my 3rd and final inspection of Nam-Gyu's handling of Thanos' death.. Buckle up my Thagyu lovelies, it's a rollercoaster of angst. TW: Suicidal thoughts mention
Let's start with the aftershocks of his rage and his sadness coming forefront in this scene. Nam Gyu takes a moment to completely isolate himself from all the players, from the battle of Team X vs Team O. He gives himself this moment because he's come to grasp of Thanos' death and it hits him like a damn truck. He couldn't believe it before, he was too consumed by rage and denial to accept it but now he does. It practically kills whatever semblance of sense to him. In this shot, I guarantee you his heart was throbbing in pain. His mind was a racing migraine, he was a ticking time bomb and he was ready to blow.
In this next screenshot, It's Nam-Gyu taking out his last tie,connection to Thanos. His cross necklace. He kept it NOT BECAUSE OF THE DRUGS but because it's a reminder of his soulmate,his entire half. It's sentimental NOT BECAUSE OF THE DRUGS(seriously fuck reddit for that narrative) but it was dear to Thanos so it's dear to him. He looks at it with guilt, I assume. It's just a interesting shot they would focus on because it's slow and methodical in terms of how they shot it. It just reinforces to me that Thanos' death destroyed him as anyone losing a lover would, your are grief stricken,depressed,lonely and self-deprecating over the loss of someone you love and care about. In Nam-Su's case he feels like he lost the only good thing in his love and is severely struggling to cope with that.
Sorry about the quality my lovelies. In this gif we see how Nam-Gyu protectively fiddles with the cross like it holds the secrets of the universe or the answers to such impossible questions. He's in no rush as you can see here to open it and pop a pill. He's deep in thought, talking to himself and treating it as another person. Self-Monologuing as if you wish to speak to the person that isn't there anymore(Thanos).
My overall read from this gif is he holds himself some blame with Thanos' death, he's telling himself "Let's just hurry up and get the fuck out of this bathroom so you can still be here by my side.". He's telling himself it's your fault for not having his back and watching out for any potential danger against him, he has cemented the fact that he psychologically can't do this without him as he crumbles and sinks into the abyss 2 scenes after his death that we see Nam-Gyu who copes,grieves and wallows in despair. He openly verbalizes "Thanos, you asshole" as a way to blame him for leaving him all alone, he has no one and nothing. He calls him an asshole for paying these useless nobodies any mind or attention. He just wanted his "buddy" all to himself and lost him in the process of everything going downhill.
This shot I'm confident is the last moment properly grieves for Thanos before his mind self-destruct and he gives in to his violent urges. He gives himself this moment to be taken away from the reality that took Thanos away from him, why would he condemn himself to face it directly? We all process loss differently and I pass no judgment from Nam Gyu in how he handled it UP TO THIS POINT. I don't condone the 3 murders he commits but still he was hurting and had no time to handle such a valuable loss in his life. He lost Thanos in the midst of chaos and a war between 2 teams. What right moment would he have had? What right way should he have done? Pills was his only outlet, it helped Thanos. Naturally Nam Gyu would use what once brought his depressed bipolar friend happiness even if it was only temporary. LET'S GOOOO!
My favorite shot er shots during Nam-Gyu's grief over Thanos. He's just empty and feels numb to everything in the world. He fiddles with the fork similar to how he manipulated the cross in his hands, you get 2 different pictures. 1 that focuses on Nam Gyu's face and then the fork. The blasted devil thing directly responsible for taking Thanos from him. Here where his hate slowly brews from this scene onwards to...Semi's demise(I will never forgive him for taking her from us even though the meta reason is there). He hates Min-Su for drawing to the bathroom, he hates Semi for stealing Thanos' attention away, he hates player 333 for killing Thanos and he fucking hates this fork for existing at that moment.
Of course he would use it. Nam Gyu sees it as a retribution to use the same weapon against those in his twisted mind responsible for the chain of events for Thanos' death until he wasn't and just abandons all sense of logic as his mind slowly deteriorates into madness because he's missing his buffer, he's missing his real fix, his drug Thanos who fixed him when he was broken. He can't be put back together this time nor does he want to as time slowly goes on. He has to keep himself constantly distracted with the chaos of the game, the murders and pills so he's never brought back to "A life without Thanos." He is living life without him for the first time in a long time, and it's too scary. He has to be scary back. He has to show them he's prepared for anything, he's not afraid to die. He highly encourages it, the quicker the faster they would reunite together. Hell he would do it himself if it didn't mean it would mock Thanos' death in his eyes, he would probably get scolded "So you kill yourself just to see me fool but not the fool who kill me? Man!" Nam Gyu would chuckle at the assumed meeting if he ever ended his life just to see his purple hair again and that smile...
Had to remove the shit so my boy was the main focus. Nam Gyu who is at his most broken here surrenders himself completely and gives in to all his emotions that fuel his rage to attack whatever is blocking his path. What is path? What is he after? Even he doesn't know. He gets justice for Thanos? What good would that do? It would be the only purpose he has left in his meaningless life, getting revenge on the fucking asshole that took the one intricate but important thing in his life. Thanos was stolen from him and he has to unleash this furnace that is brewing hot for blood,vengeance and hate. He doesn't care who it is. They must die. If he can die then so can they? Right? I think if Thanos was still alive or survived the bathroom fight. He absolutely would have kept Nam Gyu in check and not let him get corrupted by the Team O bullshit politics or engage in the Lights Out Riot. They had a pretty...even rotation of looking out for the other when one was at his lowest, we just so happen to see those ironically with Nam Gyu to Thanos but we all know Nam Gyu saw Thanos as a stable foundation to his life's support.
He misses him and can no longer breathe without him. His heart yearns for his presence, his touch, his voice and comfort. Without it drives him mad.🥺
