"Fucking hell," Karlach moaned. "Why did I make a character with full body paint?"
"Because you are committed to your craft," said Lae'zel, who was carefully patting down the seams of her prosthetic nose so that they lay flush with her skin.
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The companions are getting ready play Baldur's Gate: a local live-action roleplaying game that has been running for three years.
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Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, LARPing, Live Action Roleplaying, Implied toxic relationship, extremely niche idea I had, Karlach & Lae'zel, Lae'zel/Shadowheart, Astarion/Cazador, All Companions
Words: 2,772
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"Fucking hell," Karlach moaned. "Why did I make a character with full body paint?"
"Because you are committed to your craft," said Lae'zel, who was carefully patting down the seams of her prosthetic nose so that they lay flush with her skin.
"I mean sure," Karlach said as she dabbed a makeup sponge back and forth over her arms, painting them bright red to match her already vivid face and chest. "And I'm real excited about how it's going to look. But I didn't really think through how being red would mean I'd have to, you know, paint my entire body red."
"These efforts are the sacrifices we make on the altar of fantasy." Lae'zel left her nose to dry and started mixing her face-paint to the precise color she preferred for her skin. "In embodying beings from another world, we become beacons by which others recognize they have transcended. The essence of a new reality lives on our skin."
Karlach glanced down at her. "Do people ever tell you you're kind of intense, Zel?"
"Yes," said Lae'zel.
They were standing side by side in front of the long mirror in the upstairs, gender-neutral bathroom of the main lodge. It was the best place on the campground to do your makeup, especially if you had a complicated costume. There were four sinks--plenty of room to spread out. Lae'zel had a two-tiered makeup-box full of powder, face-paint, glue, ears, scars, and extra noses. Her brushes were laid out in a row, sorted by size. She had taken out and set aside all the paint-colors she needed for her skin.
On her the other side, Karlach had a red bottle of liquid body-paint and a bunch of makeup sponges. She'd already put on her horns. They looked awesome.
The upstairs bathroom was also a great spot because it had a pair of big, double doors that were always propped open. The hall outside ran along the second floor of the lodge and all the other doors led to bunk-style bedrooms where players slept. So people were always going back and forth, carrying bedding and props to and from their rooms. And often they'd stop to chat with the high-makeup characters doing themselves up in front of the mirror--a process that could take a while and get lonely without company.
Lae'zel's makeup always took a particularly long time, so it wasn't surprising that her girlfriend stopped in to check on her.
"Hi," Shadowheart said, peeking around the side of the door. "I have cupcakes. Would anyone like cupcakes?"
"Fuck yeah," said Karlach, who wasn't the one being checked on but would absolutely accept an open offers of cupcakes. And it was definitely an open offer. Shadowheart was an absolute sweetheart, right up until she got in character.
Shadowheart put down a tupperware of small, clearly homemade black and purple cupcakes on the counter between Lae'zel and Karlach. Karlach picked up a purple one and immediately ate it. Lae'zel selected a black one and put it on top of her makeup box for later consumption.
"Can I kiss you?" Shadowheart asked her.
Lae'zel nodded. "Be wary of my nose."
Shadowheart's care made it a chaste little butterfly of a kiss. Karlach still whistled at them, which made Shadowheart giggle and smile.
"You are insipidly cheerful right now," Lae'zel observed fondly.
"It's because I love you," Shadowheart told her. "And I have to get all the smiling out of my system before game starts! I have such an awful backstory. You have no idea."
"I do not," Lae'zel confirmed. "You have told me nothing."
"It's a secret!" Shadowheart said, clapping her hands together. "You'll find out. It's horrible."
She sighed happily. Then she tapped Lae'zel's cheek.
"Your nose looks great today," she said.
Lae'zel made a pleased noise as she started to paint over the prosthetic with mottled green. Shadowheart turned her happiness around on Karlach: "And you! You look amazing!"
"Thanks!" Karlach held up her extremely red makeup sponge. "It's a headache and a half!"
"It's absolutely going to be worth it," Shadowheart assured her. Then something occurred to her. She turned back towards Lae'zel.
"Will you do my ears?" she asked.
Lae'zel grunted. It was an affectionate grunt. "Sit down."
Shadowheart did, perching on the edge of the trashcan in the corner to lower herself and make her head more accessible. Lae'zel cleaned the shells of her ears with a makeup-wipe. Then she unfolded the top-tier of the prosthetics case and sorted through ears until she found a pair of the only slightly pointed, half-elven ones. She painted Shadowheart's ears with spirit gum, and gently tapped at them to make the adhesive tacky.
The entire process felt, curiously, much more intimate than the kiss. So Karlach backed up a bit to give them a bit of privacy. She leaned against the door-frame, dabbing paint onto her wrists and the back of her hands. She noticed someone coming down the hall.
"Hey!" she exclaimed brightly. "It's our refugee from vampire the masquerade, slumming it in fantasy land."
She reached out with a vague intention to hug, but Astarion danced away from her hand.
"Don't touch me," he told her tartly. "This is hand embroidered, and I do not want you smearing red all over it."
"Oh. Shit. Right." Karlach dropped her hands, put them behind her back. She grinned apologetically down at the much smaller man.
"Look at you," she said. "You so fancy."
"True," Astarion said smugly. He twirled to show off the complete effect of his handmade costume. Blue leather and plum velvet with touches of gold embroidery. The car keys dangling from his fingers jangled incongruously.
"Are you going somewhere?" Shadowheart asked curiously. Lae'zel growled at her for turning her head, and adjusted the ear she was attaching.
Astarion made a vague affirmative noise. "Cazador left a few props at home. I'm just off to fetch them."
"Uh," Karlach hesitated. "Don't you live like, two hours away?"
Astarion made another vague noise, glancing away, down the hall.
"You'll be late for lay on," Karlach said. "You'll miss like, all plot tonight."
"I don't care for the plots on Friday," Astarion said airily. "Never enough combat. But you have a lovely time, darling. Ciao."
And then he was gone. He could disengage from a conversation very quickly when he wanted to. Karlach watched him vanish down the staircase.
"I guess that's a pretty nice thing to do for your boyfriend," she said, slowly and rather uncertainly.
Lae'zel grunted, also peering after him. Her expression was much less uncertain.
"It is an absurd request to make of someone already in costume, so soon before game begins," she said.
Karlach liked that she'd said that, because Karlach had kind of been thinking it, just not quite confidently enough to say it out loud. Lae'zel was good at being confident enough to say things like that out loud.
"Correct me if I'm mistaken," said Shadowheart, and she suddenly sounded a lot less chipper and a lot more in character. "But now that I'm thinking about it, I barely ever see Astarion on Friday."
"You are not mistaken," said Lae'zel.
Shadowheart started to turn towards Karlach, but this time Lae'zel held her head, hissing at her that if she wanted ears, she would hold still. Shadowheart huffed and stayed in place. It only took Lae'zel a minute to finish the process.
When she was free Shadowheart got up and tilted her head from side to side, getting used to having larger ears. Then she walked over to her tupperware of cupcakes and rested her fingers on its edges. She looked thoughtful.
"They came in together, right? Astarion and Cazador?" she asked Karlach, whose gregarious tendency to talk to everyone meant that she tended to know such things.
"Yeah. They're from that classy vampire game," Karlach reported. "Crimson-something. The one that runs out of a mansion."
"I see," Shadowheart said.
She drummed her fingers on the sides of the tupperware. Up and down the edge, around the pretty baked goods. Then she picked up the lid and closed the container with a decisive click.
"I am going to see if he wants a cupcake for the road," she said resolutely.
She marched out of the bathroom, down the hall, and down the stairs. When she had passed beyond the range of earshot Lae'zel sighed wearily.
"What's wrong?" Karlach asked.
"She is going to make friends," Lae'zel told her. "So I will also be expected to make friends."
She sighed again, long suffering. But then consoled herself: "At least this one can fight."
She applied herself to drawing intricate patterns of black dots on her face. Karlach finished her arms and started spraying on a generous coat of barrier spray. That would hopefully do something to stop her from turning everything she touched red.
But even after the spray had dried, she was still leaving paint everywhere. The countertop around her was all marked up with red flecks. The sink she'd been working over looked like Lady Macbeth had been by to wash her hands. With a concerned mutter Karlach knelt down to dig some gloves out of her bag. She left her bag a little redder than it started. At least with the gloves she'd be able to clean up the sink.
Across the bathroom, Lae'zel had almost finished with her dots when she spotted something in the mirror. She pivoted around and pointed out into the hallway.
"Gale," she said. "I have need of you."
Gale accommodatingly paused and walked over to her. He was carrying a bag of potatoes. Probably headed down the kitchen with that. He was one of the volunteers who handled making the communal meals. He was in costume, except that he still had his real-world glasses on. So he looked like a wizardly accountant.
"How can I help?" he asked pleasantly.
Lae'zel slid a sheet of paper out from under her makeup-box. She handed it to him.
"I have leveled," she told him. "Advise me."
"Ah!" Gale's eyes lit up. He put the potatoes down on the counter and took the paper from her. He adjusted his glasses as he read over her character sheet.
"Level three. Now that's an exciting time. And I see you've selected Battle Master. A fine subclass. A very solid choice. Which means the question at hand is maneuvers, yes?"
"Yes," confirmed Lae'zel.
"I see you've penciled in Menacing Attack." He tapped the line in question. "A good selection. Damage is damage, after all, and the status effect is nothing to sneeze at. That being said, Distracting Strike is, in my opinion, the stand out among your options. However! It does require coordinating with other players. You'll need someone who can take advantage of it."
"Hm," Lae'zel said thoughtfully.
"I might also consider Riposte," Gale said, manifesting a pencil seemingly out of nowhere and tapping the paper with it. "It would give you a nice defensive option."
"And it allows me to punish the failures of my enemies," Lae'zel observed.
"Ah. Sure," Gale said, open-mindedly. "Another advantage."
Lae'zel reclaimed her character sheet.
"You have advised me well," she told him.
"Glad to hear it," he said. "Let me know what you decide on? I'm always interested in how builds work out in play."
He recovered his potatoes and then came to the sudden awareness that there was another person in the room. Karlach was just finishing using paper towels to clean red paint off of the sink.
"Karlach!" Gale exclaimed. "Hello. I'm sorry I didn't say hello earlier. Goodness. You're certainly very red."
"Yeah," Karlach said morosely.
Gale paused. Then asked: "I assume that is intentional?"
"Oh, yeah." Karlach nodded, tossing the paper towels into the trash can and leaning against the counter.
Then she sighed and got more paper towels to clean the marks she'd just left by leaning against the counter.
"Put a lot of work into it," she added.
"It's quite nice," Gale said. "Very vivid. You sound rather sad, though."
"I've just realized I'm in a bit of trouble," Karlach said, throwing away the new paper towels and leaning again, this time carefully keeping her arms off the white counter. "Because, you know me. I'm around all of you. And I like all of you. And I only get to see you once a month! And I'm gonna want to hug you."
She spread her arms to illustrate this fact. The beginning of a hug. Then she gestured up and down her body.
"But I've got red paint all over me. I'm gonna ruin everyone's costumes!"
"I see," Gale said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "That is a conundrum."
"It is a danger," Lae'zel, veteran of makeup, acknowledged. "It is why I wear full plate and never hug people."
"I'm no good at not hugging people," Karlach all but moaned.
"Well. Actually. Here's an idea." Gale said, inspiration lightening his tone as he pointed at Karlach. "You could bring this in character."
"What do you mean?" Karlach asked.
"There could be some reason in game as to why people can't touch you," Gale suggested. "It could be a spell. Or a curse."
"Gale of Waterdeep has a suggestion that involves magic," Lae'zel deadpanned. "What a surprise."
"Oh, hush," Gale told her.
"I see what you're getting at," Karlach said, crossing her arms and nodding thoughtfully. "That way I'd remember not to do it. Because, like, it wouldn't be just paint. There'd be, like, in-game consequences."
"Precisely," said Gale, clearly excited by the elegance of the idea. "And we could support you in remembering, because, presumably, we would suffer those consequences! Where are you coming from? In your back story, I mean?"
"I'm fresh out of Avernus," Karlach told him.
"You should talk to Mizora before coming into game," Gale suggested. "She manages all the infernal plotlines. I'm sure she could think of something to suit this."
"All right," Karlach said. Then more enthusiastically: "All right! I'll do that. Thanks!"
"Happy to help," Gale said, and he sounded it. He shouldered the sack of potatoes. "Now, I should get these down to the kitchen. I'll see you both in Baldur's Gate!"
"Indeed," said Lae'zel.
"It's a date!" Karlach called after him. Her mood had bounced back up to excited and she hopped from foot to foot, thinking of cool, infernal reasons why someone might not be able to hug people.
From down the hall she heard voices:
"Hey Gale. Opening announcements in five," someone said.
"Ah! Marvelous," Gale said. "Thank you, five."
Moments later Wyll leaned into the bathroom and announced: "Opening announcements in five!"
"Thank you, five," Lae'zel and Karlach echoed back together.
"Ah. Lae'zel." Wyll said, actually registering who was in front of the mirror. "After announcements. Could I trouble you to give me a bit of help with my horns?"
"Why does no one but me know how to use spirit gum?" Lae'zel snapped, brandishing her makeup pen like a little lance.
"Have pity," Wyll said, leaning around the door frame. "I've only ever played humans. I was planning to play a human. And then Mizora happened to me."
"I'm about to talk to Mizora!" Karlach said, still excited. "I need her help with my backstory!"
"Do you?" Wyll asked, smiling because Karlach's happiness was infectious. "Well, you're in for a ride then. Her plots are wild."
"You would know," Lae'zel said, looking at him narrowly and sidelong. "You're something of her pet player."
Wyll sighed and shook his head.
"I know it's not a good look," he said. "And I'm talking to her about it. Favoritism from storytellers does the game no favors."
Lae'zel grunted, but it wasn't a very aggressive grunt. It was hard to doubt Wyll's integrity. And there was only so much one could do about the whims of the people running game.
"And a good next step will be her paying some attention to Karlach," Wyll continued, gesturing to Karlach and bringing the conversation back around so he could ask: "Would you like me to come with you when you talk to Mizora?"
"Yes!" Karlach said.
"And you're coming in from Avernus, right?" he asked. "My character's been there many a time. Would you like to have a character tie with me?"
“Selfish? Me? I chose you. I always choose you. I’m. still. choosing. YOU! I gave up everything and everyone I ever cared for because of you and you’re calling me selfish!?”
Remus: what if a murderer dated someone who was toxic but their partner doesn't know that they're a murderer so say that one day their toxic partner tries to say something like "I'm going to kill you if you walk out on me" and the murderer just smiles, pulls out a knife and says "bring it bitch"....
