I was wondering how do other INTJs deal with being in an argument where your feelings are compromised and being discussed. If I can't detach myself , it's like my mind shuts down, I refuse to share anything and even feel attacked by the other person
I imagine this is how most Feeling types see arguments. I know my INFP can have issues detaching and tends to take things personally that aren’t meant to be personal. It can happen to us too, it just takes a lot more to get us going. Usually someone has to hit a topic that we care very deeply about.
If I get so angry that I’m shutting down then I need to remove myself from the situation. Otherwise I’ll say something I’ll regret, or the other person will say something that will make things much worse. The problem is our Fi. We feel very strongly about things but we can’t always put our finger on why, so actually articulating our feelings can be very problematic. The more strongly we feel the worse it gets.
Excuse yourself if you can, and say you need time to think things over. Then take your time. Days if need be. You’ll run the argument over in your head, which can be both good (you’ll hopefully get a handle on why you feel the way you do and be able to plan a verbal response) or bad (if you still can’t detach and your arguments remain illogical).
It also helps to get an impartial opinion from someone you trust. They may or may not take your side, but they can help you see the other side of the argument (hopefully) even if they don’t agree. Sometimes it’s the person making the argument that really gets our backs up, so hearing it said differently from another source may help put things into perspective.