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asexual representation manifesto

So I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of days and I've realized something - a couple of things, actually.

1. I am asexual enough. I'm gray asexual and I straddle the line between asexual and sexual and I've felt like I don't fit but I do. Because I still want different things than sexual people do.

2. I think, to this point, that I've sort of thought without exploring that thought that asexuals don't REALLY need explicit representation. Because how do you represent a lack of a thing?

So I haven't ever written asexuality into any of my fics and I haven't really sought out fics with explicit asexuality in them both because I like to read porn sometimes and because when there isn't porn in a fic I'm just sort of like well, okay, that works because I'm not seeing them have sex so it's basically the same as what I'd want.

But... and don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'm not the first ace person to figure this out, this is just my own personal feelings on it, but... but that's wrong.

It's not the same thing.

Asexuality isn't a lack of a thing.

Asexuality is just wanting a different thing.

It's not that I DON'T want sex.

It's that I DO want romance. It's that I daydream about holding hands and kissing a boy on the couch while we watch a movie. It's that I love kink in a way that isn't tied to sex. It's that I deeply, deeply desire sensual touch (and sometimes sex, but usually not and not with just anyone).

Asexuality is a different set of desires, not a lack of desire. Asexuality isn't a lack of anything.

And that's a thing that very much requires explicit representation.

3. I enjoy reading porn and sometimes writing it is okay, but I'm done with feeling like I need to include it for my fics to be good or be adult. Really, if anything I'd rather write the sort of things I'd like to do - so like I said, a lot of kink and no sex and making out and a lot of sensual touching. Because those are valid and amazing too.

4. I'm going to start writing asexuals into pretty much all of my fics going forward because it needs to start somewhere and I'm going to start with me.