quick vent post from an it/its transbian:
it's honestly really frustrating how many queer people, especially some of my closest friends, will tout the mantra of "pronouns do not equal gender", but not actually internalize that and sorta just throw it out the window when someone's pronouns don't "match" their gender. I've been using it/its pronouns as my preferred pronouns for months at this point, and the entire time i was making that shift i tried my best to make it very clear to the people around me that:
1. I am still a binary woman. i have literally never not been binary in my gender. I am not non-binary just because i use genderless pronouns, I'm still a binary woman, just with some extra thing-gender on top of it. (a couple people even started calling me by they/them pronouns when i told them i used it/its, which is just crazy)
2. she/her pronouns still apply to me!! i just dont prefer them from most people!! at first, i had my pronouns listed as it/her. preferred pronoun first, other applicable pronoun second. but when it was that way, no one would actually use the preferred pronoun and i was still just she/her to everyone.
i got tired of explaining that i really dont want most people using those pronouns for me and then them asking "well why do you still have them listed then?". so i just removed them, but then that gave way to a new issue, from the same people I'd already been explaining everything to the whole time. any time i would refer to myself with she/her pronouns (something that I've always tried to make clear that it is okay for me to do) i would be told i was misgendering myself. I also gave my girlfriend permission to use those pronouns, because she's special and they're reserved for special people. but they've not been using them, and im quite sure it's out of fear of being told shes misgendering me (╥﹏╥)
so now i have to have a cumbersome, verbose pronouns line on any apps that will let me do so, saying i use it/its pronouns but some people have permission to refer to me as she/her.
i really wish it wasn't such a project to get people (again, even my very close, very queer friends) to understand that my pronouns and my gender are separate things that don't directly affect one another.
