” You glared as you attempted to grab it from him. “He’s precious.”
Jiyong snorted as he held it just out of reach, spinning around to see what other damage had been done to your now shared apartment. Spotting the movie collection, he raised a brow, walking over to it. It was no secret he was big into film and had always judged your taste in the past. But seeing them next to his caused him to laugh.
“We have to do something about this.” He smirked as he handed the collectible to you.
“My taste in movies is perfectly fine.” You folded your arms as you moved to stand in front of the movies. “You wanted this.”
“I didn’t realize how pink it would be.” He shuddered as he looked around the room.
“Wait until you see the bedroom.” You teased.
“What did you do to the bedroom?” He practically ran into the room, finding it completely untouched and let out a groan as he walked back into the living room. “That wasn’t cool.”
“No. But it was funny.” You laughed as you placed the gargoyle back down.
“Are you messing with me?” He raised a brow and you snorted.
Yes, you’d moved your stuff in but you’d picked up some interesting items from a local thrift shop just to prank him. He was too uptight sometimes, needed a little bit of chaos in the perfection that was his apartment. You nodded your head with a laugh and he rolled his eyes.
“Okay, that’s it.” He walked over to you, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder.
“Jiyong!” You laughed as he carried you off to the room.
He looked around the room with a sigh. He’d give anything to have your hideous things back in his apartment. He should’ve appreciated what he’d had before he’d lost it all. Maybe one day you’d give him another chance, not that he’d blame you if you didn’t.
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A late night hankering for some spicy ramen had brought you over to where Jiyong lived. You’d been avoiding this side of town since the split, but when cravings called you couldn’t ignore it. You doubted he’d even be in town or at the ramen place anyway. So you’d walked in head held high and then stopped in your tracks when you saw him. And of course he wasn’t alone. Seunghyun and Youngbae sat with him, laughing. They hadn’t noticed you.
You snuck over to the counter, ordering quietly but then you heard your name. You let out a sigh as you turned around to face the guys. Jiyong was staring at you like he’d seen a ghost. Seunghyun nudged him and he blinked before standing up. He was heading your way. Great.
“Hi.” His eyes didn’t quite reach yours and you nodded.
“Hi Jiyong.” You turned to wave to the guys before looking at him. He looked awful. Run down, thin. “How are you?”
“Great.” He lied, shoving his hands into his pockets. “How are you?”
“Yeah, you look it.” You snorted, causing his eyes to snap to yours. “I’m great though. Just wanted some ramen. Didn’t expect you to be here.”
“Ah yeah. They dragged me out.” He smiled at you, and you tried to ignore the way your heart fluttered. “It’s good to see you.”
“Yeah, you too.” Your name was called and you turned to grab your food.
“Big appetite these days?” Jiyong joked as he took in the size of the carry out bag.
“It’s not all for me.” You paused. “I’m seeing someone.”
“Oh.” Jiyong already knew of course, but he wasn’t going to let you know he still followed your instagram. “That’s good. Happy for you.” He scratched the back of his head. “I should get back to them.”
“Yeah, see you around.” You waved before heading out the door.
He watched you go, standing in the same spot until he couldn’t see you from the door anymore. His head hung low as he walked back over to his friends. There was no point in talking as Jiyong finished his noodles. Seunghyn and Youngbae made sure he got home okay and Jiyong was alone again.
He wondered if this was how you’d felt before you left him. If it was, he really was the worst person in the world. He poured himself a drink before making his way to his bedroom. Lounging out on the bed, he took a sip and pulled out his phone. It was time to let you go. He clicked on his contacts and deleted you out before moving to instagram and unfollowing you. Now maybe he could move on too.
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