#incorrect 311619

[melsimps]

[17 years ago, earth 311619. It is 3 AM, Jake is fronting.]

Jake: I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't eat, can't sleep. Maybe we're coming down with something...

Marc, in the headspace: I know what you've got. The L word.

Steven, also in the headspace: Yeah, leprosy.

Marc: No, Steven, it's four letters. It starts with "L," ends with "E."

Steven: A-ha! Lice!

Marc: No! Jake, our co-alter friend, is in love.

Steven: Oh, yeah! Love.

Jake: You mean with the bug-girl? No.

Marc: Bug's gotten under your skin.

Steven: Come on, admit it.

Marc: A rugged merc like us.

Steven: A more rugged hero like her.

Jake: No, no, no. You guys are dead wrong.

[Marc and Steven start laughing]

Marc: Denial is the clincher.

Steven: You're in love, Lockley!

[melsimps]

[Despite being flirted with separately, by three different people, at different times, the Moon Knight System gave the same responses:]

Flirter: so, just out of curiousity... what is your type?

Marc, arms folded: my wife.

Flirter: Yeah, I got that. What was your type before you got married?

Jake, scoffing: my girlfriend.

Flirter: Oh my god... that mask must be cooking your brain cells...

Flirter: Okay. Before your wife - and your girlfriend - what was your type? What was attractive to you?

Steven, smiling lovingly: my crush...

Marc: ...who then became my girlfriend...

Jake: ...who then became my wife.

[melsimps]

Marc, reading instructions on setting up furniture: Insert rod support A into slot B.

Jake, from a nearby mirror: That's what-!

Marc: If you say "That's what she said" one more time, I swear I'm gonna throw us off a cliff.

[melsimps]

Incorrect quote!

[Marc squeezes the bridge of his nose, sighing]

Marc: look, Khonshu... I'm not trying to be a dickhead. I'm just saying that, when the sock's on the door, I need you to knock first.

Khonshu: you foolish mortal... I am the god of the night sky!

Marc, folding his arms: and my wife and I pay the mortgage on this house. That we let you stay in.

-

Connie, later: Hey, Khonshu? You mind... knocking first, before you try to come into our room?

Khonshu, bowing respectfully: You have my word, Doctor Tulper.

Marc, from the other room: Oh, COME ON!

[melsimps]

Hey, so I finished my fic on ao3, in case anyone wants to read it!!!!

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

It's 39k words.

Moooostly fluff, some slight angst (and quite a bit of smut).

Moon Knights being dads (father figures) to a pair of kids.

Uh, yeah...

[melsimps]

Incorrect quotes between Arachnida/Connie and the Moon Boys (earth 311619, sixteen years prior)

[When Arachnida/Connie Tulper and Mr. Knight/Steven Grant were working together]

Steven: ...and the body showed clear signs that he was killed by Belladonna.

Connie, (internally Jake, Marc): the porn star?

Steven: ...the poison.

-

[Mr. Knight is looking about a set of ruins for Arachnida; he's scanning for her]

Steven: show yourself... I know you're watching me, show yourself...

[He has an idea. He looks in a random direction]

Steven: I can see you...

Arachnida standing upside down on the ceiling: how can you see me from there?

[Mr. Knight turns to her]

Steven: aha-! I was lying, and you fell for my bluff-! Hahahaha

[Arachnida falls from the ceiling, landing with a gentle thud in front of him]

Arachnida: Well done, enlighten me, what's your name?

Steven: You first and maybe I'll do the same.

Arachnida: Nice try, but two can play this game.

Steven: Nah, don't be modest. I know you're a goddess, so let's be honest. You're Arachnida!

[He does the fake boxer punches]

Steven: Badass in the arena! Unmatched, witty, and queen of the best strategies we've seen!

Arachnida: If you're looking for a mentor, I'll make sure your time's well spent

Steven: Sounds like a plan, goddess and man. Bestest of friends!

Arachnida: We'll see where it ends

Steven: Okay...

-

[Earth 311619, sixteen years ago. Connie/Arachnida and Silbara are talking about the Moon Knight system]

Silbara: I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guys.

Connie: These ones are different. They're honest, and-and sweet--

Silbara: Please!

Connie: They would never do anything to hurt me.

Silbara: They're a guy!

Connie: Besides, oh, oneness, you can't beat them. They have no weaknesses, They're gonna—

Silbara: I think... they do, Con. I truly think... they do.

[melsimps]

Toby: many words have been used to describe my family...

Toby: ...but never neurotypical.

[melsimps]

Ricky: *Falls from a window, breaking his leg*

Ricky, pointing Jake's gun at his head: Pull the trigger, Piglet.

Jake, deeply concerned: kid...