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Wedding vibes: what a great way to start the day-brekkies with a breathtaking view #franschhoek #weddingvibes #jenandjosh #lermitage #greatstarttotheday #lovenature #appreciation #appreciatenature #happytobehere #happytoseemyhubby #gonnabeagoodday (at L'Ermitage Franschhoek Chateau & Villas)
Blame It On Me
Wow... I actually finally got around to posting it! All distractions aside, it’s been a really busy month! I went on holiday, had trouble at work, and found out I’m going to be a Mommy next year! I’m so excited!!
Like I’m always saying, I’m really sorry about the wait, and I hope this month’s story makes up for it, even though I have to apologise for the length of it. I couldn’t stop writing! I know I for one am missing all the Joshifer...
Anyway, here’s the next installment in the 2015 series, and as you know all know, it’s rated M, along with all the other stories in the series.
My other Joshifer stories can be found here. Enjoy, my lovelies!
*Disclaimer* I don’t personally know Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson or any other person included in this story; it is all a work of fiction, and in no way do I wish to infringe upon any of The Hunger Games franchise or anybody included in my stories.
Okay, I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. I’ve been left cleaning up the chaos that every party at our house seems to leave, while Jen puts all the kids in bed. Well, all the kids except Ava who’s in her bouncer, watching me whizz around the kitchen whilst waiting for her Momma to come feed her. It’s not the cleaning that bothers me. What does, however, is Hope’s pile of presents, ladened with copious amounts of red and white Cardinals merchandise. How can such an avid supporter of Louisville come from such a strong Wildcats supporter? It just doesn’t make sense!
I sigh as I throw the last of the waste into the garbage, and walk over to the table, picking up the first item I find. I must admit, it’s kinda cute; the red and white stripes on the sundress are mesmerising, and the bow at the top makes it very ‘girly’. It’s such a nice dress, but the tiny emblem at the bottom ruins it. The very same emblem that also ruins the bow, the stationary and the pyjamas that I can see in the pile.
Huffing, I throw the dress back down, annoyed that everything I tried when Hope was younger was met with cries of ‘no, Papa, I not like sport’, or ‘sport is for boys, Papa’. But as soon as the boys were born, all it took for Ben and Blaine to scout her to their side was a single sentence; “You look so pretty in red and white, Hope.” A single sentence, and almost four years later, my daughter is a huge fan of the Cards, and never misses a single home game.
I hear Jen coming down the stairs, so I pick Ava up out the bouncer and walk into the living room to meet her, sitting down to have a cuddle with my youngest.
“Everything okay?” I ask as Jen flops down beside me, putting the baby monitor on the coffee table in front of us. She sighs, and leans over to wipe Ava’s bangs out of her face.
“Yeah, they all went down straight away. Peppi only cried a little. I think she’s getting better at being separated from you now.”
“Pep?”
“Peppi’s in bed, baby” I tell the wriggler in my arms, “And you will be too in a few minutes.”
She stares at me, confused as she tries to work out what I’m saying, and I stare back, smiling, until a sudden urge to sneeze takes over. I manage to stifle it, but my sudden movements have startled Ava, and I see her bottom lip tremble while her eyes well up. Shit.
“I’m sorry baby,” I apologise, attempting to soothe her. “Did daddy scare you?”
She looks at me again, and suddenly, she detonates. Loud, wailing noises fill the room, tears flowing down her face as she pushes herself away from me and holds out her arms for her Momma, who reaches over and takes her as she shoots me daggers. Ergh, I can’t seem to do anything right. I huff again, and storm into the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking out a cold beer. I pop the cap off and take a big swig, resting against the counter as I bring it down from my lips.
‘Calm down, Josh. You’re just worked up because of the presents Hope got.’ I scold myself, taking a few deep breaths to recompose. ‘Jen didn’t mean anything by that look, don’t let it bother you.’ Noticing that the wailing has stopped, I push myself off the counter, and slump back to the sofa, beer in hand. Jen stops her humming, and looks up from Ava, who’s feeding on her breast.
“What’s up, Joshy?” she asks softly as she rocks our youngest to sleep.
I place my beer on the table and turn to her, tucking my right leg under my left, my arm draped over the back of the sofa.
“Just…. I know it sounds stupid, but it gets to me how much Hope supports the Cards. I can’t believe I tried to get her to go blue for so long, and then your brothers came along and won her over straight away.”
“Josh,” Jen giggles as she takes Ava from her breast and hands her over to me while she fastens her top back up, “it’s just sport, not life or death. Let her support who she wants to.”
“But…”
“No buts Josh,” she interrupts as she lifts her head up, her shirt now buttoned. “We should be supporting them no matter what their choices are, and anyway, I’ve told you before. This is between you and my brothers. I couldn’t care less. But what I do care about is getting Ava to bed so I can spend some time with my Husband.”
I look down at the sleeping form in my arms, kiss her goodnight, and pass her back to Jen, who smiles at me before heading towards the stairs.
My eyes follow Jen as she goes, fixed on her peachy ass. She rounds the corner, and just as she disappears from sight, I hear her say “I know what you’re staring at, Joshua.”
I chuckle and untuck my legs, sinking into the sofa. Despite that little distraction, I can’t shake the other thoughts out of my head. Picking up my beer again, I bring my free hand to my face and pinch the top of my nose, sighing. Why is this getting to me as much as it is?
I gulp down another mouthful, and place the bottle back down before closing my eyes; maybe I’ll catch a few minutes. After all, it has been a manic day, and maybe I’m just tired….
I’m startled awake when Jen rejoins me on the couch, lays her legs over me and places a glass of wine next to my Bud.
“Hey, sleepy,” she smiles. “If you’re that tired we can just go to bed.”
I swallow and lick my lips, the slumber having dried out my mouth.
“How long was I asleep?” I croak.
“I’ve been upstairs about twenty minutes. I wanted to change into something comfier, and I had to put some more cream on my nipples.”
“Again?” I ask as I put one arm on her legs to stop them from sliding off as I lean forward. I pick up Jen’s glass and hand it over to her before picking up my own and sitting back.
“Mm...” She takes a sip of her drink, and I watch it go down. My eyes sink even lower and I notice that she’s not wearing a bra.
“I think we’re going to have to cut this last feed out,” she says, forcing my eyes back up to meet hers. “Now that almost all her teeth are through, she’s really starting to hurt me.” She rubs her boobs for emphasis, and then takes another sip of wine. “What’s on TV, hon?”
I chuckle at her choice of name, but pass her the remote nonetheless. No sooner has it entered her hand than The Real Housewives lights up the set. I shoot her a questioning look.
“It’s catch up!” she squeals, placing the remote on the floor beside her as I place my free hand on her thigh, stroking circles with my fingertips.
I shake my head, and turn to the set, trying to be as interested in what’s happening as my wife is, but it’s no good. The whole Hope-Cardinals thing is still niggling at me.
“You know...” I say, turning my head to Jen.
“Ergh.” She rolls her eyes. “Josh. Seriously. There’s nothing I can do about who Hope supports.”
“But it really does bother me that she wouldn’t ever support Kentucky. I mean, I tried so hard when she was younger, Jennifer. So goddamn hard!”
“I know, Josh, but what do you want me to do? She’s made up her mind. Besides, it’s only sport!”
My mouth falls open. “Only spo…”
“Okay, okay!” She raises her hands in defense, making sure not to spill any wine. “I take that back. What I meant was, it’s not like she’s sixteen and has hooked up with some drug dealer and is now pregnant. It’s sport, Josh. Sport. Team rivalry is normal.”
I sigh. She is right, I know it. But that doesn’t mean it has to automatically stop bothering me.
“I guess…” I admit. “But that doesn’t stop me from hurting a little.”
She smiles, and sticks her bottom lip out at me, making her eyes wider.
“Oh baby!” she teases. “Do you need Momma to make everything better? Shall I kiss it all better?” She pulls the hand that was on her thigh up to her mouth, and places a gentle kiss on it before letting it go. “There we go, all better!” she giggles as she turns her attention back to the screen in front of us, my hand now resting on one of her breasts.
I feel the pulse between my legs getting stronger, my pants starting to get tighter. Hearing Jen call herself ‘Momma’ along with her laugh and the fact that my hand is now resting on her braless chest, are all turning me on.
We sit in silence for a few minutes, too enthralled to do anything. Well, I say enthralled. Jennifer’s enthralled by the happenings in the TV set, but I’m more interested in watching her. Every little movement makes me love her that little bit more, and makes my erection grow that little bit harder. The way her eyes light up when she laughs at something stupid said on the show. The way she continuously and absentmindedly runs her hand over my arm while she watches, her other hand around her glass. The way her breasts move up and down in time with her breathing. Oh my god, her breasts. I find myself staring at her body again, only this time, there’s nothing to stop my eyes from going lower. They venture away from her boobs and over her stomach, it’s toned form amazing me after giving birth so many times. My eyes continue wandering, drinking up all her curves, before coming to rest on the waistband of her yoga pants, my mind sketching out all the times that I’ve seen what’s underneath, planning out new ways I could pleasure her. Drops of precum are pooling around the tip of my dick as my mind races with fantasies. I try shifting around, but nothing will help; there’s only one thing I need, and I know just how to get it.
I gulp down the rest of my beer, before putting the empty bottle back on the table, and carefully lifting Jen’s legs onto the floor. I crawl my way onto her, and start kissing her neck, taking her by surprise.
“Josh, wha...”
“Shh,” I interrupt. I carry on peppering her neck with kisses, and I hear her breathing hitch. I reach her ear, so I stop, and take it between my teeth, nipping it as I pull away ever so slightly. Taking the wine glass from her hand and placing it on the table, I move her now free hand over my pants, making her feel my erection. She gasps.
“You feel that?” I breathe into her ear as she swallows. “You did that. It’s all your fault, so I think you need to help me sort it out... Momma.”
Her eyes meet mine, and for a minute, I’m scared that I’ve pushed her too far, but then her eyes mirror the lust in mine, and she’s pushing me onto my back. She unzips my pants, pulling them down in one swift motion alongside my boxers. My cock bobs from side to side, and she eyes it before winking at me and licking her lips. Beads of precum are gathered around the head, but I don’t have to ask Jen for what I want; her lips find my dick straight away, and she starts sucking, taking me all in her mouth. Fuck. I don’t know how I’ll last. She continues moving up and down, massaging my balls with one hand while her other tickles the inside of my sensitive thighs. I run my hands through her hair and grab a fistful, guiding her movements up and down my length. This carries on for a few minutes, but just as I’m on the verge of coming, she stops, my dick leaving her mouth with a ‘pop’.
She looks up at me, and smirks, knowing that her teasing is almost unbearable as I’m only moments away. I can tell she’s happy at being able to get me off so quick, but that’s not how I want to play; I’m still annoyed at her. I grab another fistful of hair, forcing her away and onto her back. I follow, pinning her down, our arms locked together above her head, my erect penis rubbing against her crotch as she stifles a moan. I bring my hands down, caressing her face before kissing her, biting her lip. I pull away, bringing her lip with me, and smile as Jen groans from the combination of pain and pleasure. I let it go and start making my way down her body to my target. My hands rub over her boobs, and she arches her back, pressing them harder against me. I continue my journey, and when I reach the bottom of her shirt, I hitch it up, revealing her toned belly. I look at it, taking it in for a minute, and then kiss every single mark on her body; marks given to her by our children. Marks that make me love her more and more every day. She giggles, and tells me I’m tickling her, so I stop, and venture even lower. Reaching her waistband, I tuck my thumbs beneath it, and pull it down slowly, revealing her bare pussy. I wet my lips in anticipation before giving her one long, slow, purposeful lick from bottom to top. I take her clit in between my teeth, and nip it, just like I had done her lip only minutes ago.
“Please, Josh,” my wife pleads.
She only has to ask once, and my tongue attacks her, circling her clit with hard, fast movements. Her arms come down from above her head and grab onto my hair, pulling me further into her. She arches her back again, and I look up, noticing she’s biting her own lip, holding in the screams that she knows would wake the kids. Wanting her to suffer even more, I glide two fingers into her, and start fucking her with them in time with my tongue. Her hands leave my head, and she picks up a cushion to bite down on, stifling the moans that she can no longer hold in. I feel her muscles contract, and she shouts out my name, a sign she’s not far from coming. Slyly, I stop what I doing, and Jen lifts her head.
“What are you doing?!?” she almost screams at me. I move myself back up to her ear, my cock bobbing against her clit, and whisper to her.
“Finish yourself off.”
She freezes. Her eyes move to meet mine.
“W...what?” she asks in almost a whisper. I smile to myself; she sounds so innocent, as if she’s never done this stuff before.
“Finish yourself off, baby.”
I push myself onto my elbows, enjoying both the view below me and the feel of her wetness around my tip.
“But Josh... I don’t like touching myself in front of you, you know I don’t.”
“I want to see you squirm.”
She doesn’t move, but keeps her eyes fixed on mine.
“You don’t do this for me,” I tease, putting the tip of my penis against her opening, “then you won’t get any of this.” I shove my cock an inch into her, and she throws her head back.
She moans, and arches her back once again.
“Baby,” she moans. “Please.”
“No, Jennifer. I’m still pissed off about the whole Cardinals thing, and this is all your fault.” She lifts her head and looks at me.
“What the fuck are you on about, Josh?” she huffs. I’ve riled her up. Good.
“The presents; your brothers bought them for Hope.” I pause for a second. “My erection; you’re the one that got me so turned on. So now it’s your turn to suffer. Finish. Yourself. Off.”
“Joshy…”
“Do it.” I demand.
Reluctantly, she puts her hand between her legs, and places one finger on her clit. She begins circling it just like I was a few minutes ago, her hand brushing against my dick with every circle she does. Her whole body flushes, and I’m assuming it’s a combination of her embarrassment and being turned on. My eyes trace her body, and I want to see more…
“Let me take off your top,” I tell her. She carries on touching herself, her breathing slow, as I bring one hand down and lift her top, revealing her breasts.
“Oh my god…” My eyes soak them up. They’re still full from breast-feeding, and her hard nipples would make anyone think that it’s freezing out. I want to squeeze them, or even bite them, but I stop myself when I notice the marks left from Ava, as well as several of my own. I might want her to suffer, but not physically. The temptation to take myself in my hand mounts with every passing second, and the beautiful pain in my cock becomes excruciating when this perfect woman takes her right breast in her own hand and gently squeezes, eliciting a low, drawn out moan.
“That’s it baby,” I breathe, “just like that.”
Her movements quicken, and she plunges two of her own fingers into herself before bringing them out, glistening with her own moisture. In and out they go for what seems like an eternity, her hand still rubbing against me, her moans getting quicker and more frequent until eventually, her back arches up, her head shoots back, and all her movements cease as she pulses round her own fingers while cursing out my name. I groan; watching my own wife make herself come has made it impossible to wait any longer. I practically pounce on her, crushing her lips with mine, entering her in one quick, hard motion, causing her to yelp. My own tension starts to slowly unwind as I pump in and out as we kiss deeply, the last of Jen’s spasms edging me closer to where I want to be. To where I need to be. I try to push deeper, but from where I am, I just can’t do it. I pull out, and put my hands on her waist, flipping her onto her stomach. Pulling her back towards me, I lift her hips up, forcing her face flat against the sofa, muffling the sounds she was making again. One hand rests on her ass cheeks, the other below her, my thumb rubbing circles on her clit. I look at the beauty before me, not believing that she’s willing to play this out the way I want.
“Please, Josh,” she moans into the sofa, “let me sort you out.”
“Oh, you’ll sort me out, alright,” I say as I line myself up, resting my tip against the folds, lifting one of my hands before bringing it down, spanking her bare ass. She lifts her head and lets out a shriek, pushing against me, forcing my member to enter her. This time, however, it’s Jennifer who does all the work, rocking back and forth as I spank her, making her ass red. I start lightly at first, but as her pace quickens and I get closer, my strikes get harder, and Jen’s moans turn into screams. I’m scared that she’ll wake up the kids, so I lean over her, forcing her to let me set the pace as I bring one hand up to cover her mouth, quietening her, while the other moves from her clit to her nipples, twisting and squeezing them harder than usual. Her whole body shakes as she fights to prevent her knees from buckling. I carry on thrusting, feeling my own orgasm nearing. I groan, and push deeper, hearing Jen moan before she bites my finger. The pain reminds me of all the times that she’s bitten my hand during labor, and my head fills with images of another addition to our family. But I don’t get the chance to think about it for long, as the muscles in my legs tense up and I feel my release pulsing through my dick. I thrust once more before spilling into her, and then continue, willing her to take it all.
“Oh, Joshy,” she cries out. “I can feel you. Oh…” Her breathing stops for a split second, and then she chokes out my name, her muscles clenching around my cock, milking me for everything I have.
I thrust into her once more, but it seems it’s a step too far; Jen’s legs buckle beneath her, and I end up laid on top of her, spent. We stay like this for a few minutes, panting and breathless, but eventually Jen speaks up.
“As much as I love you being on top, you’re squashing me.”
I chuckle, and push myself up, leaving her with a loving kiss on her neck, and pull out, causing her to shiver. I sit on the opposite side of the couch, still trying to catch my breath, while Jen turns over onto her back, wincing as her red behind makes contact. Jesus,
“Jen,” I tell her, “Why didn’t you say I was hurting you?? I mean, I wanted to hurt you, to make you feel how I felt, but goddamn it Jennifer! I didn’t want to hurt you to the point where you can’t sit down!”
“Relax Josh,” she giggles, “If this is what I get when something is apparently my fault, I wish you'd blame me more often!”
I smile to myself, and take her words on board, thinking about what else I can pin on my partner in crime...
I haven't forgotten about my Joshifer series, I've been bogged under with uni and work but now they're done, so I'll be back posting them again!!
Just blessing your feed
Destiny - Chapter 15
So after a few days of waiting, here it is, the second to last chapter of Destiny!
I can’t believe we’re almost at the end! I don’t know what to do next! (although I do have some more stories I may post...)
Okay, so this chapter is a little longer than some of the others, and I even considered splitting it up into two, but then decided it wouldn’t really flow, so you’re just left with one longer chapter!
I hope everyone is happy once they’ve read this... it may or may not lead to the ending everyone wanted. ;)
You can read the other chapters here.
*Disclaimer* I don’t personally know Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson or any other person included in this story; it is all a work of fiction, and in no way do I wish to infringe upon any of The Hunger Games franchise
The baby monitor wakes me up, filling the room with sounds of Hope screaming her lungs out. I open my eyes and look at the alarm clock. It's not even 4am; she must want her early morning feed. Rolling over, I see Jen sat on the edge of the bed, putting on her slippers and dressing gown. I'm aware of her saying something, but I can't hear what it is. All over a sudden, her words become clear and she gets up and walks around the bed.
"... you're getting better. Soon it'll be you who's feeding her and comforting her. But it's not going to be easy..."
I must have slept funny, as my neck is killing. I move my head from side to side, relief washing over me as it cracks each time. I scrunch my toes up and rub my feet together, letting out a sigh of relief as the feeling begins returning in those too.
"Josh? Josh!? Oh my god! Joshy?! Can you hear me?" I can hear her cries followed by scuttling and fussing.
"Hmm" I mumble before coughing. God my throat really hurts.
"Oh my god! Josh!" she cries.
I realise I've closed my eyes again, so I slowly open them.
But what I see is not the room I was in a few seconds ago. Instead, I'm laid flat on my back, staring at a white tiled roof. I blink a few times in confusion, and then panic hits me as I realise where I am. A nurse rushes over to the machines by my bed and rips something off.
"Joshua?" She says. "Joshua, I need you to look at me. You think you can do that?"
I nod, look at her, and then survey my surroundings. My Mom, Dad and Connor are all sat on my left, and they all look as if they haven't had an ounce of sleep in god knows how long. The corner of my mouth turns up a little upon seeing them, and my Dad tells me it's good to have me back while my Mom sets off crying and my brother hugs me. My eyes keep travelling around the room, noticing that I'm in a private one, that the only people here are my family and the nurses. But then I spot a buggy by the door, before seeing it's owner sat on my right, my hand in hers, tears streaming down her face.
"Hey platypus," I croak.
She sets off in a new fit of tears, and for a second I'm taken back to when we were filming the scene in Catching Fire just after Finnick has revived Peeta. Her face is exactly the same, except her hair is short and blonde, not long and brown.
"I thought we'd lost you" she sobs.
I try to speak, to tell her no, but I can't. Instead, all I can do is signal for a drink, and the nurse runs straight out. Humiliation takes over as I realise why I'm here. I can't believe I actually went through with trying to kill myself, without even thinking about the effects it would have on anyone else I love. I don't deserve to be here, and I definitely don't deserve to have such a great family. Yet here they are, by my side, and here I am. Alive. Loved. My eyes fill up as I use all my energy to wheeze,
"I'm sorry."
I can't look at them as they all pull their chairs closer to the bed.
"You have nothing to be sorry about, son," Dad tells me, "It's us who should be apologising to you."
"Yeah, we all knew where you were, but instead of helping you, we just let you be. And I didn't exactly help when... when I came and pushed you over the edge." My eyes dart over to Jen. "I'm so sorry, Joshy. I just.. I just wanted the old you back. I didn't think I could sit by and watch you and Hope being taken away from me. I didn't mean for you to do any of this."
Hope. The buggy. I need to see her.
"Hope?" I rasp.
Jen nods and lets go of my hand, wiping her sleeve across her face and walking over to the buggy by the door. As she's fiddling around with it, the nurse walks in and hands me a glass of water and then places the jug on the table over my legs. I sip it, revelling in the relief it gives me. All this time, my eyes never leave Jen, and eventually she lifts up our daughter.
"Hey baby girl," she coos, "did you have a good sleep? Look who's here! Daddy's awake and wants to see you!"
I ask the nurse to help me sit up in bed, and she takes one arm as I push myself up with the other, my eyes remain fixed on the two girls in front of me. I'm aware of Connor telling my Mom and Dad that we should be left alone for this, and they get up and leave despite my protests. My Mom comes over and kisses my forehead.
"You look after those girls. They've been through a lot while you were... away." She says it so only I can hear, but I know that Jen knows she's talking about her and Hope; her red cheeks give her away.
The door shuts and we're left alone. Jen's gently rocking Hope, and for the first time ever I hear the noises coming out of my daughter's mouth.
"Here," she says, placing Hope in my arms. She's grown so much since the last time I saw her, but she's still so small, and she still looks like a newborn. Her brown hair is now even thicker than before and seems somewhat darker, and her eyes are even brighter than they were in the photo I have on my phone. The frills on her white dress ruffle in my hand, and I see her brown suede booties with a blue 'UK' embroidered on the front. Her light pink cardigan has two white stripes on the left arm, and straight away I notice the blue 'UK' also embroidered onto the other side. Her eyes scan my face, puzzled, and she looks like she's going to cry.
"Hey baby, I'm your Daddy." I tell her as my finger finds her cheek just as it always used to. As soon as I start caressing it, her face relaxes, and I swear I see her smile, as if she recognises me. Like she knows who I am. In that moment, my feeling of stupidity grows even bigger. This tiny bundle needed me more than ever before, and I wasn't there to help. Luckily she'll never remember it, but it'll always still be there to haunt me, in the back of my mind.
"Did your Uncle Connor dress you today?" I tease, smirking and glancing sideways at Jen. I need to liven up the atmosphere. And I need to sort things out with Jen. "Your Mommy always told me that no child of hers would be a blue."
"Actually, I dressed her this morning. And nothing she's wearing is blue," Jen retaliates, sorting the frills out on Hope's dress, "If you look, everything is either pink, brown or white. Not a drop of blue, unless you're counting the emblem, dickw..."
I smile to myself as Jen stops herself as her internal filter takes over. I know she worked hard for it, and it must have begun to take over more and more now that she’s around our daughter all the time.
"But what about 'none of my children will ever be a Wildcat'?" I tease.
"Well, Connor told me that he read the Wildcats’ scores out for you every time they played, so I thought that maybe you'd react to us, or even wake up, if I dressed Hope in Wildcats merch whenever they played and told you she was supporting them for you while you were asleep. Nothing seemed to work, but I still kept my faith..."
"How long was I asleep?" I ask. I want to know, to help me feel less confused, but at the same time I don't.
Her gaze leaves mine, and her eyes drop as she fiddles with the edge of her pullover.
"Nine weeks. We really thought we'd lost you, Josh. We tried everything, but nothing seemed to work.” Her eyes meet mine again. “We read your old scripts to you. Your friends came to see you. The entire cast of the Hunger Games came to see you. We told you secrets, stories, news, jokes. We put the TV and radio on for you. But nothing worked until today. It's the first time I've brought Hope to see you, and I thought she'd be ok as she was napping when we entered. But then she woke up and started crying, and your face contorted, as if you thought she was in pain. That's when we called for the nurse and she told us you were coming too. You woke up for Hope. You thought she was in pain. Don't you see? You told me you didn't care, when really, it was the drink talking. You're still looking out for us, Joshy."
I look at the miracle in my arms, who’s currently exploring her hands with her mouth as she blinks at me, unaware of everything going on around her."How can you just hand Hope over to me after all I've done? I'm a danger to everyone, even myself. Not once did I think about her before I took all those tablets..."
"Josh,” she cuts me off, “you're her Dad. And you're always going to be. You'd give your whole world for your little girl. You'd never hurt her. Trust me; I know you. When you're depressed you don't think about how the people who love you will feel after you're gone. You can't see how they can actually love you. But they do. And they always will."
My mouth opens, yet I don't know what to say. I look at the woman sat beside me, then down at our little creation, before gazing back at Jen. But the Jen sat beside me, her unwashed hair swept back by a headband, her eyes bloodshot from all the crying, isn't the academy award-winning Miss Jennifer Lawrence that everyone else sees. She's not a slut or a bitch, nor is she a life-ruiner as I'd told her previously. But what she is, is much more. She's my best friend, my rock. She's a mother, a fighter. I'm in my darkest place, and she's still fighting for me. For us. I stop rubbing Hope's cheek and open my free arm, willing her to come to me. At first, she resists, but eventually she gives in and joins us, curling into me as I pull her nearer. I breathe in her scent, and I realise I've missed it. Nothing I felt for Claudia ever made me feel the way I feel at the minute, and it takes a moment for me to realise that what I felt in Spain, that wasn't love. Nor was it admiration. It was nothing but lust. Pure lust.
"I'm so sorry..." I cry, my tears wetting her hair as they fall. "I'm never going to be so stupid again, I promise. I'll always be here for you, no matter what. You fought for me and Hope these past few months, and you don't have to do it anymore. I'm not going to leave you. Just say the word, and I'm yours. Forever. I've had enough of fucking around. I need you and Hope in my life. I realise now that I didn't love Claudia; I was lusting after her. And maybe that's why she was so horrid all the time. Maybe she knew that deep down I didn't love her." Jen pulls back out of my arms and alters her gaze between my eyes and lips, the tension slowly mounting. I swallow, trying to cool things down. "She knew that whatever she did, nothing would ever be able to replace the amount of love I feel for you. And when Hope came along, those feelings only intensified, and she knew it."
"But what about all those things you said before? About needing stability and being all out of love for me?" She asks in a low voice, her eyes fixed on mine.
"I was a dick. I didn't realise it was me making my life unstable. I knew that with you, everything would be okay. What scared me was the fact that you're my rock, my whole world, and if I messed up, you'd crack, my world would shatter, and I'd be left without you. I'd be left on unstable ground, and I didn't want that. But that's where I ended up anyway. And it's all my own doing. I know that. I completely understand if you hate and fear me."
My head drops as more tears fall down my face. All of a sudden, her forehead is resting against mine.
"I don't hate you, and I'm definitely not scared of you. I need you here Josh. Forever, with me and Hope. We need you at home."
I look into her eyes as she looks into mine. I can't resist any longer, so I do what my body tells me and close the gap between us, kissing her, letting her know I'm not lying. I panic as she doesn’t respond; maybe I'm misreading the signs. Maybe she thinks I'm still drunk or it's all the drugs talking. But suddenly, she’s kissing me back. I reach up for her face, our eyes shut, and the kiss deepens. And in that moment, it's just Jen and I. We are invincible, and nothing can stop us. Nothing around us matters, as we know that whatever troubles we face, we'll face them together. And if one of us falls, the other one will be there to pick us up and help us back on our feet. But the stirrings from the bundle in my other arm bring us back to reality, so we stop, our foreheads resting on one another once again.
"That's my cue..." Jen jokes as she pulls away a little and nods towards Hope. "Can I?"
"Oh. Yeah. Sure." I hand Hope over to her Mom who's still perched on my bed. She takes her and lifts up her shirt, before bringing our baby to the breast. I watch as Jen gently sways, humming as she feeds our daughter, stroking her hair as she does so. My hand finds its way to Jen's leg, and she looks at me and smiles before leaning back in for another sweet and short kiss. When she pulls away, I feel lost, empty even. A hunger within me awakens. I need more, but I'm frozen in my place, so all I can do is sit and watch Mother bonding with Daughter. Just like I said all those months ago, Jen's a natural Mom, and my heart could burst at any second from the amount of love and pride that it holds at the minute for the two girls in front of me. So when she turns her head towards me and tells me
"I still love you Josh,"
I don't hesitate in telling her,
"I love you too."
Destiny - Chapter 8
Hellooooo again!
I know I not long since posted chapter 7, (which I hope you all liked!) but I thought I’d be nice and post the next chapter now. That and I don’t know when I’ll next be able to post anything... Uni is crazy at the minute! And with football and work it’s even crazier! So anyway...
You can read the other chapters here.
And I present to you... Chapter 8!
*Disclaimer* I don’t personally know Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson or any other person included in this story; it is all a work of fiction, and in no way do I wish to infringe upon any of The Hunger Games franchise
The short walk to the NICU seems to take forever, but as soon as we arrive, we immediately spot her; Baby Lawrence-Hutcherson. I wheel Jen over and as soon as she sees her, she starts to cry. This is the first time I've ever seen her so weak, so broken. And it's all my fault.
If I could have kept my dick in my pants, we wouldn't be here now. But then again neither would our daughter.
"She's so small Josh. She's perfect, but so small." Her hands reach up and touch the glass.
I look from Jen to the glass case containing our princess, a stray tear escaping my eye. She's right. Our daughter is small. In fact, she's so small that I really am scared that she won't make it, but I can't let Jen know that.
"But she'll grow. She'll get bigger, and then even bigger." I realise the single tear that fell has been followed by many others as I think of a future that may never be. "And before we know it, she'll be leaving us to go to college."
Jennifer chuckles.
"What? With me and you as her Mom and Dad? She's more likely to become an actress or some sort of campaigner! No way will she be wanting to go to college!"
"Hey, if I have anything to do with it, she'll be going to college ." I retaliate. "She needs a secure job, not one that comes with the continuous hounding and not knowing if you're still employed from one day to the next."
I look back over to the incubator. There must be at least ten different wires and tubes going into her tiny body, but although they look scary, I know they're all helping her survive. The tuff of dark brown hair I saw earlier has been covered with a tiny pink bonnet, and her diaper is the only other piece of material touching her skin. Around her ankle is a tag which reads 'Baby Lawrence-Hutcherson'.
"She still doesn't have a name" Jen whispers to me while I hold back the second wave of tears threatening to cascade down my face.
We'd decided to finally choose her name when I came over at the end of the month, after having tried and failed several times before; nothing seemed right. I think for a minute, racking my brain as I try to recall any of the names we'd stumbled across previously. But again, nothing seems to fit. I look back at the miniscule newborn separated from us by a sheet of glass, and then it comes to me. The perfect name for the perfect little girl.
"What about Hope?" I ask.
Jennifer looks up at me, and then at our daughter.
"Hope Suzanne Lawrence-Hutcherson. I love it."
"Suzanne?" I question, baffled.
"Well, if it wasn't for Suzanne Collins, we wouldn't have known each, and she definitely wouldn't be here."
I can't argue with that. Apparently we have more to thank Suzanne Collins for than we think.
"Hope Suzanne Lawrence-Hutcherson. Perfect." I put my arm around her shoulder, and revel in the feeling of finally being a complete family. "We're gonna be okay, you know." She rests her head on me, and for a moment, I actually believe everything will turn out okay. For a moment, I forget the woman I'm marrying at the end of the year...
The next few days all blur into one, and I seem to spend all my time dashing between Jennifer's house and the hospital. In fact, we've sort of taken to a routine, with me waking up and coming to the hospital to be with the girls all day before going back to the house to sleep, and then repeating it all again the next day.
Which leads me to where I am now, sat opposite the mother of my child, our beautiful bundle of Hope in her arms after having been told yesterday that she is strong enough to come out of the incubator for a short period of time. We're allowed to hold her for forty five minutes today; the very first time since she was born exactly one week ago. Seven days isn't normally too long, but when the centre of your world is lying in a glass case fighting for her life, it seems to drag. Every day brought new fears as to whether or not she'd make it to the next one. And every day we sat by her, watching her chest rise and fall as the machines kept her alive, our hearts skipping a beat whenever her breathing seemed to falter, even if it was only for a split second.
But now, as I look at Jen holding our daughter, my heart swells with pride at what we've been through. When I first met Jennifer Lawrence all those years ago, not once did I ever imagine that our lives would turn out like this. Not once did I imagine that my co-star, the one who used to give me wet willies and chase me around on set like a cat, would be the very woman that gave me my first child.
I watch them closely, Jen a natural mom, and can't help but feel a little jealousy towards her for being able to stay here with our daughter while I have to head back to Spain. I find I can't peel my eyes away from them, and I make them the center of my world for a split second. Jen is humming, rocking Hope gently in her left arm while her right index finger gently strokes her tiny cheek. Hope is fast asleep in her mother's arms, unaware of the stir she's causing around her.
Eventually, Jen lifts her head and looks at me before asking one of the nurses to take Hope out of her arms and pass her to me. I begin to panic, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to hold her. My hands seem gigantic in comparison to her tiny form, and I'm scared I'll hurt her, especially with all her wires and tubes still attached.
But as soon as she's relaxed in my arms, all of my previous worries vanish. I look down at the tiny figure I'm holding, unable to believe she's actually here. Unable to believe she's actually part me, part Jen. Her eyes are taped shut, but in my mind they're the brightest blue, just like her Mommy's. Her pink bonnet is still hiding the brown fluff that I know she gets from me. But what will she be like when she's older? Will she be like Jen, hyperactive and full of energy, or will she be calmer, just like me? We've only just met her, and already I'm thinking of what the future will bring. Already all of my previous worries have been replaced by new ones. How am I going to protect her from the press, who've already gathered outside the hospital, cameras in hand, having heard of her arrival? How can I make sure she knows I'm always here for her, even though we live on different continents?
"Hey baby, I'm your daddy." I coo, rubbing her cheek just as Jen had. But unlike when she did it, I'm doing it to soothe myself, rather than my daughter.
"Seems unreal hey?" Jennifer says to me.
I lift my head from Hope to look at her mom and see her smiling for the first time in what seems like forever.
"It does. I can't believe she's actually here. Every night I go to sleep thinking that I'm going to wake up back in Spain, and that this will all just have been a dream."
I see her freeze at the mention of Spain, and the smile disappears from her face.
"How is Claudia?" she asks, not because she's bothered, but because I know she doesn't want there to be any friction between the two of us. "I bet she wasn't very happy about you having to fly over here at such little notice?"
I look back down, not knowing what to say. Ever since Jen showed up in Spain and announced she was pregnant, things between her and Claudia have been a little... rocky. Well, more on Claudia's part than Jen's. Jen was willing to accept the fact that I'd moved on from her and that I am with Claudia now, while Claudia... Well, let's just say that every day is a struggle, having to persuade her I'm not going to leave her, that me and Jen are nothing but history. I must have heard the woman I love call my best friend every name under the sun over the past few months, and although I know it's not her fault, that it's her hormones playing up, everything seems to be so much easier with Jen. I mean, Claudia is even refusing to let our son take my surname, despite the fact that we'd all be Hutcherson's when we're married, whereas Jen asked if we could call our daughter Lawrence-Hutcherson simply to maintain the fact that she's only the second girl born on her father's side of the family in so many years. But her name, when written, will simply be Hutcherson. Hope Hutcherson.
"Yeah, she's um... She's okay. She wasn't very happy, no, but she at least understood I need to be here. And anyway, it wasn't like she didn't know this day was coming."
"It's got to be hard for her now you're here, Josh. She's all alone over there."
"And you were alone over here, Jen. I can't say sorry enough. I should have been here for you, and if I could have been, I would have. You know that."
"I know."
Our gazes remain fixed on each other until Woody's presence startles us.
"I'm not too late am I? I don't want to miss today."
I chuckle. Trust Woody to walk in as things were getting tense. I look down at Hope one last time before I tell the nurse to come over and take her from my arms. I stand up and tell Woody to sit down in my place, which he reluctantly does.
"Are you sure about this, kids? I mean, you'd get to hold her for longer if I just watched."
He looks between me and Jen.
"Shut up Woody, you're her Grandpa." Jen smiles at Woody. "Besides, you were here for me this whole time; you deserve to be one of the first to hold her. And anyway, we'll be able to hold her for the rest of our lives."
The nurse places Hope in his arms and he gazes down at her in admiration.
"She's so precious." His eyes shine over, and I decide he should have a few precious moments alone with his 'granddaughter'.
"C'mon Jen. Let's leave Grandpa Woody alone with Hope."
She stands up and I help her to the door, where we exit and sit in the corridor. We sit facing forward in silence until Jen speaks up.
"Claudia is still pregnant Josh."
I look at her, but her gaze remains fixed in front of us.
"And our daughter is in intensive care, fighting for her life. I'm not going to leave you here, alone again."
She turns towards me.
"But we're fine, Josh. You've seen how she's already getting stronger. I have Woody and my family. We'll be fine"
I scoff.
"Jen. The last time I left you alone with your brothers, Hope's wardrobe turned a horrid shade of red. All of which, by the way, has been replaced by new Wildcats merchandise." I chuckle. "What if something else like that happens?"
The corners of her lips turn upwards as a smile takes over her face for the second time today.
"Josh, like I've told you a million times, that argument is strictly between you and my family. I couldn't care less about what colour she chooses. And she will choose, because she's getting stronger and will carry on getting stronger. If anything goes wrong, you'll be the first to know. You're never going to miss anything. And anything you do miss will be recorded in some way."
My gaze leaves Jen and finds the wall in front of us, staring at it while I feel Jen's eye still rested on me. I remain silent, thinking. I should return back to Spain, to prepare for the birth of my son, but at the same time, Claudia still has just over two months left. That's enough time to stay here with Jen and Hope for a little bit longer.
"Joshua Ryan Hutcherson," she begins, "your fiancée is carrying your son and you're over here with us instead of being with her in Spain. Nothing is changing. You heard the nurses. Hope is going to be in here a while. She'll probably still be here when her brother arrives." She takes my hand in hers and forces me to look her in the eyes. "She'll be terrified over there on her own. Trust me, I know; I've been through it. She and I may not see eye to eye on everything, but I do know that she needs you. You need to go and be with them."
My eyes drop from hers, defeated.
"Okay. Maybe I'll go back at the end of the week. But I want daily updates on Hope while I'm over there, and if anything changes between now and then, I'm not leaving you. Not again."
"Nothing's going to change. She's in the best place she can be."
Actors acting like there together
Don’t you hate it when your favirote Actors like shai and theo and jennifer and josh act like there a couple and and you have big hope but you know deep down that its not going to happen
