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It doesn't matter

It doesn't matter what I do or say or try

Because

At the end of the day

It's never going to be me.

I think Ive reached my limit...

I've been pushed down and gotten back up more times than I can count.

I've heard all the lies that could be told.

I've had my heart broken time and time again.

I've been let down.

I've been disappointed.

I've reached my limit.

I've lost hope.

I've given up on love.

My mind is a labyrinth.

It is full of twists and turns and dead-ends,

All meant to deter thieves that wish to steal my most precious gift.

I had faced countless villains,

Each falling away with a roll of the eye or a click of the tongue,

Losing themselves in the darkness of a wrong turn.

But you were not like the others.

You were different.

You walked into the labyrinth as if it were a familiar place,

You met each twist and turn with one of your own.

You were not frightened by the darkness,

No, it was a deep caress that willed you forward and guided you rightly.

You did not wish to steal what wasn't yours,

Rather, you wished to help guard it.

You wished to learn it, admire it, and cherish it.

As soon as your eyes finally met that which you sought,

The darkness was swept out by its long hidden glow as it began to beat once more.

I took a deep breath, looked up, smiled, and said, "it's ok."

As soon as your back was turned, I was hit with this ache in my chest. I looked down to see a hole where my heart should be.

I fell to my knees as I weakly cried out, "what have you done?"

Promise me something?

Promise me you won't ever tell someone you love them when you really don't.

No one deserves to feel confused about their worth like that.

No one.

I want to love you.

Why won't you let me?

Is my love not enough?

They say that you usually find someone when you least expect it and I didn't believe that could happen to me.

But.. then you happened to me

I never in a million years expected you. You came out of left field- caught me totally off guard, and you continue to surprise me every day.

You.. you just.. surprise me.

Its frustrating, isn't it?

Wanting so badly to just get over someone and finding that you're not. You're just not.

It makes me angry. I don't get angry very often but this.. this really upsets me.

You had this hold on me and I put your dumbass on a pedestal for reasons I no longer believe in. I thought you were the one. I was convinced you were the love of my life, my forever, my happy ever after.

I was wrong.

You did NOT deserve to be on that damn pedestal and you most certainly did fucking NOT deserve any of the love that I gave you.

I saw clarity. I made my decision on Friday February 14th 2020 when I saw you post about a new girl. Which is ironic because your empty promises still rung fresh in my ears, your touch still lingered on my skin, our relationship wasn't even cold and yet you found someone else to give all the things you promised me but never gave me.

Thats when I knew that I was better off and I felt free. I removed you from my life and everything seemed to be getting better.

But you still creep into my mind and I would rather you left me the fuck alone.

It is incredibly frustrating to finally know the truth and still be held hostage by the lies.