Sep 29, 2024
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
it is a crime against humanity that there are not more stories about these two.
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
it is a crime against humanity that there are not more stories about these two.
happy holidays mac
a rank above by @thestalwartheart
Meeting the Team
David Rossi
Every minute that passes, you regret your decision more and more. Your date, the moderately good looking detective from your last case, barely paused for breath in the latest 10 minute tirade on the nuances of the MPD geo-political social structure. At least the tiramisu was decent.
“The real key to climbing the ladder is to get invited to the superintendent’s golfing weekends. Once you’re in that circle and prove yourself, you’re a shoe-in for the table at the awards gala. Now once you hit that-“
Your phone buzzed quietly. Never had your prayed for a case before but lady luck seems forgiving today.
The Real Housewives of the BAU
JJ - Date night? Just checking in. I can have backup there in 5 - let me know.
Damn.
Em - This was the hot detective from MPD right?
Thanks J, but it’s a strike-out. Bottle of rosé and a movie is what this night needs, not a run-down of how to sleep with the boss - Y/N
P.G. - Ohhh honey, that bad?
Yeah. Unfortunately.
P.G. - Hugs and kisses
Jake’s tirade only seemed to be ramping up, now having moved on to the fishing trip aboard the superintendent’s yacht, a sweat breaking out on his hairline, you can see the thin rivulets evident of a spray tan running down the side of his neck.
“Excuse me” you say, slipping your phone into your handbag and standing up. “Just need the ladies.”
The bathroom was empty and you take a moment to breathe, staring at yourself in the mirror. Soft light washes over the makeup you applied especially for tonight, something a little more elegant than your usual daily routine – making you sigh. The dress was new - technically it was bought a few months ago for a date that never happened – an emerald green evening gown that in hindsight was far too fancy for the “fine dining” Italian restaurant you were promised.
~ If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with- ~
“Garcia” you answer immediately, picking a stray eyelash off your cheek. “As much as I like to believe the world is getting better please tell me you have a case”
“That I do, honey-bunches.” Garcia’s bubbly voice. “It is the worst of them all though, missing kid in Seattle snatched an hour ago. Get here soon.”
Damn. There’s a problem.
“I didn’t drive here. I’ve got to get a taxi or something, I might be a bit longer” you say, picking your clutch up and heading out the door. You round the corner when you pull up short.
“That mother-“
“Everything ok honey?”
You flag down your waiter and he hands you the bill, posture awkward as your jaw dropped.
“Penelope you find that sonofabitch and you give him every red light between here and the west coast, he left without paying his bill and he ordered the freaking $80 steak!”
“Oh that bastard!” you hear Penelope gasp, the sounds of furious typing echoing down the line. “Hang tight honey, Rossi is in the area. He’s coming to pick you up.”
The chill of the evening air cut through your dress like you weren’t wearing it at all, and you forgot to bring a jacket in the rush to leave, wrapping your arms tighter around your abdomen. You should have known better, you realise. You’d seen the signs in his behaviour when you worked together, you saw. You knew, and yet…
A warm hand on your arm jolted you from the musings, turning to find Rossi there with a half-cocked smile on his face.
“I take it date night was a bust?”
“In more ways than one” you mutter, storming off towards his car. A hand hooked around your elbow just before you could open the door and you stumbled, falling into the side of Rossi with a grunt.
“Hold your horses tesoro” he said gently, taking off the suit jacket and wrapping it around your shoulders. “I think I need to give this guy a lesson on how to treat a lady.” He opens the car door and helps you inside, turning up the heat once he’s driving and takes a look at the receipt crumpled in your fist.
“How was the food?” he said after a few minutes silence, the soft chatter of the radio distracting you from the thoughts of the night.
“Disappointing. You would have been horrified to hear what they called ‘authentic’ Italian.” You laugh, pulling the jacket a little tighter around your shoulders and leant against the window. “You know, he told me we were supposed to go to ‘Ciccio’ but we were too far down on the waitlist.”
“Hence the nice dress?” Rossi said with a knowing smile. “’Ciccio’ its supposed to be one of the best new restaurants in town”
You sigh again, pulling the jacket even tighter. “A pretty poor debut for this dress but at least I finally got to wear it.”
~
You flop down on one of the bench seats with a groan, smiling and the gentle squeeze Emily gave your shoulder.
“As much as I’m glad that case ended well, I’m exhausted.” You say, finally hauling yourself up and into one of the proper seats, letting your head rest on your arms as the team prepare for take off.
“You chased the unsub at a sprint for almost an hour Y/N, have you considered doing the FBI triathlon?” Hotch asked, sitting next to you, while the snort of derision came from Rossi who sat opposite.
“Suckering more people into your health cult Hotch? I might have to stage an intervention.”
The sounds of chatter and the general ambiance of flight lulled you into a deep sleep, waking only once you landed safely in Virginia. Rossi offered you a lift back to the bullpen to grab your things and it wasn’t until you saw Penelope holding two garment bags did you put two and two together.
“I figured you’d prefer to have some good memories with that dress” Rossi chuckled, taking one bag from Penelope’s outstretched finger. “Let’s go to dinner, my treat, after all the leg work you put in yesterday you must have an appetite.”
“Starving”
~
Rossi knew how to treat a lady and if you didn’t know better, you could very well become wife number 4 by next week. He drove you to Ciccio in the same car he rescued you with – a camel 1947 Buick that made you feel very much like a 50s movie starlet. He opened your door and helped you out of the car like a gentleman, waved you through the waiting line of diners to a private table for two, a bottle of Dom Perignon already waiting on ice. His bow tie was a soft velvet, matching the deep emerald green of your gown, the twinkle in his eye only surpassed by the glee you both shared at the first bite of the antipasti selection.
Conversation flowed even smoother than the wine selection, and when it came time to wrap up, the bill was taken care of before you could blink twice.
“Ok, I’ll admit it Rossi” you say as you stroll arm in arm among the trees strung with fairy lights. “You do know how to treat a lady. Maybe you should teach classes alongside your regular profiler training.”
A chill suddenly overcame you and the jacket was quickly thrown over your shoulders, making you turn and smile at your colleague.
“Thank you for a wonderful night, David. I really mean it.”
“Of course, tesoro.” He said, kissing your knuckle respectfully and looped a hand around your arm to guide the two of you back to his car. “You deserved a nice evening, at a proper Italian restaurant, with a man who actually pays the bill.”
The Real Housewives of the BAU
JJ – How was the dinner with Rossi?
I might become wife #4 if this what date night usually is - Y/N
Em – That good? Damn, he’s holding out on us
P.G. – I’m glad you had fun.
P.G – by the way, I had nothing to do with it but if a certain mpd detective starts complaining about how the random shift assignments seemingly aren’t random its because they aren’t.
Pretty Boy – You know most random algorithmic generators aren’t actually random.
Pretty Boy – True randomness has a social phenomenon of being ‘fake’ due to a recipients feeling that it’s not actually random so they had to devise a..
10+ unread messages
Moments: Meeting the BAU
Jennifer Jareau
Naturally the first person you meet is the Media Liaison, Agent Jennifer Jareau. Her smiling face waiting for you near the doors of the Violent Crimes Taskforce bullpen helped calm the nerves storming in your stomach as the soft cries of “boo!” follow you.
“Hey.” she said, handing over the manila folder as you flip the bird to the rest of your teammates. “Copy of your contract, the packet with all the introductory information for the BAU, your new ID, and the copy of your release form for your unit chief.”
“Thanks” you said, tucking the form under one arm and giving her a smile back. “I can’t believe there’s only a week to go now.”
Agent Jareau laughed. “Yes, well, get ready for your life to become infinitely more chaotic. Once Monday morning comes around you’re at my beck and call.”
“I look forward to it Agent Jareau.” You shake her hand, grinning as she fixed you with a faux frown.
“JJ, please. I’ll introduce you to the team Monday morning pending any cases that crop up over the weekend. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.”
She smiles, waves to the rest of your team and heads out, leaving you alone to the various exaggerated sobs of Senan and Kurt.
“So it’s real” Senan cried from where he laid dramatically over the divider between your desks. “You’re actually leaving us.”
You laugh, putting the folder inside your backpack and smacking him lightly on the head. “Shut it Harrington, you’ll still see me around. I’ll just be higher up in the chain. Providing the profiles, not just acting on them.”
*
Nothing made you laugh harder than the cake Kurt brought out at the farewell drinks that Friday night.
Goodbye TRAITOR written in bright blue icing followed by jk we love you in smaller green underneath stared back at you through tears of laughter as you grab your partner in a headlock.
“Idiots, the lot of you” you laugh, wiping away the tears as your Unit Chief began slicing and serving. “I will miss you though, we did some good work together”
Martha Kinnard, your Unit Chief, handed you a slice with a smile. “I’m proud of you Y/N, making it into the BAU is a big achievement, especially when you’ll be working under Agent Hotcher.”
You duck your head, sipping your beer to forgo having to respond as your team gives knowing chuckles.
“I mean we’ve all heard the rumours” Miles said, eyebrows quirking up conspiratorially. “The man is a hard-ass”
“He is a good agent” Martha countered, sipping her wine slowly. “He has high standards for his unit yes, but only because they do the leg-work to keep the paperwork on our desks minimal. I’ve worked on several task-forces with both him and Agent Rossi - you’ll be in good hands Y/N.”
“Of course she is going to smash it.” Casey, the final agent in your team, said while pressing a kiss to your temple. “She’s smart, and sexy, and those UnSubs won’t know what has hit them. You just have to promise me that no one is going to take my role of work-wife while you’re out defending the innocent from America’s worst.”
You turn to fully envelope Casey in a tight hug, tucking her head into your neck as you press a kiss to her hairline. “You’re my only work-wife Cass, no one is going to replace you, or my husband, or my son, or my mom” you said, looking at Senan, Kurt, and Martha in turn laughing at the mixture of proud, teary faces staring back at you.
Seven (and a half) Minutes in Heaven
It started, like most of their bad ideas did, with a note slipped under the door of their shared housing assignment. God he was so fucked.
Correction.
Mav was the one who was so fucked and by the rules of friendship, Goose was also in deep shit.
Links under the cut
Meeting the BAU
Penelope Garcia
You met the famous tech assistant sooner than you thought. A clear Sunday afternoon, you had taken the opportunity of the work-free weekend to read through the packet of information JJ had given you. It was pretty standard stuff - a probationary period of 1 year with a performance review at the end, and if your work was satisfactory your role only required the perfunctory 5 year review by your Unit Chief. You treated yourself to a new duffel-bag and a some new work clothes for the go-bag, and you were in the process of reading through a few case-files the team had worked on when your phone rang.
“L/N”
“Hey it’s JJ. We’ve been called on a case in Atlantic City. Can you go to the office and set up with Garcia, help run this from home?”
You drop the file and grab your coat, fishing your keys from their bowl by the door and hurry down to your car. “Can do. Tell her I’ll be there in 30.”
You manage to find your way into the BAU bullpen and follow the signs to an office that is wall-to-wall monitors, knocking on the doorframe to announce yourself.
“Agent Garcia? I’m Agent L/N. JJ told me to meet you here.”
Garcia, the red-haired technical analyst, whirled around in her chair with a smile. “Hello hello, it is so nice to meet you finally!” She bustled you into a quick hug and pulled a chair out for you.
“I’m under your command here” you say, setting your bag down and grabbing your notepad and pen to set by the keyboard. “I’m pretty well versed in most official databases, but I’m no cyber diver by any means. Just tell me what to do.”
“First of all, none of that agent business with me, makes me feel stuffy. Just Garcia, or Penelope will be fine” she said with a smile. “We’re about to dial in with the team on the plane so come here.”
You set yourself down, notepad at the ready as Garcia dials the conference call, the room filling with the ambient sounds of agents talking and muffled jet engines.
“They don’t care about race or hair colour. It’s men that do. ” one male voice said, to which Garcia leaned over and whispered “that’s Dr Reid, resident boy wonder.”
“Damn straight, men do” she continued, laughing off the flirtatious comment from who you assume to be Derek Morgan.
“Garcia, what did you find out about the clothing the UnSub’s dressing the victims in?”
You know that voice. Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, your Unit Chief, frequent guest lecturer during your profiling training and co-author of the negotiation textbook you religiously studied during training.
“At first, only that both garment were made from chiffon, but with the Wonder Twin powers of the Atlantic City Police and my impeccable eye for fashion we have also determine that these garment fit ridiculously well. They’s super-flattering to each victim’s exact measurements. Kind of like the UnSub whipped them up herself.”
You pause at that, having only skimmed the brief on your way to the office, you find yourself leaning into the camera frame and offering your first thought as a profiler.
“Maybe she isn’t killing petite women because they’re easier to abduct and pose, but because of a physical type. She wants a body type.”
Silence followed your words, and your brain catches up to you. “Sorry. I’m Agent Y/N L/N.”
“L/N. You’re our new profiler” the older man with the grey goatee, Agent Rossi, spoke first.
“Yes sir” you reply, fiddling with the pen in your hands. “I wasn’t supposed to start until Monday but technically I was a part of the team from Friday night. JJ called me in.”
‘’Sewing clothes for a specific size of woman.” Agent Morgan continued, bringing everyone back to the case at hand.
You let out a breath. There. Introduction done. Agent Hotchner started issuing marching orders for the team and you watch each of the team members closely, noting the ease of how they worked and communicated.
JJ - you already knew, the sight of her smile familiar and comforting, Agents Hotchner and Rossi you knew from a distance - lectures during your training and the legends of their work passed around the water cooler nearly every week. Derek Morgan seemed like he would be a good friend, they way he flirts with Garcia bringing memories of you and your team. Spencer Reid you knew by association - also a guest lecturer and the knowledge of his many PhD’s and age in field also the stuff of legends. That left the brunette woman, who you could only assume to be Emily Prentiss.
“… have Agent L/N check missing persons reports for the last two months. See if any match what we know” Agent Hotchner’s orders bring you back to the situation at hand. “We need to find out if the UnSub’s already taken another victim. Garcia, go unofficial. See if there are any details outside of the offical reports.”
You nod, noting down timeframes and general descriptors as Garica ended the call, turning your chair and giving you a push towards a bank of monitors. “You’ve got this lovey.”
“This feels like a baptism of fire” you mutter, waking the screens and pulling the right databases up.
“That’s how this job usually goes” she said cheerfully. “Compile those reports and then we can think about coffee.”
*
“Here are the medical records for Samantha Malcolm” you sling the tab over the monitors for Garcia to grab.
“Oh my God, she was doomed. Like, Emily Bronte doomed. Like Shakespeare doomed.”
“Like red-shirted ensign in Star Trek doomed” you mutter, a small stab of pride coursing through you as you hear Agent Prentiss snort
“Garcia, what happened to her” Agent Hotchner said, looking up from the file he was reading.
“Well, for the first 10 years, nothing. And then, she started a battery of electroshock treatments.”
Dr Reid frowned at the two of you, scratching his jaw. “At 10? Who subjects a child to ECT?”
“Her father, Dr Arthur Malcolm” Garcia said, pulling up the tab you had open before. “He runs an inpatient mental health facility for troubled young people called New Lives. At first, the essay that Samantha wrote raised some flags, but her father explained that the therapy was to death with the recent death of her mother. After that, he started her on a serious regimen of anti-psychotic drugs, which he waned her off of a few years ago.”
“Her father declared her incompetent, so he is still her legal guardian” you continued as Agent Prentiss enquired about her location. “Everything is in his name, and all of her records list New Lives as a residence. Now she couldn’t keep victims at an inpatient facility, she needs privacy, so I went and looked at other real estate holdings that New Lives has. There are a bunch of outpatient and halfway houses all over town.”
“She works at three different shops around town” JJ said, and as Agent Hotchner began to issue orders, and idea struck you.
“Hold on sir.”
5 faces stared back at you on the computer, a mixture of mild surprise and intrigue, but you pull at the loose thread in the back of your brain. Resolutely ignoring the thin-pressed scowl on Agent Hotchner’s face, you continue.
“I suggest going to New Lives. Whether or not she’s there, talk to the father. There are literally hundreds of therapies for children to cope with loss and electroshock is not one of them. Why would he put his daughter through that?”
“Rossi and Reid, you go talk to Dr Malcolm, the rest of you split up and cover the shops.”
The call ended, and you sigh heavily, dropping your head into your hands. A warm hand covered your shoulder, pulling you out of the chair gently.
“Good call lovey” Garcia said, taking you by the hand and leading you to the kitchenette. “You can borrow one of my mugs, how do you take your coffee?” She pulled a kitsch neon pink mug from a cupboard and handed it over, letting you add your teaspoon of sugar while she grabbed the caramel syrup and pours a generous amount in her own mug.
The bullpen was quiet, the lights dimmed for the evening, and you take a moment to spot your desk - closest to the stairs and bare of any personal embellishments - and you let yourself smile. 4 years of college study for your Bachelor in Psychology, 19 weeks in the FBI Academy, and you’re finally here.
The case closes easily, the three victims saved by Dr Reid talking Samantha calmly into custody, Dr Malcolm also taken in under sexual assault charges, and the team on-board the jet to return home. Garcia closes down her system as you finish up your end of the paperwork, grinning slightly as you sign your name at the end of the report.
“How does it feel to close your first BAU case?” she asked, squishing you into a hug when you drop the casefile into your out-tray.
“Good. I’m glad the girls survived, I know you guys don’t get so lucky often.” You turn into the hug properly and squeeze back. “And I hope that Samantha can get the help she needs now.”
You shoulder your bag and with a wave, you head home.
Moments: Meeting the BAU Team
Here is the start of my new series "Moments!" I'm hoping to expand this over many different series but first up is Criminal Minds
Female!FBI Agent
Masterlist
Jennifer Jareau
Penelope Garcia
David Rossi
Derek Morgan
Spencer Reid
Emily Prentiss
Aaron Hotchner
whenever I am in a bad mood I put on my cowboy boots, put on my playlist
and re-read "Dime Store Cowboy" by @seasonsbloom
(I even made a new cover for the occasion)
(yes this is a shameless plug for the playlist I made)
((may, i need you to know how crucial this fic is to my mental health, its actually a crisis))