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Art

i’ve always been a bit frustrated with myself and art. i made pretty bad music and tiny doodles of little consequnce for ages and only recently started posting bits of it,but i still have a long way to go before i make something cool. i really want to make BIG project some day, like an rpg maker game - the hard part is finding out how to muster my energies and make a short game. i was thinking last night about how i should just make whatever instead of trying to look for a unique edge, though, and maybe i should ya know. heh.

i suppose something that bothers me is that my art is often not very serious art - it’s just doodles that spill out of my head. but because its unique it’s naturally what people are most intol and it’s unfortunate to me that i can’t USE my talent to generate the ideas i get but instead it just kinda comes out as cool things that i nevertheless can’t use. it’s like a veneer of talent with no real heart behind it. i do try a bt harder on music but it’s so much more difficult to get that out when i’m not even that good and most people can’t really spare the time to check it out because of how it’s a much more temporal thing - idk i feel like it’s just arder for people to enjoy and overall if i’m no EXCELLENT it’s just nowhere near as impressive, especially with the wide range of genre compared to “cool art”. it’s a bit frustrating. i want to make a game but im into stuff a lot of people get bored with too so it’s like, i dunno, it’s very tough. i wanna get better and really wow people but i dunno if i’ll ever get thre, especially with the great balancing act i play all the time. and heck, i don’t get my best work done except when i’m avoiding responsibilities. it’s weird! i dunno.

still, i think art’s one of the things i can do. it’;s fun and it’s something i can put online and something i can do that people like. and i hope that some day mybe i’ll be able to use what i make for something. i just have a lot of thought baggage on it. rough, amirite?

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