one last day
summary | jieun gets some helpful advice the day before she debuts
circa | october 23, 2018
contains | 1.3k words, depictions of anxiety, self-doubt and general fears about the future, cute jihong interactions
note | the final installment in the origin arc is finally here !! and probably the last predebut scenario for a while :”) thank you for everyone who’s enjoyed jieun so far and shown her love <3
The cold breeze nipped at Jieun’s skin, the girl shivering as she rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms. She should’ve grabbed a jacket before she came out here, but in hindsight, there were a lot of things she should’ve done, things from the past that were now coming back to haunt her.
Like all the missing schoolwork that had piled up in the weeks she’d been focused on their debut, or that time she’d missed practice because she had an exam that she couldn’t reschedule. There just wasn’t enough time to do anything, it seemed. She hadn’t even read the message her brother sent her a couple days ago. She knew he’d be at her debut showcase; she could apologize then.
Maybe she should’ve tried to finish her homework on the bus instead of getting the extra 20 minutes of sleep, or maybe she should’ve just dealt with one failing grade so she could attend practice, because it wasn’t fair that she wasn’t putting in the same amount of effort and commitment that the other members were.
Would people be able to notice that she didn’t practice as much as the others? What would they think when she lagged behind? What if she forgot the choreography while they were performing?
A shaky breath left Jieun’s lips as she closed her eyes. She took in deep breaths as she started lightly pinching her arms, the slight pain distracting from the whirlwind of thoughts flying through her head. She continued like this for a few more seconds, until the sound of her heartbeat no longer pounded through her ears.
“Jieun?”
The girl opened her eyes, whipping her head around to see Hongjoong’s tired figure standing in the entryway to the balcony, dressed in a sweater and basketball shorts. She hadn’t even heard him open the sliding door. Jieun immediately dropped her arms, staring at him like a deer in headlights.
“Hi,” she replied meekly.
Hongjoong stepped onto the balcony, closing the sliding door behind him before he walked over to the girl.
It was one of the rare times the leader didn’t stay late at the studio, the company wanting to give him a bit of rest before they officially debuted. Hongjoong was always working so hard, day and night, and he always seemed to have everything handled. So why couldn’t she do the same?
The two sat in silence for a couple minutes, Jieun staring down at her lap while Hongjoong looked off into the distance. The air grew uncomfortably awkward as they sat together, barely acknowledging the other’s presence.
“Aren’t you cold?” Hongjoong eventually asked, breaking the silence. Jieun shook her head, though a strong breeze suddenly whipped past that caused the girl to shiver. He didn’t hesitate to take off his sweater upon seeing this, reaching over to drape it over the girl’s shoulders. She leaned back, pushing his arm away.
“It’s ok,” she said, shaking her head. “You don’t have to.”
The older boy let out a sigh. “Don’t be stubborn- I can see that you’re cold,” he scolded, holding it out to her. Jieun’s gaze flicked between him and the sweater, staring down at it for a moment before nodding sheepishly. She scooched closer, slipping her arms through the sleeves before pulling it tight to her body.
“Thanks,” Jieun whispered.
Hongjoong only gave a single nod as he turned to look at her, eyebrows raising. “So, what’s on your mind, Jieunie?”
She responded with a quick shrug, staring forward to avoid his gaze. “I just wanted some fresh air.”
He snorted. “We can’t be that bad.” Jieun giggled, though the lighthearted moment quickly faded away as her smile wavered. Hongjoong didn’t take his eyes off her, quietly observing as a small sigh escaped the girl’s lips. “But really, Jieun. What’s going on?”
She remained quiet for an extended period of time, and he took note of her hands tightly gripping the cuffs of his sweater. It felt like years had passed before she uttered quietly,
“I’m scared.” Jieun’s expression was blank as she stared off into the distance. “This isn’t what I thought this would be like. My dream is finally coming true and I’m scared.”
She looked over at him, letting out a bitter chuckle. “It’s sad. I want to be excited, but I can’t because I keep thinking about everything that could go wrong, or everything that I did wrong.” Jieun closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, holding it for a couple seconds before letting out a drawn-out exhale. She froze, her entire face devoid of emotion with the exception of her eyes, her pupils shaking as she let out a shaky breath. “What if they don’t like me?”
Hongjoong’s gaze softened the more he stared at the girl, wishing he could just take all her worries and pain and transfer them to himself. But as much as he wanted to comfort her, tell her everything would be ok, the world could be a scary place. Still, Hongjoong ignored the own ache in his heart as he put a hand on her shoulder.
“Jieunie, there are always going to be people who won’t like us,” he said with a gentle tone, choosing each word carefully. “As much as it sucks, that’s just how it is.”
The girl nodded slowly, though he went on before she could say anything.
“But for every person that doesn’t like you, there are fifty people that will love you,” Hongjoong looked down at the girl and gave a single nod, lightly squeezing her shoulder. “It’s normal to feel scared when something big is happening, Jieun, but you don’t have to be scared by yourself. I’ll always be here for you. The others too.”
Jieun nodded half-absentmindedly as she turned away, her blank stare showing that she was still there, but her mind was in a completely different place.
“Honestly, when we were first confirmed to debut, I was worried about you.” Jieun glanced over at the leader, her eyebrows raising slightly.
“You were…worried about me?”
His eyes widened as he shook his head quickly, understanding her confusion. “Not because I doubted your abilities,” he said quickly. “I was worried because you’re so kind-hearted.” Jieun’s head tilted curiously as he went on. “You and Yeosang are the same. You’re kind, Jieun, and there are people who are going to take advantage of that. I’m worried that you’ll have a hard time and I won’t be able to protect you.”
He took in a deep breath, exhaling in a long, drawn out sigh. “I promise I’ll try, though. So long as the stars are shining, I’ll always try to protect you kids.”
She let out a small chuckle at his words, a small yawn slipping past her lips. Jieun leaned her head against his shoulder, scooting closer to him as though silently sending him a message, one that he immediately understood.
Thank you.
Hongjoong smiled fondly, wrapping an arm around the girl as he rested his head on hers. The moonlight shone down on them, illuminating the night sky and somehow making the stars shine even brighter. Jieun wasn’t sure how long they stayed there, but she was half-asleep when Hongjoong suddenly tapped her on the nose.
“Let’s get inside before you catch a cold,” he said, a hint of teasing in his voice as he sat up straight. Jieun nodded, straightening her own back and stretching a bit. “C’mon, Jieunie. I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”
She glanced over at him curiously. “We have hot chocolate mix?”
“Yeah, we do.” He put his finger to his lips, giving a quiet ‘shh’. “Just don’t tell Wooyoung.”
The girl giggled, nodding as they both stood up and started making their way back into the apartment. Before she stepped inside, she glanced back at the night sky once more, seeing all the stars shining brightly as ever. A small smile made its way onto her face as she turned around, hugging his sweater tightly as ever to her body before going back inside, allowing herself to be consumed by the warmth of her home.
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