“You can use a transformation technique.” Captain Hound said. “He won’t be able to tell the difference.” He paused. “Probably.”
Itachi blinked. “Understood,” he said.
“Senpai!” Lieutenant Cat yelped. “Stop hazing our new members with that!” Clearly he was speaking from experience.
“I am not,” Captain Hound said. “Challenges with Gai are extremely important to me.” He very clearly winked behind his mask. “So do your best, Weasel-kun!”
Itachi was eleven years old, not an idiot. He’d played enough pranks on his baby brother Sasuke to know when someone was messing with him. But that was all right. Father had been proud of his admittance into ANBU not only because of the prestige it had brought the Uchiha clan, but also because it was a perfect opportunity to gather intelligence on the village and its villagers.
With a flick of his wrist and a pulse of chakra, he transformed into a flawless copy of Hatake Kakashi-san wearing his civilian attire. Time to meet his opponent.
Maito Gai was...kind of hard to miss. Dressed in a violently bright green jumpsuit and wearing orange legwarmers, he was going through a series of slow, smooth stretches. It was not a form Itachi could immediately recognize, which was not entirely unexpected. This was a man well-known for employing an extremely varied amount of martial arts, after all, and Itachi was not a taijutsu specialist.
The stretches were almost hypnotic. Maito Gai was stretching every muscle in his body one by one, Itachi realized. His mouth felt a little dry. Itachi cleared his throat after a few minutes.
“Rival!” Maito Gai’s teeth were far too white. “You’re on time!”
Oh. Itachi had never known Captain Hound to be late to missions...then again, it was highly likely Hatake Kakashi did not act the same off-duty. Too late to take it back. “Let’s get this over with,” Itachi said, striving to equal Captain Hound’s tone.
“Yosh! I’m all fired up by your youthful excitement!” Maito Gai inexplicably relaxed. “How about rock, paper, scissors?”
Itachi paused for a microsecond. Was that the name of a secret martial arts technique he didn’t know?
“I’d rather jiujitsu,” he said smoothly. “First to a submission hold wins.”
“Now you’re talking!” Maito Gai said enthusiastically, and disappeared.
Wha--
Itachi regained consciousness a scant few seconds later, black fading away from his vision. There was a thick arm encircling his neck and a stone-warm body behind him, holding him up.
“I’m disappointed, Kakashi,” Maito Gai said quietly near his ear.
All of the hairs on Itachi’s arms rose.
“That was too easy, haha!” Maito Gai pushed him away and Itachi stumbled forward, shaking off his shock. “I refuse to include it to our tally, rival! You better fight properly, next time.” Gai turned around and resumed his odd stretching routine, entirely ignoring Itachi.
Itachi only then realized his transformation technique had failed sometime during the scuffle. There was absolutely no way Maito Gai hadn’t noticed. Itachi turned tail and fled before the jonin could decide to properly pummel him for the deception.
That speed! Even his cousin Shisui would have trouble following it, Itachi thought, heart pounding in his chest. He must have channelled some chakra to his muscles during those stretches, otherwise, it should be impossible--
“Mission failed, huh, rookie?” Sargeant Hare said sympathetically. “At least you’re not hurt. When Cat-senpai was a newbie, Captain’s prank got him hospitalized!”
"He broke my JAW!”
Captain Hound cackled. “With his acorn dick?!”
The members of Team Ro rorared with laughter. “What?! No!” Lieutenant Cat was beetroot red, incoherent with rage. “A-And how do you know the size of his dick, huh?! Senpai!”
“Maa, well,” Captain Hound said, basking in the sudden, interested silence, “we were young, and there was Icha Icha...” The whole room became loud with jeers and hoots. ANBU were an odd lot, Itachi thought primly. They were impeccable soldiers on duty, to be sure, but off it they were as rowdy as Academy students during an unsupervised lunch break.
“Hey, guys, let’s tone it down some.” Hare gesticulated emphatically. "Think of the kid!”
Kid? Ah, they were talking about him. “I am not a child.” Itachi frowned. “I am an ANBU soldier, same as all of you.” Why did people keep bringing up his age?
“Heh...” Captain Hound’s jokester personality suddenly melted away, and his voice was cold, and playtime was over. “You’re a child until Gai finally hits you for real. Until then, you’re the team newbie, and you get to do all the shit jobs none of us want to do. Understand?”
“Understood,” Itachi said tightly.
“Job number one,” Captain Hound said. “Don’t die, no matter what.”
Itachi blinked. That was a job no one wanted?
“Job number two,” Captain Hound continued. “The mission is always the priority, no matter what.”
Itachi nodded. That made sense. “Of course, sir.”
“Only adults have a higher priority mission,” Captain Hound said. “One that goes above job one and job two.”
Itachi stood straight to attention.
“The most important mission adults have is...” Captain Hound had never sounded so serious. “‘Protect your comrades, no matter what!’”
Huh? “But that’s a priority even a genin may have! Sir,” Itachi said.
“It’s not just a priority to me,” Captain Hound said solemnly. “It’s an unbreakable rule.” He patted Itachi’s head like he would a dog. “Until then, worry about yourself first, Weasel-chan.”
Itachi fought the urge to grimace and inadvertently prove he was still a child by throwing a tantrum. He felt a little bad for playing pranks on Sasuke, now, if this was how it felt to be on the receiving end. “Yes, sir,” he said instead.
--
Shisui found it all hilarious, of course. “You lost against Maito-san? You?!”
“He’s very fast,” Itachi said defensively.
“I’m fast, and you can keep up with me!” Shisui poked his forehead. “You have a sharingan, don’t you?”
Itachi frowned. He hadn’t activated it. He hadn’t had the time.
"Aww...are you pouting, baby cousin?”
“I am not,” Itachi said. “And I’m not a baby. I’m only four years younger than you.”
“That’s nearly half your lifetime,” Shisui reminded him.
Sasuke chose that moment to interrupt. “Brother! Brother! You’re not looking!” He flung a kunai at a target and missed by a meter. “No! Wait! I can do better!”
“That was very well done, Sasuke,” Itachi said indulgently.
“Yeah, if you were aiming for someone’s balls.” Shisui snorted. He rolled his eyes when Itachi subtly performed a wind jutsu to help Sasuke hit the target on his next swing.
“I DID IT! I DID IT! Did you see it brother? Did you?!”
“I did,” Itachi said. “Congratulations, little brother.”
Sasuke was so excited he tripped and chipped a tooth.
--
“RIVAL!”
Kakashi gave an exaggerated sigh and stopped in his tracks. If he didn’t, Gai would just run until he caught up to him, and make a bigger fuss. Best get it over with.
“I want a proper match against you!” Gai was very loud and very green.
“Didn’t we just have a match yesterday?”
“That wasn’t true and you know it!”
Kakashi chuckled. “Wasn’t my cute kohai a challenge enough for you?”
Gai put his hands on his hips and looked very severe. “Stop using our challenges to test your new subordinates.”
“But you’re such a great teacher,” Kakashi said.
“I won’t be swayed to compliance by your flattery, rival!” Gai stomped his foot. “Fight me properly!”
Since Kakagai is your Naruto OTP and you multiship. I've seen all your Kakashi ships. Do you have any other Gai ships that you like or would like to see more of? Please and Thank you P.S. I love your five comic and blog.
HEHE I actually really really dig Itachi/Gai?? Itachi, imho, has quietly admired and respected Gai for years. He canonically reminds Kisame and others to not take him lightly, and he immediately leaves Konoha after Gai shows up to save Kakashi. This man knows not to underestimate Gai!!
In a kinder world, Itachi and Gai could have been something, don’t you think? Gai finally being admired and acknowledged by someone who genuinely respects and looks up to him… ahh, I get butterflies thinking about it. Non-massacre AU Itagai…! What a good.
(A part of me thinks Itachi gets along pretty well with Kisame because Kisame reminds him of Gai. Of course, Itachi primarily gets along with Kisame because Kisame is himself – I like that pairing a fair amount on its own merits, too!).
((In a similar but more twisted vein, I read a fic once where Kisame kidnaps and tortures Gai and that was hotttt–))
I also lowkey dig Gai/Yamato, but I feel like my brain too quickly defaults to them being together because neither of them have snagged Kakashi. Which is fine for angst fodder, but if I want Gai to be happy then there must be others!
Haha, if you squint and throw yourself in the future some, Gai and Tsunade sounds like it could be a fun ship. (I like older women, sue me!) Ooh, Gai and Shizune–?! Gai x any medic would be good for him, haha, that man needs someone to take care of him and his recklessness.
Also, if you don’t mind shipping adults with the kids grown up, Gai and Sai could be an interesting match. Though honestly that would be Gai rehashing his attempt to save ANBU!Kakashi through Sai as a wiser adult, and that could be problematic. (Unless you’re into problematic stuff? ;D)
What other Gai ships do yall have? I’m always open to being convinced~
At first Itachi can’t help but find Gai somewhat overwhelming, most people do.
As far as Itachi can tell the only person who’s truly used to Gai and his enthusiastic outbursts is Kakashi-Taicho, and although Itachi admires Gai for his cheerfulness he also cannot help but flinch internally as he yells–years of combat experience make most ANBU unsuited for boisterous companions. Somehow Gai manages to be an exception, but the yelling and posing and manly tears do occasionally startle Itachi more than he would like to admit.
Still Gai’s presence seems to help Kakashi-Taicho, when he’s around the weight of grief and guilt on Kakashi’s shoulders seems to lift, if only for a moment. Itachi encourages Gai to spend more time with their team–Why shouldn’t he, if the older man is so helpful? Itachi convinces himself that he will get used to the boisterousness soon enough.
Itachi is eleven years old, and he has been a shinobi for five years.
I know I haven't mentioned the GaiIta non-massacre AU in a while but listen--
Gai would be So demonstrative of his love for Itachi. Like he'd go around talking to anyone who'd listen about how skilled and handsome Itachi is, even when Itachi was right there.
And Itachi is a very stoic person, but he's been highkey crushing on Gai since he was twelve and he just (internally) blushes so much at being publicly adored in such a way
