#epic incorrect quotes

[murasaki-cha]

Antonius: Only the ocean and I will know~

Poseidon: Oh Tartarus nah!

Poseidon: The ocean will snitch! The ocean will snitch so hard!

Poseidon: The ocean will be pulling up to your king with a clipboard, tell him to sit down, and explain in incredible detail everything that happened with bullet points.

Poseidon: The ocean will be showing a PowerPoint presentation of the event.

[starmo0nlight]

Apollo: Hermes.. what do you have here?

hermes: n-nothing! just my normal mortal cat!

y/n disguised as a cat: meow meow faggot meow.

Apollo: oh good- WHAT DID IT JUST CALLED ME!?-

[caramelmiacchiato]

polites: look! a half-full glass!

eurylochus: its not a half-full glass. its just a glass with water inside.

odysseus: penelope used to drink water...

[kaechu1]

Telemachus: dad i did something really bad... like bad BAD!

Odysseus: son I've seen so much, it can't be that ba-

Telemachus: i kissed y/n..

Odysseus: ...

Odysseus: you mean y/n, Y/N?

Telemachus: yes..

Odysseus: the same y/n who's been picking on you for years?

Telemachus: *nods as his face turns a little pink*

Odysseus: the same y/n who's have been making your life a living hell??

Telemachus: *face red as fuck as he look away with shame*

Odysseus: ...

Odysseus: i own Penelope so much money-

(this is canon i was ody old bow)

[randomgreekfandomspals]

Y/N: Damnit I can't see

Hermes: Don't worry. I got this.

Hermes: *picks Apollo up and shakes him rapidly*

Apollo: *starts glowing*

[talekinesis]

Odysseus: Would you love me if I was a worm :(

Penelope, confused but supportive: I would house you in the finest of soils with the best of composts. I would make sure you stayed happy and moist every single day

-

Zeus: *just watched their interaction*

Zeus: My dear, would you still love me if I was a worm?

Hera: Are worms loyal to their wives?

Zeus: okay

[cherrychapstickdramaqueen]

Odysseus: "When we're done with them, they'll fall quickly like Troy."

Telemachus: "Dad, it took ten years to bring down Troy. What are you talking about?"

Odysseus: "Now I remember that your mom is the one that primarily raised you."

Telemachus: "Why did it take so long to end the war?"

Odysseus: "I don't know. Ask Diomedes."

[protagaster]

Eurylochus: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Odysseus: We're chopsticks.

Circes: Well... that's cute!

Ctimene: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Penelope: No, it means that if you take one away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.