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Basically what I believe most illiad missions were like

Agamemnon: I have a very difficult and dangerous mission for one of you.

Diomedes: ME ME! I WANNA GO ON IT!!

Agamemnon: Okay, useless prick who will never be better than your father, who do you want to take with you?

Diomedes, looking at Odysseus who is frantically shaking his head at him and is exhausted: my best friend Ody, of course!

#odydio #odysseus #agamemnon #diomedes #the illiad #incorrect illiad #incorrect quotes

Is it any surprise I like me some Greek Mythology?

I hate the modern depictions of Helen/Paris/Menelaus.

Menelaus was a good man, Helen was manipulated by Aphrodite and Paris is…Paris. Fuck that guy. Not literally, he doesn’t deserve it.

The Iliad be like:

Paris: Any advice for your dear husband as he goes out to duel?

Helen turns to Paris. She is wearing a ‘Team Menelaus’ hat, a ‘I love my real husband shirt’ and her right hand is covered by a ‘Menelaus #1’ giant, foam hand.

Helen: Die. Preferably, screaming.

Paris watches Helen stand atop the walls. She raises her shirt, flashing her boobs in Menelaus’ direction. On them is written ‘Kick His Ass, Baby’.

The entire Greek army stares. Except Odysseus. Menelaus gives them the death glare. The entire Greek army awkwardly looks away. Except Odysseus.

I also love the idea of Odysseus and Menelaus being Ancient Greek Wifeguys.

Odysseus walks into Menelaus’ tent. Menelaus looks up hopefully.

Menelaus: *hopefully* Wife?

Odysseus: *shaking his head* Not wife.

Menelaus: *sadly* Miss wife.

Odysseus: *sadly* Miss wife too.

Several hours and jugs of wine later…

Agamemnon steps into the tent.

Odysseus and Menelaus: *drunk and crying hysterically* Want wife!!!

Agamemnon backs out of the tent.

I also, also feel like Helen may harbor some resentment towards Aphrodite.

Aphrodite appears in front of the Palace in Sparta.

Aphrodite: *smiling happily* Hey, gurl!

Helen immediately runs up to her and decks the divine being in the face. Aphrodite goes down like a sack of bricks. Helen returns inside. Menelaus looks between the unconscious Goddess and the threshold of his home. After a moment, he follows his wife inside and closes the door. Aphrodite lays there for several hours.

#ancient greek #greek mythology #menelaus #helen of sparta #helen of troy #Menelaus x Helen #the illiad #incorrect quotes #incorrect illiad #but really the correct illiad #trojan war #the odyssey #odysseus #agamemnon #aphrodite #Paris is last

Achilles: *mindlessly flirting with Patroclus* Patroclus: *actually flirts back* Achilles: Patroclus: Achilles: Patroclus: You're not going to say anything? Achilles, panicking: I don't know. I didn't think I'd get this far.

Agamemnon: the girls are fighting

Agamemnon: [readjusts his glasses, squinting] by god… it appears I was mistaken

Agamemnon: They're…my goodness…by god

Unfailing healer of the Achaean army, Asclepius' only son from the land of Tricca, brave in combat:

#I know you get it #this came to me this morning when I couldn't remember his name #machaon of tricca #tagamemnon #the iliad #Machaon #incorrect illiad #greek myths

Odysseus: *watching Telemachus play with a wooden horse*

Penelope: Honey. What are you doing?

Odysseus: now now, Penelope. Something tells me I'll need this one day.

#odyssey #the odyssey #the illiad #incorrect illiad #incorrect quotes #epic incorrect quotes #odysseus #penelope of ithaca

Let this be canon, please!

Penelope: This is my husband, Odysseus, and this is his boyfriend Diomedes.

#the illiad #incorrect illiad #odysseus #diomedes #penelope #odypendio #odydio #pendio #you're honor they're gay