#iknoyc

[distance-is-mere]

I am made of bricks

The wind does not flow through my hair or cut my bones 

I cannot move 

My eyes do not see 

I am made of bricks

My lungs no longer expand 

You took the air from around me when you left

[distance-is-mere]

1 am

I can't call anyone because all my college friends are asleep. I can't call my gamer friends because of time zone. I can't call you because I'm blocked. I can't call my best friend because he works at six. I need someone. I feel... defeated

[distance-is-mere]

..

For the last three nights my dreams have been about you. About how i see you, or should i say saw you.. In my dreams its not like we are 16 again and have no cares in the world. Youve aged, I’ve aged and you are with me facing challenges that we would today. Not even as a couple. Most of the dreams that you are in we are just meeting again for the first time.. these last few nights have been diffrent. Its almost like we never forgot each other. Those movies where people in love see each other from across the room and their life begins in that moment... but i dont still love you. I never really think about you much anymore. Granted i do still read the book you wrote me every once in awhile, mostly when im feeling down to make me feel better, because you wrote such nice things about me. These dreams were so clear and easy to remember. I would normally forget my dreams after ten minutes of waking up but there you are, days after seeing your face; your face photographed in my mind. I wish i understood why. I didnt want to waste my time with a post.. you arent going to see this anyway. I dont know why im writing this to you... my mind is a mess right now, i wish it wasnt. 

[distance-is-mere]

theres sixteen days until i move to Ontario... i hate thinking that im leaving things behind. 

[distance-is-mere]

i am praying that for once our future plans turn out the way i hope

[distance-is-mere]

why are men such fucking assholes that could care less about pregnancy or emotional well-being? 

[distance-is-mere]

i stumbled across the book you wrote me tonight... I was clearing things out in the nursery, it was in an old box that i had forgotten about. I didn't read through all of it though it got me thinking..

Where are you now? What kind of person are you now? Are you still the kind of spontaneous romantic that would pour his heart out for someone?

The last page in the book is what got me though, you had wrote , “I miss you, but ill see you soon.” I know I've done a lot of fucked up things in my life, Ive hurt a lot of people. If i knew how to make what you wrote be true i would make it so. 

I miss you, i want that cup of tea.

[distance-is-mere]

i have been so worried today about my baby girl not moving as much as she should.Then, of course as always, as I'm laying down to bed she decides to have herself a dance party in there. As annoying as it is, this is my favourite time of the night.

just wish i could share the excitement with ethan too.