#irrelevant title

[lossofink]

Say it

The day never heard any Goodbyes, if uttered. Even though we both chose it for that very Purpose. Yes, we smiled and one Faithful kissed the other. Yet, left words hanging in between two mouths swollen. We set the Unspoken out on a date with Destiny. Where it found in a little treasure chest dead wishes at rest and few words in mourning.

[lossofink]

Spring Commercial

And will the Fates be partial towards our Winter-Fall romance?

Because it doesn’t seem so warm as someone else’s Spring-Summer one?

But oh the heat that I’ve felt; Melting me in your arms.

I doubt it. I doubt if it wasn’t any warmer.

And if we weren’t Hot enough.

[lossofink]

Is it because I love you too much?

The morning hits me in the face like a rude, cold breeze. I had expected a sunny one; dreamed of waking up next to you. Your arms melting away my frozen fears in your sunshine smile. And i was going to kiss yours away too.. Tell you that this is how I’ll always be, far or near.. holding your heart, a Sacred Relic - at least what’s left of it. That I’ll keep it safe with me.

But instead, I waited at the train platform last evening, for you to remember me, call me up and tell me that i’d be seeing you soon. I waited, expecting replies to my questions, ones with multiple desperate question marks.

A hundred screaming bones in my body resurfaced with their nightmares. Bringing my foolish heart to reality. As I looked down at my new sea green shoes, now missing out the point of having been worn especially today. They asked me why I hadn’t put them on before. In return, I smiled a childish lie, “Well, you don’t go along so well with any of my other dresses.”

Then I glanced sideways to see if no one had caught me telling myself a shoe-smile-lie. It was still only an empty platform. I have to admit my glistening eyes - now less of a visual aid and more so pools of tears - searched for you hopingly.

A tear escaped to my crisp white cotton shirt and i was worried that it wasn’t as crisp and white as it had been in the morning. When in silly girlish delight, I had paired it with my bright floral skirt. Oh wasn’t I hopeful? And why not? I was going to see you after all, after more than a month.

You had been perfect the night before, telling me that we belong together. But i guess only on the phone. Because when you finally remembered me and you replied to my now-hopeless-questions with an ‘I am really sorry’, you also asked of me politely, “Baby, you will have to go back.” - when my choked up throat had managed to squeak, “What should I do now?”

My eyes against relentless tears lost their fight. Dashed hopes forced a couple of victorious tears out of my lost eyes, down my face.

So I picked up my bag - the one lying abandoned next to me - the one that went along best with my new clothes - the one that had a toothbrush for my teeth on this rude, cold breeze morning.

And i took the next train back home.

[cosmicsonglines]

Let’s Ch-ch-change Our DNA*

(This is not travel writing, but fuck it, it’s my blog!!) On March 20th a total solar eclipse new moon in Pisces and equinox heralds a time of rebooting our faith and aligning with the universal mind to live our lives with the flow—not let our egos desperately try to flail against the current. 

“Man is subject, like other mammals, birds, and even insects, to that mysterious law, which causes certain normal processes, such as gestation, as well as the maturation and duration of various diseases, to follow lunar periods.” –The Descent of Man, Charles Darwin 

There’s so much work that we as individuals must do in order to break through the false and limiting beliefs that society radiates. 

“The purpose of human incarnations is to realize G-d. to know Him, to see His face, to feel His presence, and to do His will and work on the Earth during our lifetimes.” – Gottfried Muller, philanthropist 

I’m not totally comfortable with the G word per say, but regaining my faith in something good—energy, the universe, whatever name you choose to give it—has been integral in my personal healing. It has helped me rebuild and strengthen myself.  Giving  my problems “up to the universe” has eschewed some anxiety from my neurotic mind. 

I was taught to believe in hard facts; our culture pushes proof over faith, because, like it says in The Prophet’s Way: “Science is something unique to those cultures who were influenced by the Greeks. In Indian, Chinese, and Native American cultures, there is no equivalent. They have philosophy and spirituality, which integrate what we call science with what we call mysticism.” Still, I felt so empty after I rejected all mainstream religion (I don’t knock other people’s beliefs though because fuck, life is hard, cling to whatever gives you hope as long as you’re not hurting anyone or yourself). But I kept feeling broken down by life and not believing there was a higher force looking over me. What was the point…of anything? The void was gnawing at me. 

I’m technically a Cashew (my mom is Jewish & my dad’s Catholic), but my parents didn’t push either religion upon me. As a child, I chose to become Catholic so my grandparents would love me (but that’s a completely different story). I went through the rituals, but nothing with Catholicism ever stuck with me. 

In fact, as I grew up I started to see Catholicism as the ultimate hypocrisy—cheat on your wife? No problem, just go to confession and the priest will probably prescribe a few Hail Mary’s and poof you’re absolved. However, I was somewhat fascinated by the mystical side to that religion’s traditions. And that’s what I think is imperative: unearthing the kernels of truth in all these religious texts.  Our rational minds might be hesitant to accept that those truths are in fact pretty “out there.” 

Years before I started learning about lunar cycles and astrology, my mom dragged the whole family to see this woman who was speaking at some spiritual center here in NYC. This woman photographed orbs, which were supposedly “highly sentient Light Beings she calls the Extra Celestials that she originally met in a crop circle in 2004.” My mom thought it was important for us to go see her but I swear she’s not crazy hahahaha. (In all seriousness, through my own experience, I’ve come to embrace the paranormal beliefs she holds true.)

Even though I fully indulge in esotericism, I just could not buy this lady’s story. They turned off all the lights and claimed the Light Beings would make this statue of the Virgin Mary dance and move around. Nothing happened. None of us bought it. It was totally wacky. 

But, what stuck out was this Indian man sitting in the back who just kept muttering “paradigm shift, paradigm shift” throughout the woman’s entire lecture.   

The point about this strange story is that the Indian man was right, we are indeed on the verge of a paradigm shift with the new moon and this is an essential time to recalibrate. We must do our best to see past the facades of patriotism, capitalism, and every other institution that is meant to keep us disempowered from achieving true enlightenment, to find G-d and spread that love and light, as Herr Muller duly noted. 

So maybe we should have a call to kindness. I believe that kindness connects us to our Higher Selves and helps us remember the ancient knowledge we’ve been conditioned to forget and repress. We need to infuse more kindness into our cultural DNA. I know it’s not the most original idea, but just go out and commit a random act of kindness, even if it’s just holding the door open for someone. 

“It is so pleasant to explore Nature and oneself at the same time, doing violence neither to her no to one’s own spirit, but bringing both into balance in gentle, mutual interaction.” –Goethe

*PS: If you know where the title is from, I love you

[yaoyuandaydream]

sailboat.

gentle waves sound of sleep floating through your window

your heartbeat steady like the endless night sky keeping me safe in this uncertain sea

strong arms surround me snugly eyes closed quiet and i know when i wake you'll still be here

[fivebyfivehundred]

Conference Room

Go to sleep and dream three years of a tough relationship, love the shoe string holding your two tin cans together, until that fateful dream day when a stranger arrives to rob your house, kill your wife, and then die in the escape, and you’re left to tell the police the whole thing. Wake up to go pee. Go to sleep and dream of another lifetime, a hot tub scene with another lover completely, devoted…

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[yaoyuandaydream]

lightning rod.

after all this storm warnings passed and snow melted down closed doors and empty mugs shuttered silence and painted awkward after all this said and done dead and gone forever and never after all this will you forget me too?

[yaoyuandaydream]

hurricane.

what do i do when the wind's died down and the snow's fallen all around me, and i can't breathe knowing you're not here with me

what do i do when nothing is ever enough and your hand is too far away this world we live in is so rough to the touch, this won't ever amount to much

what do i do  when all i know is a second too late and nothing is as worse than fate they taunt, and oh they haunt i can never let you go