Reclaiming My Sparkle: Breaking Free from Obsession and Finding Myself Again 📝✨
It’s strange how you can lose yourself in someone else—how obsession and fixation creep in so quietly you barely notice until it’s too late.
I’ve been in that place.
I lived in that place.
And I’m finally clawing my way out.
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The Illusion of “Us”
We thought we were in love—two people thrown together by chaos, childhood wounds, and trauma that mirrored each other. But in hindsight, I see it now: it wasn’t love. It was a hypersexualized fantasy, a trauma bond, a reflection of pain disguised as passion. We weren’t actually into each other—we were into the idea of each other. The fantasy we built in our heads because we were both so broken and desperate for connection, for a home, for safety.
I hate that I let myself get caught up in it. I hate that he became infatuated with my sparkle—the light I’ve worked so hard to protect. He told me once he was jealous I could articulate my thoughts so easily, that I was a great writer. It was as if he wanted to absorb my energy, my creativity, because he couldn’t find his own words. But that’s not my job. That’s not love. That’s codependency.
100 Things I Like & Dislike
One of the first steps I took in finding myself again was writing a list of 100 things I like and dislike. It was harder than I thought it would be. I realized how much of my life had been about us—or rather, about him. I’d lost touch with what I liked, what made me happy, what felt good to me.
That list became my blueprint for healing. It showed me what I’d been missing all along—myself.
Honesty and Boundaries
For so long, I was afraid to be honest. I didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t want to rock the boat, didn’t want to admit that I was suffocating under the weight of expectations, trauma, and guilt. But honesty is freedom. And the truth is, I’m learning that I was never meant to be his savior, his muse, his everything.
I used to be hyper-independent—the girl who did her own thing, who wasn’t glued to her phone, who crafted, wrote, podcasted, and created on her own terms. Somewhere along the line, I lost that version of myself. But I’m finding her again.
Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re survival. They’re how I keep my sparkle safe.
Breaking the Cycle
This isn’t about blame or shaming anyone. It’s about breaking the cycle. It’s about acknowledging the patterns that kept me trapped:
• The obsession
• The fixation
• The fantasy
• The codependency
It’s about naming the feelings, even when they’re messy. It’s about being honest: I wasn’t in love with him. I was in love with the idea of what we could be, the peer pressures, the sneaking around, but never were. And that’s okay. It’s okay to let go of the fantasy and step into the reality, even when it’s painful.
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Reclaiming My Life
I’m writing again. Soon, i will be creating again. I’m slowly rebuilding the habits that make me feel alive—podcasting, writing, creating, spending time with myself. I’m re-learning my likes, dislikes, my quirks, and my dreams.
I’m not fully healed yet, but I’m healing. I’m not fully whole yet, but I’m getting there.
And most importantly, I’m reclaiming my sparkle—one boundary, one honest moment, one creative spark at a time.
