The Code Switch
Recently I attended some events where I was the only African-American male in the room. It wasn't the first time of course. I'm used to the experience being an ivy-league educated man that's been in the c-suite.. Although when the size of the room is large enough it's still jarring.
"Oh wow, none of you know people of color - It's code switching time!"
I don't know, nor have I ever calculated the toll code switching takes on the soul - I just know the toll is not zero. As I've written before, my default has been to absorb the pain, to believe I can work twice as hard and win as every person of color has been told the secret is - I can take this hit. I am bulletproof.
Someone made the assumption that I never wash my hair - I think the actually comment was something to the affect of "I was thinking of you and was thinking you're lucky you never have to think about washing your hair" Professional setting - I was taken aback but just absorbed the emotions I was feeling - It was someone I have a friendly relationship with. So crazy thing - even describing this incident, this mirco aggression, this macro aggression, this aggression, this ignorance - I am protecting them - making it hard to in a public post to make it easy to identify this person.
Why am I protecting them?
Because It's not about them. It's about me. It's about every person of color that has had to look someone in the face and in the name of the code switching world we live in take the hit. For every immigrant that has to take that a major political candidate is peddling vile stereotypes about people eating dogs and cats...
What is the toll! of working through these moments for the larger goals you have in life and the people that matter most to you?
My daughter is interracial and I've thought a lot about her identity and what it means for her to be in a world that this video brought hate.
So when I think about my inability to understand the toll of aggression, I wonder how prepared I am to prepare my daughter for this world.
Honestly she's sooo much better at code switching than me. She's multilingual - tri-lingual - quad-lingual- and such a wonderful listener. I believe her ability to code switch makes her empathetic in a way I can never be. But still I wonder..
What is the toll of those other moments?
