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"Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I can recognise anywhere" is deeply haunting when you think about it from the perspective of estranged siblings.

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it's winter, but it's not the winter of "farewell pe kya pehne wali ho" and it would never be the winter of 'boards mei ache marks lake arts leni hai' ever again

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for all people say about love, i can't fathom why we forget about sibling love so often. brother and sisters. siblings. i love you so much but i'd rather die before saying it to you. to see yourself in your younger siblings is both a crime and a prize, i love how you took my wardrobe and my kindness and my words. i hate how you couldn't become better than me.

to know each other's smallest habits, and bicker over everything just to wrap it all one day when you move out of your parent's house and your sibling becomes just a sibling. not your personal servant, and personal driver and chef all mixed in an embody that you would die for without a thought but just another child of your parents.

i don't know you anymore but not long before i could recognize you from your footsteps and easily figure out if you were in trouble with your breathing patterns. but now we sit in the living room staring at each other, fidgeting with the leather, talking about the rain, when all we want to ask is whether we remember the monsoon when you were 5 and i was 8 and we got so drenched, jumping around in puddles because you wanted to recreate Peppa Pig.

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When you find an old picture of us, and you clear away the dust. I hope you miss me sometimes. When you see a frame and it reminds you me- would you remember the times, the times that we believed.

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i have wet anger- the kind which eldest daughters of the family have. i want to scream my heart out till the agony in my head stops being a loud buzz. however the only thing my anger does well is shred tears- humiliating tears and a cracking voice that makes me feel vulnerable, makes me feel weak and the voices in my head go louder asking me to SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SCREAM SCREAM SO LOUD YOU GO DEAF

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it was father's day yesterday and i didn't know how to erase the memories of last 20 years just because you were a good today

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i wish this september is kind to me. I hope this september, im kind to myself